And the Feeling Returns
by Buffychick
Summary: *COMPLETED!* After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA it comes to light that Spike may have been right...Buffy may have come back wrong. Monster crossover!
1. Going Through the Motions

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*~*~*~

The phone call came completely unexpectedly on a rainy Wednesday night. A storm raged outside, to the point that Dawn insisted that she, Willow and Buffy light candles and plan on a slumber party in the living room. There she was now, the Slayer's younger sister curled up on the couch underneath several heavy blankets, though it wasn't really cold in the house, watching the lightning show, fascinated. Willow sat on the floor in front of her, absently leafing through a textbook, pretending to study.

Things for the witch had been tough lately, especially with Tara leaving, and especially since she had decided to stop using magic. Buffy had yet to see her go back on her word, but knew that Willow had a long way to go. They all did, when you thought about it.

The Slayer observed this as she crossed the room to pick up the cordless phone. "Probably Xander, wanting to know if he can come over and comfort us," she mused out loud. Willow locked eyes with her and gave her a small, knowing smile.

"Hello?" Buffy asked as she put the phone to her ear. Her eyes flew wide at the voice that came over the airwaves.

"Buffy, hi…it's dad."

She was silent for a moment. "Dad…hi."

Dawn's ears perked up, as did Willow's, but neither girl moved. Since the death of their mother neither Buffy nor Dawn had heard from their father. He had not attended the funeral, and as far as they knew, still did not know of Joyce's death. He certainly didn't know about Buffy's demise seven months earlier and as far as she was concerned, he never would. 

"Sweetie…I just got back…my trip, well, I was actually living in Spain, all over Europe really…I just heard…my phone numbers here constantly changed and my secretary didn't even have the right ones very often…" her father said, somehow managing to keep his voice smooth as he stumbled over his attempt at comfort.

"Dad…"

"I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, honey. Are you okay? Dawn? Is Dawn okay? What can I do?" Hank Summers asked his oldest child.

Buffy stared at Dawn, stunned. "Uh…I…nothing, really, dad. We're fine. We've got the house and…my friend Willow lives with us now…"

"Oh, good. You had the sense to take in boarders. That will help with the house payment."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, actually, she's not paying rent…" she began, then decided that wasn't important and moved on. Running a hand through honey-blonde hair she took a breath. "So, dad…what did you need?"

Her father was quiet for a moment. "I just wanted to know how my daughters were doing, Buffy," he said, his tone somewhat hurt.

"We're fine, dad. Really. Dawn's still in school, I'm figuring out what I'm going to do…we're all fine."

"I want to come see you," he said urgently.

Her eyes flew open. Her father, here, was the last thing she wanted right now. "Come here? Why?"

Dawn's eyes matched hers and she violently began shaking her head. 

"Because I want to see you two, honey…I need to know that you're all right. And we need to figure out what we're going to do."

"Do?" Buffy asked dumbly. "Do about what?"

"Why, honey…about you and Dawn. We can talk about all this when I get there…how's this weekend? I can take a few days off work, maybe come down Thursday night or Friday…"

A heavy weight settled into Buffy's stomach. "No…don't come here. We're okay, I promise. If we need anything, we'll call."

Hank chuckled. "Don't be ridiculous. I want to see my two favorite girls!"

__

Where the hell have you been for eight months then? No, scratch that, try the last 6 years, she thought angrily. Pressing a hand to her forehead she closed her eyes tiredly. "No, really dad. How about…how about if I come there? I can leave tomorrow, we can see each other, talk…"

Hank considered. "Well…are you sure? I mean, bring Dawn, of course…unless she can't be pulled from school…but that would really be a lifesaver to me…I can work tomorrow and then some from home on Friday that way…" he trailed off thoughtfully.

Buffy rolled her eyes again. This was typical. "Fine then. I'll come up tomorrow, okay?" Dawn collapsed back on the couch despairingly. Buffy eyed her. "But Dawn has to stay here. Willow and the others will watch her…" Buffy questioned, glancing at the witch, who nodded and smiled. "But you and I can talk," she finished, her tone flat.

Hank smiled on the other end of the phone. "There's my responsible daughter. I knew someday you'd grow up and become a mature woman."

"Yeah…well…I'll see you sometime tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure, sweetie…love you."

"Yeah…" was all Buffy said, and hung up.

"You're going? You're really going to see him?" Dawn asked in disbelief. "Why?"

Buffy sank into a living room chair. "Because it was that or he was coming here. And we don't need him here."

"We haven't needed him in years," Dawn said, echoing her sister's thoughts. "I don't want you to go, Buffy."

Buffy smiled lovingly at her sister. "I don't want to go. But…"

"You have to," Dawn finished. "Just for the weekend, right?"

Buffy nodded. "Will, are you sure you don't mind?" The last time Willow had been responsible for Dawn's well being had ended with a car accident and Dawn's now broken arm.

Willow swallowed hard. "You can trust me, Buffy," the little witch told her best friend. "I promise. I'll keep her under lock and key, no pun intended. And Xander and Anya will be here."

"And Spike," Dawn added helpfully.

Buffy cringed. "No. No Spike. None. He doesn't come near this house," she said so vehemently that both Willow and Dawn exchanged surprised glances.

"Sure…okay…but how come?" Dawn asked hesitantly. "Spike's harmless to us…and he can help keep out any baddies that come around."

"Just…no. Please. I'll have enough to worry about leaving you here and being with dad…promise me," the Slayer insisted.

Willow rose to her feet and crossed to her friend. "Okay, no Spike, Buffy. Promise."

Buffy took a breath and smiled calmly. "Ok. Sorry. I guess dad's phone call just threw me." She stood. "I'd better go get packed."

"When are you leaving?" Dawn asked.

"Right after you leave for school. Might as well get there early, get this over with," Buffy said reluctantly. "I'm sure it'll be a visit to remember…me convincing my father that I'm a responsible adult, capable of taking care of myself and Dawn."

"Are you going to tell him you're the Slayer?" Dawn asked cheerily. "That's what ended up convincing mom, remember?"

Buffy caught eyes with Willow. "I doubt it, Dawnie. It'll just complicate things further," she told her sister, and walked upstairs to her room.

***

Oversleeping meant she didn't leave for LA until early afternoon. _Guess even my body's telling me not to go see my dad, _she smirked at herself in the rearview mirror. The drive took less than two hours and Buffy made her way to her father's apartment easily despite the afternoon traffic. Using the spare key he had thrust upon her with what he probably thought were sincere insistences that she come visit him "whenever," she opened the door and dropped her bag onto the couch. The apartment hadn't changed much in the two years since she'd last visited him. Same mauve-gray carpeting, same art-deco splatter-paint framed artwork that probably came with the display apartment…same steel gray furniture.

The one thing that had changed, she noticed, was that the room that had once been hers and Dawns for their infrequent visits was now filled with boxes, a computer desk and chair, and several pieces of computer equipment. No bed was in sight.

"Wonderful," she muttered, and walked back out to sit on the couch that would now be her bed. 

She hadn't been in LA in two years…not to see her father, anyway. She was in Angel's town now. Not that she had any intention of seeing him while she was here. Two years ago her heart would have been leaping at the thought of being this near to him…of the possibility of being close to him. But a lot had happened in two years. She'd been dead, for one thing. And things really weren't the same since that happened.

No, the complication of seeing Angel was really not something she wished to add to this already dreadful situation. Things in her life were screwed up enough as it was…being a mother to Dawn, dealing with Giles' departure, Willow's addiction and withdrawal from magic…and Spike. The only thing in her existence right now that invoked even a single emotion from her…_My worst enemy._

****

And your lover, a part of her whispered.

__

Shut up, she told that part. _He's not my lover. He was…he was a one-night stand. A mistake. A bad decision. I'm twenty years old. I'm supposed to make mistakes right now. I can't know everything._

****

You know enough to know you just wanted to get off for a night.

__

I said shut up! She pushed off the couch and began to pace angrily. So she'd slept with Spike. A couple times. _But all in one night!_ she defended herself to herself. 

****

And what did you get out of it? Do you feel alive again? Did all those human emotions come rushing back? the voice taunted.

Buffy sighed. They hadn't but for a brief second. As soon as she was released from his arms…as soon as her quaking body had calmed…she returned to where she was now. Dead inside.

****

This isn't real, but I just want to feee-eeel, the voice sing-songed to her.

Buffy growled. _I am never going to get those songs out of my head, am I?_ she asked, punctuating her frustrations by punching a throw pillow.

The voice laughed at her.

"Screw this, I'm leaving," she hissed, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She'd go to the pier, wander around in the open-air market that she used to love so much as a kid. The ocean would calm her, she was sure of it. Checking to make sure she had both money and a stake with her, she scrawled a note to her father, muttering to herself that he hadn't done her the same consideration, and walked out of the apartment into the afternoon sun.

***

The market did little to ease her after all, but she continued to walk around, determined. She would be in a better mood, damn it. She would see something that would spark a smile from her. Lighten her heart a bit. _Cause it to beat, maybe?_

Jesus, she laughed to herself. _Could I be any more morbid? Here I am, in one of the prettiest areas of this town. The sun's shining, the ocean breeze is blowing in my hair, kids are laughing…and I don't care about any of it…_that thought registered with her and brought tears to her eyes.

__

I can get worked up about exactly two things: the fact that I *can't* feel and a bottle-blonde evil vampire. It's official, I'm the most pathetic person ever.

She plastered a content look on her face and continued to stroll, feigning interest in the items the street vendors had for sale, until she reached the end of the pier. Sitting on one of the faded green benches she watched sailboats drifting by, listened to the gulls call to each other, and wiped at the tears that continued to stream down her face.

***

"Step forward." The voice came from out of no where, darkness filled the room adjacent to a section of the Los Angeles sewers.

The vampire, able to see clearly in the blackness, walked into the room. A match was struck and a candle lit, casting an even eerier glow to the room.

"She's on her way, Master," the vampire whispered. "Our sources are following her, limited, of course, because of the daylight, but they're tracking her nonetheless."

His companion leaned forward to blow out eyes glimmering. "Excellent. When will she arrive?"

"Tonight, sir. In just a few hours. She's going to visit her father for the weekend, leaving her sister and her friends at the house in Sunnydale."

"They are nothing."

"But sir…"

"They are of no concern to us," his Master snapped. "The Slayer is all that matters. Go, watch her. We will approach her tonight."

The vampire nodded and disappeared into the shadows.

***

The sun set and still she sat on the bench, her tears long dried but her heart still dead in her chest. It beat…but it didn't feel. Her brain continued to process thoughts, but it didn't react. 

Something in her head clicked when the ocean air brought a chill over her arms and she wrapped them around her body for warmth. Time to go. Pushing off the bench she walked down the pier, noting how the crowds had thickened since night fell. Slowly making her way back to her father's apartment she tried to concentrate on what she would say to him when she arrived, if he was even home.

It didn't take her long to discover that he was. Her heart sank just a little when she slipped her key into the lock, opened the door, and was greeted with the sounds of laughter as her father chatted on the phone. He waved to her and pointed to the phone, indicating he'd be a minute. Buffy nodded and shrugged out of her shawl, setting her bag on the kitchen counter. 

"Ok Jim, right. Tomorrow morning, 8am, 18 holes. You got it. Uh huh….Uh huh. Sure thing. See you then." He hung up the phone and crossed to Buffy, enveloping her in a warm hug. "Honey, how are you? Sorry I wasn't here when you arrived…work--you know how it is. I've got this merger going through right now and the other company's trying to weasel out of some of our requirements…well, you don't want to hear about that."

Buffy pushed back from her father and gave him a hesitant smile. "Hi, dad."

"What time did you get in?" her father beamed.

"Uh…about three hour ago, I guess. I just went down to the pier for a while."

He smiled at her again. "That's my Buffy…always up for shopping."

She didn't bother to point out her lack of bags, or funds, for that matter, and sat on one of the barstools that flanked her father's kitchen table. "So…did you want to talk?" she asked reluctantly.

He gave her a knowing smile. "Not here…I'm taking my beautiful oldest child out to dinner! What sounds good? Want Frederics? I know it was your favorite…"

She shrugged. "That's fine…if you want…"

"Great. We can talk there, have some pesto…maybe a little wine?" he continued, turning away from her and rifling through his mail.

Buffy glared at his back. "I'm not old enough to drink yet, dad."

Hank turned. "Hmm? Oh, no, of course not. How stupid of me…of course I know you're twenty, not twenty-one…but soon…just a few more weeks, right?"

Buffy nodded as her father turned from her once again. She'd thought this was going to be a long weekend. Now she was wondering if she'd get through the night.

***

"You're so wrong, I can't believe we're even still discussing this."

"Wrong? I don't think so."

"You're wrong about that, too."

"You're impossible! I am _not_ having this discussion with you."

"Don't walk away from me! Come here and defend yourself!"

Cordelia whipped around to face Gunn who was trying to stand as imposingly as possible over the slender brunette. She stabbed a finger in the air. "I don't have to prove myself to you."

"Wrong, wrong, wrong!" Gunn grinned back at her. "This is a matter of honor, now, chickie."

Cordy sighed. "Fine." Straightening up to her full height she took a breath. "It goes…'Oh I wish I were an Oscar-Mayer Wiener, that is what I'd truly like to be. 'Cause if I were an Oscar-Mayer Wiener, everyone would be in love with me," she sang. She smiled triumphantly. "Told you I knew it."

Gunn's grinned widened. "Knew I could get you to do it."

Cordelia's eyes flew open and she ran at Gunn, screaming. "I hate you! Oh my God!!" She chased him around the counter of the Hyperion, bursting through the door of Wesley's office where their boss stood, talking on the phone to the namesake of their company, and examining some artifacts they had found when working on their most recent case.

"I'm going to kill you!" Cordelia shrieked, swiping at Gunn, who nimbly danced out of her reach.

"You gotta catch me first!" he called, ducking behind Wesley's desk.

Cordelia let out a strangled sound and grabbed at him again over the desk, knocking a statue off that Wesley was able to catch at the last second.

__

"Excuse me!" Wesley shouted. "These are artifacts from the C'hol dig that date back to the early 600's, I would appreciate it if Romper Room could take place at least fifty feet away from anything resembling old, spiritual and/or ancient!"

Cordelia and Gunn exchanged glances and hung their heads. "We're sorry," Gunn mumbled, moving around the desk. With a grin he flicked Cordelia on her ear and took off running, the seer screeching and running after him. 

Angel sighed and laughed over the phone to Wesley. "Just when you think they've grown up…"

Wesley glowered and went back to studying the medallion in his hand. "The inscription on the medallion appears to be instructions…for what I'm not sure."

"A spell maybe?" Angel guessed.

Wesley shrugged and squinted. "Perhaps…but judging from the markings here…" he pointed to a section of the small medal when a crash sounded from the other room. He sighed. "I knew one of them would get hurt with their antics," Wesley chided when suddenly Gunn shouted.

"Wesley! Vision!"

The Englishman rounded the desk quickly, taking the cordless phone with him. "Cordelia's having a vision, Angel," he told the vampire as he entered the grand lobby to find her on the ground, her head cradled in Gunn's lap. Fred was coming down the stairs, Connor in her arms.

Gunn slid to the floor beside his friend. "Cordy, Cordy…what do you see?"

"What's going on?" Angel shouted into the phone, so loud that all four of them could hear.

Cordelia opened her eyes and sat up. "I'm fine, by the way. Oh…God. That one hurt! Gimme a break once in a while!" she shouted to the ceiling.

"Shhh!" Fred hissed, indicating the baby in her arms.

"Here, help her up," Wesley instructed. "She's okay, Angel," he said into the phone.

The men lifted her to her feet and sat her on the couch. "You alright, Cordy?" Gunn asked sincerely.

She raised her eyes to his, wincing at the pain, but nodded. "Yeah…uh…I saw a couple demons, nothing I've ever seen before, and a whole bunch of vampires. Near Penhurst and McConlin."

"Got it," Angel said into the phone.

"No, Angel, wait…" Wesley said, but it was too late.

Gunn cocked an eyebrow. "He just hung up? What's with him lately?"

"Call him back! I didn't tell you the most important part! They were attacking someone!" Cordelia cried, scrambling to her feet and grabbing the phone from Wesley's hand.

"Why?" Fred asked, juggling Connor and a bottle at the same time.

"Not why, _who_," Cordy stressed as she dialed.

"So it's _who_ they're attacking that we need to be worried about?" Gunn asked.

Cordelia glanced at him and nodded, then cursed and dialed the phone again. Slamming it shut a moment later she looked up at her friends. "We've got trouble."

***

Dinner with her father was as excruciating as she'd expected, though Buffy thought that the lobster ravioli helped ease her pain just a bit. The restaurant had been her favorite when she'd lived in LA. In fact, the last time she'd been there was for her fourteenth birthday, and right about the time the arguing had started between her parents. It had started out as light banter over what appetizer to order and had somehow wound up with a whispered-shouting match over what college Buffy would attend someday and whether or not Hank had always wanted Joyce to lose five pounds. In the end Buffy and Dawn had ended up sitting in the fancy powder room outside the women's restroom, braiding each other's hair. It had taken a full twenty minutes before either parent had noticed they were gone. _Such lovely memories_, she sighed to herself and returned her concentration to her father and what he was saying.

"…you can finish school up here and Dawn will go to Hemery, just like you did, or would have. Now the tricky part will be waiting until June…I don't want to transfer her this late in the year, so we'll have to work up some sort of living arrangements…maybe a live-in housekeeper or someone who can take care of things for you. You know, like bills, groceries, that sort of thing," her father was saying when Buffy rejoined the conversation.

"I'm sorry…huh?" she asked dumbly.

Hank squinted at her. "When you move in with me. I'll have to get a bigger apartment, of course, and I do have another nine months on this lease, so you and Dawn will have to share a room for a bit. Boy, that'll be a treat, won't it?" he chuckled.

"Move in with you?" Buffy stared at him, fork still raised, ready to spear a ravioli bite.

"I hate to break the lease, they charge you so outrageously when you do that, so for a few months we'll be snug as bugs, but that's okay, it'll give us a chance to really get to know each other again. Though I imagine you might want to live in the dorms again, do you think? I know how you girls can be with your independence," he grinned at her.

"But dad--"

"And with the money we'll get from the sale of the house, that will certainly help with expenses for college for you, and eventually for Dawn. I doubt your mother had the good sense to set up a portfolio or anything like that for herself."

"_Dad_…you want me and Dawn to move in with you?"

Now Hank stared at her. "Well, honey, of course. I can't just leave you, in charge of your fifteen-year-old sister, in Sunnydale."

"Why not? I've been doing it for months now. Almost a year. And mom had some money, she wasn't stupid," Buffy snipped.

Hank smiled at her like she was a simpleton. "Well, honey, what kind of father would I be if I just ignored you?"

Buffy swallowed, closing her eyes, and slowly lowered the fork and sat it on the table so as not to be enticed to use it as a weapon. "Dad…you haven't exactly been around these last, oh, five or six years."

His eyes flickered but the smile never wavered. "Buffy, things have been different for us. Your mother was awarded custody of you and Dawn, and you moved to Sunnydale. I had my career here. It was impossible for me to see you as much as we both wanted, you know all this."

Buffy sighed, her temper rising. "So what happened? For that first year I saw you pretty regularly. Then the cancellations started, the worst one being on my birthday. And you never see Dawn. You've been so out of contact with us that you didn't even know that mom _died_."

"Buffy…" he warned but she kept going.

Buffy slammed her napkin down on the table, jostling the place settings. "No! You disappear for months while I deal with my mother dying and saving the world on a daily basis and trying to get back into the swing of even _living_ again and you just swoop in down here and want to take over? I don't think so! Dawn and I have a good life in Sunnydale. We've got friends and responsibilities there. We've got a life there. And Dawn won't like living in LA--neither will I! Our best memories aren't exactly of _this_ town, you know. All Dawn remembers are arguments and fighting between you and mom. And she barely even knows you. I won't let you take her out of there," she rambled, feeling herself begin to unravel.

Her father stared at her blankly, then glance around, embarrassed. "Lower your voice!" he whispered. "What are you talking about? Saving the world? Honey, I think you're under some stress. I'm worried about you. You don't look good."

Buffy's eyes widened at her father's gall. "Dad, I'm telling you. Dawn and I are fine. We don't need to move to LA. We're handling things. There were some bills, some problems in the beginning, but we've got it under control."

"So, are you going to get a job them? Rear your sister on your own? Sweetheart, I'm your father, I want to be involved in your lives. And do you really think you're responsible enough for parenting?"

"Dawn's fifteen! Who better to understand her than her twenty, almost twenty-one, year-old sister?" Buffy cried, causing several people to turn around and look in their direction. "And as for responsible, God!" she gave out a maniacal laugh, "I'm the Slayer. I've been killing demons since I was her age…I died to save the world! Twice! How much more responsible can you get?"

Her father put his hand on hers. "Buffy, please, calm down. You're talking crazy. Lower your voice, people are staring."

"I don't care!" she cried, pushing back from him and the table. "I don't care. You're not taking Dawn, you're not making us move. We're staying in Sunnydale. Don't cross me on this, dad," she warned, her voice low and dangerous now. With that she stomped away from the table, angrily throwing her wrap around her shoulders.

She trounced outside and onto the street, making a sharp right and heading into the night. Her father followed her out a few minutes later, practically running down the street. "Buffy! Buffy Anne Summers! Stop right now!" he shouted to her.

She whirled on him. "Don't. Don't _even_ use the full name on me like you're my father. My father? He's in England. The only man who ever loved me for who I am, who I really am. He accepted me. He trained me, cared for me, hugged me, gave me advice. I was never inconvenient to him." 

She turned again, only to be grabbed by the arm and pulled back. "Buffy, you're talking crazy. Who's this person? What are you talking about with saving the world and dying? Honey, I know your mother's gone, so it feels like you died, but you're right here, with me. And I'm your father…I'm not in England. I'm right here…" her father said.

Buffy blinked for a moment, stepping back to look at Hank Summers fully. Then she burst into giggles before turning around and walking up the street.


	2. Walking Through the Part

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*~*

"Buffy, don't walk away from me, honey, I want to help you!" her father called, but she kept walking. As she rounded the corner, heading to a neighborhood park, a familiar tingle crawled up her spine…_vampire_. She glanced from side to side, sure of what she felt in her gut.

__

Spider Sense is a go, she thought and reached back to grab a stake from her waistband. As she did two men jumped at her from both sides of the street while another came at her from the front. From behind her she heard footsteps, lots of them.

"And dad gets to witness his first street fight," she muttered under her breath as her arms were grabbed from behind and wrenched behind her. Thinking quickly she threw back her head and head-butted her assailant, knocking her shawl to the ground and whirling to assume a fight stance. Her attackers rushed at her, two at a time, crouched low, and Buffy used her Slayer agility to jump up and over them. She spun in midair, gaining a few seconds on them as they rushed under her and turned to attack again. Kicking out she threw one of them back against the wall, knocking him into his friend.

"Slayer!" a voice shouted from behind her. She turned to see a short, squat figure cloaked in a dark robe. She squinted to see it better but was grabbed suddenly from around the waist and lifted up.

"Buffy!" her father shouted as he rounded the corner. 

"Dad!" she screamed, eyes wide as she struggled against the arms that held her. "Get out of here!"

"Honey!" he cried at seeing her surrounded by fierce, disfigured faces. Hank rushed in to save her.

"No! Dad! Get out of here! Go!" she shrieked, wriggling free and jumping to the ground, stake at the ready. Her father provided enough distraction that she was able to dust her captor before he knew what was going on.

"Oh, my God," Hank whispered at the sight of an exploding vampire.

"Tell me about it," Buffy muttered back, delivering a roundhouse kick to an oncoming foe and spinning to hit another in the face with the heel of her hand. The stake came up in her other hand, dusting him.

"Dad, go," Buffy ordered. "Back in that alley, I got this," she said confidently.

"I'm not leaving you…with these…these…"

"Vampires, dad," Buffy told him, throwing him to the ground and ducking herself as one of the attackers produced a giant hurling axe and began swinging it. "And some unidentified demon guy over there in the bathrobe. I'll distract them, you go."

"You can't…handle this yourself, Buffy," her father gasped as they dodged blows from the vampires. Buffy pushed her father and he rolled across the sidewalk, hitting the wall of the building they stood in front of. Looking up he watched as his daughter flipped herself in the air and came down in front of a stunned vamp, who moments later was a windstorm of dust.

"Ok, maybe you can," Hank muttered as he scrambled to his feet.

Buffy nodded to him and ran into the street, causing the vampires to follow her. Hank ran into the alley and hid.

In the middle of the street Buffy gulped as the vampires now formed a circle around her, snarling, waiting to get their fangs in her sweet blood that now called to them.

"Slayer, do not fight us," the robed demon hissed at her. "I am here with news for you…about your afterlife."

"I'm more interested in yours," Buffy called, eyes ticking from vamp to vamp, waiting for one to make their move.

Another robed demon slipped out of the wooded park and joined his friend on the street. The lamplight shone down, shadowing their faces beneath the robes. "You know you're not supposed to be here, Slayer," the new figure called out. "You know there's something wrong with you. We can fix that."

Buffy started at their words, her rock hard image faltering for just a second. "There's nothing wrong with me," she spat.

"Tut tut, Slayer…you know that's not true…but we can change all of this for you. You can return to the peace you were in…"

Before he could finish one of the vampires jumped the gun and attacked, letting out a guttural roar. That was all it took for the others, who joined their friend and ran at the Slayer.

Buffy swore beneath her breath and prepared herself for the assault. It was a dozen on one, unfair odds even for the Slayer. She managed to take out one as he ran at her, but three more followed closely and knocked her to the ground. She looked up to see fangs all around when suddenly the screech of tires forced the vampires to look up. Two were thrown back and several more scattered as a new fighter joined the mix. Buffy wasted no time in making introductions with her comrade and jumped to her feet, retrieving a stake from her boot and jumping into the mix. One, then another, turned to dust as the best of the Slayer came out in her. Running to the sidewalk she ran up the side of the building and flipped over it, landing behind a vampire and staking him cleanly through the back, then whirling to high-kick another, knocking him to the ground. Thrust and stake, he was gone.

Her helper was fairing well enough, she noticed, when the light caught his face and she recognized the jawbone. Brown eyes hitched to hers and widened in shocked recognition. 

Angel.

Here.

Now.

There was no time to talk as two more vampires jumped on her, pulling her to the ground. She tucked and rolled as she fell, lashing out and leaping to her feet once again.

"Buffy!" Angel called, besting the attackers nearest him.

"My father, Angel, in the alley!" she pleaded.

Angel delivered a one-two punch to an oncoming foe and staked him cleanly before heading to the alley to secure her father's safety.

There were six vampires left in the mix, along with the two demons who watched her with interest. They regrouped, giving Buffy a moment to catch her breath as they circled her. "Ok," she called to them. "Everyone gets a turn."

Pausing for just a moment before kicking out she struck one of the assailants in the chest, sending the vampire backwards and onto the ground. The others sprang on her. Five on one was too much and Buffy was struggling when a familiar shout pierced the quiet evening.

"It's not nice to pick on girls," Angel told them, striding up in full vamp mode. He took two of them by the heads and knocked them together, stunning them. Buffy took his signal and squirmed out of her captors' hold, dropping to the ground. Slayer and vampire assumed their more-than comfortable routine of fighting side by side.

"My dad?" she asked, ducking a high-kick and dropping down to knock the vampire's legs out from under him. Angel tossed her a stake as he spun around and she quickly dusted her foe.

"Cordy and Gunn have him," he assured her as he ducked the punch of his fighter.

Buffy spared a glance to the sidewalk where Cordelia stood with a guy Buffy didn't know, her father's gaping figure in between them, and crossbows all around.

"Excellent," she murmured, and positioned herself to jump up and over the giant vampire that was currently rushing at her. Using his own shoulders to vault herself she landed cleanly behind him and directly in front of Cordelia.

"Borrow this?" she asked, picking the crossbow from the brunette's hands easily. Cordy glanced at Gunn and Mr. Summer's faces, amused at their stunned expressions. Buffy'd certainly gotten a little more limber since she'd last seen her, but this was mostly old hat for the Sunnydale native.

Hank stepped forward like he was going to join the fight, and Cordelia stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm. "Let her do her thing, Mr. Summers," she suggested.

Arming herself with the crossbow Buffy spun and rather than shoot the weapon, used it to directly stake a vampire that ran right into her. "Don't even have to reload," she quipped before aiming her weapon at Angel.

"Angel! Down!" she ordered. Years of fighting experience had taught him to listen to her, this tiny warrior who could easily best him. He dropped to the ground, narrowly missing being shot with a crossbow arrow, and coughed as vampire dust filled his lungs.

Buffy tossed the crossbow back over her head into Cordelia's capable hands. "Angel! Robe guys! Where are they?"

Angel glanced around wildly, taking a hit to the face and one to the stomach as he did. Kicking up he kneed the vampire between his legs and his attacker crumpled to the ground. "Hate to do that to another guy," he apologized, producing a stake from his pocket and finishing the fight.

There were two left now, both clearly inexperienced fighters, at least against a Slayer and a 200-plus year-old vampire. They glanced at each other and turned to run when Angel grabbed them both from behind, hauling them to the ground. He placed a giant foot on one of their chests, Buffy following suit with the other.

"Care to explain yourself?" she asked. "I'm in town for only a few hours and now I've got demons and vampire gangs attacking me."

"So you just got here then?" Angel asked nervously.

She glanced at him. "Yeah, just a few hours ago."

He swallowed. "Oh. Good. That's good. Right?"

She eyed him uneasily and went back to the interrogation. "What's the deal?" she asked, pressing her foot down harder on his neck.

He grinned at her. "Don't ask me, I'm just the hired help."

"You know what I always say about hired help," Cordelia quipped, sauntering up beside them. "They can always be replaced."

"I thought it was 'good help is hard to find,'" Gunn asked as he and Hank joined them.

Cordelia glared at him and positioned her crossbow over the vampires' chest. "Spill it," she ordered.

Buffy gave her a surprised glance but said nothing.

The vampire under Angel's boot squirmed. "We don't know! These guys just hired us to follow the Slayer! We're not even from around here!"

Angel ground his heel into the vamp's chest. "Out of towners, huh? Welcome to LA. Now who hired you?" he growled, ignoring his confusion at Buffys sudden appearance in his city.

"The guys in the robes. G'alar demons. Came here through some portal, looking for the Slayer. Something about taking her back where she belongs."

"Where I belong?" Buffy echoed. "What are you talking about?"

The vampire grinned and Cordelia hovered over him with the crossbow, ready to shoot. "Ok! Ok! All they said was that you were taken from them, from where you belong, and that you don't belong here. We were supposed to get you, not kill you."

Buffy stepped back, shaken. A portal…taking her back…the words of the robed demon flashed through her mind. _…about your afterlife…you know there's something wrong with you…return to the peace you were in…_ "Get me and take me where?" she asked hesitantly.

"Dunno."

Something in Buffy's mind snapped and she lost her patience. "Cordelia, why don't you show our friend here how painful getting shot in a place _other_ than the heart can be," she suggested.

Cordy glanced at her and moved to strike when the vampire cried out. "No! Please! We swear, that's all we know! We met them at a bar on Shoreline and that's where we did all our business!" he cried out, panicked.

Angel glanced at Buffy, her eyes wide and shocked, and the distraction was enough that the vampire under his boot rolled to the side and the two took off running. Gunn let a shot off and the sound of a dusting screamed in the distance.

"Are you okay?" Angel asked her, touching her sleeve. Buffy jumped, then gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, thanks…sorry…about that. Uh…thanks, all of you, for the help," she stammered.

"What…what's going on? What are you doing here?" Angel asked her carefully.

"I _tried_ to tell you," Cordelia snapped, "but someone hung up the phone before I could finish going over the whole vision." She turned to Buffy, sincerely. "Are you sure you're okay? You looked totally wigged."

Buffy swallowed hard. "Yeah, I'm fine. He just threw me, I guess. I'm being stalked again…how fun."

"Can I just tell you? That was tight!" Gunn crowed. "I have never in my life seen someone so little kick such major ass!"

Buffy turned to him, an unsure expression on her face. "Um, thanks."

He smiled. "I'm Gunn. Figured I'd better introduce myself as my colleagues are lacking with the Emily Post."

"Buffy," she told him.

"I figured. The _Slayer._ Ha! Always did want to meet you. Heard enough about you anyways."

She didn't answer him. Instead she turned to Angel. "So these guys weren't local. Do you know where this bar is on Shoreline? I'd like to know what's going on," she said, her voice flat.

He looked at her curiously. Since the moment he'd locked eyes with her he'd been completely surprised by her presence; mostly because he hadn't sensed her at all. In the six years he'd known her they had shared an uncanny knack for knowing when the other was around, even if they didn't see each other. This time he'd felt nothing. That thought sank his unbeating heart, but he pushed it aside for now.

"Sure…we can check it out together," he promised, then cleared his throat. "So…what _are_ you doing here? Visiting your dad, I'm guessing."

"Yes, she is," a voice came from behind them.

Buffy's eyes ticked to him and flew wide. She had completely forgotten that her father had witnessed all of this. He walked towards their small group, huddled together in the middle of the street, an unreadable expression on his face. Buffy groaned inside…she did _not_ have the time or the patience to explain this all to her father right now.

"Dad…are you okay?"

Hank stood in front of his daughter, the group around her falling back slightly. "I'm fine, thanks to you and your friends…but I think…I think you and I need to talk."

Buffy nodded. "I can explain everything…but dad, right now I've got some things I need to take care of."

Her father shook his head. "Whatever it is can wait. The things that you did…and those…those creatures…and him!" he cried, his voice getting louder, pointing to Angel, "he's one of them!"

Buffy glanced at Angel, who was unoffended. "Dad…I know…I know. It's going to take a bit of explaining to do. But it has to wait, I have to go figure out some things. Those guys that attacked me were hired to. I have to find out by who."

"Buffy, honestly, you can tell me. Are you involved in something?" his expression was dead serious. "Are you in a gang? Are you…are you a _criminal?_"

Cordelia snorted and tried to cover up her laughter by turning her back and walking a few steps away. Even Angel had to hide his smile.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "No, dad. I'm not on the lam, I'm not on the most-wanted list…and I'm not in a gang. I—it's a long story, and I _promise_ I'll go into it later. In detail, even."

Hank ignored her. "Did your mother know about this?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes, she did. For four years she knew about it."

He shook his head. "I knew it. I just knew it. She always let you run around, never gave you enough discipline."

Buffy gasped. "Dad!" she cried. Taking a deep breath she pulled her father aside. "Dad…don't talk about mom that way," she warned.

Hank barely heard her, so caught up in his own thoughts. "It was one of the biggest problems I had with letting you girls go with her. God knows what Dawn must be like if you're into this sort of thing…and with no real adult supervision around…she's going to need counseling," he blabbered to himself.

"Dad!" Buffy said loudly. "Not. Now. Go home…I'll meet you at the apartment in a little while. Take a cab, it's safer."

"You're coming with me," he insisted sternly.

"No, I'm not. I'll be home later," she glared at him, walking away.

"Buffy," he said, grabbing her arm. She pushed him off easily, causing him to stumble backwards.

Angel stepped up as Cordelia and Gunn got into his car. "Get in," he told her, steering her towards his convertible. She sank into the front seat without protest and Angel walked over to her father. A yellow cab turned the corner and parked on the side of the street, its "On Duty" sign glowing against the dark backdrop of night.

"Sir, there's a cab right there, take it, go home…Buffy's safe with us," he told Hank.

Hank glared at him. "What _are_ you?"

Angel glanced at Buffy. "I'm her friend," he said simply, and walked around the car to the driver's side. Getting in he started the car and slowly drove off, watching in the rearview mirror as Hank watched them leave, then got into the cab.


	3. Showdown

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*

The car ride to the bar on Shoreline was quiet. As soon as Angel settled into the leather seats an air of tension had spread out like a fine mist over the passengers, though none of them knew why. Both Cordelia and Angel had noticed immediately that the Slayer was a little different than they last remembered, though Cordy chalked it up to hormones and her father's presence. That and being back from the dead. It had certainly played hell with her hair, God knows what something like that did to a person's personality.

"So…Buffy…you're here to visit your dad, that's great," Cordelia began hesitantly. "How's Dawn doing?"

Buffy remained face forward, though her eyes were downcast as she played with her hands. "She's fine."

Cordy exchanged a glance with Gunn, who said nothing.

"And everyone else is okay? Willow? Xander?" she asked the Slayer.

"Everyone's fine," came the stoic reply.

"Oooh-kay," Cordelia muttered under her breath.

"What did the demons say to you?" Angel asked her quietly as they drove through the streets.

"Just that they had information about my afterlife…that I'm not supposed to be here," Buffy told him.

"Not supposed to be here? What's that mean?" Cordy asked, leaning in from the backseat.

Buffy's face remained passive. "I don't know."

"So…okay. You died. And somehow a friend of yours brought you back. And now these demon guys are showing up on your vacation to tell you that you're not supposed to be here?" Gunn summarized.

Angel's eyes flicked to Buffy's face as she nodded. "If you're not supposed to be here, where are you supposed to be? Back in the demon dimension you were captive in?" he guessed.

Buffy didn't say anything, though his words cut through her. _All of you are so stupid,_ a voice growled deep inside her.

"Those demon guys are trying to kill you, to bring you back to Hell?" Gunn yelped.

Buffy shrugged and looked out the window as they sped towards the bar.

Angel watched her quietly from the driver's seat.

"So!" Cordy said brightly, desperately trying to make herself, and the others, more comfortable. "Everyone in Sunnydale is fine, you're fine, we're all fine. I'm sure once we tell Wesley what's going on that he'll be on the phone to Giles and they'll get it all straightened out," she assured the blonde in front of her.

Buffy mumbled something.

"What?" Cordelia asked, leaning in.

"Giles went back to London. Permanently."

Cordy gasped. "No! Really? When? But he's your Watcher!"

Buffy shrugged again and continued to stare out the window as rain began to fall. "A few weeks ago."

"And you just let him?!" the seer cried. "Man, you two were like…oh, gosh, Buffy, I'm sorry. I know how close you guys were."

"Wasn't my decision," the Slayer muttered, a note of anger in her tone.

Angel glanced fervently between Buffy and the road, concern and shock furrowing on his brow. Giles was gone? He'd just left her? Alone?

Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. Since the battle had stopped Buffy seemed to have just…shut down. Her fighting was better than ever, but her personality seemed _off_, altered somehow. Of course, getting used to being brought back from the dead would take a lot out of a person, he accepted that, particularly when she'd been in a Hell-dimension…he hadn't been a real picnic when he'd come back, either, and they'd been there about the same amount of time.

After she'd been returned and they'd rushed to see each other again, meeting halfway between Sunnydale and LA, he'd felt it. Or _hadn't_ felt it, to be exact. That familiarity between them hadn't been there. The tingle that alerted them to each other's presence, the butterfly in his stomach, the creeping prickle up his spine, he hadn't felt it that time, either. On his drive back into the city that night he'd concluded, reluctantly, that it had simply meant that he and Buffy had moved on, and away, from each other. They no longer shared the deep bond that had once been more important to him than anything else in the world. The connection had been severed.

But a part of him still nagged. He didn't believe that in its entirety. Angel still cared for her as deeply as he ever had, he had in fact wept silently, alone in his room both the nights he learned of her death and of her rebirth. She still held onto a piece of his heart that he knew, and was sure that, she always would possess, no matter what life threw at them. And yet…nothing. No tingle. No indication that she was near, and she'd obviously not felt him judging by the way her eyes had flown wide as she recognized him. Perhaps…perhaps she really had moved on.

That thought was more than he cared to deal with right now and he changed the subject in his mind to something lighter…his son. Connor was just a month old now and together he and his make-shift family had gotten into a routine, with Fred calling most of the shots. In fact, Angel now believed that the Powers had sent him, or Cordy, rather, to Pylea to retrieve Fred so that she would act as Connor's mother since Darla's suicide. The skittish girl was sweet and tender, and more than thrilled to play mom to the infant boy, especially if it meant spending more time with Angel.

The thought of his son made him smile and he glanced at Buffy to see her watching him carefully before turning back to the window.

The smile faded. How the hell was he going to tell Buffy about Connor? The thought had never even occurred to him. _We'll deal with that when it comes,_ he told himself.

Making a right turn he parked in front of the bar, slow on this Thursday night, and the foursome got out of the car. Buffy went first, striding with confidence she hadn't displayed in the car, but had been full of during the fight. The double doors slammed back at she burst through them and the few patrons looked up simultaneously. A few of them gasped at the sight of Angel, his reputation preceding him.

"Just like Willy's at home," Buffy muttered to herself and ambled to the bar. "I need to see someone here…about some robed guys, demons."

The burly bartender smiled at the little girl on the other side of his wide oak bar. "Is that right? I don't know what you're talking about."

Buffy cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, this is going to be so, so good, isn't it?" Gunn whispered to Cordelia, fascinated.

Cordy elbowed him in the ribs and went back to watching the Slayer.

Buffy crouched down low and jumped up, landing solidly on top of the bar, kicking the bartender in the throat and sending him crumpling to the ground. "What do you remember now?" she taunted, jumping down behind the bar. 

The bartender clutched at his windpipe as Buffy grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and yanked him up. Angel leaped over the bar to help her out as Cordy and Gunn turned to face the rest of the patrons, a crossbow in her hands, an ax in his.

"In…back…" the bartender rasped, still groaning in pain.

"Better than ginko," Buffy quipped and released her clutches on his neck. He fell to floor, gurgling in agony, and she stepped over and around him, heading to a door in the back marked "Employees Only."

She burst through this door, too, to find a storeroom, empty except for boxes of beer bottles and Spanish peanuts. Surveying the scene she noticed a giant crate in the middle of the floor, out of place. Walking to it she bent over and pushed it out of the way to reveal a hidden door in the floorboards.

"Door number one it is," Gunn muttered, leaning over to help Buffy open it. Concrete stairs led down to a dimly lit room. Buffy took them two at a time, Angel following, his duster flapping behind him. Cordelia and Gunn took up the rear, weapons at the ready.

The room was empty. Chairs lay on their sides, the remnants of some sort of liquid in half-filled cups on a table.

"Someone left here in a hurry," Angel observed. "They were tipped off."

Buffy set her jaw as she looked around. "Come on…we'll ask around upstairs."

When they reappeared the bartender cowered behind the bar where a patron was helping him until the ambulance arrived. Buffy slammed a fist down on the bar, but Angel did the dirty work this time, striding into the room and stepping up onto a table. Looking down, he surveyed the sparse group. "I need to know about the demons that were hiding out in the basement," he said, in a voice that told them clearly he was not here to waste his time.

No one spoke.

Angel grinned. "No takers, huh? Come on guys! Don't make her mad again! Look at that poor chump over there!" he said, pointing to the bartender.

Buffy planted a sweet smile on her face. Gunn burst into a huge grin while Cordelia rolled her eyes. Angel and Buffy; Good Cop, Bad Cop. 

"Look, we're not here to fight. We just want info. These guys have obviously been watching her…and they said they weren't local. We just want to know what's the plan," Angel continued, hopping down to stroll leisurely around the room.

Finally, a small, purple-hued man in the back stood nervously. "I heard somethin'," he told them. "They said the procedure wasn't complete, they needed her back. That's all I know, I swear."

"Nothing about where they wanted to take her?" Angel asked, hurrying to him and staring him down.

"No, no…Just that the extraction wasn't complete and she's all wrong now. That's all I know!" he said, cowering down into his corner booth.

Angel looked back over his shoulder at Buffy who had turned white as a ghost. Patting the man on the shoulder caused the demon to faint, and the foursome left the bar together.

"Back to the hotel?" Gunn asked, hopping over the door and into the backseat.

Angel glanced at Buffy. "Where do you want to go?"

She seemed to not hear him so he repeated the question. "Uh, I need to go home…to my father's."

"You got some 'splaining to do, Lucy," Gunn quipped.

She granted him a weak smile and turned back to look out the side window.

"Buffy…you're not telling me something," Angel insisted. "I think you know more about this than you're letting on."

"No, I don't," she answered him without turning to face him.

Angel stared at her, then glanced back at Cordelia, who shook her head almost imperceptively. Sighing, he started the car and followed instructions to take Buffy home. When they pulled up to the curb he grabbed her arm as she went to exit the vehicle. "I'm going to look into this. Come by tonight, okay? I—I've got some news…some things to show you."

She stared at him for a moment before nodding, then got out of the car and walked into her father's apartment building without looking back.

"Boy," Cordelia muttered as she climbed into the front seat. "Bucket o' sunshine, wasn't she?"

"She always so gloom and doom? I can see why you guys got along," he said, tapping Angel on the shoulder.

Angel watched her as she walked up the steps. "No…she wasn't always like that," he said, mostly to himself.

"We're about to get involved in something, aren't we?" Cordy grimaced.

Angel didn't answer her as he continued to watch the apartment building.

***

Buffy slipped her key in the lock and turned the knob to find the apartment dark except for a lamp in the corner.

"Dad?" she called out, suddenly fearful.

"Over here," his voice came from the dark.

"Dad," she said, flipping on a lamp. "What are you doing in the dark?"

He gave her a small smile. "I was working through some things."

Father and daughter studied each other.

"I guess you want to talk, huh?" she asked him.

"I think we need to, Buffy," he said sincerely.

Buffy swallowed and sat precariously on the couch, hands between her knees, kneading. With Giles, he'd already known about her Slayer-status. Willow, Xander, Cordelia…Oz…they'd accepted it fairly easily. Angel…well, that's the reason he'd come to Sunnydale in the first place. Spike…she wasn't going to think about Spike right now. Riley had been a totally different story. He'd tried to logic his way out of believing her calling at first. Even her mother had accepted the truth easier than Riley.

Her father was probably going to be a different story altogether.

"Dad," she said, taking a deep breath. "I'm the Slayer. The Vampire Slayer, if you want to get technical, but I kill more than just them."

Her father cocked an eyebrow. _That's where I get that from,_ she mused. "The Slayer," he repeated.

"Uh-huh."

"And that is?"

"Well, see…in each generation there is a Chosen One…oh, never mind. Dad, there are bad things in the world. Things we don't see everyday. I'm not talking burglars and murderers and Carrot Top, I'm talking demons and monsters and vampires. And I'm the one who has to stop them. I'm the Slayer, the Chosen One."

Her father said nothing, so Buffy rambled on.

"When I was fifteen, Merrick came to me outside Hemery and I was called to be the Slayer. I killed vampires and demons in LA until that whole burning down the school incident, _which,_ I'd like to point out, was completely Slayer-related, and then you and mom divorced and she moved me and Dawn to Sunnydale."

"And you're still the Slayer in Sunnydale."

Buffy nodded. "Yes. Merrick was killed here before we moved. When I got to Sunnydale, Giles, Mr. Giles, was my new Watcher."

"Watcher?"

"A Watcher is the person who, well, watches after the Slayer. He trained me and taught me all I need to know about fighting the demons. Merrick was my first Watcher, Giles is, was, my second. I don't have a Watcher anymore, though."

"And your mother knew about this."

"Yes."

"Does Dawn?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes…and that's actually a really funny story that…we'll go into some other time way, way, way in the future," she rushed.

"And these people that you were with tonight…they're…"

"Old friends. Cordelia went to high school with me, Gunn's new, I just met him tonight…and Angel and I…he used to be…we were involved in Sunnydale and he moved here after I graduated from high school," she said reluctantly.

Hank Summers took a breath, crossed and then recrossed his legs, and finally stood up to pace. "So you've been doing this for six years."

"Yes."

"And you always win."

"Well…." She winced, really, really not wanting to get into this.

"You don't always win."

"No…not always. I'd say 96-97 percent of the time. Maybe even 98," she added cheerily.

"Have you ever gotten hurt?"

"Sometimes…but that's part of the Slayer insurance-package. I heal ultra-quick."

"Tell me about this Angel. He's a demon."

She swallowed again and glanced at her hands. "Yes, he is. He's a vampire."

"Those things you kill."

"Well…with Angel it's a little different. See, when you're turned into a vampire your soul is lost. Angel's soul was returned to him over a hundred years ago. He's a good guy. He fights here, in LA."

"Quite the little team you've got, isn't it? Vampires, Slayers…why not throw in a witch or a warlock or a werewolf? Maybe Frankenstein? Have you met Dracula? Or ooh! The Blob? I always loved that movie," her father quipped. His tone was light, but his eyes were dark.

Buffy stared at him dumbly. "This is not a joke."

"Oh no, of course not. My daughter, Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. How perfectly believable. I should have figured this out on my own."

Buffy stood and crossed to him, taking him by both arms. "Dad, look at me. I'm not kidding. This is all true. How else can you explain what you saw tonight? What you saw me _do_ tonight? Trust me, I haven't just been spending all my time at the gym!"

Her father smiled at her like she was a child. "Honey, it's okay. If you want me to believe you, of course I do."

She glared at him. "Don't talk to me that way! I'm not ten-years-old anymore!"

"Watch your tone, young lady," he warned.

"Or what? You'll ignore me for another six years?" she threw back at him.

"That's enough, Buffy! I'm still your father!"

She laughed now. "I told you earlier. My father left me a month ago, not six years ago." Grabbing her shawl and her bag she headed to the front door. "I'll be at the Hyperion Hotel. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to go back to Sunnydale. Nice to see you again, dad."

"I've already contacted my lawyer about transferring Dawn to my custody, Buffy."

His chilling words halted her retreated but she didn't turn to face him. She couldn't. She couldn't look at him.

"He's drawing up the paperwork. It shouldn't be hard to convince a federal judge that a fifteen-year-old girl belongs with her father, not her twenty-year-old sister. You're an adult now, Buffy, I know that, I can't force you to do anything. But I'm urging you to get help. I don't know what your mother was thinking when she let you carry on this way."

Buffy walked out of the door, slamming it shut as she did.


	4. Left of Center

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website: for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*

She parked the Jeep in front of the Hyperion and climbed out reluctantly. Gingerly she opened one of its massive front doors. She'd never been to Angel's home before. In fact, the last time she'd been to LA and seen him she'd been in his old office building, and that was only for about ten minutes.

The lobby was immense. And beautiful. And slightly intimidating, except for the familiar faces of Wesley and Cordelia behind the front desk, arguing over something.

She cleared her throat and they both looked up. "Buffy!" Cordelia cried, somewhat surprised. "Wow…you're here already. Huh. Won't Angel be…happy?" It was more of a question than a statement, and the brunette shot a worried glance at her coworker.

Buffy stepped forward and dropped her bag on the ground at her feet. "Yeah…well…there wasn't too much to say. He thinks I'm insane and he's going to take Dawn from me."

Cordy's mouth dropped open and Wesley moved around the desk to stand in front of the Slayer. "Oh, I'm so terribly sorry, Buffy. Is there anything I can do to help?"

She gave him a small smile and shook her head. "I just want to go to sleep…do you think I can find a bed somewhere in this palace?"

Cordelia snorted. "Beyond the second floor? It's not so much the palace as it is the giant rat trap. But I'm sure…well, ah…it shouldn't be…I mean…" she stammered.

Buffy looked at her curiously.

"I'll need to check with Angel before I just tell you yes," the seer told her and rushed up the stairs, disappearing around a corner.

Buffy and Wesley exchanged glances. "She's had an awful lot of coffee," he explained jokingly, and offered her a drink. The sound of footsteps came from behind them, as well as someone humming. "Ah…and this is Lorne," he exclaimed as a large, green demon came walking down the stairs into the hotel lobby.

Lorne sashayed up to the front desk, dressed, as usual, in an outrageous suit. Tonight's was purple satin with an orange silk shirt. "My pleasure, madam," he said, bowing low and kissing her hand.

Wesley cleared his throat. "Yes. Buffy Summers, Lorne, or The Host, as he is sometimes called. Lorne is staying here, temporarily, until his night club is repaired. He frequently helps us on cases."

"Nice to meet you," Buffy said, dubiously eyeing the new-comer.

"Buffy…Buffy…ah! Angel's friend from the lower regions! Of California, I mean," he explained off her expression. "I've heard about you, m'dear," he admitted graciously.

"That's…great."

"Sure I can't get you that drink?" Wesley broke in, trying to be helpful.

"No, thanks…really, I just want to get some sleep and then go back to Sunnydale," she said, turning back to him.

"You're leaving so soon then?"

She nodded. "No point in sticking around…especially if I've got some baddies on my trail."

"Yes, Angel explained your situation to us. You were attacked earlier by strange demons and vampires, correct? I must say, you've never been one to run before, that I recall, and now you have these demons after you, looking for you specifically…" Wesley said, removing his glasses and beginning to clean them.

The act caused her chest to tighten, the familiarity of it…God, how she missed Giles, even more right now than she had since his departure a month earlier. 

Wesley was no dummy. He noticed her expression and her eyes, fixated on his glasses, and sat them on the desk. "I understand things have been a bit strained lately," he said, concern in his voice.

Buffy swallowed and nodded, tears welling in her eyes, afraid to speak.

"You will, of course, call me if I can do anything for you…anything at all."

She nodded again. Lorne watched her carefully, studying her to the point that it was making her uncomfortable.

Wesley, too, watched her thoughtfully then moved to sit next to her on the couch. "Buffy," he said softly, "I would never try to replace Mr. Giles…I know what you two shared…but remember that I am only two hours away…and I'm better than nothing." He gave her a soft smile.

A tear escaped and she wiped it hastily away before rewarding him with a smile. "Thank you," she told him, and she meant it.

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of footsteps as Cordelia, Gunn and Angel came down the stairs.

"Hey," Angel said to her, worry in his eyes as he saw that she'd been crying.

"Hey."

"Are you okay? How did your father take it?" he asked, kneeling beside her.

She let out a bitter laugh. "Oh, it went just swell. He didn't believe a word I told him, despite what he saw tonight, and has his lawyer drawing up the paperwork to take Dawn out of my custody and into his."

"He didn't believe you?" Cordelia cried. "Why not? I mean, jeez…even I believed you the first time you got me involved in something freaky, and I didn't even like you! You're his daughter!"

They ignored her. "What can I do?" Angel asked her softly.

"I just want to sleep, if that's okay…and since I know this guy who owns a hotel…"

He gave her a grin. "No problem. I'll have the maid fix up a room for you…but first I need to talk to you about something."

She looked at him curiously, rising to her feet. "Sure, what's up?"

He met Gunn's eyes, dread filling them. "Buffy…some things have happened lately…to me, to all of us…"

"Like what?"

"Like…that," he said, turning to where Fred was descending the stairs, a bundle of something wrapped in her arms. When she got close enough Buffy realized it was a baby.

"That's a girl and a baby," she said dumbly.

"Yes, it is," Angel admitted.

"You're letting them stay here?"

Angel glanced at Cordelia. "Well, uh, yes. Fred lives here, so does the baby…this is Connor."

Fred walked to him, giving him her uncertain smile, and put Connor is his arms.

"That—that's nice," Buffy told him, uncertainly. "He's cute," she said to Fred.

"Thanks…we think so, too."

"How old is he?" the Slayer asked the timid girl.

Fred's eyes met Angels. "Uh, just over a month now."

Buffy gave her a small smile. "You look great," she assured her.

Fred's eyes popped open. "Oh…thanks, but…you see, Connor's not mine, I mean, I could never, I've never…that is. Wow. How sweet of you to think I'm his mother!" she gushed.

"Oh, I'm sorry…how stupid of me," Buffy apologized, then turned confused eyes to Angel. "You're…babysitting?" she asked, knowing that wasn't right, but unsure _what_ was going on. "Do his parents live here too?"

"Sure do," Cordelia muttered under her breath.

Buffy turned to her. "The baby is _yours?_" she asked incredously.

Cordelia sighed and put her hands on her hips. "Of course not!" she said, shooting a look at Angel.

Buffy's eyes met his. "Then…what?"

The entire gang backed up, except for Fred, who was clueless as to the angst that was about to occur.

Angel cleared his throat. "Buffy, this is Connor. My son."

***

Elsewhere in Los Angeles, deep within the bowels of the city, a meeting was taking place. 

"She is not alone, like most other Slayers, Master," the vampire said.

The demon sat in his chair, thoughtfully stroking his beard. The night was rainy, and the outcome of the earlier fight was disappointing at best. He'd hired and sent out maybe a dozen vampires, and two of his best cohorts…and still. The Slayer had not been captured.

This was going to be interesting, to say the least. And tonight's adventure was unacceptable.

"This will not do, gentlemen," the demon hissed from his giant throne. "The Slayer is essential. We need her to complete the transaction."

"Yes, Master," the vampires droned.

"What are we going to do about this?" he asked them, pacing, his long brown robe hiding his face but his tone making everyone very nervous.

"Kill her!" one called.

The demon smiled sickly at him. "What is your name, boy?"

"Roy, Master."

"Well, Roy. That was incorrect. And do you know why that was incorrect?"

The vampire swallowed nervously. "No, Master…why?"

"Because we can't kill her!" the demon screeched, rising up and stomping across the room. "If we kill her it's useless! She must come alive and she must come NOW!"

The vampires cringed and hunkered down in fear.

"If we kill her the possession will never be complete, have you heard nothing I've told you since your tenure here?!" the demon shouted.

"I'm sorry, sir, I'm sorry!" Roy cried out.

The demon turned suddenly, his tone calm. "Guards…Mr. Roy answered a question incorrectly. What's the penalty for that?"

One of the guards stepped forward and staked Roy through the back, completely missing the heart. Roy cried out in pain, collapsing onto the ground.

"Never the kill, only the pain," the demon sing-songed as the door to the chamber opened and several more of his robe-clad friends entered.

"Ah! Jimnub! Sulfeg, what have you learned about the Slayer?" he cried.

"She is at a local hotel, Entwar. With the people that helped her earlier. She appears to be staying there, at least for the evening," Jimnub told him.

"Excellent. Roy! Get off the floor and get your troops together. It's time for Phase Two."


	5. Possible Impossibilities

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*

Buffy stared at Angel, unblinking. "Excuse me?"

He walked to her, shifting Connor in his arms so that she could better see him. She backed away from him, matching his steps.

"He's my son, Buffy," Angel told her gently.

"You adopted a child?"

Angel stopped his advance, cautiously looking over his shoulder where Cordelia and Gunn stood smirking, while Wesley and Fred looked concerned.

"Uh, no, I didn't…he's my biological son."

"That's not possible," she told him, her voice stony.

"No, it's not supposed to be…but you know…as well as I do…that impossibilities have a way of coming true," he said slowly.

"You. You have a son. How…how?" she whispered, hurt and pain, mixed with rising anger, in her voice.

"I—we don't really know," he began.

"Whose is it? Who's the mother?" she asked, her hands balling into fists and back again at her sides.

Angel took an unnecessary breath. "Darla."

Buffy didn't even blink. Her eyes died. He watched them, the life, what little of it there had been, disappearing. "Oh," was all she said, her voice very little.

"It's a long story, Buffy…I was going to tell you, but I wasn't expecting you to just--"

She held up a hand to his face and he stopped talking.

"I need to…I'm-I'm gonna go home now. You don't need me taking up another room around here, what with a ba—with all this stuff going on…I mean, I'll just be in the way…but thanks…for the help earlier, it was…great to see you guys again…" Buffy said to them, her voice detached, and she turned and dumbly walked out of the hotel, leaving behind her bags and shawl.

Angel turned to the others, helplessly.

"Here," Fred said, taking Connor from his arms. "Go after her."

"Right. Go after her," he said stupidly.

"You know," Cordy said sarcastically, "That thing you never two never do that might save all of us the heartache and trouble and the dealing with your brooding after-effects for the next six months."

He nodded and ran out the door, sniffing the air to see where she'd gone. She hadn't gone far. If she'd been thinking clearly, if her mind wasn't reeling from this information, she could have lost him easily. But she wasn't thinking clearly. She was, in fact, thinking so _un_clearly right now that she narrowly missed getting hit by a bus. As she stepped off the sidewalk Angel grabbed her arm, throwing her backwards.

"Oh," she told him, hastily righting herself. "Thanks." She turned and began to walk away.

"Buffy, stop."

"I can't, really, but thanks…it's been fun, we'll do it again…sometime…" she said, her voice far away.

"Buffy…stop," he implored, taking her arm gently and turning her around to face him. "I'm sorry…I should have called you, I should have told you right away…but…it's all happened so fast…"  


Buffy stared at the ground, her eyes wide, completely disoriented, and said nothing.

"Darla just…appeared one day, out of no where…and she was almost nine months pregnant. I don't know…I'm not sure how this is possible, why it's happened. But my child…Connor…he's human, Buffy. Human."

Rain began to fall softly, soaking them both in a matter of moments, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Buffy. Buffy," he tried again, taking her by both shoulders and gently shaking her. "_Buffy."_

Finally her eyes snapped to his, vacant as they were.

"Come in out of the rain.

She stared at him, green eyes into brown. Nodding dumbly she followed him back to the hotel.

***

"Man, she's really messed up," Gunn said, staring at the door behind which Buffy and Angel had been for several hours, talking.

Cordelia spared the door a glance, then went back to filing paperwork. "You would be too if you'd gone through all she has." Wesley looked up, surprised at Cordelia's sympathetic words. "What am I--completely heartless?" she asked defensively, then quickly added, "Don't answer that. I just think…she's been through a lot lately. Her boyfriend leaves her, and we're talking Riley, not Angel now, her mother dies, she finds out her sister's not really her sister but some magic lock-picking set, she _dies_, for God's sake, and then she gets brought back to life, saved from some hell dimension where she was probably tortured. And this is all in just over a year. I'm surprised she's not straight-jacketing it."

"And let's not forget she's the Slayer," Fred chimed in, shaking a rattle over Connor's smiling face. "Which just sounds cool…though I must admit being a little bit lost on the whole 'What's a Slayer' concept."

Gunn chimed in. "Oh, good, me too. I was just playing along. But from what I can tell you, from what I've seen? She's hella powerful. Sort like watching _The Matrix_ in 3-D."

Fred nodded appreciatively and Wesley interjected. "The Slayer is the Chosen One, the one girl in all the world who can stop the vampires and the demons that walk the earth. Every time one dies, another is called."

"So, when Buffy died…was another Slayer called?" Gunn asked. 

Cordelia looked up, interested. "God, I hope not. That just never, ever works out well."

Wesley smiled briefly. "No, it doesn't seem to, does it? But no, unlike last time the Council will not be calling a new Slayer. As we still have Faith, no matter how inactive her status may be, there won't be another Slayer called until her death."

"So you're sayin' Buffy's died before?" Gunn asked incredulously.

"Oh yeah," Cordy cried, stacking a box of files on top of another. "Twice now. The first time, Kendra was called. That didn't last long, but then there was Faith."

"Two Slayers…two deaths…but, wait. You just said you hoped another hadn't been called…that would make three. So…huh?" he asked her.

Cordelia leaned over the counter. "Ok. Buffy died by the hands of the Master…this is before Wesley's time," she pointed out, and he rolled his eyes at her, "and that called Kendra. Jamaican-chick, a little top heavy, army-surplus dresser," she added disdainfully, "but a Slayer nonetheless. There's never been two Slayers at the same time, ever. So this is a pretty big event, or so I was told. She stays in Jamaica, slaying, Buffy stays in Sunnydale, slaying and ruining my life on a weekly basis. Then Kendra comes back to the Hellmouth to help out Buffy, something I don't think anyone should _ever_ do, and she gets killed by Drusilla."

"Drusilla. _Our_ Drusilla, Drusilla? Friend of Darla, deprived of her marbles?" Gunn asked.

"The one and only, all in her freakish doll-collecting splendor," Cordelia assured him. "Anyway, when Kendra dies, Faith gets called. And Faith and Drusilla had a lot in common…and I'm not talking about sharing the same turn-of-the-century dressmaker."

"She's a psycho," Gunn concluded.

"Batless belfry," Cordy agreed.

"You Sunnydale people sure do take on a lot of responsibility, don't ya?" Gunn asked, grinning.

Cordy snorted and turned back to her work.

"What are you working on, Wesley?" Fred asked shyly.

Wesley looked up from the texts he had been examining for several hours now. "I'm researching the demons that have been stalking Buffy. She may not be interested in what they want from her, but I am."

"Any luck?" Gunn asked, settling down at the table next to him.

"Only a bit, I'm afraid, and nothing too useful. All I've been able to do so far is eliminate the demons that can't possibly be involved, judging by Angel's description," the Englishman sighed. He cast an eye to the closed door. "I need to talk to her."

***

Buffy sat, knees up, against the headboard of the bed Angel had made up for her, a towel around her shoulders. Angel was across from her, seated in a rather uncomfortable chair, concern etched on his face. His earlier notion that something was wrong with the Slayer couldn't have been more understated. Since their return to the hotel they'd done little talking. He'd made up the room for her and she'd changed into dry clothes, quiet the entire time. After she crawled onto the bed he'd taken his seat, watching her carefully, afraid to speak to her, but knowing that he couldn't just leave her like this.

"Buffy," he said softly, moving the chair closer to her bed. "You have to talk to me."

Her eyes ticked to his. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry for how I reacted…that was stupid of me," she said woodenly. "I've managed to make a fool of myself pretty much since I got here."

"No…it was understandable. I'm sorry…bad timing, I guess. But I didn't want to keep it from you…I can't keep him from you. He's important to me, the most important thing in my life," he said, his eyes pleading for her to understand.

"He's your son," she said flatly. "You had a baby…with…" her voice trailed off, then her attention snapped back. "I still don't understand. How…?"

He sighed and sat back. "Like I said, I don't really understand myself. Earlier this year…I did something stupid. Really stupid…I…I was in a bad place in my life. Nothing was going right, nothing was worth anything to me anymore. I wanted it over, to die. So…I did everything possible to turn my friends away. I fired Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn. And I slept with Darla."

Slowly Buffy's eyes rose to meet his, comprehension in them, as a droplet of water ran down from her damp hair. "You tried to turn evil again? On purpose?"

He closed his eyes, ashamed, but nodded. "It didn't work."

"Why not?" she asked sincerely.

"Because it wasn't perfect happiness," he said bluntly, his words full of meaning. "It was empty, just like me, just like her. It was nothing."

She stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Oh."

"But somehow…through some mystical event…she ended up pregnant. And the child is human. A boy. My son." 

Even the stunned girl in front of him recognized the pride in his voice. "And Darla…she's here?"

He shook his head, sadly. "No…the baby was in trouble, during labor. She staked herself to save him."

Buffy's eyes snapped up. "Darla. _Darla_ showed compassion for someone else."

He nodded.

"You'll have an easier time convincing me that the baby is yours, a human child born to vampire parents, than you'll have getting me to believe _that_," she told him, but her tone was lighter than before. She sniffled and wiped at her running nose.

"It's true," he told her. "And now…here I am. A father."

She watched him over her knees, the light of the bedside lamp glowing around her. "You'll make a good one."

He smiled gently. "Thank you."

"But I still can't believe you slept with Darla," she said, though guilt crept inside her. Everything he had shared with her sounded like her life…a downward spiral…sleeping with someone just to make a change in your life…to feel something…not caring anymore…And she downright ignored the jealousy and the disappointment that Angel had had a child with someone else. That part of their lives was long over…and yet. The emotions were there.

He chuckled. "Yeah, well…you and Cordelia can have a grand time discussing that later. She didn't take real well to finding that out when Darla showed up pregnant…particularly since I had sworn to her that nothing had happened between us."

That struck a chord with Buffy, but she remained silent, averting her eyes again.

"But…there's something else we need to talk about, Buffy," he said, shifting in his chair.

"What?"

"What's going on with you."

She sniffled again. "I'm fine…really…I was just thrown a little by your announcement."

"I think it's more than that. What's going on at home? You're back from the dead, saved from some hell dimension. You didn't look this bad when we met…right after…"

She gave a dry laugh and shrugged. "Well, coming back from the dead can be a bitch. But you should know that."

"I do. You wouldn't say much about it then…tell me now."

Nervous fingers began to pluck at the comforter. "What do you want to know?"

"What you experienced…how you overcame the urges that Hell fills you with…what were your thoughts? It might help you to get it out, Buffy," he said, leaning in and reaching for her hand. His fingers found hers and squeezed.

She stared at them momentarily. "Hell…yeah. It was…fine. I was fine. A little disoriented, but, hey, who wouldn't be?"

He watched her carefully. "And after? You seem to be having a little trouble readjusting."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, gee, Angel…it's not like I came back and my life was just perfect again. Riley's gone…my mom's gone…I have no money. The house is a wreck, I've got bills all over the place, and Giles left the country so I can learn to grow up all on my own."

"And now your father."

"Let's not forget him," she muttered bitterly.

He leaned back, crossing his legs, sighing. She was being unresponsive, not that she should just open up to him. That wasn't his place anymore, hadn't been in a long time. He knew the news about Connor had hurt her…truthfully, since his soul had been returned, the only time he had regretted not being able to have children had been the years he'd spent with Buffy. It had been a fantasy of his, especially after he'd discovered his impending Shanshu, of finding her as he had on the pier that Day That Wasn't, and making everything right in their worlds again. To marry her, to love her forever, to have children with her.

He hadn't thought of that dream in quite awhile now, so busy had his world become.

"I'll let you rest," he said abruptly, rising to his feet.

Her eyes flicked to his. "Ok," she said gratefully.

He gave her a small, worried smile, and left the room.

***

"Something's not right with her," his voice boomed across the lobby as he strode to the front desk where Wesley and Cordelia were reading through some books.

They looked up, startled. "What?"

"She's…being difficult. Unresponsive."

Wesley nodded. "I noted that earlier…though I attributed some of it to the shock her father delivered."

"Unresponsive about what? I thought staggering out of here was pretty dramatic," Cordelia said as Gunn came in from Wesley's office.

"About anything," Angel said, pacing, frustrated. "Like she doesn't care anymore."

"She's not going, you know, all rogue-Slayer on us, is she?" Cordy asked worriedly.

Angel shook his head. "No, no…that's not it. When she's fighting she's great, better than great…she's at her peak-performance. But after that's over…she shuts down. Nothing gets through anymore."

"What do you think it is?" Wesley asked.

Angel shook his head, looking pensive. "I don't know. She's not telling me something."

"Maybe you should call Sunnydale?" Gunn suggested.

"Yeah…call Willow," Cordelia chimed in. "She'd know if something was up."

Thoughtful, Angel ran a hand through his hair while he considered what to do.

"Or…" Cordelia started, hesitantly, "I can talk to her…she might feel more comfortable opening up to someone who isn't…you know…her ex-lover who just gave her the news that he had a baby with another woman. Particularly _that_ woman." She gave Angel a look. "I mean, it's no secret that Buffy hates Darla as much as we do."

Angel looked at her, then up the stairs towards Buffy's room. "Talk to her first, I guess. I don't want her to think we're going behind her back," he said finally.

Cordelia let out a long sigh and headed up the stairs.

"I didn't mean now!" Angel cried but Cordy barely spared him a glance as she ran up the stairs.

***

Buffy tried to sleep but couldn't. The things going through her head wouldn't allow it.

__

I'm a horrible person,she thought, rolling over and clutching the comforter more tightly around her shoulders. But before she could really get going on herself there was a quiet knock at her door.

She shifted and blinked at the light as the door cracked open. "Buffy?" Cordelia called. "It's me…can I come in?"

Buffy sat up, squinting, and turned on the bedside lamp. "Yeah…sure."

"Were you sleeping?" Cordy asked, walking into the room.

Buffy shook her head. "No…I'm tired, but I just can seem to."

"Oh," Cordelia commented, looking around the room. "Nice room he gave you."

Buffy glanced at the peachy walls. "Yeah…it's great."

The two girls fell into uncomfortable silence. Finally Buffy cleared her throat. "So…did you need something?"

Cordelia's eyes met hers and the brunette moved to sit on the bed. "I just…are you okay? You seem sort of…out of it."

Buffy sighed. "I'm fine, really. It's just been a long…life."

"Do you want to talk about it with someone who's not…you know…your friend?"

Buffy cocked an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean," Cordy said, giving her a knowing smile. "We're never going to be bosom buddies, Buffy. But I can listen to you…and I can sympathize. I'd imagine coming here and finding out that Angel's had a son since you last saw him would throw you just a bit."

Buffy wanted to argue with her but found she just didn't have the energy anymore. "Yeah…it kinda did," she agreed softly, looking down at her hands in shame.

"I can't imagine what I'd do if I found out the love of my life had a child with someone else…especially if I _hated_ that someone else," Cordy told her. "It's okay to be upset. It's understandable."

Buffy snorted. "I know that this is a miracle for him, Cor…and I don't want to take away from that. I was an idiot before…running away like he'd done something wrong."

"But he _did!_" Cordelia cried. "He slept with her…_her!_ And he lied to all of us…he told us nothing happened…and then…oh, God," she moaned, catching herself. "This is my stuff, not yours. Sorry."

Buffy gave her an even look. "I just don't know what to do…what to think. Everything's so different now."

"Since you came back?" Cordy asked, interested.

Buffy nodded. "And now…all this stuff with my dad…and seeing Angel again…I didn't think it would be so hard."

"Well," Cordy said, shifting uncomfortably on the busily patterned bedding. " You guys have a lot of history together. You were in love for a long time, and you got an unfair deal…it's not horrible that when you see each other things are tense. But Buffy," she said, moving to cover the Slayer's hand with her own, "you have to move on from this."

Buffy almost smiled. "I meant with life in general, not with Angel…but yeah, that's not the easiest thing, either."

"Oh…well…what's so hard now?" Cordelia asked, and Buffy had the sneaking suspicion that the brunette was actually sincere. "I mean, you're not in Hell anymore…that's got to be a relief."

"Yeah…being back is great," Buffy lied. "But I came back to a mess. My life is nothing like it was before. I've got Dawn to take care of, and money to worry about…Giles is gone and Willow's OD-ing on magic and Xander and Anya are getting married…" she trailed off.

Cordy's eyes flew open. "Xander and Anya are what?"

"I know…I couldn't believe it either."

Cordy sucked in a breath. "Oh," was all she said, contemplating the news. "Well, that's great. Good for Xander…although…Anya?! Really? Wow, those two hit it off well, didn't they?"

"Yeah, I guess they did. The wedding's coming up, this spring. Willow and I are bridesmaids."

"That's quick…God, Xander Harris, married! I hope that girl knows that she owes all that he is to me. I mean, it took _months_ to get him whipped into shape," Cordelia grinned.

Buffy smiled back at her. "It's going to be quite an ordeal…the wedding _and_ the marriage."

"I'm sure," Cordelia grinned. "And what's this about Willow?"

Buffy sighed. "She's gotten a bit too into magic lately," she began, quickly summing up the witch's latest adventures.

"Wow…you've got a bit on your Slayer-plate," Cordelia said, letting out a deep breath. "But…we're not here to gossip about Sunnydale news…though we _will_ get to that later. Tell me what's going on…you're not the Buffy I remember."

Buffy cocked an eyebrow. "You're not the Cordelia I remember."

Cordelia smiled smugly. "I'm sure there's a little bit of her in here somewhere, so don't test me," she teased.

Buffy smiled back at her sadly. "It's nothing, really. Just a combination of a lot of things that I've never had to deal with. Mom…Dawn…now dad…bills…I don't know what to do with my life anymore."

"Are you going to go back to school?"

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. I feel like I've been gone forever…I took the semester off when mom got sick, so it's been a year since I've actually taken classes. I tried…it was…different."

"How about a job?" Cordy suggested.

"All attempts at employment went badly, in a historical sort of way," the Slayer confessed, playing with her fingers.

"And…your love life?" the seer asked casually.

"My love life is dead," Buffy said much too quickly. She tried to soften her words with a smile and a change in the subject. "I guess a lot of it's that I really miss Giles."

Cordy nodded. "I'm sure. I can't believe he's gone…have you heard from him?"

Buffy nodded. "He called to say he was in London and doing fine…just checking in on us, but that's about it."

Cordy watched her for a moment. "I think you'll find your way, Buffy…God knows I didn't think this is what my life would be like, but sometimes…things have a way of just coming together when you don't expect it."

Buffy looked up, surprised.

"I know, I know…hello Dr. Phil, right?" Cordy joked, smiling sheepishly. "But it's true. And it'll happen for you. One day you'll wake up and things will just be…_right._ Don't ask me how I know…I'm Cordelia. I just know."

Buffy observed the tall brunette evenly. "Thanks."

Cordy leaned in and squeezed her hand in one of the most uncharacteristic shows of empathy Buffy had ever seen. "Sure…I can only imagine what it's like trying to get used to life on Earth after Hell…was it horrible?"

Buffy froze and Cordelia noticed. "It was…yes, it's horrible," she corrected herself. _Here. Here is horrible_. "Actually, I'm feeling tired now…I'm just going to go to sleep, okay?" she said abruptly.

Cordy blinked. "Oh…okay. Sure. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay."

Cordelia stood and walked to the door. Turning back she opened her mouth to speak, then thought better of it. "Good night," she said finally.

Buffy didn't answer.

***

"She's really sad," Cordelia told Angel as they walked out onto the patio a few minutes later. "Something in her is off, you're not wrong about that. She misses Giles…things at home are rough and suddenly she has to be the adult. I feel bad for her. She lost her mom, then Giles..."

"Who might has well have been her father," Angel finished.

"Exactly. I mean, he was a father figure to all of us in some way. God knows we spent more time with him than our own parents," Cordy said, sinking onto a bench.

"But…" Angel prodded.

"I think it's more than that. She's…flat. Her tone of voice, her eyes. It's like there's no feeling there anymore, no emotion. Just sadness. And from what she said, as I pushed the conversation into the realm of gossip, her friends are rather busy with their own stuff. Willow had some sort of magic break-down and Xander and Anya are getting married."

Angel raised an eyebrow in surprise but said nothing.

"I think she's lonely. But…there's just something else I can't put my finger on," Cordelia concluded.

The duo sat under the moonlight in silence, contemplating.

"I think it's time to call Willow," Cordelia said at last.

"Tomorrow," Angel nodded, and they rose simultaneously and walked inside.


	6. Behind the Music

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website: for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*

The noise was annoying her. She slapped at her alarm clock but that didn't stop the sound. Blinking slowly, Buffy opened her eyes and realized it was the sound of crying.

__

Where the hell am I? she asked herself before remembering. Angel's hotel. And the sound of crying was his child.

Her feet swung off the bed and she stumbled up, staggering blearily out into the hall. Peering over the balcony she saw the girl from earlier, Fred, rocking a shrieking Connor in her arms, to no avail. Buffy sighed and headed down the stairs. 

Fred looked up and smiled apologetically. "Hi…sorry…I shouldn't bring him down here, the acoustics are amazing, at least, that's what Lorne says…but I left his binky down here and I thought that's what he wanted, but I guess not 'cause you know, he just keeps wailing and crying and carrying on so, and I'm having a terrible time getting him to calm down. Babies do like to cry you know!"

Buffy blinked at the mouthful the girl spit out. "Binky?" she asked blankly.

Fred grinned and held up the pacifier that Connor was refusing to take.

"Oh." Then, "Can I help?"

Fred looked uncertain. "Oh, uh…sure. I don't know why not. I mean, you've known Angel the longest, so I guess he trusts you and all, and…uh…here." She handed Connor to Buffy, who immediately began to rock him.

"Maybe he's hungry," she suggested to the timid Southerner.

"Maybe, though my calculations he shouldn't be hungry yet, but then again, I'm always altering my eating habits, so why shouldn't he?" she asked gaily, with what Buffy considered to be far to much energy for three in the morning. Fred noted the blonde's expression and excused herself. "I'll just go fix a bottle."

"Ok," Buffy said absently, and began to walk the lobby with the crying child. "Hey, little guy," she peered at him, his face scrunched up as he cried. "It's okay, Connor…I'm here…I'm the Slayer, you know," she said conversationally. "Nothing's going to get by me, so just take a little nap, okay?" 

Connor was having none of it. 

Remembering when Dawn had been this little and her mother had done the same thing, walking the halls, soothing her child, humming and singing to lull Dawn's fits, Buffy began to pace. Without thinking she began to sing softly to the angry young man in her arms.

__

Blue jean baby 

LA lady 

Seamstress for the band

Pretty eyes

Pirate smile

You'll marry a music man

"Wow…schooled in the classics," a voice came from behind her. She whirled to find Lorne, donning an obnoxious red satin smoking jacket, matching slippers, and black satin pajamas. "Kid woke you up too, huh? Yeah…it's like that around here. They say you get used to it, but honey, let me assure you, there's nothing about getting jolted out of a nice slumber that you get used to." He sat companionably on a bar-stool. "Please, don't stop for me. Such a great song."

Buffy eyed him. "I don't think so. I was just trying to get him to sleep," she said, rocking Connor slowly.

"And that's your lullaby? I like the way you think," he grinned at her.

She turned her back to him, continuing to rock the baby. "My mom used to sing that to us. It was her favorite," she murmured, nestling the baby closer to her, adjusting his blanket.

"Can't say I blame her, Elton knew how to sing a love song. You mind?" he asked.

She looked at him over her shoulder and shrugged.

__

Ballerina

You must've her

Dancin' in the stands

Now she's in me

Always with me

Tiny dancer

In my hands

Lorne sang softly at first, but as he was known to, his voice grew louder until he was belting out the song as he would have in his own club. Buffy sat back and listened, mesmerized. Connor, used to this, watched the green songbird as well.

He paused and glanced at her. "Come on, join me…I know you can sing, heard it across the room. I'm curious what's inside you."

"Excuse me?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

He laughed. "Inside you," he said, thumping his chest. "In here? In your soul, in your heart…I can read you when you sing, look inside and see what's ticking…or what's not."

"I don't think so," Buffy told him with contempt.

He waved a manicured hand, indicating the rest of the hotel. "The kiddies do it for me all the time…until my club got shot to Hades and blown up."

"Unsatisfied customers?" she joked.

Red eyes flashed. "Ha ha…hardly. I've got your gang of friends to thank for those two trips to fun town. But I'm not bitter, I'm over it, I assure you," he said, 

Buffy nodded uncomfortably and went back to fussing over the baby.

"Come on, Ms. Thang…I started getting something off you just a minute ago…let me finish…it might help you figure out this little problem on your hands," the Host told her sincerely.

Buffy stared at him, then rolled her eyes. "Fine." She turned to Connor and began to sing softly, agreeing to mostly because the song invoked memories of her mother, and that alone was worth it.

__

Jesus freaks

Out in the streets

Handin' tickets out for God

Turning back

She just laughs

The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man

He makes a stand

In the auditorium

Lookin' on

She sings the songs

The words she knows

The tune she hums

Lorne watched her carefully, squinting at her as she sang, reading her soul. But when the chorus came, he couldn't stop himself. Together, both losing themselves in the song, they sang.

__

Oh, how it feels so real

Lyin' with no one near

Only you

And you can hear me

And I say softly

Slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer

Count the headlights on the highway

Lay me down in sheets of linen

You had busy today

They repeated the chorus, grinning at each other. Buffy turned from him, blushing furiously, but smiling to herself as she sat on the couch, gently rocking Connor, whose eyelids were growing heavy.

Lorne watched her for a moment, observed how careful she was with the child, how lovingly she held him, then shifted in his seat and crossed his legs. "How long do you think you can keep ignoring all this and it will just go away?"

Buffy looked up at him blankly. "What?"

"You. Your life. The entire situation you're involved in now? You, my friend, are hiding," he told her shrewdly.

"What are you talking about?" she asked him snidley, slightly annoyed. It reminded him of how Cordelia spoke to most people, but he knew better than to tell Buffy that.

He looked at her cryptically. "Come on girlfriend, let's dish. How _was_ Hell, anyway?"

Buffy stuttered. "Hell? Uh…you know…it was Hell-ish."

"Yeah…I've heard that. But, see? I'm not getting that from you. In fact, I'm not getting much from you, and that's the part that's really mixing my greens. You've got a soul, but, and don't take this the wrong way…there's something…off."

__

You came back wrong.

Lorne noted how white Buffy had gone. "When you died…you think were in heaven. That confession's out at the homestead, it's old news. But…what if you weren't in heaven?"

Buffy stood abruptly, clutching Connor to her. "Of course I was in heaven. I was at peace. I was free. I didn't have anything to worry about. From what I know about Hell, it's not a pleasure cruise."

"True, true. But, let me give you some information that they didn't include in "Jump Thru A Portal For Dummies." My money's not on you being in heaven, sweetie…but in another _dimension._ Oh yeah, your body was pushing up daisies…but your soul didn't go to heaven and it didn't go to Hell. You were somewhere else."

Her eyes flashed, then narrowed. "What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice growing louder.

Lorne stood and crossed to her, his giant frame looming over her as she sat on the couch. He sat next to her, using one long finger to stroke Connor's brow. "I think you know, but I'll play along, just for kicks," he murmured softly. "You weren't in heaven, Buffy, and you weren't in Hell. You, better than anyone, know that there are other dimensions out there. That portal killed your body, friend, but it sent your spirit on to the flip side, where it stayed, trapped, until your that witchy woman and your pals at home helped you out. And now you're walking around thinking life's bowl of cherry pits…and I'm guessing something went wrong. With the spell, with the transfer…I don't know. That's for the book-learners. And it's not your fault, you didn't know…but that's where my money lies."

Buffy froze.

"Oh, and one more thing…and this I shouldn't have to tell you. It's written all over you, you know it's wrong, but you're still doing it. Or _him_ should I say? You're getting some feeling, that's for sure, but it's not the kind you need right now."

Fred walked back into the room at that moment, noted Buffy's expression and the presence of Lorne, and stopped. "What's going on?"

Buffy's head snapped up. "Nothing. Nothing!" she mumbled angrily and passed Connor into her arms. Turning she walked out onto the patio.

***

Upstairs, Angel ducked back around the corner, shaken by what he'd overheard. He'd been out investigating the demons that were hunting Buffy, leaving Connor in the capable hands of Fred and the sanctuary of the charmed hotel. He'd come home and gone to his room first, eager to change from the dirty and somewhat smelly clothes he'd worn into the sewers that night, when he'd heard his sons wailing. As he'd stepped out onto the stairs he saw her. Buffy, holding Connor, rocking him lovingly as she tried to calm him down. Lorne had come down and sat on a barstool while they chatted. Thanks to vampire-hearing he'd heard every word, though he needed no help in hearing when they'd started to sing. Buffy's voice wasn't strong, but it was steady, and it melted his heart to witness her singing a lullaby, no matter how contemporary, to his son.

What he heard next was, however, much more interesting. Buffy hadn't been in Hell. She thought she'd been in _heaven._ And Lorne thought she'd been in neither, but caught, her soul trapped in another dimension. The thought of her, at peace, and then ripped from it by the selfishness and the sadness of her friends, tore at him.

Buffy, obviously distraught over this theory, had handed Connor to a confused Fred and stumbled outside. Angel leaned against the wall, unsure what to do. He hadn't meant to overhear them but that was surely to be of little concern to Buffy.

God…she thought she'd been in heaven…no wonder she was having such a problem readjusting. Who wouldn't? And Lorne thought differently. Angel had known the Host far too long to doubt his ability to read people…chances were good that he was right. Angel was suddenly very curious about the demons that had attacked Buffy earlier, and the cryptic words they'd spoken to her.

__

And who the hell is this "him" Lorne mentioned? he growled to himself.

He had to talk to her.

***

Buffy angrily paced back and forth on the hotel patio. What did that stupid demon know anyway? Reads souls or auras or whatever. She snorted. He was wrong. She was just fine, completely fine. Willow had performed that spell and yanked her out of heaven, leaving the harp and wings behind. She was fine.

She was fine.

Spike was _not_ right. She was fine. Normal. Human. She hadn't come back wrong. She was Buffy. Buffy Summers. The Slayer, the Chosen One, Prophecy Girl.

But…the demons tonight…_You know you're not supposed to be here. You know you came back wrong…._And Lorne…_Your soul was in another dimension…it's not your fault…you didn't know._

Buffy slowed her pacing and sat on a wrought-iron bench, staring at the ground in horror. _What is going on?_

These past few months had been the worst of her life. Her mother had died and she'd dealt with it. Dawn had been in trouble and she'd dealt with it. And then…she'd jumped into that shiny pool of light, felt the shock and the pain of her body being ripped apart from the inside…and then it was over. Calm. Peace. Serenity. Until…

She wrapped her arms around herself from the sudden chill that had come over her. Things hadn't been the same since she'd come back…she'd attributed all of it to the shock of being ripped from heaven and put back on earth, where things were hard and loud and painful. Never had she considered that she hadn't been in heaven. Where else would she have gone? The portal had needed the blood to close it, she'd given all she had. If that didn't qualify her for heaven, what did? After all her sacrifices, all in the name of a job she hadn't chosen…

The patio door opened softly. She looked up to see Angel standing there, his large form outlined by the hotel lights behind him.

"Hi," he said hesitantly.

"Hi," she answered, shifting uncomfortably on the bench.

"Can we talk?"

She shrugged and he walked over to sit across from her, legs apart, elbows resting on his thighs. "What are you doing up?"

"I think I should be asking you that."

"Couldn't sleep," she lied.

Angel watched her, noting that she refused to meet his gaze. "I overheard what you and Lorne were talking about down here…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I heard Connor crying when I got home tonight and I came to check on him."

Her eyes remained on the ground. "Oh."

"I heard what Lorne said, Buffy. I think you need to talk about this," he told her, his tone gentle and concerned, but forceful just the same.

She shrugged again. "What's to tell? I died. He doesn't think I went to heaven. Or to Hell, for that matter. He thinks I was in that popular vacation spot 'somewhere else.'"

His gaze remained on her. "Why didn't you tell me you thought you'd been in heaven, Buffy?"

Now her stare moved to his. "What does it matter?"

"Do the others know? Willow? Xander?"

She nodded. "Oh yeah…that came out awhile back. I figured Spike would have blabbed it everywhere, but no…one little truth spell and Buffy tells all," she said bitterly.

Angel's breath hitched. "Spike? You told Spike before you told the others?"

She didn't answer him.

He changed the subject. "Buffy, what that demon said earlier, about you…that you're not supposed to be here…I think you know more about this than you're letting on."

She sighed heavily and got up, walking to the railing and looking out over the city, a breeze catching her hair. "Seems everyone has a theory on me lately," she muttered.

"What do you mean?" he asked from his seat.

She turned around and faced him dead on, leaning back against the railing. "Willow thought I was in Hell, so she concocted this spell to bring me back. I think I was in heaven, finally done with my job here. Spike thinks I've come back wrong because suddenly now his chip doesn't work on me…and your Ms. Cleo in there thinks my soul was in another dimension. Care to weigh in?"

She'd mentioned Spike twice now, but he continued to ignore that…for the time-being. "What do you think?" he asked her.

Her eyes closed for a moment, wearily. "I don't know," she said when she opened them. "I don't know what to think. It's…_hard_…now. Different. Mom's not here. Xander and Anya are way involved in wedding plans, Willow's having some sort of magic addiction, Giles is gone. Dawn's…Dawn's being a fifteen-year-old girl who lost her mother a while ago and who has a sister who recently came back from the dead." She took a breath. "And there's…confusion. My life isn't what it was before. I don't know what to do, and I come here to try and straighten things out with my dad only to have him throw what little I have left in my face. Wherever I was…when I died…it was easier than it was here." Unwanted tears welled in her eyes.

"So easy that you wanted to go back there," Angel guessed.

She raised her eyes to his, slowly, and nodded. "It was one of my first thoughts…but the tower, where I jumped…it was different, too. Everything is."

"I'm not," he offered. "I know things with us are…confusing. But I'm still your friend, Buffy. I'm here to talk to."

She gave him a sad smile. "You're different, too, Angel. Even if you don't realize it. You've got a life here…with Cordelia, and Gunn…Wesley, Fred…and your son."

"That doesn't mean I don't have time for you, Buffy. I'm a phone call away, you know that. I'm never too far away for you."

She wiped at the salty tears on her cheeks.

Angel patted the space next to him on the bench and she walked to him, sinking down to it gratefully. He put an arm around her, and as they had sat in the graveyard almost a year ago, he held her.

"I don't know what to do," she murmured, a tear slipping down her cheek. She wiped at it angrily. "What if—what if everyone else is right? Lorne, the robe-guys…what if I wasn't in heaven? Don't I even deserve that?"

Angel stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head softly. "You deserve it more than anyone I know, Buffy. We'll get to the bottom of this, I promise you."

One by one tears escaped. "It's just not fair, Angel…it's not fair. I can't give anymore. I can't do it. I try, I do…but it's…it's _awful._ And I want to know _why._ Why isn't it ever enough? Everything I love gets taken, I sacrifice my life, twice, and it's still not good enough. I'm a good person, I died to save the world…and I don't even get to go to heaven like a normal person? My eternal reward is to live like this? It's like I'm dead inside now, a walking corpse."

He hugged her tightly and let her cry. "I know, I know," he murmured. "I don't have the answers, Buffy. I wish I did. But I'm going to try, I'm going to help you. You can't give up. It's not in you."

She sniffled. "I'm not the same person I was when you knew me, Angel. I don't know if I'm that person at all anymore."

"You're still her, Buffy. You're still strong. You've had a rough break, lately. But it will get better, it has to. And I'm here, I'll be here as long as you need me."

__

How's forever? Does forever work for you?

The thought sounded in both their minds, unspoken.

Angel pushed it away. "I think we need to figure out who's tracking you, and why. If these guys have information on your death…you need to know, Buffy," he told her, running a hand up her bare arm. "You'll never make peace with it until we find out who's behind this and where you where exactly. And why you're different now that you're back here."

She nodded, her cheek resting on his shoulder. "I know. But…part of me doesn't want to know if I wasn't in heaven, Angel. I don't want to think I was trapped somewhere else…and if I was…it couldn't have been that bad if I was happy there, could it?"

He shook his head. "I don't know, but we can't let this thing go. Those guys tonight were serious."

"I'm lucky you showed up," she told him.

"The Powers…thank them. They showed Cordelia where you were…of course, I didn't wait on the phone long enough to know it was _you_ that was in trouble," he chuckled.

She smiled sadly, wiping at her tear-stained face. "Still, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"And…I'm sorry for how I reacted about Connor. I was…thrown. I mean…you're Angel. _My_ Angel, you know? Even when you're not really mine to have. And even though it's not like that between us now…"

He let out a sigh and squeezed her shoulder. The question played on the end of his tongue…_who's this mysterious "him?"…_but now wasn't the time. "Yeah…I know."

Buffy was quiet for a moment. "He's beautiful. You should be proud," she said finally.

He smiled over her head. "Thanks. I am. He's a miracle."

She nodded into his chest. "With all the monsters we deal with day to day, throwing in the green-eyed one seems a bit much, huh?" she joked.

He chuckled. "I can only imagine how the reaction would have gone had the roles been reversed."

Buffy smiled at the thought, comforted at being loved, and of loving, even after all this time.

She was quiet for a moment, enjoying the feel of arms around her that were kind, caring…Spike didn't hold her like this. Being in Spike's arms was…rough…full of want, demand. Shivering, she pushed away from him gently and stood.

"What?" he asked, noting the change in body language.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head. "I guess I should call home, in the morning, warn the others about what's happened here. Do you—do you mind if I stay here long enough to find out what these demon guys are after?"

Brown eyes looked sincerely into green ones. "You're always welcome. Stay as long as you need," he assured her.

She smiled. "Thank you, for everything."

"You're welcome. Now…get some sleep."

***

"She knows," Sulfeg hissed.

"She merely has the suggestion of a telepathic, that is all," Entwar corrected. "We will capture the girl and complete the transaction before she gets any further."

"But how do you know?!" Sulfeg cried angrily, banging his fists on the table. "The hotel is protected by magics that we cannot break and she _is_ the Slayer, working with powerful allies."

Entwar clucked his multiple tongues. "Her Highness grows weaker as the days go by. We have no time for this delay," he lamented. "We will attack what she holds most dear and take her in the midst of the battle. Have Mulnam assemble his troops."

"Surely, Entwar, but where shall I tell him to send them? What is the mission? We cannot attack her at the hotel," Sulfeg repeated.

Entwar turned yellow glowing eyes on his comrade. "Perhaps I underestimated the importance of her family."

***The song is "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John, so you know.


	7. Same Story, Different Day

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

Cordelia breezed into the hotel the next morning to find Angel, Fred and Wesley hunched over a table of books. "Wow…you guys are at it early. What's going on?"

"Researching the demons that are hunting Buffy," Angel told her, barely sparing her a glance. "We could use your help."

Cordy gave them a curious glance and shrugged out of her shoulder bag. "Sure…what's up?"

Wesley finally looked up. "Lorne read Buffy last night. He doesn't believe her to have been in heaven or in Hell. Rather, he thinks she was trapped in another dimension. Her soul was captive, that is. And Angel surmises these demons that attacked her last night have something to do with it. I tend to agree with him."

Cordy's eyes widened. "Wow. I missed some night, huh? Buffy sang?" Both Wesley and Angel stared at her. "Right, not the point. So…wait, what do you mean she wasn't in Hell?"

Angel flipped the pages on the text he was reading. "Buffy thought she was in heaven. Wherever she was…she was happy," he muttered.

"She thought she was in heaven? Oh man…Why did she tell us she was in Hell?" Cordy asked, slipping behind the counter to sit at the table.

"She didn't," Angel grimaced. "We assumed and she let us. Apparently Willow and Xander already know this…but they assumed the same thing, that she was in Hell. That's why they brought her back. They thought they were saving her."

"And she thought it was easier to let us think that than to feel the mind-wrenching guilt now that we know she was happy," a voice came from behind them.

"Willow!" Cordy exclaimed. "What…how…where did you come from?"

"Sunnydale, like you," the redhead told her morosely. "Angel called me this morning, early."

"Thanks for coming," Angel greeted her.

"Sure, hi," she said. "I would have been here sooner but I had to get Xander and Anya over to take care of Dawn." She looked around. "Where's Buffy?"

Angel glanced up the steps. "Sleeping, I hope. She had a long night."

Willow nodded and took a breath. "So, where are we in the research?"

"We have a few possibilities," Wesley told her, offering a smile. "Please…have a seat."

Cordy moved her chair to make room and Willow joined them at the table. "What else can you tell us?" Angel asked her pensively.

"Group pow-wow…with a newbie," Gunn's voice came from the counter. He leaned over it, grinning casually at Willow.

"Are we all here now?" Cordy cried.

"Willow, this is Gunn, our associate. Gunn, this is Willow, a friend from Sunnydale. She's also the one who masterminded the spell to bring Buffy back," Wesley said.

"More like masterminded the biggest mistake in the history of witchcraft. And Slayers. And best friends," Willow corrected.

"Not necessarily," Angel told her. "If Lorne's correct, you might have saved her after all."

Gunn grinned at her. "Hey," he greeted her when the interruptions were over.

"Hey," Willow replied with a nervous smile of her own.

"What's the sitch?" Gunn asked, hefting himself up onto the counter.

Cordy quickly filled him in with what she knew. "So…we're looking for the demons that attacked Buffy last night. Angel thinks they have something to do with where Buffy's soul was when she died."

Gunn let out a low whistle. "Any luck?"

"Not a lot, so feel free to join in," Angel ordered testily.

Gunn cocked an eyebrow and jumped off the counter, picking up a book.

Wesley turned back to Willow. "Anything you could tell me about the spell you performed would be most helpful."

Willow nodded again and took off her jacket. "Okay…it was complicated, and it required a quadrum," she began, reluctantly.

"What's that?" Cordy interrupted. 

Willow glanced at her sideways. "Four people. Me, Tara, Xander and Anya."

The redhead went over the spell, detail by detail, eliciting groans from both Gunn and Cordelia at the mention of the deer.

"She's been off, I admit it, since we brought her back…but we just thought it was readjusting after the torture of being trapped in a hell dimension. If we'd known…if we'd even stopped to think…" Willow said, her throat tightening. "I can't apologize enough."

Wesley gave her a sympathetic smile. "You may not have been wrong, Willow. And…what's done is done."

"I've never wanted to be so right in all my life. Not just for me…for her. I think it will help her to know for sure where she was. But…I can't help but think that that's not the only problem we have. Granted, coming back from heav…from peace…would be hard…but she's not adjusting at all. She's unemotional. The only things that get her going are evil things," Willow told them.

Wesley nodded. "That makes sense…it's the one thing her life that's still the same, still normal. She knows she's still the Slayer, even if everything else in her world has changed."

"Maybe," Willow replied dubiously.

"Well, I'm sure she'll be glad to see you, after all she's gone through on this trip," Fred put in cheerfully, trying to be supportive. "I mean, the poor girl's only been here a day and…"

Willow glanced at her quizzically. "What's happened?" she asked Angel.

Angel glanced at Wesley. "Um…some stuff with her father…" he started.

Cordelia sighed. "Oh, here we go again," she muttered. "Willow, girl, do we have a lot to catch up on."

*~*~*

Buffy walked downstairs much later that morning to find the group sitting at the table.

"And the neatest thing about the polymer transmodification is that it completely puts to rest Newton's theory," Fred 

was saying to…

"Willow?"

Willow looked up happily. "Hey, Buff!"

"What are you doing here?" she asked, looking around. "What's wrong? Who's watching Dawn?!"

"I called her," Angel admitted. "I wanted to know more about the spell she performed that brought you back, and Xander's with Dawn."

Buffy stared at him momentarily before sitting down on one of the wooden chairs. "Oh."

"She's okay, Buffy, I promise," Willow swore. "I'm just here to try and help. Sorta a best friends thing."

Buffy gave her a small, reassuring smile. "It's okay, Will. I'm sure Dawn's fine."

"She is!" Willow exclaimed. "Xander's going to stay with her, and Spike's going to patrol, even though I know you 

didn't want him around, but…without you there, it's better for Dawn."

Buffy visibly stiffened at the mention of Spike's name. Forcing herself to relax she slid a book towards her and began to scan the pages. "Oh…okay."

"Wait," Cordelia broke in. "Spike? Spike is helping you now? I can't believe you'd leave that blood-sucker to watch after your sister…no offense, Angel."

Angel didn't answer her. He was watching Buffy.

"Well…Spike sorta helps us out now, Cordelia. With his chip he can't hurt people anymore, just demons, so…it's like extra brute strength. Plus, he dotes on Dawnie. Kind of a big-brother thing," Willow grinned.

Buffy changed the subject quickly. "So what do we know?"

"Well," Wesley began, "I've got it narrowed down to a certain species of demon that takes the--"

"You said Spike could hurt you now," Angel interrupted, his words directed at Buffy.

Buffy bobbled the book she was holding.

Willow turned confused eyes to her best friend. "What? What's he talking about?"

Buffy glanced desperately around the room. "Uh…I was going to…it just happened the one time…"

"It's true?" Willow cried. "Why didn't you tell me? Buffy, this is serious! If he can hurt you, there's no telling what might happen now! When did you find out about this?"

"A little while ago…and I was _going_ to tell you, honest, but things kept coming up…and it didn't seem important," the Slayer stammered.

"Not important?! He can hurt you Buffy, he can kill you now!" Willow exclaimed, hurt clear in her voice. "Can he hurt other people too? Is the chip completely inactive? Oh my God…I left him with Dawn!" the witch gasped in horror.

"No, no! It's just me…and I'm sorry…Will…really…it's just me…I--"

Buffy's apology was cut off by Cordelia pitching backwards in her chair, shouting in pain as she clutched her forehead. Angel, Wesley and Gunn jumped to their feet while Fred ran to get a glass of water and some aspirin. 

Buffy and Willow watched helplessly until Cordelia stopped writhing in pain and sat up, gasping.

She turned horrified brown eyes to Buffy.

"Dawn."

*~*~*

Dawn made her way home from school, whistling happily to herself. "Half day of school, bless you teacher's conferences, Xander took the day off to spend with me…it's Friday and Buffy's out of town to visit dad. Party time," she concluded as she put her key in the front door lock and turned it.

"Hello? Xander?" she called, walking inside and shrugging out of her sweater and book bag. "Xander? Anya?" Dawn walked through the first floor of the house, casting an eye to each room. No Anya, no Xander.

"Alone!" she cried giddily, and dashed into the kitchen, threw open the fridge door, and began removing the ingredients needed for the world's largest hot fudge sundae. "Chopped nuts, coconut, banana, maraschino cherries, syrup, caramel, sprinkles, M&M's…" she counted out each ingredient before reaching into the freezer for the ice cream. After this, it might be time for a trip up to Buffy's room and a peek into her trunk where Dawn knew she kept all her secret stuff. Not about slaying, about her boyfriends and her…"Hey! Where are the mini-marshmallows?"

She headed to the pantry when, from the corner of her eye, she caught movement. "Okay, okay," she muttered, resigned that now that Xander and Anya were here, her feast had come to an end before it had began. "I know. 

Eating this will ruin my supper." Turning to walk into the living room she was confronted by two figures in dark 

hooded robes.

"Eeeyah!" she gasped, jumping at the sight. "Don't _do_ that!" She caught sight of their outfits and rolled her eyes. 

"Look, if you two are going to play freaky sex games I'm going to tell Buffy. This can't be good for me to witness."

The figures didn't speak.

"Where'd you get the robes, anyway? You look like Glory's crusty monk-guys, and boy, I really hope that's not what you're playing, 'cause…ew."

Nothing.

Dawn sighed heavily. "Xander, Anya, come on! Let's forget dinner and just pig out for a change! It's Friday! No one's going to be home but us!" she cried, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

A little too late it occurred to Dawn that the figures in front of her were not Anya and Xander.

"Dawn Summers," one of the rasped.

"Ye-es?" she stammered, backing up.

"Do not run. You needn't fear us," the other said.

"Yeah, sure. Ok," Dawn told them, then turned and bolted for the kitchen and the back door. "Xaaaaander!!" she shrieked, her shoes slapping on the tile of the floor as she ran.

The figures followed her into the kitchen as she struggled with the lock on the door.

"We are here about your sister," one of them told her.

"Glory's back!" Dawn shouted, ignoring him in her panic. "Glory's back! Xander!"

"We do not work for this Glory you speak of. We are here about your sister. We have news for the Slayer about her afterlife," said the other.

Dawn looked up. "Wh-what do you mean? Her afterlife?"

"She doesn't belong here. She was brought back to this world, ripped out of peace and tranquility. We want to amend this," they said together.

Dawn was shaking in fear. Glancing at the counter she considered reaching for the meat tenderizer that had been left out, to use as a weapon. Or maybe a stake. Did these guys get staked? "She was dead…but Willow…and the others…they brought her back. She's fine now," she told them.

"You know she is not right. You ignore it. Your sister is in pain. She suffers on this plane, to please you."

Dawn stared at them, the thought of a weapon instantly gone. "Buffy suffers?"

The figure on the right nodded. "She in is pain, and you ignore it. Her heart is heavy, she is unfocused, thinking only of the bliss she was once in. But we can help. We want to help. The Slayer is not at her best, and that may be disastrous for the world."

Dawn looked at them skeptically. "I didn't…it was Willow…but they thought she was in heaven," she began, but stopped. Then, "How can you help her?"

"We can relieve the suffering, make her mind at ease. You must trust us. The fate of the world rests on the shoulders of the Slayer. If we do not help her, she may fall."

"Buffy might die again?" Dawn gasped. The figures said nothing. Dawn took a tentative step forward. "What will you do for her?"

"It is a simple ritual, to cleanse her aura, and redirect her emotions. It will…align her soul," the demon decided suddenly. "Yes, yes. Align her soul."

Dawn looked to be considering their offer when she suddenly straightened up and crossed her arms over her chest. 

"Who are you?" she asked bravely.

"We are Vakalri fairies. Whenever there are situations like this, with an unnatural death and an even more unnatural birth, we are called to the soul that cries out in pain, as does your sisters'. We heard her, from our dimension, and came to help her."

Dawn squinted at the dark space where their faces should be. "You're fairies? Like Tinkerbell? Aren't you a little big for fairies? And why can't I see you? Do you have wings?" she shot off.

The demons looked at each other. Or Dawn assumed they did as she could see nothing of their faces, but they did turn their robed heads towards each other.

"Fairies come in all sizes, my child," one of them replied finally. "And we're very sensitive to light."

Dawn seemed satisfied with the answer. "Like vampires."

"Yes, like vampires. And, uh, no, we don't have wings."

"Oh. Well, she—she's not here. Buffy's in LA visiting my dad," Dawn told them finally.

"We will go to her, you will join us," the one of the left told her.

"Can't we just call her and ask her to come home?"

"There is no time. You are needed for the ritual as well. Your…your love for her will help cleanse her aura. She will be sensitive to your feelings for her and _Bam!_" 

Dawn jumped. 

"It will help her soul be calmed," he finished. "Now, come. We must go."

"We're going to LA? I—I need to call Xander. No way I'm going by myself."

"The boy that was here? Yes, yes. He too is with us. We have sent him, and his companion, to collect their things for the journey. You may do so as well, little one," one of them rasped. "All in the name of your sister do you do this."

Dawn faced them both. "I don't have a choice, do I? I don't want my Buffy to suffer. Not if I can help her."

"Please, collect your things, but be quick about it. Time is not to be wasted. We will join your friends shortly."

Dawn stared at them for a moment, then nodded uncertainly, and turned to run up the stairs.

The demons faced each other. "Entwar will be pleased, Jimnub. The Slayer will surely come for her sister and her 

friends," he said gravely.

"Oh, stop talking like Spock. It's ridiculous," Sulfeg complained, shuffling around the kitchen. "And you--cleanse her aura? Realign her soul? What have you been watching on tv?" he asked testily.

"Psychic Network. That and Emeril. _Bam!_"

*~*~*

Cordelia lay on the floor of the Hyperion lobby supported by Wesley's lap. "She's with some demons, robed guys, like from last night. Xander and Anya are with her, but they're trapped."

"Where?" Buffy spat.

"Sunnydale. In a warehouse behind the Bronze," Cordelia gasped, sitting up.

Buffy wasted no time. The moment Cordelia spoke Dawn's name she'd gone cold. Leaping from her crouch on the ground she took the stairs three at a time, racing around her room, collecting her things. Willow followed her, showing up moments later.

"We're leaving," Buffy ordered.

Willow nodded, knowing not to argue.

"I knew it was a mistake to come here. I knew it," the Slayer muttered as she whipped her toiletries off the vanity of her bathroom and into her bag. A cashmere sweater followed them and Buffy took off back down the stairs, passing Gunn and Wesley on the way.

"Woah, wait! Where you going?" Gunn asked, steadying himself on the railing as Buffy and Willow flew down the stairs.

"Home," Buffy told him without sparing a glance.

Angel stopped her before she made it out the door. "I'll come with you," he told her.

Buffy glanced at the sunny outdoors that was Los Angeles. "I don't have time to wait for you, sunset's not for a couple hours," she told him, more harshly than she'd meant. "I'm sorry."

He looked outside and blanched. "I'll be there. I promise. I just need to get covered up, we can take my car…"

She wrested free of his grip on her shoulders. "I'm going, now. Willow?" she asked.

The timid witch joined her, waving apologetically to the rest of the group who stood, stunned, in the middle of the lobby. Gunn trotted up to Angel. "I got this," he told his friend, and followed the girls outside.

"I'll be there tonight," Angel said, his voice gritty. _And after this is all over, Buffy and I are going to have a little chat._

*~*~*

"Where are we going?" Dawn asked as she and the demons walked the back alleys of Sunnydale.

One of the robed demons turned to her. "Your friends are meeting us here. It was more…secure this way."

"Yes," the other agreed. "Fairies are not to be seen by the common man."

"Oh," Dawn replied, shifting her backpack. "Are we driving to LA or flying?"

"We will use…uh, magic. The Tunnels of Time," Sulfeg told her, glancing at Jimnub, who rolled his eyes.

Sulfeg opened the door to the warehouse, pulling it back to reveal a labyrinth of old boxes and dust. 

"Neat," Dawn said vaguely, looking around at their surroundings. It was huge, cold and dark, with rats scurrying in and out of cracks in the foundation. "Where are Xander and Anya?" she asked nervously.

"We're here," Xander said, his voice coming from behind her. She turned around to see both he and Anya tied to chairs, a third seat empty to their right. 

Her eyes flew open. "Xander! Anya!" she cried when Sulfeg and Jimnub took her by the arms and forced her into the empty chair. "But..but..wait! You're supposed to help Buffy!" Dawn shrieked.

Anya rolled her eyes. "This is why our children are getting a demon education in addition to a mortal one. Am I the only one around here who knows what a fairy looks like? Fairies would never be caught dead in those ratty old robes. And hello? They've got wings! Some things in your mortal books are actually accurate," Anya chastised as 

Dawn was forced back in the chair and twine used to secure her hands and feet.

"Nice of you to mention that before they got me in a headlock, Ahn," Xander told her. His eyes flicked to a struggling Dawn. "You okay, Dawnie?"

"Buffy's going to kill me," Dawn moaned.

"Us. She's going to kill us," Xander corrected.

"Besides, you're assuming that we'll still be alive by the time Buffy finds out about this and gets back here to rescue us. We may be dead already, so you'll have nothing to worry about," Anya told her.

Dawn rolled her eyes and turned back to the demons. "What do you want with us?"

Sulfeg approached her, leaning over so they were face to face. For the first time she saw something beneath the robe. Two silver slits became bright orbs that stared back into her own blue eyes. "We don't want you. It's your sister we have to have."

"Why? How do you know she was dead?" Dawn cried. "Who _are_ you?!"

Sulfeg chuckled and his eyes returned to the black they had been. "Because she was with us," he told her, and turned 

back to Jimnub. Together they walked away. "Oh, and don't think of escaping," Sulfeg called as in walked four 

rather large vampires. They stood in front of their captives, grinning.

Anya glanced from Dawn to Xander, then back to the vampires. "Oy."


	8. Breadcrumbs

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

The SUV zipped along the coastal highway, in and out of traffic, narrowly missing several cars as Buffy maneuvered the Jeep Cherokee with little skill as Willow clutched the handrails and Gunn strapped himself into the seatbelt he'd scoffed at earlier.

"This is just typical," Buffy griped. "I'm gone twenty-four hours and stuff happens."

"It's not her fault, I'm sure," Willow said, easing into her seat as Buffy returned to her own lane and steadied their course.

Buffy grunted in reply.

"We'll get her, don't worry," Gunn assured her.

Buffy glanced at him in the rearview mirror. "You didn't need to come with us. I can handle this."

Gunn grinned at her in spite of her tone. "Yeah, but I've always wanted to see Southern California. I've never been outside LA."

Buffy huffed and returned her semi-concentration to the road.

Willow eyed her friend as they left the Los Angeles city limits. "Buffy, why didn't you tell me about Spike?"

Buffy froze for a moment, but she'd known this was coming. _Maybe because I have shame? _ she thought to herself. "I—I don't know, Will. I guess because Spike figures the reason the chip doesn't connect me as human is because I came back wrong. Like I'm some sorta demon or something. And thinking that…just makes everything that much harder."

Willow's eyes cast downward. "You didn't come back wrong, Buffy. You're still you."

"Yeah," Buffy said without much feeling.

"You need to talk to me, Buffy. This is Willow you're talking to. I'm your friend. I know I haven't been on top of my game lately, in the witch realm or in the friend one, but I'm still your friend. And now I'm hearing all this stuff from _Cordelia_. Cordelia! And I know that what I--we--did, bringing you back, taking you out of…heaven," she stumbled over the word, "that was the most awful thing a friend can do, but I'm sorry!"

Buffy's fingers tightened on the wheel then relaxed. She spared a glance at the redhead seated next to her. "Willow, it's okay. Chances are…I wasn't there anyway."

The two girls fell into an uncomfortable silence, both staring at the road ahead of them, ignoring the sparkle of the ocean to their right. Gunn wisely kept his mouth shut.

"What are you going to do when we get home?" Willow asked after a long while.

"Rescue Dawn, kill the bathrobe battalion, save the day," Buffy told her. "Not necessarily in that order."

"Spike's the only one left, if Dawn, Xander and Anya are all kidnapped," Willow reminded her.

"Angel'll be there tonight, sun'll be down in a few hours," Gunn chimed in from the backseat. "Cordy and the rest'll come too, I'm sure of it."

__

Spike and Angel back in the same town, Buffy thought. _Oh…joy._

*~*~*

Spike bolted up the front walk of the Summers house and opened the front door, accustomed to just entering the house when he felt like it, now that his invitation had been reinstated so many months earlier. The fact that he was sleeping with the mistress of the house didn't hurt, either.

"Vixen!" he called, his voice booming throughout the house, and tossing down the old army blanket that had shielded him from the sun on his sprint over there. "Time to ditch the old ladies and have some fun!"

There was no answer, which surprised him mainly because Harris always had a fairly lame retort to offer. Spike glanced into the living room from his spot in the entry hall and noticed that the television was off. Now _that _was unusual for a Xander-babysitting afternoon. The boy had an umbilical cord that went from him to Anya to the telly.

"Dawn? Come out now…I brought dice, thought I could teach you a little 3-Man while big sis is outta town, not that she bothered to let me know she was going, much less to _that _city, where _that _vampire happens to live," he grumbled, mumbling the last part as he walked down the hall, glancing into the dining room as he went. 

"Not like I shouldn't be let in on these things. I'm a bleedin' part of the bleedin' group, aren't I? Christ, I'm the patriarch! Not to mention that I'm the closest things she's had to real passion in her life since…well, ever…but does she even do me the common courtesy of a phone call? No. Rotten bitch doesn't know what she's got with me and…" He gasped, rounding the corner into the kitchen, taking in the site of dripping vanilla ice cream all over the counter and floor, and tons of ice cream toppings scattered about the place. "Bloody hell."

He turned on his heel and headed for the stairs. "Dawn!" he called. "Ok. So. The happy couple got a little kinky and sent Dawn to the movies. The happy couple are upstairs, covered in Magic Shell, doing some sort of frozen fornication. The happy couple decided to make with the humpies and are going to be _dead when I find them_," he muttered menacingly, trying to make himself feel better even as a weight dropped into his stomach.

"Dawn! Harris! Anya!" he called, taking the stairs two at a time. Nothing. He flew into Buffy's room, then into the witches', then finally into Dawn's. There were a few pieces of clothing scattered on the bed, but nothing too out of the ordinary. "Christ," he growled, and flew back down the stairs.

Pacing in the foyer he glanced at his watch. He'd told Willow he'd stop by right at sunset, which was rapidly approaching. Another hour or so and it'd be pitch outside. Maybe they'd gone out somewhere, not thinking he'd stop by so early. But that didn't explain the mess, which even a twerp like Xander wouldn't leave behind. Spike walked back into the kitchen and looked around. Picking up the container or Edy's Mint Chip he noted that the ice cream was all but melted in the pint. It had been out for awhile then.

And there was something else…the trace of a scent. He could smell Dawn here…she always smelled like raspberry. Some lotion/bath soap combination she always used. And there was Buffy here. Wild spice and honey lilted in the air, more faint, but still present. An tinged with these two familiar scents was...sewer.

He lifted his arm and sniffed his jacket. It wasn't him.

Something else had been here. Something else had taken Dawn. Maybe Harris and the demon. And the town heroine was AWOL for the time being.

Spike hurried back down the hall, his stride long and confident, snatched the blanket back off the couch and headed out, on the hunt.

*~*~*

Buffy screeched the Jeep to a halt in the driveway of her home, not taking time to even turn the car off or shut the door. She dashed up the front walk and burst into the house, leaving Gunn and Willow scrambling to follow her. "Dawn!" she hollered. "Dawn! Xander!" she cried, running from room to room. "Anya?!"

She reached the kitchen just as Willow and Gunn ran through the front door. Buffy came to a halt and the two ran up behind her. "Oh no…Xander let her have ice cream for dinner again…" Willow moaned.

Buffy shook her head. "No…" She walked in and picked up the Edy's pint. "Melted. Completely. This has been here for hours." Sticking a finger in a glop of foamy, melted ice cream that was pooled on the island she grimaced. "And it's warm. Even melted ice cream holds its temperature for a while, right?" she asked them. Willow half-nodded. "It's been hours."

Willow squeezed her arm. "We'll find her. We know where she is."

Buffy stared at her for a moment. "Right. Let's get some weapons. I just wanted to check the house first, maybe we could have headed them off."

The trio headed down the hall and into the living room where Buffy flipped open the lid to her trunk. "Take what you want. Big stuff's upstairs."

"Got an ax? I'm partial to 'em," Gunn asked her.

She nodded and he followed her up the stairs and into her bedroom. Opening her closet revealed a rod filled with hung clothes, but when parted down the middle, as Buffy did now, the wares behind it were much less typical of a twenty-year-old woman. Gunn raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he dipped past a variety of leather pants and grabbed both an ax and a sickle. "Mind if I borrow these?"

Buffy reached in a strapped on a crossbow. "You're a guest in my house. Whatever I can get you," she quipped.

*~*~*

"They're coming back," Dawn whispered frantically to Xander, wincing as she twisted her wrist and the ropes cut into her flesh even more deeply.

Xander took a deep breath and swallowed, then tried to grin. "It'll be okay, Dawnie. I'm sure Spike figured out by now that we're not at the house."

"What if he didn't show up?" Anya hissed back.

"He'd show up. It was for me. We're friends," Dawn told her, but lacked confidence.

One of the demon approached, standing regally before them. "Our people went to deliver the message of your captivity to the Slayer…and she was not to be found. It seems she left town in a rather big hurry. I wonder," he said, leaning in closely to look into Dawn's eyes, "what would have made her run off so quickly if she doesn't know about you three?"

"I—I don't know," Dawn told him, panic creeping into her voice. Looking into the blackness of the hood she saw nothing…and that was almost scarier than any face she could imagine.

The head cocked to the left. "No? Now, why don't I believe you? It makes one wonder. You have mystical friends. And the little witch and the blonde vampire are missing from this group. Wherever could they be?"

"Like we'd tell you, even if we _did_ know," Xander told him bravely.

"So the witch and the vampire have also deserted you," the demon clucked. "Pity, for you, anyway." He backed up and returned to his two companions. "She is returning to the Hellmouth. We watched her, at that hotel. She, the witch and another companion left hours ago. They will go to the house first, looking for the girl. Go there. Make sure she finds this place," he ordered a troop of vampires.

The vampires nodded and shuffled off.

"What kind of demons are you?" Anya asked, interested. "I used to be a demon and I've never seen your kind."

The three figures in robes turned to her. "You? You were once a demon? But you're mortal…how did this happen?"

Anya rolled her eyes in disgust. "Lose a little amulet just one time…"

They nodded, appreciatively. "We are mages from the Demna Plane. We are called the Teplir."

"Yeah, so?" Xander asked snidely. "What do you want with Buffy?"

One of the demons stepped forward. "The extraction is not complete. She was pulled out of our plane by mighty witches. We are here to reclaim what is ours and to smite those who dared defile our offering."

"Blah blah blah, blah-bladdity blah," Xander mimicked.

"Xander!" Dawn hissed.

"No! What the heck does that mean? Buffy's never been on a plane!" Xander continued.

"She was in our dimension, brought to us through a mighty portal opened by the hellgoddess. She came to us," the demon said, stepping back.

The captives were suddenly very quiet.

"You mean…when Buffy jumped through the portal…she died…she wasn't…she was in…" Dawn stammered.

"She came to us," the demon repeated, and turning to his companions, they walked away.

Outside, high up on a tower of crates, peering in through a broken window, a figure listened intently. Grounding out a cigarette he jumped to the ground and sprinted off into the night.

*~*~*

"We're going to the Bronze first," Buffy told Willow and Gunn as they loaded up, "take a look around. There are a ton of warehouses down there, so we'll split up and take them one at a time."

"No need," a voice came from behind. "I can take you there."

The trio turned. "Spike," Buffy said, her voice flat.

Spike's eyes ticked to hers and she saw the irritation there. "I've seen them. They're fine, just holed up for the moment." His gazed moved to the weapons each of them carried. "Guess you know somethin' about this."

"I was attacked, in LA…vamps and a couple of these guys in robes."

"Same lot I saw at the warehouse," Spike told her.

"So this is Spike," Gunn said, assessing the vampire in front of him.

Spike glanced at him and ignored him. "There was more, Buffy…they said some things I think you should know about," he said more softly.

"It can wait, Spike," Buffy sighed. "First priority is to get them back."

"Yeah, but this is something you, in particular, will be interested in."

"We don't have time," Buffy insisted, trying to push past him.

Spike rolled his eyes and grabbed her shoulders, looking into her eyes. "You need to know."

Buffy stared at him, painfully aware that both Willow and Gunn were standing next to them, taking all of this in. 

Willow took a step towards them. "Buffy, maybe we should listen to him…it might help us know what we're fighting," she said softly.

Buffy stared at her friend, then swallowed and nodded. Slowly she reached up and pulled Spike's hands off her body. "Fine, of course…what did they say?"

Spike's eyes moved from hers to sweep over Willow and Gunn. He stepped back. "I think it's something you might want to hear in private."

Buffy huffed. "I'm losing patience. Either tell me what's the big hubbub or let us go. My sister and my friends are in danger," she snapped.

"Look, don't lose your temper with me, sweetie. I'm just the bloody messenger, trying to do you a favor!" Spike cried angrily. "Robed guys were making with the threatening talk to your brat friends about where you'd been and why they need you back so badly."

Buffy stilled. "Yeah, I know. They mentioned something about that to me in LA," she admitted.

"Well now they're sayin' you jumped through that portal, but you didn't go to heaven, you went to their dimension. And now they need you back," Spike told her, shoving a hand through his hair and pacing the hall.

"So your sis is just the bait," Gunn surmised. "They're going to jump you when we get there and try to take you back to their dimension."

Buffy almost smiled. "Such the original plan." She sighed and held a hand to her forehead, wearily. "Well, no time like the now. Ready?"

Spike watched her for a moment. "Also said they meant to make the witches pay, the ones who brought you back. They stole you from them. Seems they don't quite know who these witches are though."

"They're going to make us pay?" Willow squeaked.

"No one's paying, except them," Buffy assured her. "Let's go."

They headed out, walking quickly through the now dark streets of Sunnydale. Willow and Spike took the lead, followed by Buffy and Gunn, all heavily armed.

"We haven't spent time in a warehouse since you came to town," Willow said to Spike, almost nostalgically. "Which one is it?"

"Makes you all long for the past, eh? Days where I was terrifying and always trying to kill you? Yeah," he smiled to himself, "glory days." He pointed ahead of them. "They're in the Brice warehouse, south of the Bronze, looked like three demons and a mess of vamps. The niblet, Harris and demon-girl are there, tied to chairs, but unharmed for the most part." He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, dragging on it heavily. 

"You know that'll kill you," Gunn told him.

Spike glanced at him sideways as he exhaled. "Who the hell are you now?"

Willow intervened. "This is Gunn. Gunn, this is Spike. Gunn works with Angel in LA," she explained.

Spike's eyebrows shot up. "You work with the poof, eh? Hats off to you."

Gunn smirked. "And you're Spike. The vampire with the chip that can't hurt humans except for the one girl who can kick your ass six ways from Sunday."

Now Spike stopped dead in the street. He looked to Buffy, surprise and a little hurt in his eyes, but said nothing. Instead he swung his duster and walked even more quickly to the warehouse. After a few feet he stopped and whirled around to face his three companions. "Where is my sire, anyway? Not here, fighting at your side?" he sneered at Buffy.

Buffy cocked an eyebrow. "It was daylight when we left," she pointed out, refusing to let him get to her.

"I managed to be out and about, checking in on little sis and getting you the info you needed," he told her.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Actually, Spike, Cordelia had a vision," she said, testily, stopping to face him. "That's how we know where to look for them. And the demons we're looking for attacked me in LA, so your info isn't that much a surprise to me anyway." She stepped up and fingered the collar on his coat. "Once again, like with your mid-eighties-wannabe-a-member-of-The-Clash-wear…you're behind the times." She spun on her heel and walked away.

Willow and Gunn exchanged a glance and followed her. Spike stood in the street for a moment before letting out a stream of curses and reluctantly following them.

They neared the warehouse and Spike pointed out the location where he had spied from earlier that evening. Buffy climbed up to see what was going on and popped back down a moment later, landing nimbly in front of her friends. "Six vamps in there now, no signs of the demon guys. Dawn, Xander and Anya are tied to chairs in the middle of the room, but it doesn't look like there's a lot of access to the warehouse except for the big double doors down there," she said, pointing, " and then a loading dock on the other side."

Gunn nodded. "Where do you want us?"

Buffy thought quickly. Gunn, you and I will take the door here, Spike, you and Willow head around back and make sure there's no one else lurking around. Take them out if there are. Six vamps shouldn't be too much of a problem. But I'd like to know where the demons are."

The group nodded and headed out on their mission.


	9. Leap of Faith

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

Gunn and Buffy gave Willow and Spike a few minutes to get around to the back of the building. "We go in fast, use surprise to take out as many vamps as we can. Willow will handle getting them free. She'll go for Xander first, he'll help do the rest. Try to keep an eye on them if you can, I'll be too busy," Buffy whispered low, checking and rechecking the crossbow strapped to her back.

Gun nodded. "You don't gotta worry 'bout me."

She looked up into his dark eyes, the whites pronounced in the darkness of the alley. 

Angel trusted him. She wasn't concerned.

Her gazed shifted to the sky. The moon was up, casting a familiar, eerie glow over the street. Years of patrolling had made her more comfortable with the night than the day in some ways. And Dawn in trouble…it wasn't a new situation.

"Six vamps shouldn't be too hard to take out," Gunn whispered, bringing Buffy back.

"That's what we're hoping for," Buffy nodded, "but we've also got three demons in there," she reminded him and stood up to glance down the alley. Spike and Willow had rounded the building. "It's time."

He nodded and stood beside her, poised, ready for the attack. Taking a breath, Buffy reared back and kicked the door in, allowing Gunn to run in ahead of her. The vampires scrambled to their feet as she let an arrow fly from her crossbow, taking one of them out immediately.

"Buffy!" Dawn cried, joy in her eyes at the sight of her sister.

From the back of the warehouse Spike came charging in as Willow headed directly to their captive friends.

The vampires were on their feet and ready for the battle while the demons moved off to the side, watching, fascinated.

Buffy was busy battling three at a time while Gunn swung his axe in a macabre dance with two more. Willow had Xander's feet untied and was working on his hands while Dawn and Anya tried to scoot their chairs out of the battlefield. One of the vampires rushed at them and Xander lifted both his legs, kicking out. The force of the kick pushed the vampire to the ground, but also caused his chair to fall backwards. Willow jumped back, out of the way, just in time.

Delivering a roundhouse to one of the vamps Buffy yanked a stake out of her waistband and held it up, at the ready. From behind her came a growl and she whirled, fists up, smashing them into the second vampire's face, breaking his nose. Blood spurted out as the vamp howled in pain, clutching his face.

"Buffy!" Spike shouted and she spun to face him as he tossed her a long wooden rod. She caught it nimbly and jutted it backward, finding her target. The vampire with the broken nose suffered no longer--but there were more.

Willow had Xander free and he was hurriedly trying to free Dawn while Willow worked on Anya's ropes.

"Hurry!" Anya complained, watching the demons moving closer to them.

"I'm trying!" Willow shot back as her fingers worked to loosen a particularly tight knot.

"Don't you people think to bring knives?" Anya asked, straining to look behind her at the witch kneeling on the ground.

"You're starting to make me wish I had," Willow said, pointedly, as the ropes dropped away.

The two girls scrambled behind the chairs just as Xander finished untying Dawn. The foursome stood together, surveying the flurry of action that was taking place before them. More vampires were entering the warehouse, three or four at a time, and were surrounding Buffy, Spike and Gunn.

"Stay back," Willow ordered, turning to Dawn. Then she, Anya and Xander plunged into the fight, picking up whatever was closest as a weapon. Dawn slunk backward and used the chairs to keep herself hidden while still having a birds eye view of the fighting.

To their right Buffy jumped straight into the air and flipped backwards, out of the reach of an oncoming foe and landed back to back with Gunn. "Where are they all coming from?" she shouted to him as she grabbed the arm of a vampire, stopping his punch, and yanked it back behind him.

"My first guess?" Gunn shouted back, ducking the swing of a sword. "Hell."

"There's too many!" Xander called to them, taking a hit to the stomach and doubling over as Anya beat his attacker with a wooden plank.

"We need to do something, pet!" Spike shouted as he dusted another just to have two more take its place.

Buffy defended herself as best she could while trying to fully take in the situation. There were more than a dozen vampires, maybe even two dozen. The demons had convened at the side of the room, watching in earnest, but didn't seem overly concerned with the fight. She bent at the waist, avoiding a punch, and kicked out, knocking her enemy onto his back, then staking him cleanly. Spinning she searched for Dawn and found her cowering behind the chairs she and the others had been tied to.

Suddenly there was a huge crash and several figures ran into the room. Cavalry was here.

Cordelia and Wesley were armed each with crossbows and Angel threw himself into the fight unarmed but for his anger and his fists. No words were spoken as the groups melded together and began to overcome the hoard of vampires.

Cordelia let a crossbow arrow fly, dusting one, then tossed the weapon to Gunn who spun and picked it out of the air. While he reloaded Spike came to his rescue, picking up Gunn's abandoned ax and using it to take the head of an oncoming foe. Across the room Willow found herself back into a corner.

"No magic, no magic, no magic," she cursed, panicked, when Angel shouted, "Willow, down!" The trusting witch fell to her knees just as a sword came flying. It took off the head of her attacker and embedded itself cleanly into the wall, mere feet above her head. She shot Angel an appreciative glance but he had already moved on, whipping and whirling with kicks as he wounded the enemy, leaving them down for Cordelia, Xander and Anya to pick off with stakes.

The opponents' numbers were falling quickly with the new help.

Satisfied, Buffy glanced back at the corner the demons had been standing in and moved to return to the fight. But the demons were gone. She spun, trying vainly to locate them. They had separated, split off, one on each side of the room and one coming down the middle. Coming for her.

No…coming for…

"Dawn!" Buffy shrieked, causing Spike's head to whip up even as he received a blow to his face. With an angry bellow he grabbed the vampire by his collar, dragging him down as Spike's knee came up. The vampire let out a strangled sound at the pain and Xander staked him cleanly through the back.

Ignoring the few vampires that were left, Buffy used the long rod in her hand to vault herself up and over the crowd, rolling as she landed and springing to her feet. She met the demons as they rejoined each other, only feet from where Dawn was crouched.

"Buffy!" Willow cried, and tossed a sword end over end. The Slayer caught it easily and brought it up and around, ready to put it to use. From behind the demons the last of the vampire army was dusted. The weary Scoobies walked to where the Slayer stood, guarding her sister.

"You lose," Buffy growled.

"On the contrary," the demon in the middle corrected and the three joined hands. "We are here for you. The mortal means nothing to us. And the vampires…merely a distraction, Slayer."

"What do you want with her?" Spike asked gruffly, coming to the front of the group.

"To take her back to our dimension. We need her," one of them answered.

"You can't have her," Angel snarled, joining them.

Buffy's eyes were unwavering. She stared at the three robed figures, heatedly. "You have ten seconds to explain to me what you are and what you want," she told them, "before I make confetti out of those robes…and whatever's underneath them."

"They're Teplir demons, if I'm not mistaken," Wesley offered tersely, steadying his crossbow. "You jumped through the portal, into their world, but your human body was too weak to make the journey and was dispelled back here, to this dimension. Your soul, however, is strong…and it remained on their plane."

"How is that possible? I was comfortable, at peace," Buffy spat, struggling to stay in control. Angel watched her, his eyes smoldering. "Glory was a hellgod…key word being Hell. I would have been tortured, for centuries…right?"

The middle demon spoke. "Your friend is right. Very good…not many on this plane know of the Teplir, or the Demna Plane. I am Entwar. This is Jimnub and Sulfeg," he said, daring to take a step forward and directed his words to Buffy. "Your soul is blessed…and cursed. The soul of a Slayer, like the essence of the Key, is power concentrate, absolute," one of the demons began.

"And they thrive on this power," Wesley finished. "The Teplir use the strength, the energy, of your soul to fuel their existence. They feed off its power as a vampire feeds off your blood. And if I'm not mistaken, you see souls."

Entwar nodded. "You are correct. The Teplir possess the skill to see souls, they glow brightly in colors only we can see. The brighter the color, the stronger the soul. The Slayer had a strong soul," he said, turning to Buffy. He moved to Willow. "As do you. You all do," he moved to Spike, "…except you…and you…" he walked to Angel, "…vampire…It is most interesting to me that you have a soul, and yet you also possess a demon." 

Shrugging, he returned to Buffy. "You were ripped from our world before the extraction of your energy was complete," he told her, his voice low and raspy. "And we were sent to retrieve you."

"Too bad you made the trip for nothing," Buffy snapped.

"I would not say so, Slayer," he continued, waving an arm. "You have oft complained since your return to this place that you feel off, incomplete…wrong. We have been watching you."

"You're sayin'…" Spike said, stepping up. "You're sayin' she's wrong…she came back this way because Red and the goof troop tore her out of your clutches mid-mojo?"

Entwar nodded. "The strongest parts of her essence have the most resistance to the extraction. The most human qualities would have been easiest to take, leaving her strongest powers for last. When you and the mages here performed the spell to bring her back, you brought her back without those energies."

"She's all Slayer," Willow gasped.

"That's why she's acting this way! No human components, just Slayer stuff," Anya said brightly. She turned a beaming smile to a shaky Buffy. "This is good news! You don't have any emotions because you're not all human!"

Buffy stared at her.

"At least Buffy has an excuse," Dawn said pointedly, defending her sister.

Angel and Spike both moved to Buffy at the same time, bumping into each other. Two sets of angry eyes met. 

Angel reached Buffy first. "It's okay, Buffy. We'll force them to fix this."

Spike put a hand on her shoulder. "Luv, no worries. I'll take care of ya."

Angel tensed and fought the urge to rip Spike's hand off her shoulder.

Buffy stood, staring blankly at nothing. She'd come back wrong. Captive in a Hell dimension, just as her friends had thought. And now she'd come back wrong.

"You're saying I don't have any human emotions…no love, no fear, no warmth…" she whispered. "There's no part of me that's Buffy."

Entwar cocked his head. "You are almost completely the Slayer. Perhaps a small amount of your human soul remains, but that is of no interest to us. We are here for the rest."

"You'll never get her," Wesley spoke up, angrily shoving his way to the front. "You can't take her unless she comes willingly. That's one of the stipulations."

Entwar turned his head to Sulfeg, then Jimnub. "You are correct."

"Wait, what?" Xander asked.

"The ritual of soul extraction may only be completed by a willing participant. In this case, the Slayer entered our portal freely. We produced a euphoric environment for her to ease the process," Entwar told them.

"And to keep her happy so her soul wouldn't fight you," Angel snarled, lunging at the demon. 

Spike caught him and pulled him back. "If you kill them we'll never figure out how to fix the chit," he warned, low and mean, clutching Angel's arm.

Entwar clucked his tongue. "Yes, you are correct. If at any point the soul fights, the process is ended."

"So you made her believe she was in heaven…" Willow said softly, tears welling in her eyes. "Well take it back! Reverse the spell!" she shouted. Xander moved to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Willow buried her head in his chest.

"How…how can you even get back to your world?" Dawn asked, clutching Buffy's arm, supporting her sister. "I'm not the Key anymore. You can't open the portal."

"Wrong. Glorificus was banished from our dimension, cast out with no way to return. We have free access to open the portal," Entwar told her. He and the two demons flanking him suddenly grasped hands and from underneath their robes a bright yellow light began to glow. _"Dome shakara, ente buscon!"_ all three roared and a powerful wind kicked up. Behind them light began to swirl and the ground began to shake. The portal opened.

"She won't go!" Dawn shrieked, holding onto Buffy as the others scrambled to steady themselves, backing away from the open portal. "She won't go!"  


Angel let out a guttural yell and stood between the portal and Buffy. The demons advanced. 

"You can't take her!" Angel shouted above the din. "You said she has to go willingly, anyone who goes through the portal has to go willingly."

The demons continued to advance. "And you were right," Entwar told him. "Your soul is strong…stronger than most any I've seen. Perhaps you would like to join us?"

"Not a chance," he growled.

With their hands still clasped they reached Angel. Together they raised their arms and Angel shot backwards, straight into the portal, and disappeared.

"Angel!" Cordelia screamed.

"No! Wait! How?" Willow cried.

Something in Buffy's mind snapped. She stared into the pool of swirling light, remembering. Calm. Peace. Sanity. She'd had it once. However briefly, however much of a lie it had been, she'd had it. 

The noises behind her began to fall away and soon all that sounded in her head were her own thoughts, her memories. Dawn was tugging on her sleeve; she looked over and stared at her dumbly, unseeing. Turning back to the portal Buffy relived watching Angel pushed in, how the expression on his face had mirrored the one when she'd plunged the sword into his belly, sending him to Hell.

She turned to the left to see tears streaming down Cordelia's face. Gunn and Wesley were advancing on the demons who moved quickly around Buffy and entered the portal themselves. At the last second Gunn ran to the light and Buffy assumed he too was going to enter the portal. Instead he leapt, landing with a thud on the ground, inches from the doorway. Wrapping a hand around the robe of the last demon, he pulled backwards, stopping its crossover. 

Willow and Xander stood with Anya and Spike, all eyes huge and round, fixated on the portal. Only Spike's were on Buffy's. He saw when they changed. He recognized the turn, when she went from dumbly mute to angrily obsessed.

Shaking Dawn off her arm, Buffy closed her eyes and pictured herself on the shaky tower, the glowing white and purple light in front of her, chaos all around. "No, Buffy…" she mouthed to herself, and took off running.

"No, Buffy!" Dawn shrieked, grabbing for her sister and missing.

Buffy disappeared into the portal.


	10. Making the Pieces Fit

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

The portal remained opened for a moment longer before swallowing itself whole, trapping both Buffy and Angel on the other side. For a moment, no one in the warehouse moved. 

Gunn was still on the ground, his long fingers clasped tightly around the cloak of the last of the demons, stopped just in time from jumping through the portal with his friends. Dawn, Willow and Xander stood to one side, Anya leaning heavily on her fiancé's arm; Cordelia and Wesley staggered up from across the floor. 

Xander stepped forward, glancing around the room, panicked. "This isn't happening again!" he suddenly bellowed, every emotion pouring out of him with his cry. 

Dawn began to sniffle loudly, mewling as Willow put her arms around the Slayer's younger sister. 

"Shh…Dawnie…it's okay…we'll get her back." 

"How do you know that?" Spike snapped, prowling around the warehouse floor. "She bloody jumped, she went willingly, right after the great poof without a look back. No good-byes this time. No end of the world to stave off. She wanted this. She _wanted_ this!" he shouted. 

"No she didn't!" Dawn shrieked at him. "No she didn't! She was doing better! She was stronger! She didn't want to go!" Willow held onto her tightly, fighting her own tears as the girl fought her. "Get off me!" she cried finally and pushed out of the witches' arms. Dawn stumbled to the floor, kneeling on the spot where the portal had once been, her tears darkening the concrete ground where they fell. 

Gunn rose to his feet, pulling the demon with him. "Talk, and do it fast," he growled to the demon. 

The demon said nothing. Gunn poked him in the back with his ax. "Which one are you?" 

"Why does it matter?" Xander asked, leaning in menacingly. 

"Jimnub," came the answer. 

More poking. "All right, Jar-Jar. Open the door. Now." 

"I cannot," the demon answered. 

Spike stepped up. "Yes, you can. I just saw you do it. You have the code. You need a partner? 

Got plenty of people willing. Take your pick. Now open it. You want to get back there, we want to get our friends. Even trade." 

The demon said nothing and Spike moved to strike but Xander reached him first and held his arm. "Don't. Spike. Just…don't," he wearily pleaded with the vampire. 

Spike bit his lip, eyes piercing the nothingness beneath the brown robe. After a moment he shook off Xander's hand and walked a few feet away, snatching a cigarette from his jacket pocket. 

Gunn looked up from the demon, glancing around. "Hey, where's Fred? Who's got the kid?" 

"We sent Fred to the mansion with Connor. They'll be safe there. I told her we'd call her when we knew what was going on," Cordelia answered him absently. 

"What mansion?" he replied. 

"Who's Connor?" Anya asked. 

Gunn glanced around, confused. "There's a mansion?" 

"People!" Spike shouted. The tension in the room buzzed like electricity. He glanced back at the hooded demon. "Give me five minutes alone with him," he asked softly. "I'll make him talk." 

"I don't think so," Xander shot back. 

"I don't know why you care, anyway," Willow snapped. "Now that you can hurt Buffy I'm sure the first thing on your list is to kill her." 

"WHAT?" Xander asked now, whipping his head back and forth from Willow to Spike. 

Again, Cordelia took the attention off anything but the current situation. "How did he do it?" she asked irately, moving from behind Wesley to approach Jimnub. She shoved him on the shoulder, pushing him back a bit. "Angel…Angel went through the portal. How? He wasn't willing. And there's no bodies. Last time Buffy's…" she caught herself. "Buffy was here. He said her body wasn't strong enough to make it through. So where _are_ they?" 

*~*~* 

She knew nothing. Floating freely, there was nothing…like before. Yes…just like before. That much she did know, the thought of it swam in her mind, then eased its way out slowly. This was familiar, and it was good. 

She was warm, inside and out. It was comforting, like lying in the sun on a patch of warm carpet. 

Mostly her eyes remained closed, savoring the bliss she found her body swimming through. But when she opened them, white light swirled around her, dotted with purple and lilac hues…and 

then there were colors so bright they brought tears to her eyes. Beauty prevailed here, nothing dark, nothing dank. Nothing dead. 

Her body hummed. Relaxed, she let herself go, enjoying the weightlessness in which she was cradled, sighing in satisfaction. 

She wasn't alone. 

Murmuring her name he moved behind her, strong arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her to him. Her head came back to rest on his chest, her eyes closing as they melded together. 

"Angel," she whispered, twisting slowly to face him, her body languid, her arms coming up and around him, pulling him even closer. It was like moving through gel; thick, each movement drawn out, nothing precise. 

Breath came in and out of her lungs, she heard it echoing in her head, just as she heard her heart beat. His arms moved up her back, fingers tracing the lines of her shoulder. Lips moved together, 

seeking then taking, whispers of kisses. 

This is a dream, she thought. 

It feels real, he answered back, his words ringing in her head. She heard him perfectly, though his lips had not moved. 

You're here, she replied, wondrously. _Why are you here?_

Same reason you are. His fingers trailed down her spine, electricity in the touch. 

Can we stay forever? Buffy asked, a hand sneaking up to run through his hair. 

His kiss deepened. _Forever works for me._

*~*~* 

Jimnub was forced into a chair, the Scoobies and Fang Gang surrounding him, angry eyes and tempers flaring. 

"How did Angel go through the portal?" Spike demanded, desperately trying to take the attention off Willow's announcement that the chip was no longer working on Buffy. 

The demon shifted uncomfortably. "He wanted to." 

"What?!" Cordelia cried. "He didn't want to! He was _stopping_ you!" 

"Why did you push him?" Gunn asked. 

"Because he's got a strong soul," Dawn supplied softly, just loud enough to be heard over the shouting. 

"What?" Gunn asked, turning to the little brunette. 

"They said so. They said Angel had a strong soul. And Willow and Buffy, they said it to them specifically," Dawn told them. "They pushed him in to get his soul." 

"But he had to go willingly!" Willow cried. 

"The demon part of him would have gone willingly," Wesley murmured. 

Gunn turned to him. "Again, I say…what?" 

Wesley was thinking quickly. "The demon in Angel…the demon would have wanted this." 

"The demon wanted to die?" Cordelia asked. 

Wesley shook his head. "No…the demon is just a spirit…it just occupies Angel's body. And it hates the soul. Angel's soul." 

"So the demon would have done this to Angel to get back at him?" Gunn asked. "That's lame, I don't buy it." 

A brief smile flickered over Wesley's face. "Perhaps…but that may explain how Angel could have access to the portal. There are two beings in him. One was willing…once through the portal the soul extraction would have begun…and with the soul out of the way…" 

Cordelia gasped. 

"He just entered a world that's going to rid him of his soul," Willow whispered, fear in her eyes. 

"Knowing that we'll try to get them back." 

"And the demon heard all that…since he's got double occupancy in Angel's body, he hears everything that goes on…he shares Angel's memories," Xander moaned. 

"They knew this. You knew this," Wesley growled, stepping up to Jimnub and pushing the demon back until the chair rocked. "You came for _him,_ didn't you?" 

"They…they weren't really here for Buffy?" Anya asked. 

Wesley's eyes didn't move from the blackness beneath the robe. "Explain." 

Jimnub didn't move for a moment, then straightened himself. "Yes. We were here for the 

vampire. And the Slayer. Now we have both." 

Spike moved in, morphing to vamp face on his way. "And we have you." 

For a moment the demon seemed to consider. "There's nothing you can do. I would die for my people, same as you would for yours. Threatening me will not help," he said bravely. 

"We'll see about that," Willow barked. 

"If there's nothing we can do than you have no reason not to tell us what's happened to our friends," Wesley said, moving in between Spike and Xander. 

"And yet," the demon snapped. 

Spike whirled, frustrated, his duster flying around him, and began to pace again. He stopped, staring off in space, then spun around again to face the demon and his friends. "Where are their bodies?" he roared. He stomped angrily over to the chair. "Why aren't they here?" 

Jimnub said nothing and Cordelia lost it. Grabbing the demon by his robe she hauled him up. 

"Tell us! Tell us!" she shrieked, shaking Jimnub as hard as she could. The hood of the robe began to fall back and the demon began to shriek along with her, his arms coming up, unseen fingers clutching at the robe. 

Cordelia let go and stared for a moment before reaching up and yanking the hood down. There was nothing there. 

Jimnub continued to howl, an ear-shattering yell that had each person wincing at the sound and volume. His arms came up as he struggled to right the hood and cover his invisible self. 

"Light hurts you," Willow marveled. "It hurts you." 

Jimnub pulled the hood back over his head and hunched over on the ground, panting. The warehouse was relatively dark, save the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead. 

Xander hauled the cloaked demon to its feet. "Not so tough now, are you?" he sneered, pushing Jimnub back onto the rickety chair. "Feel like talking a little more now? Or would you like more pain of the incandescent variety?" 

Jimnub sputtered in anguish and leaned heavily against the back of the chair. 

The group watched him. 

"Yes. We knew," he answered finally, his voice less confident than it had been a moment earlier. 

"The memory of the Slayer was ours to view when she was in our…care." He chose his words wisely. "This is how we discovered that the Key had once inhabited the girl," he pointed at Dawn, his arm shaky, "and how we discovered Angelus, the Souled One." 

"He's not James Brown," Gunn snapped. "Get on with it." 

"Once we tracked the Slayer back here we made it our mission to not only return her to our world, but to take Angelus with us. Together, their souls are more powerful than any we've seen." 

"Yeah yeah yeah," Cordelia muttered, bored. "Wow. Am I ever tired of hearing that." 

"The Chosen and the Champion," Jimnub continued. "Their souls here are guarded by the Powers. That and the portal can only be opened on the Hellmouth. It was necessary to bring them back to our plane for the extraction. It was our luck that the Slayer was traveling to the same city as Angelus lives in. However, our plan was discovered due to some sloppy work by hired help…and so your kidnapping became essential," he said, head turning to look at Dawn, Xander and Anya. 

"How would you have gotten Angel to the Hellmouth if Buffy hadn't gone to LA?" Xander asked. 

He could have sworn the demon smiled. "We would have come up with something. In times of great trouble he does return to help, yes?" Jimnub asked. 

Xander took a beat before answering. "I really don't like you," he said and walked away a few steps, running a nervous hand through his dark locks. 

"So where are they? When Buffy jumped…the first time," Willow questioned, "her…she…her body was left here. You said it was too weak to survive the leap, but her soul was strong enough." 

Jimnub's head turned to face the witch. "Yes, then it was. The Key was used by Glorificus to open the portal. The Key is a much more powerful agent than is actually needed, if you are permitted to open a portal. Glorificus was not. The laws of her dimension had bound her, mystical laws, binding her power to return of her own will. The Key, an ancient and magical tool, is the one way in all the universe that she could open the portal and go around the binding of our people." 

"So Glory came to find me," Dawn finished, her voice nervous and unsteady, "and the power of the Key was too strong for Buffy, so when she jumped it spit her body back out." 

Now Jimnub did nod. "It took strong magic to override the binding spell used to keep Glorificus out of our dimension. Only the Key would work. The magics that we use are simple but require the power of three. The portal is not strong, not like the one Glorificus opened. It will only open the one gateway. The portal opened by the Key was designed to rip open every dimensional doorway that exists." 

"So with less powerful magics Buffy and Angel's bodies were allowed to go through and stay there," Gunn murmured. "So they're okay, whole beings and all that." 

"For now," Wesley surmised. 

"Buffy jumped through to save Angel, I'm sure of it," Willow told them. "She heard what they said. If the souls fought the ritual, it would be stopped instantly." 

"Unless they made a perfect Buffy-Angel world…which means we're right back where we started…soul extraction," Cordelia groaned. 

"What?" Gunn asked. 

"They're trapped, in that heaven-like Hell dimension, and the demons are feeding them whatever will make them happy so they don't fight. What do _you_ think they've got Buffy and Angel doing?" Cordelia asked, cocking her head. _//I'm sure they're just down there having tea and crackers!//_

"But it's been three years…she—they're over it!" Spike cried. 

"You think?" Cordelia asked, getting warmed up. "Oh please. Angel's still in love with her. A part of him will always be in love with her. When he found out she died he had to go away for three months just to try and escape it." 

"And Riley…he left because he said he couldn't have all of Buffy, she wouldn't let him," Willow pointed out slowly. _//He said he couldn't touch me, Will…that a part of me wasn't available to him.//_

Xander interjected. "Riley told me, a few months before he left, that she didn't love him."_//Buffy's like nobody else in the world...this is the one...but she doesn't love me.//_

"Does Buffy still love Angel?" Gunn asked. 

"It's been three years!" Spike fervently pointed out again. "She's got…new stuff…" he trailed off 

realizing no one was listening to him. 

"He came to mom's funeral," Dawn said softly. 

The group looked at her. "What?" Xander asked. "When?" 

"After. Willow and Tara took me back to their place…I went home and got my stuff and we walked back by the cemetery on our way to the dorms, remember?" Dawn asked Willow. 

Willow gave her a sad smile. "Sure…I remember. But when we got there you said you changed 

your mind. You didn't want to go anymore." 

Dawn returned her small smile. "I know. I saw them. Standing there, at mom's grave. Holding hands. I don't think Buffy'd moved since we left her, and he was there. I was mad at her then…I thought she was using that time to have smoochie time with Angel…but I know that wasn't it. 

He was there to help her through it." 

"And…" Cordelia glanced at Wesley suddenly. Should she mention The Day? He shook his head at her imperceptibly. Changing tactics she moved on. "…when he found out she was alive the very first thing he did was insist they meet." She paused. "Speaking of which, did she ever tell you guys what went on between them? 'Cause Angel just came back craving ice cream." 

Willow shook her head. "Buffy brought us chicken…but all she'd tell was that it was intense." 

"That's exactly what Angel said," Cordy murmured, lost in her thoughts. She shook herself out of them. "My point is…they still have feelings for each other…maybe not the Forbidden Love of All Time like they used to, but the fire's still ready to be stoked." 

Wesley looked up, stunned. "You're right. They would have tapped into their memories, found their most perfect moments of happiness, and used those memories against them!" 

The entire group sagged. "Buffy and Angel, perfect-happiness," Xander moaned. 

Spike's eyes darkened and his jaw set. "We don't know that. Buffy's had other perfect moments in her life…like…maybe last week sometime," he stammered. "Could be." 

The entire group turned to face him quizzically. Spike sighed, rolling his eyes. 

"We're in such deep, deep trouble," Willow agreed. 

Anya was quiet. "But Willow's right. Buffy and Angel heard what the Teplir said. They know that all of the heaven-can-wait qualities she experienced were just to keep her happy so she wouldn't fight them. They both went through the portal knowing that. So…don't you think they'll remember that it's not real?" 

*~*~* 

Arms tangled, fingers thrust into hair and pulled flesh closer. Lips sought and took, ravaging each other as Buffy and Angel melded into one. 

This isn't happening, Angel whispered. _How is this happening?_

No questions, she ordered softly. 

His chuckle came low then rolled into a moan as her nails scratched at his back, sending goose bumps up his spine. 

I need you, she moaned as he trailed kisses down her neck, nibbling at his mark. 

I want you, Angel whispered back, his thoughts floating into her mind and then back out again, drifting on a breeze. 

It's been…too…long, Buffy gasped as his hands clutched at her, pulling her leg up and around him, her thigh nuzzling his hip provocatively. 

Much, much too long, he agreed. 

She opened her eyes, connected mossy hazel with chocolate pools. _I love you,_ she told him, letting all her emotion travel to his mind. 

His chest tightened at her words and warmth filled him. _I love you, too…more than anything,_ he murmured. _This is like a dream._

*~*~* 

"We've got to do something, _now_," Gunn said as he paced, swinging his ax absently. 

Cordelia ducked out of the way of a swing and put an arm on his. "Down with the ax, Charles Scissorhands." 

"You cannot," Jimnub said almost merrily. "Only the power of three can open the door." 

"You couldn't have grabbed more of them?" Willow asked, giving Gunn a small smile. 

Dawn was quiet, sitting sadly on one of the chairs. "What about Tara?" she said softly. 

Willow heard her. "What?" 

"Tara. You and Tara. You two could be the other two of the…three…you know what I mean," she rushed. "Does the power of three have to be all demons? Can't powerful witches help out?" 

Willow looked shocked. "Dawnie…I don't know…Tara…" 

"She'd do it!" Dawn cried. "I know she would! She wouldn't want Buffy to suffer there…especially since now we know she's really in a Hell dimension!" 

"That's not entirely a bad idea," Xander started. 

"Bu-but! You guys…and the 'hands off the spellbooks!'" Willow cried. "Did I miss the loophole in that?" 

"Are you saying you're not willing to help out Buffy?" Spike growled low. 

Willow's eyes ticked to him. Put that way…"No…no, that's not what I'm saying," she said, conviction in her voice. "I-I couldn't live with myself. This is more important." 

"Fine. We've got our Charmed Ones," Xander quipped, but without much humor. "Call Tara." 

The entire group turned to Wesley. "Alrighty, Giles-Take-Two, what's the verdict?" Spike asked. 

Wesley swallowed hard. "I need to know more about the portal, about the dimension. My books…" 

"We have an entire magic shop at your disposal," Xander said, shooting a hard look at his fiancé when she began to object. 

"So…we're leaving? I don't want to leave," Dawn asked desperately. 

"Just for a little while, Dawnie. Promise. We're going to go research, do the stuff we're best at," 

Xander told her, putting an arm around her and kissing the top of her head. "We'll figure this out, promise." 

Dawn didn't look any more satisfied, but, with one last glance back, she allowed herself to be led outside. 


	11. Deja Vu All Over Again

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~* 

The entire troop headed for the Magic Box, keeping to darkened back ways, and dragging Jimnub with them. Once they reached the shop, Xander called Tara as the others milled around, exhausted, scared, and unsure what was the next step. Gunn offered to guard the demon and yanked Jimnub back to the stairs at the far end of the shop, tying him tightly to a chair.

"Tara's on her way," Xander announced to the group, stepping back into the main room, his eyes falling on Willow's. "I told her we'd explain when she got here since it'll probably require graphs of some kind." She gave him a small smile, showing how difficult this was going to be. She and Tara hadn't spoken in weeks.

Research began as book after book was pulled off the shelves, Anya cringing as each one slapped against the wooden table. "Careful!" she cried. "Some of these are older than me!"

"Look first for any reference to The Teplir, to Glorificus, to the Key," Wesley ordered, in his element. "Cordelia, call Fred, would you? Ask her to come down here. Bring the baby." 

Cordy nodded and moved behind the counter to make the call.

"Now can I ask?" Anya spoke up. "Who's Connor?"

"For that matter, who's Fred?" Xander asked. "And…baby?" His eyes ticked to Spike. "And don't for a second think I've forgotten what Willow said back there about you and Buffy."

Spike looked away, unimpressed.

Willow and Wesley exchanged a glance. "I'd better take this one," she told him, drawing a breath. "Okay, well, Fred…Fred's easy. I mean…I don't mean she's…I meant she's…"

"Will," Xander said gently, "We get it."

The witch flushed but continued. "Right. Fred was trapped in a demon dimension…"

"Pylea," Gunn offered without looking away from Jimnub.

"Pylea," Willow continued. "It's actually the dimension where Lorne, the Host, is from…he's another friend of theirs. Anyway, she was trapped there, because humans are considered like…_gnats_ there and they're enslaved."

"Cordelia was one of their captives, as a matter of fact, and the reason we ventured to Pylea in the first place," Wesley broke in. 

Xander snorted. "Oh…the money I would have paid. I'm never in the right place at the right—ow!" he cried as Cordy reentered the room and smacked him across the back of his head, never breaking stride as she walked to the table and took a seat.

"I was a slave for a day. Then they made me a queen," she announced proudly. "And I changed all the rules so that humans were free and I set up quite a nice little democracy, if I do say so myself." She glanced at Wesley. "She's on her way."

  
"Lived up to that Queen C nickname, huh?" Xander teased, rubbing the back of his head.

Cordy gave him a quick grin.

"Anyway," Willow continued. "Fred was trapped there, had been for years, and they brought her back when they all escaped through the portal."

"Portal?" Anya asked.

"I know…it's the strangest of coincidences, isn't it?" Wesley said, somewhat bemused. "This all happened at almost the exact same time last year…what with you and your portal and us with ours."

"So Fred came to live with you," Anya summed up. "That took entirely too long to say."

"So who's Connor?" Dawn asked.

Willow and Cordelia now exchanged a glance. "Well, Dawn…things in Angel's life have been a little…rocky lately," Cordelia began.

"He's Angel's son, Darla's the mother," Gunn said from the back of the shop. "There. Six words or less."

There was a collective gasp. "Hold up, wait a _minute._ Angel's got a kid?!" Xander cried. "How is that possible?"

Spike started to chuckle. "Angel got some? Eh…stranger things have happened. But better yet…he knocked the poor git up. Oh lordie…the things a pesky curse will do to a man…make you feel all comfortable with your vamp-self and then…the Powers having a bit of fun at the poof's expense are they? _Love_ to see what kind of spawn they shoved off on him and that miserable hag."

"He's human," Cordelia informed him tempestuously. "And adooorable."

"So where's mommy-dearest?" Spike smirked.

"Dusted," Gunn told him. "Done it herself."

Now Spike's jaw fell open. "You're telling me that the hellcat herself drove a stake through her own chest? Why?"

Cordelia glared at him. "The baby was in trouble…and because he's human and has a soul…well, the soul was infecting Darla. Made her actually have emotions, if you can believe that. Though it didn't stop her from trying to make me a snack," she muttered bitterly. "Luckily the bite mark healed pretty quick or I might have dusted her myself."

"Darla. _Darla_ had feelings. I'd wager she didn't even have human emotions when she was living!" Spike cried incredulously. 

"But it's true," Wesley snapped. "To save Connor she staked herself, leaving behind her son for Angel to care for. And just about every demon in this dimension was looking for him."

"Woah…" Xander murmured. "How'd Buffy take all that?" he asked Willow.

Willow gave him a small smile. "I think the term you might want to use here is 'wigged.'"

"Sure, if you were severely toning it down," Cordy corrected. "She went berserk. Almost walked in front of a bus."

The group sat back, taking in the news. "Wow…Angel, a dad. Makes me kinda not want to shove pointy wooden things through his heart anymore," Xander murmured, then corrected, "Kinda. I just can't get over it." He glanced up at Wesley. "You're the Muggle with the smarts…what's your take on the whole someone we know squelching another vampire truism?"

"Is he really a Muggle?" Gunn asked from the back. "I mean, he's performed a spell or two in his day."

Xander grinned. "Yeah, but he's not a full-blown wizard. I think Muggle status still stands. Plus, it's just fun to say Muggle."

"And…my dad? What happened with him?" Dawn asked, frustrated and changing the subject.

Cordeila wrapped an arm around the little brunette. "She saw him. And they talked. I think she'd like to tell you about that herself. But it's going to be okay," she reassured her.

Dawn looked slightly more relieved, not noticing the frantic looks Willow was giving Xander and Anya. Xander caught on right away. "Right, Dawnster. Stuff with your dad? Back-burner material. Buffy's probably schmoozed him over, like we all know she can, and he's sitting in his apartment right now thinking what lovely and mature daughters he has."

"Exactly!" Anya said, a little too enthusiastically.

"Buffy sorta had to tell him she was the Slayer, though, and I don't think he believed her," Willow told them.

"Huh. Imagine that. Well, that's okay," Xander said, "Joyce didn't believe it at first either, until she saw her first slaying. Then she was pretty cool with it. Joyce was like that. With the coolness. Level head."

Cordelia caught his eye and gave a slight shake of her head. Xander immediately changed the topic.

"So…Angel's got a son, huh?"

Spike was glowering in the corner now. _Bloody Peaches got himself a kid, knocked up his sire…and the Slayer went gaga when she found out. Lovely._ "How in the hell did Darla get preggers?" he bit out.

Wesley glared at him. "It's hard to explain…there are theories of course, some of them rather tedious and long-winded. There are the Powers That Be, of course, that may have intervened, and then there are vampire legends to be explored, myths to consider. We believe it was some sort of mystical presence or divine interven—" he began.

"We have no idea," Gunn interrupted.

Wesley moved to defend himself, then sighed, deflated. "We have no idea," he agreed. "There is a prophecy, however…" he stopped when the entire group groaned. "But maybe…another time…"

"Let's turn the conversation to something a little more upsetting than Angel and his offspring," Xander piped up. "Spike. Ability to hurt Buffy and annoy me with a single bound. What's with this new, undesirable development and…maybe I shouldn't be saying this without further investigating the extent of your spanking new chip-malfunction…" he trailed off nervously.

Spike snorted. "It's nothing. Chip's wonky when it comes to the Slayer. You're still safe in your beds at night, kiddies."

No one looked any more comforted. "How long have you known this? And why didn't Buffy tell us?" Anya asked, inching closer to Xander. "If Spike's chip is wearing off, shouldn't she have told us? I think that's just the polite thing to do."

"Look," Spike moaned, rising to his feet and pulling out a smoke. "Red's got it right. It's just the Slayer, no one else. And I'm willing to bet it's because of her half-soul status right now that the chip doesn't recognize her as human. So before we all go getting rowdy with the wooden objects and the oh-so-snappy insults, just chill out."

"Why should we trust you?" Xander asked him snidely.

Spike stopped abruptly, the lighter in his hand halfway to the cigarette in his mouth. "Because if the chip didn't work on you, Harris, by now I'd have drank you down and made a Christmas wreath out of your innards," Spike growled low.

The group was silent for a moment as this sank in. "Well, I feel better," Cordelia commented.

The bell over the door rang suddenly and in walked Tara, followed behind by Fred and Connor. "Tara!" Dawn cried, jumping to her feet and running full throttle at the shy witch. She flung her arms around her, tears starting up again, and Tara did her best to comfort her, all the while casting curious glances at the group.

Fred shuffled in, laden down with Connor's bags and Cordelia rose to help her. "Thanks," Fred gushed. "Sorry it took so long. This place was easy enough to find, not a lot of town around here, sorta reminds me of my little spot in Texas, but you know how hard it is to get all his stuff back in these bags…luckily he fell asleep about a half hour ago so I managed to get it all packed up again right before you called…and in the dreary old mansion, well, I just had to wrap him up in about a hundred blankets and then we had to get out all his toys to keep him entertained…wow there are a lot of ancient looking things in that place! Angel used to actually live there? I know he likes antiques, but no one told me he used to collect ancient weaponry like that…and then there's the chains and shackles which I don't even want to _know_ what those are all about…" she trailed off, noticing the large group of people.

"Oh, hi folks," she blushed.

The group waved at her, unsure.

"This," Cordelia said, sweeping into the room, Connor cradled in her arms, "is Connor. And this is Fred."

Introductions were made and Dawn cleared her throat. "You guys, we have to find my sister and Angel. No more story telling, everyone's here now," she said, her voice wavering. She scooted closer to Tara on the bench they shared.

"I-I don't know what's going on, Dawnie," Tara reminded her.

"Me either," Fred asked, moving up next to Gunn. "Where—where's Angel?"

Cordelia rehashed the story for the newcomers while Dawn's suggestion was taken and research actually began, interrupted every once in a while when someone else added a detail to the short version of the tale.

"Wow," Fred exclaimed, letting out a breath. "So now they're there, trapped on the other side, in some dimension that simulates heavenly experiences."

"Pretty much sums it up," Willow murmured, leafing through a text.

"And yo-you want me a-and Willow to finish the circle with that demon over there? To try and open the portal again?" Tara stammered.

Willow's eyes came up, seeking hers, uncertain of the reception they would receive. "I think we can do it, Tara," she told the shy blonde. "If…if you're willing. It was their idea," she added.

Tara's soulful eyes were filled with sympathy and just a bit of caution. "N-no, I don't mind. This is important. I just don't know much about this kind of thing."

Relief flooded Willow's face.

"No problem," Cordelia assured Tara. "We've got vampires, ex-demons, ex-Watchers and witches, a seer, a former Key, and a girl who was trapped in an alternate dimension for five years…oh, and Gunn and Xander too," she teased. "We're getting them back," she stated, determination in her voice.

*~*~*

The pleasurable sensations just kept coming. Wrapped in each other's arms Buffy and Angel molded their bodies to one another, sighing at the flutters of joy and aches of passion.

__

You feel so good, her mind told him as her nails scraped lightly over his back.

__

Mmm, he agreed, his brain turning to jelly. He didn't want to talk…he just wanted the tingling in his skin to continue, the hum that rocked his system. Here…alone with her…no bothers, no worries…they were safe here…here she was his.

__

His. From deep inside another voice rasped the word. _She's Mine._

Angel ignored the intrusion and continued visiting every inch of Buffy's body with his lips, his hands, his fingers.

__

I don't know why we spent so much time apart, Buffy sighed as her hands found purchase on his strong shoulders and her leg snaked up and around his calf, clinging to him.

Something in that murmured statement nagged at her. Time apart. She and Angel had been apart? _That's silly,_ she told herself, dismissing it. _We've always been together._

Ever since the first year she'd come to Sunnydale they'd battled side by side…had made love endlessly on her seventeenth birthday and for hundreds of nights afterwards…had fought off the Mayor at Graduation, then gone home together to his mansion on Crawford Street and celebrated with their friends. She remembered it all perfectly. Even now…she recalled all the times in the past years that they'd shared a holiday, that they'd danced at the Bronze and fought demons in the cemeteries of Sunnydale. She stayed at the mansion more often than not, forgetting her dormitory. Last year they'd fought and defeated Glory together.

So why then did his current ministrations feel so good, yet so foreign? Like a remembrance of long ago…a scent of something that triggered a memory…déjà vu…

__

I'll never forget, she sighed.

A strong male hand sliding up and underneath her camisole dismissed these thoughts quickly and effectively. Her concentration returned to the body firmly gripping her own.

*~*~*

Back at the Magic Shop frustrations and tension were at an all-time high. Dawn had taken to complete silence, barely flipping through the books that she had once been tearing through with abandon.

"Question," Anya spoke up, watching Fred bouncing Connor on her knee while trying to read through a ledger of ancient scrolls. "How much time do we really have here? I mean, I know getting them back as soon as possible is the most important thing…but Buffy was gone for months and they didn't get her entire soul. If the process is slow, we might have some time."

"What's your point?" Spike asked, glaring.

Fred glanced up at the tone of his voice. The shy Texan's eyes moved to safer territory, Wesley. "I think she means…the soul extraction takes a while. Even if this takes us a little longer to figure out, their souls won't be all gone in just hours, right?"

The question hadn't been considered. It didn't really make anyone feel better.

"Well…I suppose it's a possibility. While our first priority is to retrieve Buffy and Angel from this alternate dimension, I hadn't considered how much time we have before the soul extraction is complete. Judging by Buffy's experience it may very well take months," Wesley said, removing his glasses to clean them.

"Seems to me we've got the thing to ask sitting right here, as uncomfortable as I can make him," Gunn called. Turning to the cloaked demon, tied tightly to a chair, Gunn poked Jimnub's shoulder. "So? You heard the man. How long does the soul stealing take?"

Jimnub's head raised up to face Gunn. "As long as it takes."

"Meaning?"

"If the soul is willing to go, if the pleasure is enough, it goes quickly. If the soul is simply content if takes longer. Your friends will go quickly," he sneered.

"Why's that? And watch that tone," Gunn warned.

Jimnub shrugged, seemingly uncaring. "Because we need her complete soul. Half a soul, a soul interrupted in the extraction process, causes great disturbance in the energies."

"Why exactly do you need their souls? I don't understand that part," Fred asked timidly.

"Who cares?" Dawn burst out. "We're going to keep trying. We're not going to stop."

"Dawn," Xander said gently. "No one's going to stop. But this information…it might help."

"The Teplir use souls for spiritual energy," Wesley informed Fred.

"Our queen needs them," Jimnub corrected. "She is the power source of our people. It is she who controls the extraction. And she has grown weak by this disruption. Since you and the witches pulled her out of our dimension our queen has suffered. This is not acceptable." His voice began to raise in anger. "We will not stop until her highness is restored," he told them fiercely. "Nothing you can do will make them turn over your friends. Nor will anything you say allow you entry to our world. Sacrifice me. It matters not. I would proudly give my life for her."

The room was quiet after this outburst. 

"Ok, he's _really_ starting to sound like Glory's scabby little pals now," Spike muttered.

Finally, Tara tried to reassure Dawn. "They'll be okay."

__

"Angel. Angel will be okay. Maybe," Dawn insisted. "He's got all his soul. They got Buffy back with only half-full. If it takes half the time…I don't want her coming back without a soul."

"It's not so bad," Spike interjected. "A little conscious-freedom's good for a girl."

"No one asked you," Xander told him.

"Dawnie," Tara said, kissing her forehead. "We're working as hard as we can. Your sister's smart and she's tough. And I don't know Angel, but I've heard enough about him to know he's the same way. Together they'll be fine. I know it." She smiled slightly. "And I'm a witch. I know things."

Dawn gave her a tiny smile of comfort. "But we're gonna keep researching, right?"

"Anyone tries to leave I'll practice my ax hurling on 'em," Gunn promised, grinning.

Now Dawn smiled.

"Back to the books," Willow announced. "I think I might have found something," she added tentatively. "A reference to a portal opened by the Power of Three. It seems that the portal can only be opened with permission from beings from the other side. Tara and I aren't permitted."

"So Jack-off has an open invitation but you two don't. Fine. We make with the threats, mom and dad sign the permission slip, you three get with the open-sesame," Spike nodded.

"Threaten what? And who?" Wesley asked. "We so far have no way to communicate with the other side. And our demon friend seems to feel that his life is worth giving for this. They may not care if he comes back."

Willow sat back, deflated but Tara perked up slightly.

"That may not be entirely true…about not being able to communicate with the other side," she told them hesitantly.

Ten heads turned to her.

Tara gulped.

*~*~*

Angel nuzzled Buffy's neck, nipping lightly at his mark given to her so many years ago. He had branded her. She was his.

__

Mine, the voice deep inside him growled. _You don't deserve her._

Angel tried to ignore the voice but it kept coming back.

__

What are you waiting for?! Take her now, give in and be free. You want her. She wants you. She wants for this to happen. She followed you here, knowing what would happen, it cried gleefully.

Angel's whole body tensed. Her scent filled his nostrils, drugging his mind. She was here, for him, with him. Right here…so close. Pliant. Willing. Wanting.

Buffy thrust her body against his, wriggling with desire, completely taken over by blind passion. Her head rolled back, exposing her neck. Angel's eyes opened.

The mark was pulsating. Calling to him. He moved in.

Buffy noticed that Angel had tensed and changed her position suddenly to look into his eyes. _Relax,_ she instructed, teasing, and brought her lips up to his, then trailed them down to peck kisses over his chest. Goose bumps ran over his flesh and she smiled at the reaction.

All thoughts vanished from his mind as Buffy worked her way over his stomach, administering feather light kisses as she moved.

Inside him, something howled in frustration.

*~*~*

"What do you mean that might not be entirely true?" Willow asked.

Tara took a breath. "It's possible, to open yourself up, for your mind to cross over lines that the physical or spiritual body cannot. It takes dark magic, dangerous magic. But it's possible."

"Do—do you think you--we--can do this?" Willow stammered.

Tara looked into her eyes with love. "I don't know. But I think we have to try."

"What do you need?" Dawn asked.

Tara looked around the shop. "Willow, do you still have my book on Dimensional Travelling? The one we used to bring Buffy back?"

Willow glanced at Xander, then at Dawn. A few weeks back Buffy and Dawn had helped Willow remove all of her magical instruments out of the Summers' house, another part of the witch's magic reformation. 

Guiltily she nodded, her eyes casting down to her hands, now knotted in her lap. "I-I kept it because it was yours," she admitted. "I promise. I've never used it. It's locked in my closet."

Xander looked disappointed but let it go. "Let's go get it then."

Willow looked close to tears when Tara reached over and put a hand on her knee, lovingly, understanding in her eyes. "I'll go with you." The redhead gave her a meek smile and rose to her feet.

"I'm coming too," Dawn announced. "I want to stay with Tara."

Xander nodded. "Right then. And as much as I hate to say this, Spike needs to come too."

"Sure. When you need protection everyone's in the Spike-buddy-buddy-society," he groused, but stood up nonetheless.

"We'll be back soon," Xander told the others and they headed out.

The walk was quick and for the most part silent. Dawn got out her keys as they walked up the front steps to the house on Revello, but as she pushed the key into the lock the door swung open by itself. The group exchanged a nervous glance.

"Get back," Spike instructed, moving to the front and slowly pushing the door open the rest of the way. He poked his head inside. The house was dark save for a light burning in the kitchen.

"Kitchen," he told them. They crept inside.

There were rustling noises coming from the kitchen, the soft banging of cabinet doors as they closed, the sounds of dishes in the sink.

"Why is someone searching the kitchen?" Dawn whispered.

"On three," Spike said low. "One…two…three!" he cried and the entire group went barreling into the Summers' kitchen. Spike tackled the intruder and sent them both flying to the floor between the island and the kitchen sink.

"Aaahhh!" the prowler shrieked, landing with a thud.

"What are you doing in here!?" Spike shouted, his hands fisted in the man's collar.

"Cleaning up!" came the petrified answer.

Not the response they were expecting.

Dawn peered over the island and onto the floor where the intruder was being held down. "Dad?"


	12. Sweet Misery

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

"Dad!" Dawn cried. "Spike, it's my dad! Get off him!" She ran around the island to help her father up, dusting him off. 

When he was standing, Hank Summers glanced around angrily. "What is going on here?!" he cried.

"They thought you were a burglar, Dad," Dawn explained. "Spike was protecting us."

Hank was not so easily consoled. "Well, I'm not. And if you'd been paying attention, you'd have seen my car in the driveway," he pointed out.

"Sorry," Dawn muttered.

At the sad expression on her face Hank relented. "Oh, no harm done, I guess," he admitted. "You were protecting her, after all. Protecting…all of you," he said slowly, realizing he knew none of the faces looking at him expectantly.

"Oh! Dad! This is Spike…and Willow and Xander and Tara! They're my friends," Dawn said importantly.

A chorus of, "Hi Mr. Summers," was mumbled.

"Well…hi kids…" Hank said hesitantly. "You're friends of Dawns?"

"And Buffy's," Willow spoke up. "We went to high school with Buffy."

Something new clouded Hanks' eyes. "Ah. I see. I thought you were a bit older than Dawn." He turned back to his daughter. "After your sister left so abruptly I thought it best that I come down here myself and talk with you. We've got a lot to go over, honey." Suddenly his face broke into a smile. "Gosh…look at you! You've grown so much! And your hair! Long as ever…you look just like your mother."

She'd been prepared to be angry with him, but nothing could have pleased Dawn more than his compliment. "Yeah?" she grinned.

"Absolutely," Hank assured her. "Come 'ere, kiddo." He held his arms wide and Dawn went to him, only slightly uncomfortable with his embrace.

The Scoobies exchanged glances, unsure what to do next. Finally Tara cleared her throat. "Um, Dawnie, Willow and I are just going to go upstairs to get that book, okay? We've really got to be getting back to the…"

"Church meeting!" Xander supplied quickly.

Tara and Willow threw pained expressions his way. "Library," Willow corrected through gritted teeth.

"Right," Spike helped. "That book club we're in at the Library."

Dawn pulled back from her father. "Right. The book. For the club." She joined the group as they began to exit the kitchen.

"You're in a book club? On Friday nights?" Hank asked them.

They stopped and turned to him slowly. "Uh-huh?" Willow said, more of a question than a statement.

"Well, I must say, that's interesting…reading's always a good activity…but Dawn, I think you'd better sit this one out. We've got a lot to talk about. Your sister wasn't all that interested in what I had to say yesterday, so perhaps…" he glanced around. "Where is Buffy anyway?"

"Uh…" Dawn began, throwing pleading expressions at her friends.

"Book club retreat!" Xander told him. "Yeah…the Buffster just can't get enough of them. That's why she came back so quickly from her visit to you. She really couldn't stand the thought of missing the book club retreat. Been planning it for months."

Hanks knitted his eyebrows. "She didn't mention anything about that. She just told me she'd be at the Hyperion Hotel if I needed her. Which I did…no one was there. Huh." He shrugged. "Regardless, Dawn…think you can skip a night of reading to hang out with dear old Dad?" he asked, chuckling.

Dawn's eyes widened in panic. "Uh…Dad, I'd love to, really, but…I'm…"

Tara saved her. "She's leading the discussion group tonight, Mr. Summers. We've been planning it for a really long time and Dawn's worked extra hard on it. I'd hate to see her have to miss it."

Mr. Summer's expression fell for a moment. "Oh well, I don't suppose I could ask you to miss that. We can always catch up tomorrow. It's a little late for a reading group, though, isn't it?" He went on before anyone could think of an answer. "I bet it's one of those fun midnight societies…you kids think I'm not up on what's hip, but I still remember a few things from back in my day," he laughed.

The group twittered appreciatively, except for Spike who laughed heartily, though hollowly. 

"Ok, then…well, I guess we'll get going. I'll be home later, Dad," Dawn said.

"Be sure one of these nice gentlemen walks you home, Dawnie."

"We will," Xander grinned.

"Oh, and Dawn. If you see your sister…tell her I'd like to talk to her right away," Hank added.

"Buffy? Oh…I don't know when she'll be back. Sometimes these retreats go on for days," Dawn told him.

"Typical," Hank muttered. "Just as I expected. Your sister still hasn't learned any responsibility, has she, Dawn? I've been here ten minutes with you and I can tell, you're the leader in the family. Buffy certainly wouldn't have ever been a book club at your age, I can tell you that."

"Buffy's a good person, Mr. Summers," Willow defended her friend.

"Oh, I'm sure she is…and I love her dearly. But…I can't help but think that perhaps this is just too much for her here, alone," Hank began.

"She's not alone, Dad," Dawn cut in. "She's got me. And all of us…and more friends at the…book club. We've got a big family. And…she had mom."

Tara and Willow smiled at her.

"Honey," Hank said, putting his hands on his youngest daughter's shoulders and looking her in the eye. "Your sister's a little stressed. It's not surprising, what with how this past year has gone. She was…well, frankly she was talking crazy when she came to visit me. She snapped at one point and left the restaurant. And…well, I suppose you'll find out eventually. She got into a fight. A street fight."

"Oh…did she?" Dawn murmured, unsurprised.

"I can see that doesn't shock you. I'm worried, sweetie. She said some unbelievable things. About demons and…vampires…" he seemed to notice his wide-eyed audience. "We'll talk about this later," he assured his youngest. "Enjoy your club. I'll just stay here overnight, okay? Got a spare bedroom?"

"Uh…you can sleep in Buffy's room dad, or in mine. Willow…she sorta lives in mom's room now," Dawn sighed.

"Great." Hank flashed them a smile. "Have a good night! And if you see your sister…tell her I'd like her to come home right away, okay?"

"Will do, Mr. Summers," Xander told him. "But Buffy…she's in a whole other world. With the books."

Dawn elbowed him sharply in the side and beamed a smile at her father.

The group turned with relief and headed down the hall. Willow ran up to get the book and was back down in a flash. They hurried out into the streets.

"This is _so_ not what we needed right now," Willow moaned.

"That's your pop?" Spike asked. "Let me tell you, I've never appreciated your mum more."

"That's my dad…not that I've seen him in three years or anything," Dawn muttered. "He _can't_ find out that Buffy's gone. He'll flip."

"He's not going to, don't worry," Tara reassured her.

"Right. This spell is gonna work and we'll have her back, and Angel, lickety-split," Willow chimed in.

*~*~*

All but fused together, flesh to flesh, their bodies buzzed with passion. An electric tingle scored their skin, burned it in the oh-so-right way. Every sense was heightened, every touch, no matter how light, brought pleasure.

__

She's ready. You're ready. Now! the voice screamed inside Angel.

__

Yes, now, he murmured, lost in the dream world.

__

Now, Buffy agreed, lying back, her breath coming quickly as his body covered hers.

Angel devoured her mouth then moved down her body, memorizing it, worshipping it. Everything about her was beautiful, wonderful. He never wanted to leave, couldn't imagine not touching her. This was where he belonged, where he was supposed to be. Being without her was not an option, had never been.

Once, fleetingly, he'd considered leaving her, but in the end he'd been too weak. Without her he was nothing.

__

Together you were powerful, alone you're dead. The words, edging on familiar, drifted into his mind and then lazily flowed out. He didn't know where they'd come from or what they meant.

__

When you kiss me, I want to die. He heard her hiss this to him.

__

I'm weak. I've never been anything else. His own voice, shouting at her.

The words seemed to come from nowhere.

__

I want to take comfort in you and I know it'll cost me my soul and a part of me doesn't care! Now the voice screamed.

Suddenly he gasped. 

Something was…changing. Something inside him.

Buffy was oblivious, too enraptured in the moment, but he felt it. He felt his face change, then revert back to its human form, time and time again, of its own will. He felt the control slip from him, felt the demon inside push through, tossing the Soul aside. It tore at him for a moment…a pain seared through him…and then…

Nothing. It was over as quickly as it had started. He felt lighter. He felt alive. He felt… 

__

Free, he rasped.

__

Mmm? Buffy murmured. She lay under him, arms stretched over her head, her mouth parted, shaped into a perfect 'O'.

Angel's eyes remained closed. He was…confused, momentarily stunned. The last he remembered was…

And then he caught her scent.

Her. His mate. The Slayer.

__

Buffy, he hissed, allowing her to hear him.

She smiled, her head lolling to the side. _Yes._

Angel's eyes snapped open. She was here…half-naked and waiting for him, willing. 

He didn't yet remember all the details…how they'd gotten here. What they were doing…well, that part he'd figured that out so far…and he knew the rest of the memories would come back in time.

He looked down at her, so abandoned to the feelings she was being force-fed. Well, well. What did he have here? So the Soul'd somehow wormed its way back into her…good graces. How wonderful for him. Bad for her. He'd waited for this moment…for her to be his prisoner, his captive. Willing was fine. Unwilling was always better.

She wriggled now, urging him to continue, and the movement caused him to gasp at the pleasurable shock of their grinding bodies, realizing in a split second that the Soul had been just as aroused as she before its release.

Angel smiled wickedly. Perhaps bad for her could wait…just a little while.

*~*~*

"We've got to hurry!" Dawn cried, bursting through the door of the Magic Box.

"What? What happened?" Cordelia asked, rising from the table.

"We've got trouble, right here in River City," Xander told them. "Mr. Summers decided that a trip to the 'Dale was in his weekend plans and he's set up camp at the house. And he's waiting for Buffy."

"Oh no," Wesley moaned, dismayed. "What did you tell him?"

"You don't want to know, but have you read _Great Expectations_ lately?" Xander replied, leaving Wesley confused.

"What happened?" Cordy repeated.

Dawn was gasping. "We got home and he was there. Spike attacked him. We thought he was a burglar. And he's here, to stay. Until he talks to me and Buffy. And he's really not happy with her right now. He said…he said she'd talked crazy in LA. She told him about the vampires and he doesn't believe her!" Dawn exclaimed, once again on the verge of tears. "He'll never believe us if we tell him about the portal!"

Cordelia and Gunn exchanged a glance. "Dawn…if we have to, we'll convince him that your sister's not a loony. There are a ton of us here to back up the Slayer lore," the seer told her.

"He said Buffy'd left the restaurant they were in and got into a street fight. Mr. Summers saw her fighting vamps?" Tara asked.

Cordy nodded, sighing heavily. "Yeah. Okay, I was waiting for us to get Buffy and Angel back before letting Dawn in on all this…and just so you know," she sidelined when Dawn looked disgruntled, "it's _not_ that I don't think you're old enough to hear it, I just thought your sister would want to be the one to share. _Anyway._ Buffy comes to LA, I get a vision about her being attacked by some vamps and a couple of these guys," she yanked a thumb towards Jimnub, "and Angel sets off to help out. Gunn and I followed as backup and they defeated the baddies while we did a stellar job of guarding your dad. But he witnessed a mondo-fight. Maybe a dozen vamps."

"Your sis can rock when she's all riled up," Gunn grinned at Dawn.

Cordy rolled her eyes again. "Buffy sent him home, we did some recon, she went back to your dad's place and they had a big fight."

"About what?" Dawn asked.

"Dawn, I'm so sorry…he wants to take you back to LA to live with him."

"What?!" Dawn cried. "No! No way! I want to stay with here with Buffy!"

Cordy moved to stand in front of the young girl, placing both hands on her shoulders. "We know…that's what Buffy told your dad…but…he didn't believe her after the fight. He seems to think she's a little crazy, which, most times I'd be agreeing with…but I know she's not crazy when it comes to you, to taking care of you," Cordelia said sincerely. "I know she loves you. That was obvious even when I was living here…and it was obvious by how upset she was when she got back to the hotel last night. She was crying and way, way mad."

"How mad?" Dawn sniffled.

Cordy smiled. "Mad like you just came in and told her you were dating Spike."

"Hey!" came the indignant vampire's response.

Now Dawn grinned, wiping at some stray tears.

"She loves you. And I know, for a fact, that she's going to fight tooth and nail for you when she gets back. And so are we. So…for now? Let's forget about your dad and worry about this, okay?" Cordelia encouraged.

The seer glanced up then to see the surprise on Willow and Xander's faces. "What?" she asked.

Her high school chums both gave her small smiles. "Nothing," Xander replied as Willow moved over to the table.

Cordy shrugged and walked past him to get a book off the shelf. "I always knew that was in there somewhere," he whispered to her.

She turned her head slightly to look into his eyes. "I learned it from you," she told him, then squeezed his shoulder and headed back to the table.

"Found it!" came Tara's happy cry. She held up the book. "It's an astral spell. Willow and I can astral project ourselves into their world and find Buffy and Angel…and maybe talk to the demons about getting us physical access."

"Or have them release Angel and Buffy outright," Wesley said.

"Is it dangerous?" Dawn asked.

Tara glanced sideways at Willow. "Sort of. If anything interrupts us while we're in the astral state it could have serious physical effects."

"Like what?" Spike asked speculatively. 

"In the astral state you're sort of between sleep and consciousness. If we're disturbed here, we'll lose our hold on the astral world. If there are any loud noises or other interruptions, *zoom*…right back in our bodies," Willow explained. "And…well, you know…if we have a heart attack or something, but…that's pretty unlikely."

"Despite the new circumstances, or perhaps because of them, I see no reason for us to hold off any longer than necessary. Willow, Tara, how long will it take you to set up?" Wesley asked.

"Wait. You're going to go over alone?" Gunn asked.

"Our real bodies will be here," Tara explained. "We'll be like…"

"Ghosts," Willow supplied. "We can be heard and seen, but we can't get hurt."

"So your souls won't be in danger," he surmised. "They said you were one of the ones with a strong soul," Gunn reminded Willow.

"Nothing will happen to us," Tara assured him. "It's an out of body experience. The only way for us to get hurt is if our physical bodies are disturbed or harmed."

"And we'll be standing over you with copious amounts of huge weapons of the slice-and-dice variety, so no worries there," Xander chimed in.

"You guys done this before?" Gunn asked.

Willow shook her head. "I haven't, exactly…but…in high school we battled a kid who brought forth a nightmare demon and astral projected all our worst fears to hunt us down."

Cordy slapped a hand to her forehead. "My hair…and…those science nerds…and my hair!" she wailed.

"Hey, at least you didn't have some Killer Klown from Outer Space on your tail…and the chocolate I ate…" He made a face. "Didn't sit so well that night."

"I sang. Opera," Willow reminded him pointedly. "In an Oriental robe of some kind, with bad makeup."

"You win," Xander conceded.

Gunn smirked, shaking his head. "What I would have given to spend a day in your high school. Makes drive-bys look like nothing."

"Buffy got turned into a vampire," Dawn told him helpfully. "And Giles forgot how to read."

Gunn's eyes widened in amusement. "_That_ was his nightmare? You were right," he turned to Cordy. "I don't need to meet 'im. I work with him every day."

"Har, ahar," Wesley laughed dryly.

"I've done it before," Tara told them meekly. "I can guide and anchor Willow."

All eyes turned to her. "You have?" Willow asked, a little hurt. "You never told me that."

Tara looked at her with sad eyes. "I see my mom. She's the one who taught me…taught me how to go outside my body, to see things that most people can't."

A smile flickered across Willow's face. "That's nice," she said sincerely.

"So…what do we need to do?" Spike asked, getting restless.

Before Tara could answer, Willow spoke. "I--is this really a good idea for me? Shouldn't, maybe, someone else do this?"

"You're the most magically inclined person, Will," Tara told her, smoothing Willow's red hair. "And I'll be with you every step of the way. I know it's a lot to ask...but I'm here for you. I'll help you, before and after, if you need it."

Willow smiled nervously and nodded.

Tara stood up. "We need somewhere familiar and safe for the both of us, somewhere we know our way around in case it takes a while for you to get off the ground," she told Willow. "Is here okay with you?"

"We spend most of our time here anyway," Willow pointed out.

Tara smiled. "Good. Now…we need to dim the lights and lie down. I'll walk you through it. Are you tired at all?"

Willow hesitated, then nodded slightly. "Yeah, a little."

"No, that's good, that means you're susceptible. Astral projection takes place in that time when you're not awake and you're not asleep. Don't let yourself slip into a dream, try to hold your concentration and keep deepening the sleep state. Try to summon an object in your mind to focus on…your third eye. See with that, rather than your two regular eyes," she explained as they cleared the table and the two witches stretched out. Dawn brought them two small throw pillows to make them more comfortable.

"We need blankets, too, do we have any here?" Tara asked, sitting up on her elbows.

"I think there's some in the training room," Xander offered, and ran back to check.

"Sometimes it gets cold when you do this, your physical body feels cold, like how your body temperature drops when you sleep? So better to keep it warm. If you think about your physical body while in the astral state, you'll just come right back here," Tara warned. "Also, you need to take off any jewelry."

They removed rings, necklaces and earrings, giving them to Cordy for safekeeping, and Xander returned a moment later with an army blanket, which he carefully spread over the two girls.

"Ok. Now, just relax and I'll tell you what to expect. You'll close your eyes and start to relax each part of your body…let yourself go," Tara began, her voice very soft. "Everyone else must remain absolutely quiet throughout the experience. Maybe some of you might want to go back to the training room, just in case."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Anya grumbled.

Tara continued, speaking now to Willow. "Your sense of hearing and touch will vanish and you will start to see images float across your mind. It might take you a while to get used to it, but I'll be, and I'll guide you through it all. Don't feel bad if it takes a few times, okay?" she asked softly. "But hopefully it won't, since I'll be there with you."

Willow nodded, closing her eyes and concentrating on her breathing and on Tara's gentle voice. "Eventually you'll start to feel the vibrations. Try not to concentrate on them," Tara instructed. "Just allow them to happen and don't get scared. They'll pass. When you achieve projection your body might feel heavy. You may not even be able to move some of your limbs, but don't worry. That passes if you relax enough. Sometimes you'll hear noises…a buzz or hum. Ignore it. When we get there, I'll find you, I'll show you how to get to where Buffy and Angel are."

"This seems pretty complicated," Dawn whispered to Anya, who nodded.

"The vibrations aren't always so bad," the ex-demon told her. "They can be quite pleasurable, if you know what I mean." She elbowed Dawn knowingly and turned back to the table.

Tara was silent now and the Scoobies watched as the two girls lie on the table, hands folded over their torsos, eyes closed and breathing steady.


	13. Bursting the Bubble

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

"Dawn," Tara whispered. "Bring me something of Buffy's." 

"Something of Buffy's?" the Slayer's sister asked. 

"I'll need something of hers to locate her energy," Tara explained, never opening her eyes. "And something of Angel's." 

Dawn glanced at Xander, who shrugged, and she moved to take off the ring on her middle finger. "Is a ring okay? I've been wearing it though…won't it have, like, Dawn all over it now?" 

Tara smiled. "No. As long as it's hers it will work." 

Walking to the table Dawn opened Tara's hand and closed her fingers around the ring. Immediately Tara felt the tingle of magic. "And Angel?" she asked. 

Cordelia glanced at Wesley. "I don't think we have anything of his." 

"Oh! Wait!" Fred cried suddenly and dashed over to Connor's punkin' seat. From around the handle she removed a rope bracelet. "Here," she said, crossing the room quickly and thrusting the rope and beads into Willow's hand. 

"This is Angel's. He's had it for a long time. He tied it to Connor's seat for protection." 

"This will work," Willow murmured, lacing the rope through her fingers. "I can feel it." 

"Let's begin," the blonde witch instructed. 

The room was silent except for the faint sound of Willow and Tara's breathing as they relaxed and concentrated on slipping into the astral field. 

It was calming, lying here with Tara so near her, even if it was on the Magic Box table. Willow pushed that thought out of her mind and tried to just let herself go without falling asleep. She focused on the sound of her own breath echoing inside her head until she felt sleep calling her. As she was about to drop off she heard someone whispering her name. 

"Willow," it sighed. 

Her eyes flew open and she jumped. 

Tara's eyes opened. "That was me," she said softly, taking Willow's hand and squeezing it. "I was finding you. It's okay…try again?" 

Willow turned her head to gaze into Tara's eyes, and nodded. "Sorry, it startled me. I'll be better this time." 

"Just relax. You're doing fine," the blonde reassured her. 

Nodding again Willow closed her eyes and let out a few deep breaths, forcing herself to relax. Within moments she felt the gentle call of sleep and found a spot behind her lids to concentrate on, willing herself to it. This time when Tara whispered to her she let the sound caress her skin and tried to turn her head. 

"Take a moment to get used to it," Tara instructed. 

She was near, Willow could tell, could almost feel the tickle of her breath on the side of her face, but she couldn't move, nor could she see. 

"I can't see," she croaked out. Even talking was difficult. The only thing she'd done that was even similar to this experience was last year when she'd entered Buffy's mind after Glory had captured Dawn. And there she'd moved with ease. This, this was entirely different. 

A hand closed over hers. "Relax. You're doing great," Tara murmured, almost reading her mind. "When you were in Buffy's head…it was a lot like this, only you did that with magic. Astral states are natural, anyone can achieve them. Just think about what you want to do. Practice with something small, like wiggling your pinkie," she suggested. 

Willow concentrated and a moment later felt her finger move. 

"Good," Tara smiled. "Baby steps." 

"Baby steps," Willow struggled to say. 

They worked a while more until Willow could force her eyes open. Before her was a swirl of beautiful light. Tiny wisps of color chased each other, like fairies playing tag. "Wow," she breathed. 

Tara smiled again. "I thought you might like this. It's pretty, huh?" 

Willow nodded and Tara beamed. "Good! You nodded!" she exclaimed. "Ready to try walking?" 

Willow gulped and tentatively moved her feet. It wasn't as hard as she'd thought though her arms hung at her sides like lead weights. "I can walk without moving my arms," she assured her friend. 

Tara hid a smile and turned to the light. "I'm going to take your hand now, and channel my energy into yours so we 

move together. I don't want to get separated here." 

Willow nodded and turned her head slightly, surprised to find them floating above their own bodies. The shop in its entirety was behind them, their friends shifting from foot to foot, watching their comatose forms on the table below. 

"They can't see us, right?" 

Tara shook her head. "No…but it's best not to look back. That's the quickest way back into your body." 

She took Willow's hand in hers and closed her eyes, returning to face the light. Willow followed suit and a moment later felt a gentle pull as Tara began to walk. In what seemed like only seconds Tara nudged her and Willow opened her eyes. 

"Where are we?" she asked. Churning around them was an endless tunnel of pinkish-purple light. She glanced to the sides and saw faint images that seemed to peer back at her for a moment, then danced away in the rush of twirling light. 

Tara turned to her. "We're walking the Planes." 

"The Planes?" 

Tara nodded. "It's like a mystical subway station. If we cross through the light at the right place, we'll get off at the right dimension." 

"Oh," Willow said, stunned at what she was witnessing. "How's that again?" 

Tara smiled. "The ring carries Buffy's essence. It will help us be directed to her, wherever she is." 

"What about Angel?" 

"It's the same with the bracelet. But I'm hoping they're together, wherever they are. If they are, we'll know." 

"How?" Willow asked as they seemed to float down the spiraling tunnel. Despite the whirlwind of color all around 

them, the tunnel was quiet and windless. 

"Like this," Tara said, holding up the ring that was now glowing with violet light, similar to what whirled around them. In a moment the ring began to tug on her hand, almost pulling Tara to the spot where she and Willow would need to cross over. 

"Here," the blond said finally and they stopped walking, standing to one side of the tunnel. "This is it." 

"I guess sooooo!" Willow shouted as the bracelet jerked her violently and sent Willow careening through the portal. 

"Willow!" Tara cried and walked through the tunnel wall after her. 

When they stepped through, Willow just moments ahead of Tara, they had entered a giant chamber. The walls were made of a substance both women were sure they'd never seen before. It was gel-like, soft but durable, a faint green color, like the shade of budding leaves. On either side of them were giant doorways leading into darkened hallways. 

Ahead of them was a staircase, made of the same gelatinous substance, only tinted a darker green. There were no visible lighting fixtures; there didn't need to be. The walls themselves seemed to glow from the inside, allowing the room to be well lit, if not slightly eerie. 

"Where are we?" Willow whispered, terrified. 

Tara shook her head. "I don't know. But look." She indicated the ring and the bracelet which where now fairly jumping in the witches' hands. 

"Jeepers," Willow murmured. 

"We should look for them," Tara suggested. Willow swallowed and nodded and the two girls began to move around the room, warily, though nothing could hurt them here. 

They peered down hallways, looking for any sign of their friends, but if nothing else the ring and the bracelet calmed the farther out of the main chamber they strayed. After a few moments they met back in the middle and the objects again took up their dance. 

"I don't understand," Tara began, when Willow glanced up and grabbed Tara's arm. She slowly raised her arm and pointed to the ceiling. Tara's eyes followed Willow's horrified gaze to see Buffy and Angel's bodies floating high above them, unconscious. They were hovering, face down, arms out as if they were flying, expressions of peace on their faces. And they were surrounded by a bubble of shining, silvery light. The light whipped around them, churned, protecting them from the outside, holding them captive within. 

"Are they dead?" Willow whispered shakily, grabbing for Tara's hand, her eyes never leaving her friends. 

"I don't think so," came Tara's ragged reply. "Look…Buffy seems to be content, but…look at Angel." Angel's face seemed to change back and forth between ease and anger as they watched. 

Willow glanced at Tara. "What's going on?" 

"It's the ritual. They're in the process of having their souls removed…I guess this is the simulated bliss thing the demon guy was talking about." 

"We have to get them down." Willow said hurridly. "I can't leave them like that. Look for a way to get up there!" 

"Done," Tara murmured and began to levitate, floating about two feet off the ground. 

Willow came to a dead stop. "How—how are you doing that?" 

Tara smiled serenely. "I learned a long time ago…it takes concentration. Don't try it yet, it will just drain you. I'll be right back." Without another word Tara began to rise higher and higher off the floor until she was almost on top of Buffy's floating figure. She stopped and stared at the Slayer for a moment, then tentatively reached out and touched 

one finger to the bubble that held her friend. It was soft, made of the same material as the walls, but clear. 

Closing her eyes Tara murmured, "Release." Nothing happened. Furrowing her brow she repeated, "Release." 

Glancing at the ground she saw that Willow was watching her earnestly. "What's going on?" 

"I don't know!" Tara called out. She turned back to the bubble. "Desiste!" she tried, a bit more forcefully. Still nothing. Frustrated, and now a bit scared, Tara fired off spell after spell, to no avail. 

Her mind opened to reach Willow's. _Magic isn't working,_ she said despairingly as she moved around to Angel's bubble. 

Tara's words echoed in her head and she felt the magic flow back into her veins as she answered her with her own thoughts. _Maybe it's some super-Slayer force-field. Try Angel,_ the red head suggested, pacing back and forth, frustrated that she wasn't able to help. 

Tara repeated every spell she knew, magic practically flying from her fingertips, but with the same results. 

"I don't know, Will--" Tara began when suddenly the Angel-bubble began to move. Tara flew backwards, out of the way of the now slowly descending bubble, watching with wide eyes. The vampire's face began to contort, in pain and anguish…and…what seemed to Tara to be…frustration? 

The witches watched as the orb lowered to the ground, almost directly where Willow was standing. From her vantage point, Willow could clearly see Angel, who was face-down, heading for her. Tara remained in the air, about twenty feet above the green gel floor where Willow stood. 

Angel was now about thirty feet from the ground and Willow stood beneath him, fascinated at what she was witnessing. His face was still drawing expressions of agony, until…for a brief moment he seemed to calm. For the span of about fifteen seconds, Willow could believe he was merely sleeping, lost in a dream somewhere, and that the man above her was her friend from long ago. 

And then Angel's face changed completely, and she knew, should those eyes open, they would glow a dull amber. 

No longer would they bear weariness and concern. Those eyes would now be filled with rage, with hate, with glee at the murderous thoughts that would fill his mind. 

And then those eyes did open. 

Willow gasped and backed up as quickly as possible. 

Angel's eyes darted around from left to right, taking in his surroundings before focusing on the petite red head in front of him. And when he smiled, the pointed teeth that she'd expected to see, gleamed. 

"Willow," he rasped, his tone almost merry as he continued to be lowered to the ground. Within moments the bubble touched down and burst and Angel, no, _Angelus_ fell to the ground, lying on his stomach. Turning his head to look at her, his eyes flashed and he grinned sickly before leaping to his feet and dusting himself off. 

Willow's heart was racing. "Tara!" she screeched, turning to run. "How do I fly?! How do I fly!?" 

"He can't hurt you!" Tara reminded her just as Angelus reached her friend on the ground. His giant arms reached for her…and fell right through. 

"Wh-what?" he stuttered in disbelief. He swiped at her again, Willow dodging his swings purely on instinct. "What is this?" he shouted. 

"Not your day!" Tara all but growled at him as she reached the pair and took Willow's hand, lifting her into the air. 

"And you were trying so hard to get me out…now you're running away?" Angelus asked, prowling around the room. "Little witches dabbling in magic. You know? I burned a witch once. She screamed for what seemed like hours," he taunted, grinning up at them. "And look at you now, floating around like little birdies. Like target-practice." 

"Ignore him," Willow told Tara and turned to Buffy. "We've got to get her down. If Angel's turned already, Buffy can't be far behind." 

But Angelus wasn't through talking. "Never thought when the Soul got pushed through that portal that things would get so interesting. I'd hoped, of course…but you can't ever be sure. God knows it had to be better than being there, with you _losers,_ all whining about your petty lives and silly problems. And then I heard the magic words…soul-extraction. And it was like a siren's song, you know?" He stopped and made eye contact with Willow. "And look at us now. You and blondie there playing ghosts, and my little Buff…trapped in a big ball…like a giant cat toy." 

"Nice little dream world those kooky demons conjured up for us," he continued, prowling along the floor. "Gotta hand it to Buff, she knows how to please her man…a little naïve, perhaps…and it has been _so_ long since, well…since I had a chance to test her skills, but she's living proof you can teach an old Slayer new tricks." He smiled lewdly and Willow and Tara did their best to tune him out. "I'd imagine she's just about soulless by now…kinda like me," he said, motioning to Buffy's languid body. "This ought to be interesting." 

"Buffy's going to wake up and he'll be there, waiting for her. He'll ambush her!" Willow whispered fervently. 

"No, he won't," Tara declared and they headed for the bubble. 

"Ah ah ah!" Angelus taunted. "Bad little birdies!" he shouted gleefully, reaching into his duster and producing a stake. 

"What's he--?" Willow asked. 

"He's staking himself?" Tara said at the same time. 

Instead Angelus reached back and rocketed the stake towards the bubble. It burst on impact and Buffy's body hurtled to the ground. 

"Buffy!" Willow shrieked and Tara took off across the room. 

Angelus caught the Slayer easily. "I'd say round one goes to me, ladies," he grinned. "Where magic fails, brute strength and a pointy piece of wood come through. Ironic, don't you think?" 

Buffy's eyes had popped open the moment the protective bubble had exploded around her. Shocked and confused to find herself free falling in a foreign environment, then caught roughly in the arms of a vampire, it took her a moment to adjust. Gazing up into the arms of her savior she realized that this was no hero holding her. 

Buffy yelped and used all her strength to free herself from Angel's arms. 

"I don't think so, vamp," she spat, bouncing onto the balls of her feet, ready for any attack he might spring upon her. 

"Where's the love, Buff?" Angelus purred. "A moment ago you couldn't get enough of me…remember that?" 

Buffy's eyes twitched. "Can't help what happens when you're under a spell, Angelus. But magic's been turned off. And now it's you and me." 

"Buffy!" Willow cried as she and Tara came to rest behind her. 

"Stay out of this, witch," the Slayer snarled and Willow's face registered shock. 

"But—Buffy--" 

Buffy ignored her. "Let's finish this, vamp," she snapped. 

Angelus smiled and bowed low. "I've been waiting so long." 

The fight was on. "Buffy! No!" Willow shouted. "You can't!" 

Her pleads slid off the Slayer's shoulders. "Can." 

Willow turned to Tara. "What do we do?" she asked, panicking. "They can't kill each other!" 

Tara was staring at the fighters as they danced around each other. For a moment they sized each other up, though they knew the other's fighting style as well as their own, and then it was on. Angelus rushed at Buffy, who leapt nimbly up and over him with preternatural abilities neither Willow nor Tara had ever seen her exercise. Spinning as she landed, Buffy kicked out, her foot connecting squarely with his back, and knocking Angelus face-first onto the ground. He rolled and leapt to his feet as Buffy ran at him. Ducking a punch he took her around the middle and ran her back into a wall of gel. The gel sunk in with their weights, then bounced them back out. Both fell to the ground, rolling away from each other and springing back to their feet. 

Angelus laughed. "Girl's got some spunk to her now that her soul's taken a vacation." He put up his fists in a mock fight, jumping around like a boxer. 

Buffy wasn't amused. By the look on her face she wasn't even affected by his words. They came together again in the middle of the room, ducking punches and avoiding kicks as they danced. With another leap she knocked Angelus to the floor, straddling him and pinning his arms down. 

He giggled maniacally. "Ready for more?" 

From the corner of her eye Buffy spotted the stake that Angelus had used to free her from the bubble lying on the ground. She rolled the both of them easily, landing next to it and snatching it up. 

"Don't think so!" Angelus cried and launched the Slayer up and off his body, knocking her backwards. 

Buffy righted herself and whirled herself into a flurry of spinning kicks, forcing Angelus to back up. Finally he grabbed her spinning leg and yanked upwards, throwing Buffy's body into the air. She settled onto the ground with a crash and Angelus grabbed her hair, pulling her across the room as she howled in pain. 

"The cavemen had the right idea," he muttered to her, ripping a lock from her head and holding it up. Buffy used the opportunity to free herself and scramble to her feet. "Mind if I keep this as a reminder of what we had?" he asked with mock sentimentality. 

Buffy let out a guttural roar and held up the stake. "It'll be your last, beast." 

"Separate!" Tara cried suddenly, flinging her arms out. Slayer and vampire were thrown to opposite sides of the room. "We've got to get them out of here," she said, turning to Willow. 

Willow nodded in agreement. "What the flying heck is going on? Buffy's all…not-Buffy." 

"It's the soul-extraction," Tara guessed. 

Willow shuddered. "She's…like Faith with even less personality." 

"We'll hold them here. Talk to them," Tara decided. 

Willow resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Right. Talking ought to settle it all between a vampire and a Slayer who don't have consciences." 

The girls took a deep breath and headed to the middle of the room. Buffy and Angelus jumped to their feet and ran to continue the fight when Willow held up a hand and murmured, "Hold." The warriors froze, blocked from movement by magic. 

"Witch!" Buffy cried, struggling. "What's the problem?" She ticked her eyes to Angelus. "Vampire." She pointed to herself, a slight movement allowed by the magic. "Slayer." 

"You can't," Willow began. "You can't kill each other. We're bringing you back to Sunnydale and we're going to fix this." 

"I feel fine," Buffy and Angel said simultaneously. 

Willow and Tara exchanged a glance. "Yeah," they breathed. 

"But you're not," Tara told them. "I know you don't realize it now, but you're not. But we'll fix you, we promise." 

"Don't want fixing," Buffy growled. "What I want is for you two to let me do my job. You're my friends, right? So stop with the strong-hold and let me do it." 

"You can't hold us forever," Angelus told them as his face slid back to its human features. 

"May-maybe not," Tara stammered. "But we're gonna try." 

The girls turned their backs to the couple. "What are we going to do?" Willow hissed. 

Tara almost shrugged. "We'll think of something. Maybe we can just keep them frozen and bring them back to The Planes." 

"I thought that only worked on--" 

The room suddenly exploded with sound as demons flooded in from all sides. Creatures in robes. The Teplir. 

"Uh oh," Willow muttered. She and Tara turned slowly, realizing they were surrounded. 

"Let us go!" Buffy called irritably. 

When the onslaught of demons ended the wave of bodies was parted and the demons all fell to their knees. From down the center of the crowd entered a girl. 

"Welcoming committee? Here with coupons for the local laundrymat and stuff?" Willow asked nervously. 

The girl walked to them. She was…beautiful. Long chestnut hair fell down her back in cascades of curls. She donned a gold, shimmery gown and cape and had the palest skin either girl had ever seen, almost as pale as a vampire. 

The girl observed Willow and Tara with disdain, and her eyes ticked to an immobilized Buffy and Angelus. "You are not welcome here," she said, her voice somehow echoing in the well-padded room. 

"Y-yeah…we sorta got that," Willow told her, glancing at the throng of demons that were standing again, at the ready, weapons in what she realized were now visible hands. 

"You infiltrated our dimension, to retrieve beings that came to us willingly. This is unacceptable," the girl continued. 

"Uh…that's sorta skewing the logic there…Angel was pushed…" Willow told her but the girl held up a hand, silencing her. 

"No matter." Turning behind her she raised her hands and clapped twice. "Council!" she cried. 

Several, taller demons stepped forward. Their robes were a dark green, and they were just as creepy looking. 

"Banish them and release her," she said, pointing to Buffy. "The procedure is _still_ unfinished." Without a glance at the intended victim she gave the final order. "Kill the vampire. He is of no use to us now. Though I will get much energy from his soul." Willow could have sworn she almost smiled at the thought. 

"Who are you?" Willow cried. 

The girl turned back to her, cocking an eyebrow haughtily. For a moment the witches thought she wouldn't answer, but at the last second she seemed to change her mind. "I am Queen Saria. I am ruler here," she said simply. "Go," she ordered her troops. 

"You're messing with the wrong people," Tara warned, low and angry as the army of demons began to advance on them. 

Together the girls clasped hands and Tara shouted, "Mobileste!" Instantly the forces around Buffy and Angelus were lifted and they sprang to the fight to defend themselves. Still holding hands, Tara lifted Willow above the din for a better vantage point. 

"Small spells. Push them back, we'll escape down one of the back tunnels over there," Willow instructed. Tara nodded and together they began flinging magic around the room, helping the now working together Buffy and Angelus. "Wow. Look at them go," she murmured to Tara. 

As well as the Slayer and the vampire fought alone, together it was an amazing sight. The flow, the instinct, the knowledge of each other, the awareness and timing. The thought seemed to occur to both Buffy and Angelus at the same time as they made eye contact over the body of a demon Buffy had just thrown to the ground. Judging by the expressions on their faces, a mixture of shock and disgust at having to work together to save both their hides, they weren't pleased. But there was no time for clever banter or natural grudges between a Slayer and a vampire. They were here to live. Killing each other could wait. 

A Slayer, a skilled vampire, and two witches proved to be more formidable than it sounded and the Queen was obviously not happy. She ordered her Council to direct more firepower to the witches, but the combination of Willow and Tara working together enabled a force field around them, diverting any magical efforts thrown in their direction. 

The battle beneath the floating witches raged as Buffy and Angel ducked and punched, kicked and dove, tackled and delivered death to the Teplir, who, while large in number, were not skilled fighters. 

More quickly than she expected, the Queen found her army retreating to the corners of the room, backing out of the fight. In the middle stood a triumphant Buffy and Angelus. 

"So you want me dead, is that it?" Angelus asked, a bit of his brogue sneaking out. 

"Join the club," Buffy shot at Saria. 

"You—no. This isn't possible," she stammered, now looking far less superior than she had before. 

"'Fraid so, goldie," Buffy retorted, as she and Angelus began to cross the room, heading directly for her, murder in 

both their eyes. 

"I smell human blood. And I haven't had a snack in quite a while. Was jonesing for some Slayer blood, but yours ought to do," Angelus snarled. 

Willow and Tara touched ground. "She's human?" Willow asked.


	14. Dead Inside

* * *

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

Angelus sniffed the air. "Oh yeah…she's human all right. Aren't you, bitch?" His face morphed as he spoke, his eyes glowing brightly as he approached Saria, and his gate slowed to a lazy stroll that was somehow more intimidating than had he been running right at her.

"Human. Didn't count on that," Buffy said mused, her tone flat, level. "Doesn't really change a lot for me." Unconsciously she had begun mimicking Angel's calculated walk, in the opposite direction. Together they circled in front of her like hawks over prey and Saria swallowed, almost imperceptibly. Almost.

"You should be nervous. The odds are a little less in your favor right now, sweet thing," Angel purred, eyes on the Queen, who had moved up onto a platform where her throne stood. "Much as I loathe working side by side with the blonde wonder over there, fact is, we decimated your boys here." He toed one of the dead demons in disgust and continued. "The witches aren't going to let you kill either of us, because they still have – sniff! - the hopes of saving us." He clasped his hands over his heart with mock emotion. "And there's not a damn thing you can do to them." His gaze slid slowly over Willow and Tara, savoring the sight of them. "More's the pity."

They rewarded him with scowls.

"What's up with you being human?" Buffy asked, twisting her head until the bones in her necked cracked.

Saria swallowed again and raised her nose in the air. "I have more warriors. They can be here with a snap of my fingers," she answered, dodging the question.

Buffy's eyes sparkled at the thought of a new battle. "So snap."

"She snaps and her fingers become canapés," Angelus countered. "For starters." He and Buffy were now within ten feet of the Queen now and she was showing obvious signs of internal panic.

Saria glanced back and forth between the four people in front of her. "What is it you want?"

"Release them," Tara demanded before anyone else could speak.

"Impossible," Saria snapped.

"Why?"

"Because it's not done. _She_ is the only one to ever leave this place, to be called back to her dimension. It caused a great disruption to our world," Saria answered, stabbing a finger at Buffy.

"Trust me. Not my idea," Buffy told her, her voice steely.

Something caught Saria's gaze and she seemed to perk up. "You cannot be released. And I think my guards will have some effect on this decision," she said bravely as more demons entered the hall from the far end.

With the use of vampire speed Angelus was at her side, leaping up the four feet to the top of the platform, a wrapping a hand tightly around her throat. She cried out as one arm was pulled behind her back before she had time to blink. "Stop!" Angelus called between clenched teeth, his voice sounding loud, and very deadly. The troops halted their advances.

"You know what I'm thinking?" he asked, leaning in to scrape a fang over her neck. "I'm thinking I just kill you, and they make me King. Whaddya think about that? I look damn fine in a crown."

Saria's eyes were wide with panic and pain and Angelus tightened his grip on her throat. She tried to speak, but no air was reaching her lungs.

Angelus loosened his grip. "What was that? Abdicating in my favor?"

"You don't want to live here," Saria rasped.

"Why's that now? You know…come to think of it, I could just turn you…then you can be at my side. My faithful Queen. We'll feed…we'll laugh…we'll…play," he murmured suggestively.

"You don't want to live here," she struggled to say. "No…humans…here."

He loosened his grip more, a little taken back. "Say that again?"

Saria gulped in a deep breath of fresh air. "I'm the only human on this Plane. The Teplir are the indigenous species. I'm the only one."

"She is telling the truth, Angelus," one of the demons called out. Buffy recognized his voice. It was one of the demons that had pushed him into the portal. "She is the only human, our Queen."

"What?" Willow asked.

"I'm the only one," Saria snapped. "You'd have nothing to eat, unless you fancy Teplir blood, and I've been told it's foul."

"So, we're all road-tripping. Grand," Buffy scowled at Angelus.

"No one is leaving," Saria corrected. "You cannot."

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "You're very wrong."

"Give them back their souls!" Tara begged. "Please. You're human…why are you doing this?"

Saria's eyes moved to hers. "It is the life-force of my people. Like air is to yours, to my own. The energy of souls keeps the Teplir alive, as it has been for thousands of years. Strong souls are sought out, but yours found us."

"So it's a power trip," Willow spat out.

"Look, I wasn't searching the want ads for just any portal to jump through, Queenie," Buffy scowled. "I was doing my job, like any Slayer would have done. Can't help it if I happened to end up here."

Saria gave a dismissive wave of her. "That may be. However, the facts are the facts. You came here, to us, willingly, which is the only criteria for the procedure."

"Yeah, and you kept her happy by feeding her an image of heaven!" Willow cried angrily.

Saria considered. "You would do what is necessary to secure the fate of your people, yes? I am doing nothing more than that."

"Except your little plan's gotten interrupted twice now, and that's not exactly textbook is it?" Angelus growled. "Gotta say…you can keep my soul, honey. It's all yours."

"Shut up, Angelus," Willow snapped, stepping forward. "Look, your Highness. You can't have them. You don't understand. This is the Slayer. And he's…all-important vampire-with-a-soul-every-thing-I-do-is-prophesied guy. They're key players in our world. And we need them. You don't. Get some other souls, I don't care! But you can't have theirs. Now…Give. Them. Back."

For a moment everyone was quiet, stunned by the red head's outburst.

"I'm sorry. It's impossible," Saria told her.

Willow stared at her for a moment, then turned to Tara. A look passed between the two women.

__

You know what we have to do, Tara's mind whispered to Willow's.

Willow nodded. _It will wipe us out. Our magical energies will be tapped, for who knows how long._

Tara took Willow's hand and squeezed it. _We can do it. I know we can. And we have to. We can't leave them here like this._

__

I know.

__

I have to go for a moment…someone needs to go back and warn the others that when we return, Angel's not himself anymore.

Willow's eyes opened in panic. _You're leaving me? Here? Alone?_

Tara smiled gently and stroked one hand along Willow's cheek. _Just for a moment, I promise. I'd let you go, but you're not strong enough in the astral world for that. Traveling takes so much control…you wouldn't have enough left to perform the spell to bring them back. _

Willow looked disappointed and Tara, breaking off the mind-speak, was quick to reassure her. "You've done so well, Will…especially since you haven't been practicing lately. You're the strongest witch I've ever known. Stronger than my mom was."

Tara's words didn't fall on deaf ears. "Really?" Willow asked, knowing what a compliment this truly was.

Tara nodded. "I promise." She squeezed her hand again, and tugged on the scarf Willow wore around her neck. "I'll bring this back, okay?" she said, holding it up. "I'll find you."

Willow nodded shakily and watched as Tara stepped back and closed her eyes. In a moment she began to fade until she had completely disappeared.

"Where did she go?" Buffy demanded. "You two are so big with the orders…'Don't kill him,' 'We've got to get back to our world,' and now she leaves?"

"She'll be back, Buffy. In just a minute," Willow assured her. She turned back to Angelus, still holding Queen Saria captive, and then to the horde of demons being her, waiting to attack.

"In just a minute," she repeated.

*~*~*

With a gasp, Tara reentered her body and her eyes flew open. She sat up quickly, getting her bearings.

"What happened!?" Dawn cried, flying to her side.

"Are you okay?" Gunn asked.

"Where's Willow? Why isn't she waking up?" Xander asked.

Tara took a deep breath. "She's fine. I'm going back. Buffy and Angel are okay…except that Angel's Angelus and Buffy's sorta…worse than before."

"Worse? How worse?" Xander asked.

"Just worse. I don't have time right now, I left them there, alone, to warn you. Angel's Angelus. Will and I are going to perform a spell to bring them back to this plane, but it's difficult and really complicated. Inter-dimensional traveling is very advanced, even for two witches channeling their magics. We won't be any good to you when we come back."

"What are you saying?" Dawn asked, tears in her eyes.

"She's saying Angel's all rowdy and we need to be ready for his big arrival 'cause she and Willow aren't going to be able to save our butts. Do I got ya?" Gunn asked.

Tara nodded.

"I feel you. We'll be ready," he said, his tone dead serious.

"I've gotta go. Just be ready. Don't let him get away. Tie them up, chain them up, whatever. But keep them here," Tara pleaded.

"Go on!" Cordelia cried. "Bring them back!"

Tara glanced once again at her friends and the newcomers, to Fred standing worriedly in the background, to the lone Teplir, still tied tightly in the back of the shop, to Wesley, standing guard over little Connor's punkin' seat. Nodding at them all, she lay back on the table and steadied her breathing, calming herself.

*~*~*

"This is boring," Angelus complained. "And I'm hungry." He grinned at Buffy. "Whaddya say, Buff? Gimme a taste for old times sake?"

She cocked her head, unemotional. "If you want to bring up old times…how about I ram a sword through your gut and send you to Hell? That something you're looking to relive?"

He continued to grin at her. "I think we all know you couldn't kill me again."

"The old her couldn't kill you again," Willow corrected snidely. "I don't know what soulless Buffy's capable of."

"She's not soulless," Saria corrected.

All three sets of eyes moved to hers. "What?" Willow asked.

"She's not soulless. You interrupted the ritual, _again."_

Willow shook her head, realizing the implications of what Saria was saying. "So there's no Buffy left in there. There's Slayer. Just Slayer."

"Interesting," Angelus mused. "No more, 'woah-is-me, fight the good fight' Buffy, eh?"

Buffy was unmoved. "I feel fine. Clearer, actually, if you want to know the truth."

"The ritual was stopped. The part of her soul that was Buffy Summers, the mortal, is gone, with us now. The remaining part, the soul that is Buffy Summers, the Slayer, is partially extracted. Hers did not come to us as easily as your did," Saria said bravely, considering Angelus still had a strong hold on her, and she was one of two available snacks on this plane.

"So she's not even full-Slayer?" Willow asked.

Saria glanced at her. "Not entirely, no."

Buffy considered this as she tossed her stake from hand to hand. Suddenly she launched it backwards and it embedded itself in the forehead of one of the awaiting demons. The demon didn't even have a chance to cry out in pain before he sunk to the ground, utterly dead.

Willow gasped.

"Don't seem to being too bad if you ask me," Buffy said simply.

Saria watched, impassively, as the demon died at the Slayer's hand. "Your Slayer abilities, even diminished, are stronger now than they ever were when your body was occupied by your human soul. Your human soul restrains your true power, your actual aptitudes. It inhibits you. Without your mortal soul, you would be almost unstoppable. You don't need it."

"You're saying that just so she lets you keep her soul!" Willow accused.

The Queen ignored her. "She senses it. She knows it's true," Saria countered, her eyes steady on Buffy's. "Feel it," she nodded, encouraging. "You're stronger now than you ever were when you had emotions burdening you, plaguing your mind. Without them holding you down you can be what a Slayer is truly meant to be…a fighter."

"Without a conscience," Willow stated flatly. "She'd be a killer. No better than Angelus, or Spike."

"Wrong," Saria snapped. "A vampire, while soulless, is a killer because there is a demon raging inside them, forcing their hand. It tips the scales. Not having a soul simply means a being is without essence, without conscience. Without remorse."

"You mean without joy," Willow countered angrily.

"Like the first Slayer," Buffy mused softly, ignoring Willow. "Just the hunt, only the kill. No friends. No family. No love."

"Hindrances," Saria sniffed. "Holding you back."

Buffy seemed to consider this for a moment. "Back to my roots. Almost like I should thank you. I've got this whole clarity thing going on. All black & white, no gray anymore."

"Now you're coming around," Angelus said, grinning happily at the turn of events.

Willow ran to her friend. "Buffy, she's trying to strike a deal with you. She knows we're going to get you out of here. She knows it. She's trying to make you think that if you let her keep your mortal soul, which I _know_ is stronger than the Slayer-part on _any_ day, that you'll be happy. But you won't! You won't be anything! You won't feel anything, ever! You'll go through life without ever really laughing again, a good belly-laugh like that time Xander spit chocolate milk out of his nose and it hit Principal Snyder right on the back of his bald head."

Willow paused for a moment, letting her words sink in, and took another step towards Buffy. Her eyes were huge with concern and determination. "We'll never cry at sad movies together, or take in a great day at the park, swinging on swings like we're four-years-old again. You won't ever hug Dawn again and really feel the love that she has for you. Buffy," she pleaded, moving to stand directly in front of her friend, tears welling in her eyes. "You won't truly remember your mom, and how much you loved her, how much you cared for her, and how much she wanted you to go on with your life, to live…for her."

Buffy stared at her best friend for a minute, then another. Live…for her…the words sounded so clearly in her head. She couldn't remember exactly how it had felt…of those times Willow mentioned, or the hundreds more that she now recalled in her mind. She _remembered_ them, but she couldn't _feel_ them now, like you can with a really great memory…how you can conjure up almost the exact feeling of euphoria or sadness, or anger or any emotion… Just thinking of those times brought back nothing for her. They were just times, events. Things she'd done.

And then Buffy shrugged. "Suits me fine," she told Willow, and jumped straight up in the air, flipping forward and wrestling the Queen from Angelus' arms. With a smirk, Buffy locked Saria's arms to her sides and shoved their faces nose to nose. "But you're starting to annoy me." She swung out, bloodying Saria's nose and knocking her to the ground. 

And then Buffy turned on Angel. "Let's give it a go."

Angelus grinned. "Been waiting," he answered. Faking to the left he caught her right cheek with a punch, then kicked out, sweeping to knock her legs out from under her. She anticipated his move and jumped up and in, avoiding his kick, but knocking him back and off the platform, into the waiting arms of the Teplir.

"Now we're talkin!" Angelus called, scrambling to his feet and then ducking to avoid the swing of an ax, wielded by a Teplir guard.

Buffy dove off the platform and into the mix.

"No! Aagh…stop!" Willow cried, grasping both sides of her head in frustration. She zinged off a few spells, trying to help out, but the room was nothing but chaos and it was impossible to see what was going on. She began to jump into the air, trying desperately to fly and gain a better vantagepoint. 

Suddenly a hand slipped into hers.

"Rise!" Tara cried and they immediately rose off the ground, clasping each other's hand firmly in their own. Two sets of eyes went jet black as dark power filled them. Together they began to channel their most dangerous magics, manifesting them into one supreme element.

"Off," Tara hissed, motioning with her hand, and two demons that had knocked Angelus to the ground suddenly flew back against a wall and crumpled to the floor.

"Fuegas!" Willow howled, producing a ball of fire and hurling it at a cluster of Teplir headed for Buffy.

"Disperta!" Tara shouted angrily, aiming her inky gaze at yet another division of the army, causing them to shoot backwards, falling to the ground.

Below them Angelus and Buffy were kicking and punching their ways through the crowd of demons, unconsciously working together and separately enjoying a good fight, even if the odds were thirty, maybe forty to two. The Queen, lying on the ground, half-conscious, struggled to pull herself backwards, against the wall and as out of the way as possible. Blood trickled from her nose and mouth, staining her cotton-white dress. The smell of it was like Pavlov's bell and instantly Angelus began moving towards her.

"Rise," Tara's voice sounded inside his head as he kicked out, knocking two Teplir into each other and out of his way. With no warning he felt his body lift off the ground.

"What?!" he cried, then glared angrily at the witches, floating some twenty feet away from him. To his right, Buffy too began to levitate above the din, protesting loudly. The Teplir swarmed around their Queen, protecting her.

"Don't think so," Willow hissed, and summoned all her control, holding it in a ball, welled in her chest. Saria began to rise off the floor, limp from her injuries. Her minions danced around her, crying out her name, clutching at her robes, but it did no good. "One for the road," Willow seethed, and turned to Tara.

"We have to travel with them," Tara told her. "Or the magic will get out of control."

Willow nodded. "Fine by me," she rasped.

Tara began. "Mala, Keeper of the Roads, we seek access to the regions beyond."

"Allow us entry and guide us safe!" Willow followed as a powerful wind began to kick up, whirling in a funnel cloud around them.

Tara shouted the next part to be heard above the din. "Five seek the Path, entry to our time, trembling at your name!"

"We beseech thee, Guardian of the Way, take us now!" Willow called and suddenly felt as if her body was being sucked down a drain. She heard the cries of Tara, Saria, Buffy and Angelus around her, but was unable to do anything to soothe them. And then it stopped.

She opened her eyes to find herself as she'd left, lying on the table next to a shaking Tara. Sitting up she spun around wildly, looking for their companions. They were behind them, all three lying on the ground, unconscious.

"You made it!" Dawn cried, rushing forward to engulf Tara, then Willow, in massive hugs.

"Yeah," Willow nodded, unsteady and still trying to catch her breath. She moved to stand and realized almost too late that her legs wouldn't hold her. Xander caught her just in time. 

"Woah, there, little lady," he teased, though it was obvious he was worried about her. "Take it easy."

"We'll be…out of it…for a while," Tara gasped, her breath still coming quickly. She closed her eyes to block out the dizziness.

"I didn't know…I had no idea…that was…that was…" Willow stammered.

"Powerful," Tara finished, meeting the red head's eyes. 

Willow nodded in agreement and shifted on the table. "We have to get them tied up. All of them."

"Even Buffy?" Cordelia asked.

Tara and Willow exchanged a glance. "It might not be a bad idea," Tara told them. "It will keep her from killing Angel at least."

Wesley cocked an eyebrow. "That bad, eh?"

The witches didn't answer him and everyone began to move around, preparing for when their friends woke.

Anya raised her hand. "Can I ask a question?"

The group stopped and turned to see her toeing the Queen uneasily.

"Who exactly is this?"


	15. Gather 'Round the Campfire

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*

"That's the Queen of the Teplir," Willow answered, mustering up her strength, though still leaning heavily on Xander, and rising to her feet. "We took her as a souvenir. She's the one taking all the souls."

"She looks…" Wesley began, looking over the still form of Saria.

"Human," Tara finished. "She is."

"Bloody Hell," Spike groaned.

"This whole thing just gets weirder and weirder," Gunn muttered.

Fred stood up. "We need rope."

"For her," Xander corrected, tilting his head towards Saria. "For a mightily pissed off Slayer and Dead-Boy? We need chains." As an after thought he added, "With magic locks."

"Regular will have to do for now…I'm tapped," Willow told him as he led her to a chair.

"Sit. Both of you. We'll handle this." He walked to the back of the store. "Giles left his weapons trunk. There're chains in it." He ducked into the training room.

Spike and Wesley followed Xander, dragging Angel by his arms. Cordelia and Anya managed Buffy. Dawn, Fred and Gunn remained with Tara and Willow until the rest of them returned.

"Six sets of chains between the two of them should hold them…for about fifteen minutes," Xander quipped, walking back into the main part of the shop. "We've so got to figure out something quick."

Gunn and Xander lifted Saria up and onto a chair and secured her with rope. "Damn…who did that to her face?" Gunn asked, eyeing the now swollen and purple cheek and the blood dried on her lip.

"Buffy," Willow told him. "After she wrestled her away from Angel. I mean Angelus."

"What's wrong with my sister?" Dawn asked. "What happened there?"

Quickly Tara and Willow took turns going over the events that had unfolded. "So now Buffy's mostly Slayer, no Buffy, and Angel's purely Angelus."

"Nothing like a trip to Sunnydale," Cordelia moaned. "Ok. This is easy. We just do the curse again, right? Curse Angel and return his soul to him? And that'll work on Buffy, too, won't it? Willow, you guys have to have one of those orbs and the noxious herbs around here…I call herbs again!" She grinned. "I'm good at the herbs. Done it twice now."

"Um…" Wesley began, looking hesitant. "I'm not entirely sure that's true."

"What part? That Cordy's not all Julia Child when it comes to recursing?" Gunn asked.

"No…I'm not entirely sure the recursing will work."

"Why?" Dawn demanded.

Wesley removed his glasses and began pacing around the room. "You see…the curse used to restore Angel's soul was specific. It could only be returned to him via the methods it was removed -- through the Orb of Thesulah. In this matter, I believe that trying to recurse him that way will be useless. They will need to be resouled using alternate means. If there is a method for removing a soul, there has to be a counter measure to restore it."

"So you're sayin' until her highness wakes up here, and we can make with the interrogation, we're stuck," Gunn surmised. 

"Pretty much," Wesley admitted, looking defeated.

Dawn stamped her foot. "Fine." Crossing over to the sleeping Queen she lifted her lolling head up and began not-so-lightly slapping her face. "Wake up! Hey! You! Queen! Wake up!"

"Dawnie," Tara murmured as Saria's began to stir.

"Wake up!" Dawn ordered again, and the Queen's lids fluttered, then opened, and she found herself under the angry scrutiny of ice blue eyes.

"Wha--?" she mumbled, wincing at the pain from moving her jaw. Looking up she took in her new surroundings, and the mob of unhappy looking people.

"Hi. What did you do to my sister?" Dawn demanded, her hands clenching the arm rests of Saria's chair as she leaned in, nose to nose.

"Your who?"

"My sister. Buffy. The Slayer. You took her, Willow and Tara brought her back, and they say you're to blame for it."

"I--"

"Come on! Out with it!" Dawn cried, frustrated.

Xander placed a hand on her shoulder and gently pulled her back. "Dawn. Back off a bit, okay?" he requested softly.

Dawn stared at the Queen a moment more before allowing herself to be moved back. 

Wesley moved in instead and spoke to her very calmly, his voice quite low, but very deadly. "I've no doubt you're tired and confused, but unfortunately, we don't have the time to wait for your recovery, your Highness. Our witches brought you back with them, and we need answers." He took a step closer. "Now, please."

"Answers for what?" Saria asked, trying desperately to control the panic in her voice.

Wesley tilted his head, examining her, and noting the fear in her eyes. "The soul-restoration. Angelus and Buffy will get their souls back. And you will be the one to tell us how."

"That is impossible!" the Queen gasped. "It cannot be done!"

"It can't? Or you won't?" Wesley countered.

She stared wildly at them, from person to person, almost pleadingly. She was going to receive no mercy with this group, she realized. Her jaw snapped shut and her chin set. "It's never been done."

Gunn rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous. She's not going to tell us."

Wesley smiled at him benignly. "I think she will. She's here. Her people are on their own plane. Even if they attempted to locate her, we'll be ready. You've seen them. Angel and Buffy have seen them. They're no match for us. And once Willow and Tara regain their strengths, I'm sure a protection spell can be built around the shop. And until then…well…it's not as if any of us have never cast a spell."

Spike, quiet up until now, caught on. "She'll talk all right," he agreed, cocking his head to the side and blowing smoke into her face. "We got all sorts of folks here tonight, don't we? Consider yourself lucky, bit. It's a special engagement." He morphed into vamp face.

"One night only," Gunn agreed, flashing his homemade battle-ax.

Cordelia grinned. "Yeah," she said. "You don't know who you're dealing with, do you? I'm Cordelia. Resident visionary, _and_ I was the Queen of Pylea…your royal status? Doesn't mean much to me," she sniffed.

"We've got a little more than a Slayer in the mix, darling," Spike cooed. "Vamps, witches, visionaries, ex-demons…we're the complete set."

"And we like to play," Wesley smirked.

"I'm telling you the truth," Saria whimpered. "I do not know how to reverse the procedure. It has never been done."

Willow stood up. "You said you're the ruler there. But you're human. So who was their ruler before you showed up?"

Saria did not answer.

"The lady's talking to you," Spike growled.

Saria continued to say nothing.

"Hey!" Spike shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Get off me!" the Queen shrieked. "You've ruined everything! You've ruined everything!"

"Ruined your ritual, yeah, sorry about that!" Spike snapped. "Put a damper on your day, eh?"

Saria spat at him. "Fool. You know nothing! Nothing about what you've done to me!"

Spike's eyes flew open. "To you! We've got two friends in the back, all soulless now and only you to thank!"

"You know nothing about what you've done!" Saria shouted as angry tears slid down her face. "It can never be fixed now! Never!"

Spike moved as if he wanted to strike her, but Tara put a hand out and stopped him. Sighing, unsatisfied, he walked away, muttering to himself.

They let the queen calm down, though her chest continued to heave in anger.

"You're human," Tara said softly. "H--how are you a queen of demons?"

Saria stared at the ground.

"I think you better answer him," Fred said timidly. "Best just to get it over with."

"Why would I answer any of your questions. It will do no good. For me, for anyone," Saria mumbled.

"Could you just try? The yelling's not good around the baby."

Saria stared at the gentle Texan for a moment before her eyes moved to a fitful Connor, nestled in Fred's arms. Shoulders slumped, but the Queen's chin came up proudly. "Fine. But understand, it will do you no good. None." She glared at Tara. "I have been the sovereign of the Teplir for the past three hundred and fifty-four years."

"That's not very long," Wesley mused.

"How did it happen? How did you become their Queen? You told Angel you're the only human on that plane," Willow continued.

Saria swallowed but gaze did not waver from her interrogator. "I do not see how this has anything to do with your friends."

Anya surprised them all by placing a hand on Willow's arm and approaching the queen. She leaned in, each hand grasping one of the armrests of Saria's chair, and gave an icy glare. "We're the ones asking the questions. You're the one tied up. I've only been human again for these past four years or so but even I know that bondage is only fun in the bedroom. We've all got places we'd rather be. So why don't you sit back, answer our questions and we'll all get this over with a little more quickly."

Saria stared at her before closing her eyes and nodding. "Fine. I will answer them," she said faintly.

"Great," Dawn chimed in. "So, how did you get to be Queen?"

Saria's eyes moved to hers. "Do you know your geography?" she asked testily. "I was born in what is now known as Germany in 1632. My father was a powerful man in our village, but he was also feared because of his associations with the black magics. When I was sixteen I was to be married to a man that I detested, Sigroy Krucher. He was horrid, cruel, and ugly. I refused and my father, though he loved me, became enraged at my disobedience. He told me I would do as I was told and marry Sigroy anyway. I cried for weeks, but it did no good. The night of our wedding I was brought to Sigroy's house. It was then that I learned how he and my father had become friends. Sigroy also shared the love of black magic, had in fact been a student of my father's for many years." She paused, her eyes lost in the foul memory. "Sigroy had made a deal, with a demon called The Traveler. I was the bargaining chip." 

"The Traveler moves from dimension to dimension," she continued, "feeding off the weaker species, cleaning out each place until nothing is left but a vast wasteland. He'd come across a Teplir, feed off it, and was willing to do anything to get his hands on more. The Teplir have a high energy quotient," she explained. "The energy is what the Traveler seeks, much as the Teplir do. However, to access the portal one must have a soul, or at least, part of a soul. And he did not."

"So he took yours," Fred surmised from the back of the room, where she quietly held Connor.

Saria nodded. "The Traveler performed a ritual to halve my soul, and to deposit the other half in himself, therefore ensuring that he could enter the Teplir's dimension."

"Why you?" Cordelia mused. "Couldn't he have gotten anyone? Just yanked someone off the street?"

"He could, but I was desirable. I have magic in my blood," Saria explained. "It gives the soul more power."

"So…what did Sigfried and Roy get out of this?" Gunn asked.

Saria's gaze ticked to his. "By assisting the Traveler Sigroy was granted access to any dimension that he chose. I believe he is now ruling somewhere in the Foth region."

"Right. Foth. I've got a time-share there," Xander quipped. "Get to the part about them making you queen."

Saria glared at him with contempt. "The Traveler performed the ritual to open the portal to the Teplir's world. As you know, a soul may not enter if it is unwilling. I was more than unwilling. Until the Traveler showed me something. He forced me to look into his eyes, and there I saw my mother, held captive at Sigroy's home. My father was dead. Sigroy had killed him, the student turned against the pupil. I was told that unless I crossed the dimensions willingly, my mother would also perish. I had no choice. And so I went."

"We entered the Teplir's world, but the Teplir had not…what do you say…done his homework. He failed to realize that the moment anyone foreign enters our dimension they are put through the extraction ritual."

"Like Teplir customs," Gunn murmured.

"We were both placed in the spheres, as you found your friends," she said to Willow and Tara. "But this is where the demon was stupid and the Teplir were intelligent. The soul only has to be willing to cross into the dimension. Once in the sphere, a scene is played out for the individual to keep them complacent, until the extraction is complete. The Teplir look into your memories for perfect moments of happiness and use them against you."

The entire group of Scoobies groaned.

"Can of worms. Open," Xander muttered.

Saria was confused but did not comment. Instead she continued. "Deceitful, yes, but necessary for their way of life. The Teplir chose to show me my parents, the only love I had ever known, and this triggered my memory. I was distracted enough to cause the ritual to end. I was released with what was left of my soul. The demon was infatuated with what the Teplir showed him, and the rest of my soul was taken. The ritual was completed and the sphere was broken. The Traveler was free to kill, and began to do so in earnest. But I had been ready for this. When I was released I sought out a weapon. I grabbed a spear and when his back was to me, I stabbed him through the heart."

"Wow," Dawn murmured.

Saria's gaze was now permanently affixed to the floor. "The Teplir were amazed and grateful. They began to praise me. All I wanted was to be returned to my home, but I was told I could not. I was stunned that I could understand them. They spoke my language, they spoke every language it seemed."

"And because you defeated the big bad wolf they made you their head honchette," Xander guessed. "What a lovely story."

Saria nodded. "I had nothing to return to. Here I was a queen. My parents were both dead, I knew enough about Sigroy then to know he would never have let my mother go free. I had no one else. Had I returned to my village I would have been a pauper. And so…I am Saria, Queen of the Teplir."

"Touching," Willow snapped. "So you took Buffy and Angel because their souls are strong."

Saria nodded. "They have souls so strong it was as if they called out to us. You as well, witch."

"Yeah, well, you can't have mine."

"So explain again how it's not possible to return their souls," Cordelia demanded.

"There, the energy of the souls kept me and my people alive. I was blessed with an anchor of what was left of my soul. It would remain in place while I was on that plane, immune to the extraction ritual. Once I crossed the dimensional gate, I was relieved of my soul. I cannot reenter my plane," Saria moaned. "That is what I was trying to explain."

"You can't go back," Tara gasped.

"No, I can not."

"So we can't get back there unless we do the astro thing," Dawn said quietly.

"Astral," Wesley corrected her absently.

"Whatever." She crossed to Saria. "You have no idea what you've done, do you?"

Saria met her eyes with an angry stare.

"Angelus is going to kill us all. And Buffy's the Slayer! We need her!" Dawn cried.

"You were not supposed to retrieve them. Death is final on this plane," Saria growled.

"Not so much," Xander told her. "Anyway, that's not point. They're here now, so are you. Minus three souls."

"And one up on the homicidal maniacs," Cordelia added. "We've _got_ to figure out how to get Angel's soul back."

"I agree," Wesley cut in. "While it's a priority to obtain both their souls, I fear Angel's is the most crucial. I highly doubt Buffy will be trying to murder us each in new and inventive ways."

"Fine. Research it is. Again," Anya groaned. "You people are never leaving my shop, are you?"

"I'll get sandwiches," Xander volunteered.

"You just don't want to read," Dawn grinned.

"I'd better go with you," Gunn added quickly. He threw a glance at the group. "Lots of bad stuff out there at night."

"And we've got to get Dawn home soon," Tara told them all as Gunn and Xander exited. "Mr. Summers will be wondering."

"What are we going to tell him about Buffy?" Willow moaned.

"She's on a book club retreat," Dawn reminded them.

Willow gave her a look. "Buffy?"

"Your dad hasn't seen her in a few years," Tara chimed in. "She might have become a bookworm." 

Dawn rolled her eyes. "We have to come up with something he'll _believe._

There was commotion from the back of the shop, the sound of chains rattling, then shouting.

The entire group glanced worriedly at each other.

"Oy," Cordelia said.


	16. Closet Full of Skeletons

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

"Both of you, sit still and be quiet," Gunn ordered to the Teplir and his Queen, and joined the group hurrying to the training room. "Don't make me come back in here." They walked in to find Angelus and Buffy awake and angry, struggling against their chains that were held fast to the brick walls. Buffy was restrained on one side of the room, between the pummel horse and a balance beam, Angelus was on the other side, ensconced between two giant gym mats. They looked up as their captors filed in, one after the other. 

"Buffy!" Dawn cried and ran to her, throwing her arms around her sister.

Buffy became rigid at the touch.

"You're okay?" Dawn asked, pulling back and pushing a lock of hair from the Slayer's eyes.

Buffy blinked. "I'm chained to a wall in my own training room, courtesy of my friends and my sister," she said pointedly.

Her point was taken. "We weren't sure…how you'd be," Dawn admitted, rocking back on her heels. She rose and rejoined the group.

"All our loyal and trusty friends," Angelus noted, looking over the motley group.

Cordelia spoke. "We're going to fix you guys, don't worry."

"Not if I kill you all," Angelus growled, rattling the chains.

"I'd like to see you try," Gunn told him, wielding the ax.

Angelus' expression didn't change but his body relaxed as he sat against the wall. "So, what's the plan? Research, give Wesley a huge headache while he does most of the work anyway, then try to save the day?"

"Something like that," Xander told him, bravely.

"Giles left his books, Angel. We can fix you. Right?" Dawn asked them.

"Why am I tied up?" Buffy demanded. _"I'm_ not a killer." She shot a glare in Angelus' direction.

"Not yet, luv," he murmured with a grin and a wink.

"Sorry Buff," Xander interrupted. "We just weren't sure…Willow and Tara said you were a little different on account of being a little lighter in the soul department now. Couldn't take the chance."

Buffy turned her icy stare to him and he shivered. "I promise not to kill anyone," she sighed heavily and they all looked at her speculatively. "What? I do."

"I think you can just stay here for a little while longer," Xander told her. He looked at his friends. "We don't even know what we're going to do yet. If she's chained, at least we know where she is."

There were some unsure nods and murmurs of agreement, and finally Willow walked to her friend and knelt down. "I'm sorry, Buffy. The chains and all…but we don't know what's going on yet. I think you're safer here."

The Slayer cocked an eyebrow. "I'm touched."

"We're going to figure this out. We'll get your soul back, I promise. But, if we let you out…you might stake Angel. Or one of us."

Buffy stared at her friend for a moment before turning her head and looking away, stonily ignoring the witch. Resigned, Willow stood up, swallowing the lump in her throat, and rejoined her friends.

"Dawn," Angelus called out suddenly, his eyes trailing up and down her body. "All grown up. Aren't you the delicious little morsel? I need to visit Sunnydale a bit more often…I miss all the…" he leered even further, "attributes."

Dawn looked around, panicked.

"Don't let him get to you, nibs," Spike told her, taking her arm. "He can't hurt you, being somewhat indisposed at the moment." He glared at his grandsire.

Angelus winked and gave him a suggestive grin. "Playing the role of daddy, Spike? She's a bit young…but I can see the appeal…she's just starting to get all those nice parts." His eyes trailed up her body again and Dawn blushed furiously, moving behind Spike to cover herself. Angel cocked his head to one side. "Of course…young would be the idea, wouldn't it?"

"You're sick!" Dawn spat.

Angelus laughed. "Ask him. It's one of his favorite games…I remember. Dru liked it, didn't she, Spike? Liked it when her man took over, gave orders. And it was delicious the way she screamed…_Daddy._ 'Least…that's what I remember." He glanced at the rest of the group, singling out Xander, two sets of brown eyes locked on each other. "It must have killed you that I got there first."

Spike assumed Angel was still speaking to him. Setting his jaw he walked over to Angel, knelt on the ground and leaned in. His breath, had he had it, would have tickled Angel's ear. "Laugh it up, mate. You might have gotten there first…but I'm the one who gets to keep coming back. And I'll tell you…she's learned a few things since your day. Got a nice little adventurous side to her…gets off on the risk. It's like…perfect happiness." The use of present tense was not lost on Angelus. Spike smirked and stood up, sauntering to the back of the room.

Angelus stared at his grandchilde momentarily, turning the words in his mind, then lunged, only to be pulled back by the chains. The entire group jumped and took a step back. He struggled for a moment before giving up, and turned flashing eyes to Buffy, grunting at the strain of his struggles. "So…gave it up for another vampire, did you, Buff? One wasn't enough…just couldn't get the feel of me out of your mind, so you turned to another? You should have called…I would have been more than happy to accommodate you."

Willow gasped. "What?"

"What's he talking about?" Cordelia asked nervously, looking from Buffy to Angel.

Angelus laughed, a high, mean laugh. "Tell 'em Buff! Tell them how you've been screwing Spike…that's who Lorne was talking about, wasn't it? Yeah…right…it's all coming together now. Poor little Buffy, ripped out of happiness and thrust into the…well…maybe using the word _thrust_ is a little inappropriate for our PG-13 audience here…"

Dawn took a step. "You—you're sleeping with Spike?" she asked her sister, disbelief in her voice.

Buffy had been staring at the ground. At Dawn's question she looked up. "Let's not go into this."

"At least tell him it's not true!" Xander cried, joining Dawn. "It's not true…right? Buffy?"

Buffy's eyes ticked to his. She held them for a moment before giving him a shoulder jerk and settling back against the wall, her expression impassive. "I must admit, not my proudest moment."

There was a moment of stunned silence before Spike, who had scurried to the back of the group, looked up, wounded. He stormed to the middle of the room, pointing a finger at Buffy. "If you had a working soul, you'd be telling them--"

He cut himself off, looking around.

"I'd be telling them, what, Spike?" Buffy asked, her chin up.

His eyes, sad now, held hers. "You'd be telling them that I was there for you, that we were there for each other, and that…it was something between us," he admitted gently. With that, he turned on his heel and exited the training room.

The group watched him go. "I think I'm going to be sick," Cordelia moaned, holding her stomach and looking decidedly pale. "God, Buffy…I mean, Angel was one thing. But Spike?"

Dawn wiped at tears on her face. "Buffy…why…how could you do that? Why would you do that? Do you love him?"

Buffy smirked, then let out a short laugh. "Oh, yeah, right. Love Spike. No, sorry. It was nothing."

Willow took a shaky step forward. "What else, Buffy?" she snapped, angry and betrayed. "What else are you hiding from us? Got any kids, or a husband out there somewhere? Maybe a secret agent's life you'd like to tell us about? How could you!?" She took a step back, unsure where to go or what to say. "We thought you were in Hell, so we brought you back. You didn't bother to tell us that you thought you were in heaven until—but you told Spike! And Spike can hurt you, but you didn't tell us that, either! And now this? He can hurt you…he could have killed you…" Willow stared at her in disbelief, shock and pain on her face. With an angry shake of her head she stormed out of the training room, Tara on her heels.

For a moment, no one spoke. The tension in the room was palpable.

Xander looked from Angelus to Buffy. "Let's get out of here."

They turned and silently left the room.

Buffy shifted her position for more comfort and settled back against the wall, closing her eyes. She was tired…worn out from the adventures of that day, and it was almost morning now. She hadn't slept in twenty-four hours and even then it had been fitful hours in Angel's hotel. That seemed like so long ago.

"I thought you had higher standards than Spike," Angelus muttered after a moment. "He's worse than the Army brat."

"Shut up," she told him impassively. "I'm trying to sleep."

He smirked. "Feeling the shame?"

She didn't answer him.

His eyes lit up. "Or feeling nothing…that must be worse. No demon inside to blame, just yourself. God…what a sorry existence, Buff."

"Am I going to have to stake you to get your mouth to shut?"

"Mmm…striking a nerve when she thought she had none left to strike."

She opened her eyes and glared at him now. "You never get tired of hearing yourself speak, do you?"

"How did it happen, anyway? Are you in love with him? With the danger of it all? Does he do it for you, Buff?"

Rolling her eyes she crossed her arms and ignored him.

"Make you feel all tingly inside, does he? But, I guess that's the whole point now, isn't it? To feel something?"

"I'm feeling something right now, if you want the truth," Buffy told him. "Mainly it's boredom at hearing you yap."

He grinned at that, then sobered as his eyes settled on her neck. "Did you let him feed?"

Something in his tone caught her attention. It was…possessive. Shifting again, running a finger along her neck and down to her collarbone, she practically purred, "What if I did?"

His jaw set. "You wouldn't."

"I let you…of course, had I known then what I know now…I let you feed to save your sorry ass and then you just up and left me anyway…things might have gone differently."

"You'd have done the same," he snapped. "Forever my girl and all…"

"If you're going to start quoting Paula Abdul, I'm going to sleep."

The pop-culture reference was lost on him. Instead, his gaze steeled even further and he repeated, "Did you let him feed?"

Buffy cocked her head to the side. "Jealous, Angel? I don't know why…it's been so long since we were together. Years. And I've had lovers since then. How about you?" She smirked. "Oooh…sorry. I forgot. Jeez, I mean…your last encounter was so lousy you didn't even activate the perfect happiness clause. How sad."

"Lovers," he spat. "You haven't had lovers, my dear. You've been with a one-night stand who refused to call you after…and a farm-boy whose prior sexual encounters included clumsy groping in a barn with Ms. Cornfed 1995. And then there's my grandchilde. Not the greatest track record, I must say. How low you sank…it's disturbing, Buff, really. I'm pretty much ashamed for you."

"As opposed to the gigolo status you achieved in your day. That really surprises me, Angel, it really does. I can't believe Darla was so liberal as to let you take the dozens of lovers you bragged about. Of course, as a former prostitute…I suppose she felt she didn't have room to talk. Then again, maybe she thought you needed more experience in that arena."

He smirked suggestively. "If you want to call into question my prowess, I'm more than willing to give you another try, Buff."

She glared. "I don't think so, but thanks."

"You sure? Just a little reminder of what once was?"

"We are done with this conversation. In fact? I'm ashamed I was even discussing my sex life with you."

He rattled the shackles holding his hands. "If you say so. I figure it'll be just another few minutes before I work my way free of these chains. Then maybe we'll play."

Her eyes widened as her stomach lurched. "If you touch me, I'll kill you. With or without my hands bound."

He grinned and began pulling on the chains in earnest. Buffy watched, horrified, and then began to mimic him.

*~*~*

"I want you gone," Xander boomed as he exploded back into the shop, jabbing a finger at Spike. "Now. Hasta. Or how about, 'Never.'"

The vampire turned around with a sigh. "Look. What do you want me to--"

Gunn stepped up and grabbed Spike's collar, hauling him to the door. "The man said goodbye."

"Hey! Wait a bloody minute!" Spike cried, struggling. "What did I do?"

"We don't need the details," Gunn answered him as they neared the front door.

Spike wrestled free from his grip. "I'm not leaving."

"Yes, you are," Dawn told him, crossing her arms.

His eyes met hers as hurt flooded through him. Dawn remained rigid, staring at him, angry and unblinking. Finally, Spike swallowed and steeled himself. "Fine. Solve this one yourselves." Grabbing a blanket from the floor he covered himself and threw open the door, running out into the street. 

Gunn shut the door and walked over to Dawn. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah…thanks."

He grinned. "We're quickly running out of brute strength around these parts."

Wesley crossed to the coffeepot and poured himself a mug. "May I suggest we begin looking for a way to reinstate their souls if the Queen is unable, or unwilling, to help us."

Tiredly, everyone moved to the table.

"Will…you okay?" Xander asked. Willow had walked to the front of the shop and now stood, staring out of the window as the sun began to peek over the horizon.

She shook her head. "Not even a little bit."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "I know…me either. But…we can't do this right now. Whatever…whatever she did, we'll deal with it. But later. We've gotta figure some stuff out right now."

Willow continued to stare out of the window. "I know." Then, "Xander…what am I doing wrong?" Tears formed in her eyes, threatening to spill over at any minute.

"Nothing," he assured her. "Nothing. We did what we thought was right when we brought her back."

"She's so…different…we're supposed to be best friends. You, me and Buffy. And I don't even…we don't…she doesn't tell us anything. She could have been killed. Spike could have--" 

"Yeah, okay…she wasn't exactly forthcoming with the information. And she was a little hasty in some of the decisions she made…but there might be an explanation for it all. Right now, I have to believe that. I can't even begin to wrap my head around all of this. And I'm not gonna try. What's important now is that we help her. We did this, we're going to fix it." He took her shoulders and turned her to him, waiting to continue until she looked into his eyes. "We're going to fix her. And things are going to go back to normal."

"I want to believe you," she whispered.

Smiling gently he wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "Good. I want to believe me too. I was going for confidence there. What'd think? Too much drama?"

She tried to suppress a grin but it sneaked out. "Only if you'd added a 'Today is our Independence Day' in there."

Now he grinned and slung an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze. "Let's go pretend to be listening to what Wesley's researching."

They walked back to the table and took seats in time to catch Wesley in the middle of an explanation. "You have to understand that the calling forth of someone's soul is a complicated procedure. Traditionally, if a soul was taken by the use of magic, the only way to do so is to reverse that particular method. Since we don't know the method we are at somewhat of a loss."

"You said traditional," Fred. "What about untraditionally?"

Wesley shifted uncomfortably. "There are methods, that I've heard of. Ancient magics, older and far more archaic than the curse performed by the gypsies on Angel. But they're dangerous, and, I'm afraid, extremely hard to locate."

"Would the Council know?" Anya asked. "They seem to have lots of information about things no one else does. They knew about Glory."

"Yeah, and it took Buffy refusing to jump through their hoops and pretty much threatening them to get the answers we needed," Xander pointed out.

"I can see what I can find out from the Council," Wesley admitted, "But I don't have much clout with them anymore."

"What about Giles?" Dawn asked. "They reinstated him, remember? He's still a Watcher."

"I'll call him," Xander offered, glancing at his watch. "It's…I have no idea what time it is there, but this is important. He should know, what's going on."

"Should he?" Cordelia asked. "Buffy seemed pretty upset about him leaving. I got the impression they didn't part on good terms."

"It's Giles," Xander pointed out. "Buffy was miffed with him for leaving, but…it's still Giles."

"Call him," Willow ordered.

He nodded and rose to use the phone but Gunn stopped him by cautiously raising his hand. "Ok, not to sound like I'm anxious to do some threatening, but…we've got their Queen, and we've got one of their boys," he said, pointing to the two captives in the back. "What say I reexamine the witnesses again? Maybe if he thinks his queen's in danger he'll feel more like sharing."

Wesley nodded. "I'll leave that to you. And I feel I should speak to Mr. Giles as well."

"Make with the Watcher-talk," Cordy said with a small smile.

The two men nodded and walked behind the counter to use the phone.

"What should we do?" Tara asked. "I—I don't mean to sound like I want to quit…but no one's slept all night. We're all exhausted. Maybe…we should get some sleep, then meet back in a few hours?"

Cordelia gave her a look. "Thank God someone said it. We're beat. And…Mr. Summers will probably get a little upset if Dawn just never comes home."

"Dad…" Dawn murmured. "I sorta forgot. Not used to him being around."

Willow looked upset, but agreed. "She's right. Both of you. We need sleep. And food. Dawnie, I'll walk home with you."

Cordelia stood and stretched. "So, sleep it is. Sadly, the only place we can stay is Angel's mansion. And it's creepy there."

"I'd let you guys stay at my house, but…you know…" Dawn told them sheepishly.

Fred grinned. "We'll make it like a sleepover at Angel's. It'll be fun."

"Fun…yeah. Drafty old mansion. At least Angel's got good taste. We'll be sleeping on silk sheets," Cordelia told them.

"So…what do we do with these guys?" Gunn asked, jabbing a finger at their hostages.

Xander, waiting to speak with Giles while Wesley was on, leaned over the counter. "I'll stay, watch them all."

"I don't have any place to be," Gunn offered. "We can take shifts. Besides…we have a Slayer with us, even if she is more on the whacked side than not."

"Just like Oz-watch, back in the day," Xander grinned.

Willow rolled her eyes. "Oh, good. Xander was always so great at that." She gave Gunn a weak smile. "He snoozes."

"We'll see about that," Gunn grinned.

"So, that's it. Women to sleep on comfy beds. Men to stay and guard," he thundered.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Men to lay off the testosterone while women sleep."

They waited around a few minutes more until Wesley ended his phone call and handed the phone to Xander.

"What did he say?" Dawn asked, jumping to her feet.

"He was, of course, extremely upset, and very concerned. I had to talk him into staying in England, though in all honestly, I can't imagine a situation in which we could need him more," Wesley told them. "He did recall a few occurrences of soul transfers and the like that he thought might shed light on our circumstances here. He was going straight to the Council Headquarters once he was off the phone with Xander and will get back with us immediately."

"That's good, right? Now we've got England working with us," Gunn stated.

"Giles will find something," Willow said confidently. "That's what he does."

"That's what Wesley does for us," Cordelia said supportively.

Wesley smiled appreciatively. "Yes, well. The more minds we've got working with us, the better. And he will have access to many more resources than we do if he's granted Council assistance."

"He's on his way," Xander informed him, strolling back into the room.

"That was quick," Anya said.

"He was sorta in a hurry to get gone," he told her. "But he said to tell you all not to worry. I told him about your dad showing up," he said to Dawn, "and he knows not to call the house with any info. So the shop's Scooby Central once again."

"We're closing the store today, aren't we?" Anya pouted. "My customers might not stand for this."

"They'll live," Xander told her with a half-smile.

"Ok then…Gunn and Xander are on guard-duty, the rest of us are going to bed," Cordelia said, rising and grabbing some of Connor's belongings. "This little guy has been so good!" she crooned to the sleeping baby.

"One more reason to restore Angel's soul as quickly as possible," Wesley added quietly.

"What? Connor?" Fred asked, moving to the baby's side.

"Can you only imagine what Angelus might want with his own flesh and blood?"

The group stood silently before Cordelia shuddered. "Like…wait for him to be old enough and then…"

She didn't finish the sentence.

"Think they have father-son camping trips for evil, murdering duos?" Xander asked.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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	17. Burdens

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*

After the girls left the shop, Gunn, Wesley and Xander headed to the back. "I vote we put all prisoners in one room," Xander suggested. "It's just tidier."

"I got no problem with that," Gunn agreed, and they moved to the Queen. Picking up either side of her chair, they carried Saria into the back, still bound. The Teplir followed. Buffy and Angel were both struggling against their chains.

"Come on, you two. Play nice. I'm sure we can muster up more restraints if we look hard enough," Xander told them.

They ignored him and continued to work.

"What's the chances of them getting those undone?" Gunn muttered under his breath.

"Oh…pretty good, probably. They've both got superpowers and they're both pretty ticked at the likes of us right now. And at each other."

"Can we do anything about that?"

"Don't know. I guess we can look in the basement, see if there really _are_ more chains down there. I know there's some at Buffy's. And at the mansion."

Gunn raised an eyebrow. "With anyone else, this conversation would have very different undertones."

"We're brothers in arms," Xander agreed. "I'll go check the basement." He handed Gunn the tranquilizer gun. "You know how to use this?"

"Aim, squeeze?"

"That's about it. Oz usually only took one shot, but if he was really riled up, sometimes two." He threw a glance at Buffy and Angel. "Be prepared for maybe a dozen."

"Sure. Question: who's Oz? And why were you guys always shooting him up?"

"Oz. Werewolf. Willow's ex. He went Call of the Wild three nights a month, we locked him in a cage, sometimes he got out. Ergo, gun."

Gunn gave him an appreciative glance. "Werewolf? Really? Neat."

"Oz was a cool guy. The werewolf was less so." Xander turned and headed to the basement.

Gunn made himself comfortable on the couch and turned back to Buffy and Angel. "Look, you two. Just chill out. You're not getting out of those, and even if you think you can? We're going to get more chains. Might as well settle in for the long haul."

"If you were smart you'd let me out of these things. If he gets out first, you're in a world of trouble," Buffy shot back.

Angel smirked. "I've been waiting a long time to shut your smart-mouth," he told Gunn.

Gunn cocked an eyebrow. "We'll see, we'll see."

"I don't know why you and your friends even attempt any of this," Saria broke in suddenly, bitterness in her tone. "It's useless. A soul is nothing but a hindrance."

"Amen," Angelus growled as he tried to turn his body and push off from the wall. 

Gunn began to look nervous. "Ain't no one talkin' to you," he snapped.

"What are you going to do? Kill me?" Saria shot back, frustrated.

"Seeing as how you don't feel much like sharing, I think eventually that may be one of our options…yeah," Gunn told her.

The Queen rolled her eyes. "The cure, the cure," she spat. "They're better off this way. Emotions are what hurt us most. You don't understand. You'll never understand."

He shrugged. "Ain't that a shame." Suddenly Angel jerked away from the wall and Gunn jumped to his feet, gun at the ready. "I'd rethink that."

The vampire smirked and held up his still-bound hands. "It's only a matter of time."

Gunn's eyes remained steady on the vampire's before he turned and sank back down onto the couch. "Come on, Xander," he muttered.

*~*~*

Dawn walked inside her house, exhausted, Willow on her heels, and they immediately headed upstairs, veering off to their rooms. Mr. Summers had taken the couch in the living room, and with the early hour, had yet to rise.

Hours later the smell of something cooking woke Dawn, the aroma wafting up the stairs. She blearily opened her eyes and blinked heavily. Despite her expectations she had fallen asleep rather quickly, still in her street clothes, and on top of her covers. When she opened the door to her room, Willow was standing in hers, looking just as out of it.

"Get some sleep?" Dawn asked.

Willow nodded slowly. "A little. What's that smell?"

"Dunno. Pancakes maybe? What time is it?"

"Ten. We got four hours of sleep," Willow grumbled.

"I don't think I can go back to bed," Dawn admitted, and Willow nodded.

"We're up," the witch agreed, and stumbled back into her room. "Shower. Water. Hot."

Dawn giggled. "You get ready, I'll go see what dad's up to. We should probably head back to the shop as soon as possible."

"Mrrmph," was the only reply she heard from the exhausted witch. Smiling to herself, Dawn put on her slippers and padded down the stairs.

"Sweetie!" a beaming Hank Summers greeted his daughter.

"Hi dad," Dawn replied, giving him a small wave from her spot in the doorway.

"How do waffles sound? We've got butter and maple syrup," he tempted with a wink.

Dawn nodded. "Uh, sure. Sounds good," she told him, slipping onto a kitchen chair. "What's all this for?"

"For you, of course. I thought we could have a bonding breakfast. Then I wasn't sure you were getting up at all today," he winked again, "so I thought if the smell didn't wake you we'd have bonding lunch."

"Yeah…we were up late with the book club," Dawn said delicately.

The shower came on overhead and Mr. Summers looked up. "What's that?"

"Willow. In the shower." Mr. Summers continued to look confused. "Buffy's best friend? She lives in mom's old room now."

"Ahh! The boarder she mentioned. Right. Oh, well, no problem. There are plenty of pancakes."

"That'll be nice."

"And plenty for your sister too. Is she up?"

Dawn's eyes flew wide. "Buffy?" she squeaked. "She's ah…she's at that retreat, remember? Not back yet. Willow came home with me this morning."

Mr. Summers sat down the spatula he'd been holding. "Your sister didn't come home? I thought I asked you to tell her I was here, and that I needed her to come home."

"She couldn't dad…she knows you're here…she'll be back really soon, I promise." Dawn rose to her feet, panicking.

Hank didn't look any more at ease. "Dawn, I know this is important to the both of you, but I'm talking about your future. Our futures. I think it's more serious than a book club retreat."

"Well…yeah…but, I mean. She's just _so_ involved, dad…and last night went well…it shouldn't be much longer. Give her another day?" Dawn stammered.

Hank looked unconvinced. "Honey, I'm worried about your sister. She's awfully stressed out. And frankly, this book club thing seems just a little…odd for Buffy. She's shirking her responsibilities. Now, I appreciate a good literary group as much as the next person, but when she's got all this other stuff on her plate, and her father's in town, I would think those things would take the back burner. I don't know about you, but I tend to believe we're more important than some books." He gave her a knowing grin.

Dawn swallowed again. "Uh…yeah. I know. But it's…really important to her. To us. We're all deeply involved in this…book club. I know that if you give her one more day, she'll be focused-Buffy. Focused on us," she amended.

Hank watched his youngest carefully, then shrugged. "I suppose one more day isn't a problem. But I would like to at least _see_ her, please. We'll go over there after breakfast, okay sweetie? Maybe do some dad-sponsored shopping in town?"

"Go? There?" Dawn squeaked. "Uh…I don't know, dad. It's really, um, far."

"How far can it be? The car's here." Hank smiled and nodded at the Jeep parked in the driveway.

Dawn's eyes ticked to the car. "Ah, yeah. But she didn't drive herself. Xander picked her up. So…and it's in the woods. We might not be able to find her."

"A book club in the woods?"

"A book club _retreat."_

"In the woods," Hank asked dubiously.

Dawn beamed. "Uh huh?"

"Ookay, well, we'll still do that shopping thing, how about?"

The shower water stopped abruptly and Dawn looked up. "Willow's out of the shower! I'd better jump in," she called, and dashed back down the hall.

"What about the…waffles?" Hank called after his daughter.

*~*~*

Dawn burst into the bathroom and Willow let out a shriek, clutching the towel around her dripping body. "We've got to do something!" Dawn cried.

Willow clutched at the blue terrycloth. "Like learn to knock?" she asked, more surprised than angry.

Dawn looked apologetic. "Sorry. But, it's bad. My dad wants to go shopping this afternoon, with me, and he wants to see Buffy. I think I bought us maybe a day before he's going to get all-superstitious. And the book club thing? It's getting flimsier by the second."

Willow nodded, one hand on her body-towel, one holding the mass of towel on her wet head. "Oh…okay. Well…how about we get me all dried off and, you know, clothed, and we'll figure it out."

Dawn nodded and left the room, plopping herself down on Willow's bed. A minute later Willow entered her room, fully dressed, and closed the door. "A day, huh?

"Yeah. I know, I'm sorry. I mean, what am I supposed to tell him? We can't let him see her like this, she's…sorta mean. And he'll never understand the chains. Just never," Dawn lamented.

Willow was thinking quickly. "Okay. You, get ready. I'll call the Magic Box and see what's going on. Maybe they've figured out something."

Dawn nodded and jumped off the bed. "I'm sorry I can't go with you, I'll rush dad along as much as possible," she called as she dashed out of the room.

Crossing to the phone, Willow dialed the Magic Box number quickly. Xander answered.

"Hey, it's me," she told him. "What's going on?"

"You know how tired we are? Our captives are the opposite. It's like they're more energized now. They've been trying to get out of the chains all night. The shop had more, but I still have my doubts."

"Did Giles call yet?"

"Nope. He'll come through, I mean…he's in his element right now. Got a project to work on." The rattling of chains and some shouting sounded from the back.

"What was that?" Willow asked, worriedly.

"Two guesses," Xander told her, running a hand through his hair. "You guys coming down here soon? Gunn and I are wiped…and things have been crazy all night."

"What's going on?"

"Oh, the usual. You know how our friends don't like being cooped up," he said, the humor only half-hearted. "And we moved the Queen and her demon back there…which may not have been the smartest of our ideas. She and Buffy have been bitching at each other all night." 

She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. "I should be there in a half hour. Dawn's gotta stay here with her dad though, he's insisting. And…he expects to see Buffy by tomorrow. We've gotta figure this out, _now._ Has anyone talked to Cordy or Anya this morning?"

Xander closed his eyes and sighed at her news. "Gunn's going to try calling Cordy and Fred in a minute. I talked to Anya a while back. Can you call Tara, get her down here, too?"

"Sure. See you soon."

Willow replaced the phone receiver and sat on the edge of her bed, worrying her lip.

*~*~*

Willow met Tara outside the shop and they headed inside together. Wesley, looking ragged, was half-asleep on a pile of books, Gunn next to him.

"Are we the first ones here?" Willow asked with fake-brightness.

Gunn shook his head, his eyes not opening, and motioned to the back. The girls exchanged a glance and headed there. In the training room they found all four captives, Buffy and Angel now secured with double the amount of chains they had been the previous night, as well as Xander and Anya.

"Where's Dawn?" Anya asked in greeting.

"Her dad was a no go. They're doing the bonding thing today, for a little while anyhow. I think she'll be back this afternoon sometime," Willow answered, and turned to look at Buffy. "How are they doing?"

He sighed. "Cranky, that's for sure."

"And hungry!" Buffy told them.

"And hungry. Cordelia's picking us up some breakfast on her way in."

"Did Wesley find anything?" Tara asked as they left the training room and entered the shop again.

"Nothing useful," Anya told her blandly. "And now he's just sleeping, drooling on a 14th Century edition of Marcaine's Demonology Reference." She picked up the book and unceremoniously let Wesley's cheek hit the table. 

He groaned and opened his eyes. "I'm up."

"What about Giles?" Tara asked, turning back to Xander.

He shook his head. "He'll call soon, I know it."

Wesley rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "I found a few things that might be of interest to us, but nothing concrete. I need to speak to Mr. Giles again. If we don't hear from him in the next few hours I'll contact the Council and try to locate him."

"What _did_ you find?" Tara asked, taking a seat.

He yawned before answering. "I've been exploring some of the more unethical methods of soul extraction and their reversals. There are a few methods that I think we might look further into, but many of them require dark power, power that I've never evoked, and mystical elements that we don't currently have access to."

"Like what?" Willow asked, interested, as she took a seat next to Tara.

The bell over the front door rang and Cordelia and Fred walked in with Connor and lots of bags. "Breakfast!" Fred cried merrily.

"What's with the grim?" Cordy asked, shuffling into the room and unloading her arms. Her expression changed to one of worry. "Did something happen?"

"No, no," Wesley assured her. "We're just going over some of the things I found in my research."

"None of them apparently good," Xander informed them, leaning on the table. "Hit us with the bad stuff, English-boy."

Wesley rolled his eyes at the nickname. "Ah, yes…I have so dearly missed Sunnydale. Perhaps if I could just get knocked unconscious, my trip would be complete."

*~*~*

Buffy gave up. The chains were holding her, and more importantly, they were holding Angelus. Other than the cramp in her wrists, and a nagging pain in her back, she wasn't uncomfortable. She was, however, extremely irritated and more than a little bored.

"Perhaps now that you are finished with what is clearly a fruitless attempt at freedom you will listen to me?" Saria asked her.

Buffy barely looked up but shot her a mean glare from beneath her lashes. She turned to Angelus. "Her you can eat."

Uncharacteristically, he agreed with her. "When one of them come back in, we're getting her gagged."

"Why do you ignore me? I speak the truth, and you refuse to listen. You're better off this way. Perhaps he is not," she said, looking tempestuously at Angelus, "but you are. You're the Slayer. Freedom from emotion and the burden of sentiment can only aide you in your journey."

Buffy ignored her.

Saria took the silence as more opportunity to speak. "Tell me, Slayer, don't you feel better now, aside from your captivity? Lighter? I know nothing of your life before now, but Slayer's are not unknown in our dimension. You are legend, lore. And you are supposed to fight alone. I can only imagine what it must like for you, to worry about friends and family, loved ones, when out fighting for the world you live in."

"They do have a tendency to interfere, Buff," Angelus pointed out. "Always in the way, getting hurt, distracting you. Seems like I used that to my benefit once or twice. Remember?"

"I don't know why I'm not alone. Guess I like to do stuff my way," Buffy shot back at the both of them.

"What will you do now, Slayer?" Saria needled. "How do you feel now? If you continue as you are, without most of your soul…the warrior instinct in you will take over. Warriors are meant to be alone. This will not last. Better to accept that now than to hurt them even more, later. This is the perfect opportunity for you." Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but Saria plunged ahead. "Think of it. You and the fight nothing else. I know the Slayer in you is reacting to that. It calls to you, churns your blood, pricks on your skin. Feel it?"

Buffy looked away guiltily. 

"You do. As I thought," Saria continued. "It's there. Primal. The urge to hunt and to kill, as you were always meant to. Human emotion is overrated. It hurts, and it's hard. It takes time to heal and then time just brings more. Aren't you tired of it?"

Buffy stared at the floor.

"I can only imagine your life…attempting to be human during the day and then freeing yourself to the night for only a few short hours. Dancing in the dark, pushing yourself to the limit to do what you are destined to do. To hunt, to kill. It must be exhausting to have to be two people. Why do that to yourself, when you can just be one? The stronger one?"

"You know, it could be the blood-deprivation talking here," Angelus spoke up, "but I think you're a quack."

Saria ignored him. "He will tell you that because he knows—knows your supremacy. You as you are, right this minute, are much more dangerous than before. I know you feel it. The strength. The power. The surge of life, the rush of energy in you. You have been freed of your soul, your mortal soul, and made room for the Slayer to encompass you. You will be indestructible."

There was movement at the doorway as Xander and Willow walked back into the training room. 

"What's going on?" Willow asked worriedly, looking from Buffy to the Queen. Angel looked bored.

Saria glanced at them, then returned her concentration to Buffy. "You don't need it, Slayer. It holds you back!" she hissed.

Buffy looked up suddenly, her blank eyes finding Saria's. "Keeping me from my true potential."

"Unnecessary burdens."

"All this stuff I remember from before…the pain, the hurt…the duty to my friends, to my sister, to my family. Pulling at me."

"Distractions from your true self."

"Hey!" Xander cried, taking a step towards them.

"It doesn't have to be like that. I don't have to feel…anything," Buffy continued slowly.

"No pain, no hurt, no responsibility other than your true calling!" Saria cried.

"Never feeling…anything."

The room was silent for a moment.

"Oh. My. God!" Angelus moaned. "Enough already! You're making me depressed, and I don't even _care_ about any of this!"

Buffy looked around wildly, the room spinning, then shut her eyes at the voices in her head.

__

You're my hero

Vague, distant memories.

__

You did... what was necessary. What I've always admired. Being able to place your heart above all else. I'm so proud of you. How far you've come. You're everything a Watcher - everything I could have hoped for.

Times in her life that now stirred no emotion.

__

You were my best friend, I didn't have anyone to talk to about all this scary-life stuff.

Even pain might be nice right now.

__

In 243 years I've loved exactly one person.

Not just this dead feeling inside.

__

We're Slayers, girlfriend. The Chosen Two.

Anything.

__

You…You're really here. You're alive and you're home…

She had a sister who needed her…and right now Buffy couldn't even muster up the notion of what that felt like.

__

Buffy, you can shut me out of your life, I'm pretty much used to that, but don't expect me to stop caring about you 'cause it's never gonna happen. I love you more than anything in the world.

And a mom who'd left this world, trusting that she would be there to make things okay again.

Buffy blinked and stared at Willow. Looking past her she felt one emotion that hadn't yet escaped her. Rage.

"You took them!" she shrieked, yanking on her chains with a burst of strength that had come from deep inside her. "You took them! You took them!" With a final pull she freed one arm, then the other, then her legs. Tossing the chains aside she lunged at Saria, ripping the ropes that had bound the queen to the chair and dragging her to her feet.

"You took my feelings, my emotions, my everything! I'm nothing without them! I'm nothing!" the Slayer screeched, shaking the queen violently.

"Buffy!" Willow shouted, panicked. Her call was heard at the front of the shop and in a moment the rest of the gang had congregated in the training room. Willow and Xander were trying to pull Buffy off the queen while Angelus strained against his own restraints.

"What…what happened?!" Fred cried, holding the baby back from the fray.

Gunn jumped into the mix and pulled the queen back. Buffy lunged again and Tara shouted "Still!" The Slayer stopped in mid-movement.

"No! No! Let me at her! She took them! She took it all!"

"She missed lunacy, then," Gunn told Buffy, and sat the Queen on her chair again. "Explain. Now. In detail."

"Fools!" Saria shouted. "She's better this way! Powerful! So much more so than before. Focused!"

"She's a mess!" Willow corrected hysterically, advancing on the queen. "Look what you've done to her! To them! They're not the same, they're not better! He's a murdering fiend and she's a basketcase! How is this better?" She stopped her rant and grabbed the queen's collar, hauling her up. "I swear to God, if you don't tell us how to fix them _right now_ I will not hold back. You've seen my power. Our power," she said, ticking her head towards Tara. "We will destroy you." The witch was seething at this point, her breath coming quickly, her eyes narrowed. "If we don't let Buffy kill you first."

Tara put a hand on her shoulder and after a moment Willow relaxed, letting the queen fall back onto her chair. Saria had the good graces to tremble.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Are YOU up for a CHALLENGE?

Announcing the In Another Life Fanfic Challenge!

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Deadline is May 24th!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	18. Father Knows Best

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*~*

Everyone was silent for a moment after Willow's seething outburst until Xander walked over to his friends and carefully pried her fingers loose from the queen's clothing. He pulled her back, and Willow let him, though she did not break eye contact with her enemy. She was furious, breathing short, angry breaths through her nose, her nostrils round and large, her eyes narrowed in contrast.

"Wh-what happened?" Fred gasped, wide-eyed as she clutched Connor closer to her chest.

Xander looked back at her. "Slayer strength's no match for that Summer's temperament," he told her.

Buffy's eyes flashed. "Let me go. This is _my_ fight. She hurt _me._

"And she may be the only way we can make you right again, so just back off," Cordelia snapped.

The phone rang at that moment and Anya looked around, unsure what to do, then finally ducked out of the room to answer it. Xander watched her go, then returned his gaze to the Queen. "I think you'd better start talking," he told her.

She swallowed, nodding wearily. "My people, the Teplir. They wouldn't leave me here. They're on their way now."

"Takin' 'em long enough to find you," Gunn pointed out.

"You knew where you were going when you opened the portal. You had the exact location in mind. They do not. They know only the larger community, and are, as we speak, searching me out. They will be here."

"Great," Buffy hissed. "In the meantime, talk. Now." She glared at Tara. "And let me go."

Tara gave a hesitant look to Willow and the others before murmuring, "Flex." Instantly Buffy's body sagged and she stumbled forward. Angelus laughed from the back. Looking up from her spot on the floor her eyes shot daggers.

"Woah woah woah," Gunn called, moving between the Slayer and the vampire. "None of that. You can forget the chains, but you can also forget the staking. He stays. That's the deal."

Buffy looked up at him and rolled her eyes, moving slowly to her feet. "Fine. Whatever. Right now I'd rather pummel her anyway," her head ticked to Saria.

"I'll tell you what you want to know."

Everyone stopped to stare at the dejected looking queen.

Xander nodded slowly. "All right then."

"But it will do you no good. The materials you need are not available to you. Only my people can perform the ritual," she smirked.

"The same people you just told us are looking for you now?" Willow asked snidely, folding her arms over her chest. "The same people who will be here shortly and who, not too long ago, witnessed a major kicking of their collective ass?"

Saria stared at her for a moment, not knowing what to say, when Anya came back in from the front. "That was Giles," she informed them. "He thinks he's got it. The cure."

*~*~*

"Fascinating!" Wesley breathed as he looked over the sheets of paper Giles had faxed him from the Council Headquarters. "It's been so long since I've had access to the Council's libraries, I've forgotten how thorough they are…how quickly you can access information."

"What've we got, English?" Gunn asked, jumping up to sit on the counter. The group had moved to the front room again and were now gathered around the main table as Wesley went over the documents.

"The soul restoration procedure. It's complicated, however…very old magic. And it's…"

"Let me guess," Cordelia said wryly. "Another prophecy?"

He shook his head. "For once, no, it seems what we have here is…" he gasped suddenly.

"Failure to communicate?" Xander quipped and received a smack to the back of his head, courtesy his ex-girlfriend.

"What?" Cordelia asked, gliding past Xander and looking over Wesley's shoulder. She scanned the pages for a second, then put a hand over her mouth in shock. "Oh my god…well…that's good, right? It's good?"

"_What's_ good?" Tara asked.

Watcher and ex-cheerleader looked up simultaneously. "The key to getting back their souls…it's Connor," Cordelia informed them softly.

"Connor?" Fred asked meekly. "His son?"

Wesley continued, reading from the papers. "He must have taken this directly from the text," he told them, indicating the pages "It's still in the native tongue. But the translation Mr. Giles provided me says, 'the key, the child, is the foundation…the anchor…with the essence all will be restored.' Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Connor is a part of Angel."

"But a part of his soul?" Willow asked. "And he's not a part of Buffy."

Wesley looked up from the papers in his hands. "There are some theories that when a child is born they take on not only physical qualities of their parents, but also their emotions and their…spirit, so to speak."

"But what does this have to do with Buffy?" Tara asked.

Wesley furrowed his brow. "I'm not sure. It's no secret that the circumstances surrounding Connor's birth as somewhat of a mystery, even to this day. We know very little about why two vampires were allowed to breed…and to give life to a human child at that. It would not surprise me at all to find out that Connor has a quite important and mystical future."

"So saving the world's Champion and the greatest Slayer that ever lived might not be too far fetched," Fred ventured.

Wesley removed his glasses. "I'd say it's distinctly possible."

Buffy, seated in a corner of the room, watched them all, fascinated. Slowly she rose from her chair and walked to the baby, peering over the edges of his punkin-seat and gazing down at him. He looked back at her with wide, innocent eyes that had yet to even change from the blue with which he'd been born. The fleeting thought of whether his eyes would remain blue, or turn deep coffee brown, like his father's, floated in and out of her mind before she noticed that her friends were watching her warily. "I'm not going to hurt him," she said, slightly offended. 

Cordelia crossed anyway and picked up Connor, cradling him to her chest.

"What about the blood?" Buffy asked.

Wesley looked up. "The blood?"

"My blood. It's in Angel. He fed off me. Giles told me that with vampires, it's different. Angel sired Drusilla, so her blood and his blood will always be mixed. Darla sired Angel, so their blood is always mixed. My blood's in Angel."

The ex-Watcher considered. "That's very possible…yes, Buffy. It could have something to do with why Connor would be able to summon your soul as well."

"Connor has some of your blood in him?" Fred asked.

Buffy ignored her and walked back to her chair.

"This is good news," Cordelia concluded. "What does it say we need to do to restore their souls?"

Wesley cleared his throat. "Form a circle, placing Connor in the center and Buffy and Angel on the East and West. We'll also need a prick of their blood, from each of them, to be placed on Connor's forehead in a certain design, as designated here."

"That's it?" Xander asked.

"I'm afraid not. Once that is completed we need to crack a Degorian Crystal and allow the power to flow out of it. That will start the chain-reaction to summon their souls from the ether. That, and some chanting."

"We can chant," Cordelia confirmed. "Let's do it now."

Wesley turned to her. "We don't have a Degorian Crystal," he admitted.

She sagged, then brightened and turned to Anya, hopefully, but Anya shook her head. "You think those things are just run-of-the mill? I can special order it…probably," she told them, crossing behind the counter and beginning to stack heavy catalogs on the counter top.

"We don't have time for special order," Willow complained. "Can we summon one of these things?"

Wesley shook his head as he feverishly scanned the rest of Giles' instructions. "No..no..but wait…I think we may not have to. Yes…yes. Mr. Giles goes on to say that the Degorians had a small sect in this area, hundreds of years ago. They left behind tombs and catacombs that have yet to be discovered or emptied as it is believed an earthquake made them inaccessible. He believes we may be able to locate one of the crystals in the ruins."

"So we get to go scavenging," Xander concluded. "What we do best."

"Us and the sewers. Just like being back in LA," Gunn agreed.

"Who goes, who stays?"

"Well…someone has to stay with-" Cordelia began when the bell over the shop door opened.

"Hey guys," Dawn called out nervously. "Buffy…you're…uh…back!" she stammered, throwing quizzical glances around the room.

"Hello, Buffy," Hank Summers said to his oldest.

Buffy froze for a split second. "Uh…hi…Dad. What are you doing here?" she said when she recovered, struggling to sound normal.

Hank walked down the few steps to the main room, gazing around at the wares of the magic shop. "I've been here since last night, you were supposed to come home. I told your sister to let you know that."

Buffy glanced at Dawn, who was standing behind their father and gesturing fervently at her sister. Buffy played along. "Uh…right. But I've just been so…busy."

Hank sighed. "I can't say I expected you to be grown-up about this. Glad to see I wasn't wrong." He looked around at the group of twenty-somethings staring at him. "I suppose introductions should be made. Hi. I'm Hank Summers, Buffy and Dawn's dad," he told them, his tone only semi-friendly. "I believe I met some of you last night."

Mumbled hellos were said and Dawn walked around her father to face him. "Dad…this is where the book club meets sometimes. We get loud...you know…and well, Anya here own the shop, so we can run all over."

"No running," Anya said sternly.

Hank took in the rest of the shop, noting the strangeness of its wares, and turned back to his eldest daughter. "I can see that you're much further into this than I'd expected."

Buffy glanced at Dawn but had nothing to say to her father. 

"I'd like you to come home right now, please," he murmured. "We have a lot to talk about, whether you want to or not."

"Dad, I really can't right now. I know it's hard to understand, but I'm sorta in the middle of something here--"

"Buffy, I don't care about your book club, or this retreat you've been on. You've shirked your responsibilities long enough. And I think you owe your father just a small fraction of your time," he said, sternly, then looked up and smiled at her friends. "I'm sure your friends understand that."

"Really, dad, right now's not good," Buffy tried again and Dawn chimed in to help out her sister.

"The retreat's over tonight dad…right guys?" she asked them. Several people nodded hesitantly. "And then…she'll be home, won't you Buffy?"

Buffy stared at her sister before nodding slowly. "Right. Tomorrow. I'll be done here tomorrow, dad. Then we can chat."

"I'm afraid I can't agree to that, Buffy. This is far more serious than reading…" he crossed to the counter and Tara jumped out his way, "…_Lessons in Demonic Passageways,"_ he said bitterly. "What _is_ this Buffy?"

"We're a full service book club Mr. Summers," Tara tried to explain. "We cover lots of ground, anything that might be interesting."

"Right!" Xander chimed in. "We like the learning."

Hank glanced from one Scooby to the other before his eyes lit back onto those of his oldest child. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. "Dad…now's not a good time. And it has everything to do with the stuff I was talking about in LA. Things you're not going to understand. And talking to you right now…it's wasting time. If you want to talk to me…to _me_, you're going to have to wait until tomorrow." Her tone was firm, her eyes unwavering, and Hank's jaw set.

The Scoobies began shuffling towards the back of the shop.

"What's this really about, Buffy? Vampires?" he grinned, but the smile didn't reached his eyes. "Monsters? You being this…what did you call it?"

"A Slayer."

He nodded. "Right…a Slayer. Is this a Slayers club? Are they all Slayers too? You guys run around pretending to be superheroes and endangering your lives and the lives of others? Like your sister's?"

Buffy cocked her head to one side. "Yes, that's it exactly. You've got it now dad. Way to go."

Hank's eyes narrowed. "Don't mock me, Buffy. I'm your father, and you will have some respect for me. I know I haven't been here for some important stuff…but I'm here now, and you are going to finally begin acting like an adult."

"You mean…the way you have dad? Wow…let me get some pen and paper, jot down on those insightful parenting tips I'm sure you've got," Buffy snapped.

Dawn glanced from her father to her sister and back again. "Woah…okay. Look…we can all just sit down and talk about this stuff…but, tomorrow, okay, dad?"

"No, Dawn, it's not okay. Your sister is…well, Buffy, I think it's fair to say you've got some problems. This…" he glanced around the room, "environment is not helping. It's only promoting your delusions of grandeur. And it's not good for Dawn. I may not be able to help you at this point…but I'm not letting you take Dawn down with you."

"What?!" Dawn gasped, eyes widening. "What are you talking about? I love it here!"

Hank turned to her. "I know you do, sweetie. But look at this! You run around for your so-called book club, in a magic shop, your sister keeps odd hours and leaves your care in the hands of her friends. Not to mention the emotional outbursts and the fighting."

"They're my friends, too, dad," Dawn pointed out. "I like it here. This is my home. I want to stay here…with Buffy…and Willow…and Xander and the others. I don't want to go to LA."

"Honey," Hank said softly, walking to his youngest and placing his hands on her shoulders. "I know you do. But…I have to do what's best for you. And obviously…your sister is unable to provide for you as you need to be."

"I've got everything I want!" Dawn told him. "I have a house and food and books and school…Buffy's great with me…we hang out and have fun. And she never ever, _ever_ lets me go out and do the dangerous stuff with her," she said, throwing a quick, pointed glare at her sister.

"Dangerous stuff…like street fights and fighting monsters? Killing vampires?" he teased lightly.

Dawn nodded. "Yeah! You saw it, in LA! Why don't you believe her?"

"Because…honey…I don't know _what_ I saw in LA. It happened pretty fast…but I know what your sister believes…and I know that her beliefs are dangerous. That's not how I want you to grow up."

"What…knowing what's really out there in the world?" Dawn cried. "Knowing that my sister is the strongest, bravest person? Knowing how much she loves me…that she died to save me? To save the world? Twice?!"

Hank's eyes widened. "This is exactly what I'm talking about, Dawn! God knows what's been going on here in the year since your mother's been gone. It's time to come back to reality. Listen to yourself, honey."

"Vampires!" Dawn shouted suddenly. "There's a vampire in the back room, dad. Buffy'll show you!"

"I'll even stake him for you," Buffy offered casually, but Dawn shot her a mean glare.

"I don't…uh…that's not such a good idea, guys," Willow told them. "I mean…ha ha ha…vampires…whooo…don't really need to be messing with him…them! Them."

Luckily, Hank was still paying them no more attention than he had been previously. "Dawn…honey, let's go. Home. We can still enjoy some of our day together." He turned to Buffy. "And…we're still going to talk, honey. But I think it's going to be rather short, now. Dawn and I will be leaving at the end of the weekend. And that's final."

Dawn threw her sister a desperate glance and Buffy moved to stop her father as he led Dawn to the front door, but Xander placed a hand on her arm. "Let her go. When you're yourself again…we'll work it out, together."

Buffy watched them go. When they had left the shop she turned to the group again. 

Willow approached her sympathetically. "It's better this way. He'll keep Dawn out of danger while we go play Indiana Jones. Wesley, you stay here with Anya and work on the restoration spell. Fred, you can stay and help them, and watch Connor. Everyone else goes."

They nodded wearily and began to collect themselves.

"How you doin'?" Willow asked Buffy gently.

Buffy's eyes moved to her friend's. "Okay," she shrugged. "There's nothing there…Just the…itch to get out there, to move, to hunt."

"I know, but we'll get you back…good as new Buffy. And now…well, we know, right? All this time…there _has_ been something wrong with you…We'll fix you and you'll be better than ever…happy."

Buffy looked doubtful. "It's hard to maintain focus, Willow. I mean, I had the big angry outburst, and I still want to kill her…but that's it…A couple minutes later I'm still raging mad with the urge to hurt but I'm not upset about my condition."

"You—you don't want us to fix you?" Willow stammered.

Buffy jerked a shoulder and shrugged. "Part of me does…'cause I have all these memories. It's like I can watch them play out in my mind, I see myself crying, or laughing, or whatever…but I can't summon up that feeling in my heart…you know what I mean? It's like I'm watching someone else's life…those things mean nothing to me like this. And I don't like that."

"But…"

"But then I think that I'm more powerful now than I ever was," the Slayer admitted. "And that maybe I'm better this way. How a Slayer's supposed to be."

"Buffy…no…"

The Slayer gave her a small smile. "Don't worry. I'm on board here. Let's just get this done with okay?" She walked away, leaving Willow watching her, doubtfully.

"Where are we going?" Xander asked as they gathered around.

Wesley spread out some pieces of paper on the table and bent over them. It was a map that Giles had faxed in several pieces. "Here," he told them, pointing to a marked spot on the map. "By the docks, in the catacombs."

"Any idea what kind of funky stuff we can expect down there?" Gunn asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I, myself, never explored those areas while I lived in Sunnydale. I don't suppose any of you…?"

"Vampires, last time I was down there," Buffy informed them. "Nests. Run of the mill."

"For you," Gunn agreed, and added an extra stake to his waistband. "Could be new stuff's moved in there now."

"What does the crystal look like?" Fred asked, peering over Wesley's shoulder.

He shifted some paper around until he found the sketch he needed. "It's a rather rugged looking object, something you might not really notice unless you were looking for it. Generally yellow or orange in color, it's an unrefined gem. But they're extremely powerful, and would have been of great importance to the owners…they may have hidden them quite well."

"Then we know to plan for a long night," Xander nodded. 

"I want to secure Angel better…" Willow mentioned tentatively, glancing at Tara.

The blonde nodded. "I can bind him for a little while, keep him here and you guys safe, until we get back." She headed to the back and when she returned, Xander picked up a giant battle-ax, then almost fell over from its weight. Choosing instead to arm himself with some stakes and a smaller version of his favored ax, he grinned. 

"Mount up."

*~*~*

The group headed out and then split up when they reached the catacombs. It was still daylight, making the chance of running into demons higher than normal in the dark, dank caves. It took several of them, even with Slayer-strength, to unblock the entrances to the catacombs where the ceilings had collapsed, and once through, the paths were somewhat rocky and treacherous.

They walked for a few minutes in silence, the beams of their flashlights and the one lantern that Xander found in the back of the shop, piercing the otherwise pitch-black hollows, when the came to a smoothed out wall.

"This isn't natural," Cordelia observed, running a hand over the flat rock.

"It's a door," Buffy noted and glanced back to her friends. "Who had the crow-bar?" she asked. Gunn produced it and handed it over. In a moment she'd pried the rock slab open far enough for them to slide through. Inside was nothing like they'd been prepared for.

"It's like _The Mummy,_" Xander whispered.

Torches lit the walls, making their flashlights unnecessary. The room was fairly small, width-wise, but very tall, with several tunnels breaking off on both sides. The walls were decorated with huge hand-painted murals of death and destruction, scenes of war and battle and domination. Natural cave formations made the perfect alter, which the room had been centered around. On the alter lay a pile of bones.

"Degor, I'm guessing," Buffy said, motioning to the alter.

"Get a load of this place," Gunn whispered, his eyes wide with fear and amazement.

"Someone's obviously still praying nightly," Cordy whispered back.

"So we make it quick," Xander commented and they moved to different sections of the room, beginning the search.

"What's back here?" Willow asked in a hushed voice as she and Tara approached a fabric-covered wall. She reached up and lifted the shroud to reveal a hollowed out cavern about three feet high and about seven feet long. The entire wall was covered with them.

"What…?" Tara asked as they stared into the darkness when a hand reached out and snatched hers, yanking her up and into the hole.

"Tara!" Willow shrieked, grabbing the girls' legs and tugging back. There was movement above and she glanced up for a moment, horrified at what she saw. From above her appeared faces…one after the other popped out of the holes that lined the wall from floor to ceiling. She watched as the faces changed from human to demon with smiles still intact.

"Buffy! Xander!" Willow shrieked as she held on to Tara, who was screaming right along with her.

The group rushed to her and Xander and Gunn helped pull Tara back out. The three of them tumbled back and fell to the ground as Buffy realized what the hollows held. Whirling she jumped up and lifted out a flaming torch off the wall, touching it to the fabric. Instantly the flames climbed and the sound of crackling fire was soon joined with the screams, then sounds of dusting, of some of the unluckier inhabitants.

"Vamp bunk beds," Gunn noted.

"Buffy! What if the crystals are in there?" Willow shouted. Buffy glanced to her, then upwards, then bolted for her friend, shoving the witch out of the way as a vampire jumped from the ledge, headed straight for them.

The Slayer sprang to her feet and spun, jumping into the air and coming down hard on the vampire's chest. She whipped out a stake from her waistband and brought it down at the same time. But more were coming.

The vampires that survived the fire, now burning out quickly on the dry fabric, were springing into the battle. Perhaps ten of them were climbing down, all of them furious.

"Weapons!" Buffy called. They regrouped and came together again in a circle, facing the opposition together. Without waiting for her friends, Buffy plunged in. Kicking out she knocked back one vamp, spinning and dusting another immediately after. Ducking then she kicked out from ground level and took out the knees of another demon, staking him as he fell to the ground next to her. From above came the furious cry of yet another and she looked up just in time to put her arm up, stopping his descending fist. Pushing back she threw him several feet away then turned to take on the next.

"Think we can get some?" Gunn muttered and joined the fray. The numbers had been evened, however, and the fight was over before it had really begun.

"Crystal," Buffy ordered, causing several of her friends to exchange annoyed glances.

"Orders much?" Cordelia grumbled, and went to start searching.

************************************************************************

Up for a CHALLENGE? Check out the In Another Life Challenge here!

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Deadline is May 24th!

************************************************************************


	19. Blood Bound

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*

The search lasted into the early hours of evening as the catacombs were far more extensive than anyone had suspected. They wound for miles under the streets of Sunnydale and were much darker, and by far scarier, than any sewer line they'd ever explored. And in their line of work, sewer lines were second homes for most of their group.

"Degor certainly had himself a fine little following, didn't he?" Gunn remarked as they wandered through yet another room, their flashlights piercing the pitch black. Not even dust danced in the air, as undisturbed as most of the caverns were.

"I remember being popular once," Cordelia sighed, her voice echoing back to her wistfully.

"You're still popular," Gunn countered with a grin. "Now it's just demons after you rather than football players."

"It was never football players," Xander chimed in as he examined a small series of holes in one of the walls of the cave. "I remember some Dingoes…but no football players to speak of."

"Dingoes?" Gunn asked, carefully stepping over some loose rock.

"There was a football player," Willow reminded him. "Remember? He wanted Cordy's head. And I mean that as in, he _wanted_ her head."

Xander grinned. "Riiiight. Darryl Epps."

"What happened?" Gunn asked.

Cordelia glanced over her shoulder. "Long story…one we don't have time for now."

"Oh, I think we can make time," Xander teased and began the horrifying tale that had taken place their sophomore year of high school.

From across the cave Buffy listened to her friends recount memories and joke with each other, unable to summon the feelings of nostalgia she knew should be there…even if the reminiscing was about a freak that tried to kill both she and Cordelia. Shoving the dissatisfying feeling in her stomach even further down she brought her flashlight up and did a double take when the light reflected off something high above her head. The slim beam of light panned up the wall of the cave she was searching, slowly revealing a monstrous, looming statue, a depiction of some hell-beast. The image of a monster suddenly so close to her face, stone or no, made her gasp and take a step back, and in doing so, she tripped over a rock and landed on her backside with a _thud._ The flashlight clattered away loudly and Buffy cursed under her breath.

"Buffy?" Xander's voice rang out and flashlight rays danced in the area they'd last seen her.

"Yeah," she called. "I'm here. Just tripped."

The group moved to her as she righted herself and grabbed her flashlight.

"You okay?" Willow asked.

Buffy nodded. "Think I found what we're looking for."

"Where?" Tara asked, glancing around.

Buffy turned to where Xander was standing and her flashlight clicked on again, directly on the face of the hideous statue, mere inches from Xander's head. He turned and jumped, hopping behind Cordelia, who grinned.

"You man you," she teased, rolling her eyes.

"The eyes…" Tara murmured, looking up at the statue. "They're the stones."

"My thought exactly," Buffy told her, and handed the girl her flashlight. Getting a hold on the beast's right paw she began scaling the statue until she was straddling its back. Reaching down and around to its face she quickly removed one, then the second, of the two dull orange stones from the eye sockets. Nimbly she made her way back down and put the gems in the shoulder bag Willow carried.

"Mission accomplished," she said as she hit the ground. "Let's get out of here."

"We could…but…oooh…" Cordelia put a hand to her head and Gunn instantly prepared to hold on to the girl.

"Vision," he told them all gruffly as Cordelia began to spasm. She fell to the ground, cushioned by Gunn's arms, and when it was over, her eyes flew open wide.

"We've got to get back to the shop," she gasped. 

"What did you see?" Xander cried.

"Angelus…and Connor. We've got some time…it won't happen for a while…but," she moaned again and clutched at her head, "I saw Angel and Connor…and Buffy. Buffy was taking Connor away from Angel."

*~*~*

Angelus sat against the walls of the training room waiting patiently…well, perhaps not patiently, but waiting still, until someone walked back into the room and he could make his move. He wasn't in danger, unless they let dear Buffy get out of control…or perhaps if Xander got alone with him for five minutes…but the thought of that only made him grin in spite himself. Harris wasn't a threat, even if he was currently chained to a wall and mystically bound by magic. Should the boy get a gust of bravado and attempt to take him out…well…he'd probably trip over his feet and end up with the wrong end of a stake in the gut. And that would lead to bleeding to death…which would be more entertainment than Angelus could possibly handle at the moment.

No, he wasn't in any danger. They wouldn't kill him. Not for fear that they could return his soul to him. And he wasn't about to let that happen a third time.

He looked up then when Wesley walked into the room, nose in a book as usual.

"Ah, Wes. Doing your part to keep this town safe."

Wesley afforded him a glance before returning to his book, anything but interested in what the vampire had to say. "Actually, I came to ask if you wanted anything. You've been here for hours now…I thought perhaps you were hungry."

Angelus grinned a slow, methodic grin. "Offering yourself up, Wes? Like a lamb to the slaughter?"

Wesley's expression didn't change, he remained aloof, completely easy at being in the room with a vampire that would kill him in a moment if given the chance. "Hardly."

"Going to let me eat her then?" Angel asked, jerking his head towards the queen, sleeping unceremoniously in her chair, head hanging down, chin resting on her chest. At his words the queen's demon guard tried to muster some strength but was too weakened to keep up the façade for long.

At that moment Fred walked into the back holding a mug of blood and a straw. She approached Angel when Wesley stopped her and they traded wares. The book in her hands now Fred stepped back and watched as Wesley knelt in front of Angel and offered the straw.

Angelus glared at him. "That's really not what I want. I believe I ordered the…" his eyes moved to Fred "…veal."

"And if I really had a choice, perhaps I wouldn't care to feed you at all. However, when we cure you, and we're going to cure you, I don't care to have your true self upset with me for permitting you to go hungry. Drink," he said forcibly, moving the mug closer. "It will be the last time I offer."

Angelus grinned lazily and complied, sucking slowly at first, then realizing his hunger and slurping more quickly. When the last swallow had been downed Angel sat back, his eyes level on Wesley's. And then he spit a mouthful of blood over his friend's face.

Wesley sat back, his expression unchanged, and Fred gasped, moving to his side, helping him up as Angelus giggled maniacally. Calmly, Wesley wiped his face, his white handkerchief stained bright crimson and turned to leave the room.

"Next time I feed, it won't be pig's blood," Angelus called as they retreated.

Fred turned angrily. "What is wrong with you?! How can you be like this to your friends?!"

Angelus grinned more broadly at her outburst, and slowly the grin turned into laughter, then full-blown hysterics as Fred stood in front of him, confused and glowering. Wesley approached her calmly and touched her shoulder, turning her to him and leading her out of the room.

"I don't understand! How is he like this? Doesn't he remember any of it? You said he's got all of Angel's memories!" the distraught girl cried as she stormed back into the shop. Anya was seated at the table leafing through books.

"He does, Fred, but you have to understand. All of Angel's compassion comes from the soul. Without it…the memories mean nothing."

Fred was quiet for a moment. "So Buffy can remember all the stuff she's gone through, but she doesn't care."

Wesley considered. "I'd imagine it's exactly the same thing."

"But she's not mean," Fred pointed out. "Exactly."

"She doesn't have a raging demon in her either," Anya chimed in without looking up from her book.

"The demon is what does this to him, Fred," Wesley began. "It's filled with hate and anger…a passion for destruction. And Angel is smart. He knows his enemies…or those he perceives as enemies. He knows the best way to get to us isn't necessarily through physical pain, but through emotional distress."

Fred considered for a moment before moving to Connor's makeshift bed. "How can he not remember how much he loves this little boy?"

"The Soul does…it's still there, somewhere. It remembers," he reminded her, taking her hand and leading her back to the table and away from the sleeping child.

They sat in silence for a moment before Fred relented and picked up a book, returning to the research. After a moment, she spoke again. "It must be horrible for her."

Wesley looked up. "Who?"

"Buffy."

Wesley's face softened a bit. "I'm sure it is."

"I mean…she doesn't have a demon in her…but I'm not sure that's any better."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…take away the demon from Angel…and what's left? Without a soul, and without a demon…he's just a shell pretty much, right?" she asked, brown eyes troubled.

Wesley considered.

"Pretty much," Anya told her. "Hollow like those cheap chocolate Easter rabbits that look huge on the outside but one bite into them and they crumble into little chocolate bunny parts."

Wesley cleared his throat. "Yes, just like that, thank you Anya. Fred…you're probably very close to being correct. I would imagine that without a demon or a soul, Buffy is feeling very alone…empty. Perhaps even a bit lost."

*~*~*

"This way!" Buffy ordered as she led the group through the caverns and back out into the streets of Sunnydale. Night had fallen while they were underground, and the moon was high, round and bright against the blue-black sky. "Are you sure you saw Angel free?" she asked Cordelia as they took off down the dock.

Cordelia nodded. "Way sure. And his mood hadn't improved."

Buffy picked up speed, all but leaving the others in her dust. Zigging around corners she made it to the shop quickly and burst through the door to find Fred sitting at the table, researching. Wesley was at the counter, pulling ingredients down from the shelves, Anya to his left, calculating each item he took.

"Where is he?" Buffy cried, coming to a stop.

"Who?" Wesley asked.

"A-Angel."

"In the back, as you left him…why?"

"He's not…wait. What?" Buffy glanced around, concerned, as the others filed in the front door, all of them breathing heavily, weapons up.

"Where is he?!" Gunn shouted.

Fred and Anya came around to the front, shocked and confused.

"Charles…what's going on?" Fred cried.

"Angel—he's still tied up?" Willow asked.

"Well…yes…I mean, I haven't checked in the last ten minutes, but seeing as…" Wesley stammered.

"Seeing as ya'll are still living…yeah…I guess he's still tied up," Gunn finished.

"What's with the bogus vision?" Xander wondered.

"Hey! I don't make the visions!" Cordy snapped.

"You had a vision?" Wesley asked.

She nodded. "I saw Angel, free. But that's all I saw. He was standing in the middle of the shop, toothy, like vampires tend to get. And he was reaching for Connor. Buffy was holding Connor and Angel was trying to get him away from her."

"Connor's fine…he's right here…sleeping," Fred told them. As she spoke the baby let out a wail. "Or he was until _some_ people came storming in here." She moved to him and picked up the screaming child, rocking him.

"I don't get it," Cordelia muttered, frustrated. "I've never had a vision be wrong."

"But you've had visions that have been interpreted different ways…or that have even taken place way in the future, or long in the past…could this be one of those?" Wesley asked.

Cordy's brow scrunched as she considered. "I guess…maybe it's during the spell?"

"Possible," Wesley admitted, then changed the topic. "Not to undermine the seriousness of Cordelia's vision, but…did you get the crystals?"

Buffy jerked a shoulder. "Yeah. Two of 'em. That enough?"

Wesley's eyes all but danced, in spite of the exhaustion that his body currently fought. "One would have been plenty. Two is somewhat of a bonus."

"Great. Bonus points for us. Let's do this," Buffy told him.

He hesitated. "I'm afraid we can't just yet."

The Slayer sighed. "Why? Are we missing something else?"

"Well…this must be done at night…at midnight."

Buffy groaned. "Figures. It's always midnight."

"So…that means until then we can sleep, right? Hours and hours of sleep?" Gunn asked hopefully.

"Yes…I suppose," Wesley began.

"What?" Willow asked. "You're hedging."

"I'm not, really. You have a few hours to get some rest, of course. We need to be set up and ready at the stroke of midnight or we'll have to wait another twenty-four hours."

"And Mr. Summers isn't going to go for that," Willow reminded them.

"So we'll be ready," Buffy announced. "We've got the stones, the herbs, the chants…we're all ready."

"Don't forget the magic kid," Xander reminded her, nodding at Connor.

Buffy hesitated. "Right."

The group remained where they were standing until finally Cordelia moved to a chair. "I'll be the first to admit it. I'm tired. But Xander, Gunn and Wes barely got any sleep. So…why don't you guys knock off for a while and the rest of us can snooze in shifts if we're tired. If you leave now you can still get in about…oh…four hours before midnight."

"Better than nothing," Willow agreed.

"Are we sure that's such a good idea? What about Cordy's vision? If Angel gets loose…" Gunn trailed off.

"I'll be here," Buffy finished for him. "And I won't kill him, fun though it may sound. But I'll make him sorry if he tries to hurt Connor…or anyone else."

The guys glanced at each other then quickly headed to the door before anyone could stop them. Just as he was about to exit, Xander turned. "You guys…you're _sure_ you're gonna be okay here with them in the back?"

"We got it," Cordy assured him. "We'll keep Buffy away from Angel, and Angel away from the living, and all will be fine. We'll call your place in a few hours to make sure you wake up on time." He nodded and they headed out, grateful for the reprieve.

The women milled around for a moment before settling down at the table or at the counter. As they sat, Cordelia rose to her feet.

"I'm going to check on Angel," she announced, and Buffy sprang to her feet.

"Relax," she told Cordy. "I won't hurt him. But I _will_ be there in case he tries to hurt you."

Cordelia looked at her suspiciously but allowed her to follow.

"Well, if it isn't two of my favorite beauties," Angel cooed as they entered the training room.

Buffy glared, then turned to Cordelia. "He looks fine," she said, and turned on her heel. Cordelia grabbed her arm and held the Slayer.

"Did Wesley feed you?" the ex-cheerleader asked the vampire.

Angel looked up at her. "I could always use a second course, if you're offering, 'Delia."

Cordelia glared at him. "You don't get to call me that."

"Why not? I'm Irish…just like he was."

It took Buffy a moment to realize that they were speaking of that guy…what was his name? Doyle. The one that worked with them…she'd met him once…for about thirty seconds, anyway.

"You're a pig," Cordelia corrected him. She turned to Buffy and jerked a thumb at the queen and her minion. "What about them? Do they eat? I mean…she _is_ human."

Buffy jerked a shoulder. "Whatever we've got around here they're welcome to. Someone should probably run out to get food anyway. Spells usually require us to be fueled up."

"Spells?" Saria asked, having woken up when the girls entered the room. "You mean to go through with it then?"

Everyone ignored her.

"Fine…we'll run out for food," Cordelia told Buffy. "Are you going to go see your dad?"

Buffy shook her head. "We'll save that battle for when I'm feeling a little more like myself. Honestly? I just feel sorry for Dawn having to be with him all day. I mean…she doesn't even know him."

"Well…if you feel sorry for her, then you're feeling something," Cordelia told her, a small smile on her lips.

Saria snorted. "It's not real."

Buffy opened her mouth to speak when Cordelia whirled on the queen and stomped over to her chair. She grabbed the captive by her cheeks and squeezed, lifting her chin up so the queen was forced to look the seer in the eye. "I've had about enough out of you," she growled. "I suggest you shut your mouth, and you shut it now. Because in about five seconds I'm going to be upset. And you're going to be in pain."

The two held eyes for a moment before Cordelia relaxed her grip and pushed the woman's face away. She turned and strode out of the room, leaving Buffy standing alone.

"Buff, Buff, Buff…" Angel crooned. "Letting saucy little Cordelia be the power-hitter in the group now. Not like you at all…of course, not much is recognizable of the little girl who I once held beneath me…"

Buffy ignored him and turned on her heel to exit the room when he began to speak again.

"One night of the flesh and you craved more…enough to send you to the arms of my GrandChilde…enough to make you want the dark side, to let Dracula bite you…to make you desire the hidden demon in you…"

Buffy stopped where she was and didn't turn around, and he smiled to himself when he saw her begin to shake with anger.

"Did he satisfy you, lover? Did he fill that void in you? That void's been there a while, honey…deep down in the pit of you, there's empty…you died…and it didn't get better…you died…and heaven didn't want you. You died…and you were rejected from even a moment's peace…used, just like you're always used, then thrown away again. You think that even if you find a way to get your soul back that you'll be whole again? You weren't whole to begin with. You're a shell. You've always been a shell…weepy little Buffy, always looking for someone else to get the answers for her."

He waited for a reaction, and getting none, continued merrily. "You were a scared little girl when the Soul started trailing after you…you were a scared little girl when you let him take you, have his way with you…and release me. You couldn't kill me, even when you wanted to. I came back. I'll always come back. You can't get away from me. I'll be there, to remind you of your greatest failures, time after time…the Soul…you failed him…not that I mind…Jenny Calendar…

A tear slipped down her cheek but she refused to give him the satisfaction of watching her wipe it from her face. Cordelia breezed past her a moment later, back into the room, and she strode to the queen, securing a gag around Saria's mouth. As Cordelia performed this task, Buffy mustered all her strength and control and exited the training room.

After Cordy had once again left the room, Angelus took a moment to give the queen a satisfied smirk.

*~*~*

The night went slowly but soon it was reaching midnight and the girls began to prepare for the ritual, according to the directions that Giles and Wesley had pieced together. Just after the clock chimed eleven-thirty, the bell over the door rang and everyone looked up to find Dawn walking into the shop.

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked. "Did dad let you go?"

Dawn grinned, very happy with herself. "You're not the only one who knows how to sneak out of a house you know."

Willow smiled and gave her a hug. "How was the night with your dad?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "And I thought school was bad. We did the shopping thing, then we ate, and he made me rent some old movies with him." She made a face. "Ugh. Adults making out in color is bad enough. In black and white it's just wrong." She glanced around the shop. "Besides…I wanted to be here when…you know. For the spell."

Tara smiled. "I'm glad you're here."

"Dad went to bed an hour ago, so I just waited for the steady breathing and high-tailed it out of there."

"We're just waiting for the guys to get back, and we're ready to rock," Cordelia informed her.

Dawn nodded and took a seat next to Buffy, squeezing her sister's hand. "You ready for this?"

The Slayer jerked a shoulder, non-committal, and went to answer when the door opened for a second time. Wesley, Gunn and Xander stumbled back into the shop, looking cleaner if not more awake. As it turned out they hadn't slept much, but had instead each taken a long shower and had a good meal to prepare themselves for the night's events.

Wesley and Willow quickly went about setting up for the ritual and Buffy, Gunn, Xander and Tara went to bring Angel into the main room. "Brute strength first, then magic," Buffy warned and Tara nodded, swallowing nervously.

Angel was less than receptive to the idea of being moved to be included in a spell he was completely against, and fought them the entire way, and Tara's magic was quickly put to use, immobilizing the vampire and practically floating him into the main room.

"I'm going to eat you first," Angelus growled at Tara, who shrunk back behind Buffy.

"Stuff it, overbite," Xander warned him.

"So…what's the deal? You guys don't seem to have an Orb of Thessulah around here…oops…guess that's a no go," Angel taunted.

Willow smiled sweetly at him. "The Orbs are so five minutes ago." She threw a mix of herbs into a pot and they burst into flames, causing Angel to jerk back. Smiling to herself she returned to preparing the site.

A moment later Wesley nodded. "We're ready to begin."


	20. Unlocking

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*~*

Yanking her blonde hair into a knot, Buffy walked out into the middle of the shop floor, prepared to begin the ceremony that would restore her soul. "What do we do?" she asked hesitantly as she stepped into the circle Willow and Wesley had painted on the shop floor. The table had been moved in order to make room for all of them and now they stood, nervously waiting for instruction.

Wesley consulted the faxed papers Giles had forwarded to them. "Buffy, you and Angel need to face each other. Connor will be placed in the middle. The Orb of Degor will be placed in the center. I will perform the incantation, and call upon your souls to be returned to you. Connor, as the key, will act as the anchor, and will them back to you."

"I still don't understand how this works on me," Buffy told him. "Connor's soul and mine have nothing in common."

"It's not entirely clear, but I have to trust Mr. Giles in the matter. He would never put you in harm's way," Wesley told her.

"You'll all have something in common soon," Angelus swore, seething. "Your souls will be together…because I'm going to kill you all, one after the other." His eyes ticked to Buffy. "Think the third time's a charm, lover? Will you actually stay dead this time? Or maybe for once make it to heaven?" Buffy scowled. "I doubt it. Heaven's never wanted you before…why would things be different this time around?"

The Slayer lunged at him. "Okay, okay," Xander broke in, stepping between them. "Let's just do the ritual and then everyone can be friends again, okay?"

Buffy glared over Xander's shoulder at the vampire behind him, but stepped back. "Something goes wrong, and this doesn't work?" she spat, "we're going to find out how many places you can stake a vampire without killing him." She returned to her spot on the floor, designated by Wesley, and crossed her arms. "Just for fun."

"Only a few more minutes now," Wesley said reverently, and stepped towards the circle. He opened his mouth to speak when the doorbell over the shop rang again. The group turned to find Spike standing in the doorway.

"Oh, good. It's Avon calling," Xander groaned. "I told you before…leave. You don't get to be here, you don't—"

Spike ignored him. "I need to talk with the Slayer for a bit. Nothing that concerns you, Harris. Or any of the rest of you."

Buffy glanced around, unsure. "Can't this wait, Spike? We're in the middle of something here."

Spike's expression was sincere. "No, it really can't. Just take a minute, I swear, then I'll leave you to your night of dark magic."

The Slayer considered with a sigh and trounced to the front of the shop. He opened the door for her and she eyed him carefully before stepping through and out onto the Sunnydale streets. Once outside she turned to him, arms crossed over her chest. "You've got five minutes."

"So you're gonna go through with this, are you?" he asked gently.

She nodded. "Well…yeah."

"Then I have to ask…why?"

An eyebrow raised in surprise. "Why? Because…I need to be me again."

He let out a low chuckle. "Right. The pain and the hurt that is your world is better than the nothing that's set up shop in your body right now."

"It—it is."

"How so?" he asked, genuinely curious.

She didn't answer him.

"S'what I thought. Look…Slayer. I know things between us are…complicated. And you don't like buying into the fact that I know you. Better than you know yourself, and certainly better than any of the people in there. I know that right now you feel more powerful than you ever did in your twenty-something's before this. It's there, the primal instinct, the hunt, the love of the night…the heat…the fire."

"No…it isn't, Spike, that's the point of all this. I feel nothing. Worse than before. Worse than when I was brought back…worse than when I let you--"

His expression shifted to one of hurt. "I made you feel."

Something in her eyes changed, but she didn't deny it.

"I'll make you feel again," he told her, his voice husky and low. He sidled up to her, putting a hand on her hip, pulling her slowly closer to him. "I can bring life back to you, put color in your cheeks. I know I can…I will…" he whispered. "The hurt is a side-effect of your soul…and if you don't have one…you won't care…you'll finally be free of all that emotional mumbo-jumbo that holds you back from being the balls-out firecracker that I know you long to be." His lips touched her ear, just a whisper of a caress. "It's in you…it's what you're made of…it's your root. The very fiber of your being is to be a fighter…full of fire and passion."

Buffy closed her eyes against his words, his touch.

"You know this. It's instinct…imagine what we could be…together…careless to the bothers of the world, only ignited by the sparks between us…"

His hand snaked around her neck, tilted her head back, running a finger down her neck and a shiver down her spine.

"Fighting side by side…a team fueled by nothing but crazed, gnawing fire. No more worries about what your friends…your family…that bleedin' Council…finally…just the freedom to be you…nothing but you." His lips trailed down her neck now, teasing the mark left by Angel, practically bruising it, and he punctuated each word with a fierce nip. "Completely…utterly….totally…primal."

His lips moved up to hers and captured them fiercely. She responded to him after a moment, gasping for breath before pulling away.

"I can't!" she muttered. "I can't, Spike."

He growled, frustrated. "You can, luv…it's all there. You're the Slayer…you're more now than you were before…it happens. I'm more now, without my soul, than I ever was _with_ the soddin' thing," he said, a note of pleading entering his tone. "I'm more alive, dead, than I was as William. And you're more alive this way…I know it doesn't feel like it now…but you haven't had a chance to unleash yet, to explore and just bloody _be!"_

"But…no, Spike…it doesn't work like that. My feelings are assets to me…as much as they're hindrances. It just works that way, I don't know why. Without them…I'm only half of what I was," she told him, still breathing heavily from their embrace.

He moved closer to her, took her face in his hands and searched her eyes. "We've got something together, Slayer. You know it, I know it. When you get your soul back…what then? I return to being a disgusting thing in your eyes? Because you'll still be beautiful in mine."

She looked at the ground, unsure what to say to him.

"That's how it'll be, won't it?" he asked her. "You'll get your soul back…and I'm gone. You'll ignore the energy between us, the urge to give in and just have at each other…the longing we both have, the desire. It'll be nothing to you again."

"And what now?" she asked, green eyes seeking his blue ones. "Without a soul I might love you? I don't feel anything, Spike. Nothing. Completely devoid of emotion." She paused, took a gulp of fresh air. "With or without a soul…I don't love you," she told him, completely sincere, and if possible in her condition, almost sorrowful. 

He took a step back, staring at her. "If I had a soul--"

"No, Spike," she cut him off. "Not you. Me." She thumped a hand to her chest. "Without my soul…or with. I don't love you."

"You do…I know you could…"

Inside she heard the clock chime midnight and looked up at him, panicked. "It's midnight." Without a glance back, she moved to the shop door and disappeared inside, leaving him on the street, shattered.

When she walked back inside all eyes were on her. She held up a hand at Xander's open mouth and he shut it again, seeing the pain in her eyes. Instead he offered her a small smile, knowing that the time to discuss Spike would come.

Angelus, however, was not as sympathetic. "You're pathetic, Buff, you know that?" he snarled as she breezed past him to take her spot in the circle. 

As the words left his mouth she brought up her fist and cracked it across his face. Continuing to move past him and turned once she reached her place, facing the group. "Can we just do this?"

Wesley nodded curtly, unimpressed by the displays between the vampire and Slayer. "We can begin now," he announced, and nodded to Fred, who brought Connor forward and placed him in the middle of the circle.

Once the child was settled, Wesley began to speak, his tongue remembered the Latin he'd been educated with so many years ago.

_Reina, Ductor te aviusum_

Deerare, invesperascit

Via custodiae

Willow followed him, in English.

"Reina, Guide to the Lost

We have wandered from the path

It grows dark, the road is blocked."

__

Ego hic.

"We are here."

Addere claustrum. 

"We bring the key."

Recursum. 

"Return to us."

Humanum. 

"Our being."

Substantiae. 

"Our essence."

Animusim. 

"Our breath."

Spiritus. 

"Our spirit."

A low rumbling began, followed by a gentle breeze that quickly picked up speed. From within Connor a glow began to emit, brighter and brighter blue until the baby gave a gurgle and the light burst from him, rising up, free-floating between Angel and Buffy. The vampire and the Slayer stared at the ball of light, mesmerized.

Willow began to call louder as Wesley moved to sprinkle a mixture of herbs around the circle. "Reina, Goddess of the Lost, we call upon you to return the souls of these two warriors! Bind their spirits, lift their hearts, release their pain!"

The wind picked up as her voice grew louder, now spinning around the circle, faster and faster. Those outside the circle nervously began to creep closer to each other, watching, fascinated, as the blue glow became brighter, stronger.

Wesley finished sprinkling the herbs and returned to Willow's side. "Adesdum!" he shouted above the now-roaring wind. "Adesdum!"

The wind began to churn, books and papers flying around the shop, bottles falling off the shelves and crashing to the floor.

"ADESDUM!" Wesley roared.

Suddenly the ravaging of the shop stopped. The power was sucked inside the sphere, and Buffy, Connor and Angelus were lifted off the ground, as all calmed around them. A noiseless wind-tunnel formed, filled with blue-light, trapping them inside.

"What's happening?" Fred whispered, clutching Gunn's arm.

He shook his head silently.

"Is this right?" Willow murmured nervously to Wesley, as she watched Buffy's eyes close and her face contort.

"I—I don't know," he admitted.

"Hey…hey!" Cordelia shouted. "They're hurting! Look at them! What's going on?!"

"Oh God…Connor!" Fred cried, moving as close to the circle as she dared.

"Buffy!" Dawn shrieked, eyes filling with tears.

The wind tunnel picked up speed, throwing the three bodies together. Angelus' grip found Connor and he clasped the baby's hand in his, his game face sliding on despite the severe conditions. 

"Connor!" Cordelia shrieked. "That…that's what I saw in my vision!"

As if she heard the seer, Buffy's eyes wrenched open and slowly her hand snaked out and caught Connor. With all her might she pulled him to her chest, wrenching him from the grip of his father and protecting him as best she could against the onslaught.

"Wesley! Stop this!" Xander ordered. "Make it stop!"

"This can't be right," Anya muttered. "This isn't right."

Wesley began frantically thumbing through the papers in his hands. "It says…we followed it."

"Stop it!" Willow shrieked. "Conquiescere!" she tried. "Resistere! Strigare! Just…stop!"

"I hereby end the spell," Tara tried. "This ends the spell…so mote it be."

"Nothing's working," Cordelia snapped angrily. "Connor…god, little Connor…"

Suddenly the door flung open and a body came bolting through it, stopping just short of the three steps into the sunken level of the shop.

Xander was the first to see the newcomer. "Giles?"

"What—what are you--?" Giles asked, wide-eyed at what was taking place before him.

"Giles!" Dawn shouted. "Help them! Make it stop! Something's wrong…we don't know—hey!" she cried as Giles eyes hardened and he grabbed her by the shoulders, yanking her towards the circle. "What are you doing?!" she shrieked, protesting, dragging her feet.

Giles ignored her and pushed the reluctant girl into the circle, shouting, "Addo Claustrum! Ecquis conticiscere!"

Dawn's body was sucked into the wind-tunnel and, as it was, the motion began to die. The light grew brighter as their bodies were moved to the center, so that all four beings were huddled together. In the circle the foursome were still, eyes closed, bodies slack, save for Buffy's grip on the silent child. A new light formed now, this time from inside Dawn, a beautiful emerald green, and burst from her as the blue light had come from Connor. It melded with the blue, forming an exquisite turquoise, and began to swirl around Buffy and Angel until suddenly there was a rush of force that caused both of their eyes to fly open.

They each took gasping, almost painful, breaths and their eyes closed again as they were slowly dropped to the floor. All three fell to their knees, panting, and almost immediately Angelus pitched forward onto the ground, his arms unable to support himself. Cordelia rushed forward and grabbed Connor from Buffy's grip as the Slayer, too, fell to the ground. Glaring at the seer, Willow moved to Dawn and held her, preventing her from joining her sister and Angel in a heap on the floor.

The entire room was silent, save the heavy breathing of the spell participants.

Finally, Willow, still clutching Dawn, turned to Giles and broke the silence. "Hi, Giles," she offered meekly.

The Watcher, out of breath, managed a small, relieved smile.


	21. And The Feeling Returns

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*

"What…what was that?" Tara asked, moving to help Buffy up off the floor.

Giles leaned back against the table, weary, and wiped his brow with a crisp handkerchief he retrieved from his back pocket. Tara helped the Slayer over to him and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, supporting her. "The spell called for the Key. The souls of the child and the Key would call to the souls of Buffy and Angel, being blood descendents, and harness them from the ether." Accusing eyes turned to Wesley. "Why wasn't Dawn involved?" 

"The Key…of course…you didn't specify. It says the child is the key. We assumed that meant…oh how terribly stupid," Wesley stuttered, ashamed.

"Anyone could have made the same mistake," Willow offered, helpfully. "The important part is that it worked…Giles showed up in the nick of time and saved the day."

"Did he?" Gunn asked. "Seems to me we got us a vampire and a Slayer on the floor, that's all."

"Only one way to find out," Xander agreed, and crossed to the table where Buffy was now leaning next to Giles. "Hey Buff…" he murmured, peering at her. "How we doing in there?"

At the moment Buffy was trying to catch her breath as she sat back, held in the arms of her Watcher. Confused eyes looked up and searched those of her friend, then glanced around at the others. "What?" she whispered.

"How's the soul, Buffy?" Xander tried again.

"Xander?" she gasped softly. "Where am I?"

"You're in the shop, Buffy," Giles told her gently, "Do you remember?"

Buffy looked up at him as if she just now realized she was ensconced in his arms. "Giles? Am I dreaming? You're not really here."

He laughed softly. "I'm really here, I assure you. As are you. And this isn't a dream, though I'd imagine it was quite like a nightmare for some time. How are you feeling?"

Buffy thought about it for a moment before a smile began to creep across her face. "Fine. Good…better than good. Like…" _Like a human being. Like me…Buffy Summers…American girl, Chosen One…the real me,_ she realized. Her smile grew. Gone was the feeling of despair…the morbidness that had once consumed her. No more shame…no more self-loathing…no more fear or hate.

"Like you've got a soul?" Xander prodded.

She glanced up at him, her eyes beginning to shine. "Like I'm me…" she reached out to hug Xander. "Like I'm me, Xander."

He chuckled. "Welcome back…missed ya."

"Thanks…so much," she whispered.

Xander grinned and hugged his friend. "Anytime. Though…let's try to keep you from losing your soul again, whaddya say?"

"It's a plan." Buffy's eyes moved around the room, grinning happily before her eyes lit on Angel who had been helped to his feet by Gunn and now stood between he and Cordelia, still holding his son. Their eyes met. "Angel?" she asked gently.

He was staring at Connor, nestled in Cordelia's arms, amazed. He held out one of his fingers and the baby reached up and plucked it from the air, grabbing it with all five of his own tiny digits and pulling it insistently towards his mouth. The moment his son began to suck on his finger, Angel let out a small, wondrous laugh. Cordy grinned as Fred and Wesley moved to their small group, smiles all around. 

"That's much better," Dawn said softly, leaning on Tara for support.

"Dawnie…" Buffy whispered, her eyes lighting on her sister. She opened her arms and the youngest Summers smiled gratefully, rushing to Buffy and engulfing her in a hug.

"We did it," Dawn whispered as happy tears sprang to her eyes.

"We did," Buffy agreed. "Thanks to you."

"Guess the Key thing didn't go away…"

"Guess not."

"Think we can just keep that a secret? I don't really want any more Gods after me."

Buffy laughed and pulled back, crossing her heart with a shaky hand. "It doesn't leave this room," she promised.

Willow smiled. "You're okay?" she asked her best friend, her brown eyes searching Buffy's.

Buffy nodded. "I'm fine. I feel good. A little tired…but you know. Just another day on the hellmouth."

"Wow…they took your soul and you got it back, all in less than two days," Fred murmured.

"If only they all happened that fast," Cordelia added wryly, eyeing Angel.

"What was it like?" Willow asked Buffy. "I mean…they simulated perfect happiness…" she eyes darted nervously from her best friend to Angel.

Buffy's eyes ticked to Angel's and held them. "I—I don't remember, actually," Buffy told her quickly. "Do you…Angel?"

A bemused smile played on his lips, ever so briefly, before he cleared his throat and turned back to Connor. "Uh…no. Not a thing."

Their eyes met and locked and for a moment it was as if time had stopped…and all that existed were the two of them. He could feel her again…the bond between them blowing wide open the moment their souls were fully returned. The connection coursed through their veins, soared on their blood, and he knew, just from looking into her moss-green eyes that she too could feel it. They shared a small, knowing look before breaking contact, but their nerves still crackled.

"So…you've all just been resouled and the world is as it should be…what are you going to do now?" Xander broke in in his tv-announcer voice.

"Disneyland?" Dawn asked, turning hopeful eyes to her sister.

"I was thinking more along the lines of dealing with some invisible minions and their queen…but maybe when we're done with that," Buffy told her, and pushed herself off the table. Shaky, but standing on her own two feet, she faced the group. "I'd love to say it's time to party…but we still have other-worldly things to defeat."

"Right," Angel agreed, refusing to give up his son to the waiting arms of Cordelia. He turned to Buffy. "We still have things to deal with here," he said pointedly.

Their eyes held for a moment and she gave the smallest of nods before addressing the rest of the room. "The robed guys should be showing up any time now, right? They're not too much of a threat, but I'd love to get rid of Saria as soon as possible. Gods, Queens…I've had about all I can take of powerful chicks from other dimensions. Particularly ones who have it out for me."

"I say we go to the source," Gunn announced.

Buffy shook her head. "They're looking for us. I don't want to split up and go looking for them…it'll spread us too thin. We'll stay here, bunk down and get ready for whatever they're bringing with them."

"There were hundreds of them in their dimension, and they're small, but with weapons they're still a threat," Angel added.

Buffy caught his eye and nodded. "Everyone grabs a weapon or two. Xander, you, Anya, Cordelia and Gunn watch the front of the shop. Giles, Wes, Tara, Willow, you guys keep researching, find out anything we don't already know about the Teplir. Dawn, you come with me."

"Where are we going?" the brunette asked, rising to her feet.

"To the training room. Someone needs to guard the back entrance."

Angel stood up. "Connor and I will go with you. If they come in the back you'll need more help…and Dawn can protect Connor."

"What about me?" Fred asked, crossing the room to stand in front of Angel.

His eyes softened. "You can research, if you want…or come in the back with us."

"Yeah!" Dawn perked up. "You can show me all the stuff about babies, so I don't mess up with the little guy."

Buffy nodded. "Great. Workable plan. Weapons cabinet is over there…everyone grab something." She tucked a stake into her waistband and then reached up onto the wall and took a thin-blade sword off its display hooks. Testing its weight in her hand she nodded to herself in satisfaction.

"She's back in charge," Anya grumbled, but headed to the table to continue the research they'd been working on.

"Buffy?" Dawn asked as the littlest Summers picked up a stake. "What about Dad?"

Buffy glanced up at her sister. "One demon at a time."

*~*~*

The foursome plus Connor entered the back of the shop and Buffy flipped on the lights, doing a quick sweep to ensure that nothing had settled down in the shop in the past few hours.

"It's clean," she announced with a sideways glance at the Teplir and his Queen, "as it can be, anyway," and the group made their way inside, settling down on the various gym mats and the ratty old couch Giles had provided for her. She turned to the Queen and her minion. "Ignore them," she ordered Dawn. "They're not here."

"How long do you think it will take them to get here?" Fred asked.

Buffy shrugged. "Don't know. Could be a few hours, could be in the next ten minutes. It's…just after one o'clock now. I'd say settle in for the long haul."

"Nothing we're not used to, right Fred?" Angel asked the timid girl, trying to put her at ease.

Dawn plopped down on a blue mat and held her arms out for the sleeping child. "Can I rock him for a while?"

Fred's eyes lit up. "Sure! He just loves when you rock him, especially if you sing. Your sister sang a great song to him, you could hear it throughout the whole hotel."

Buffy's cheeks flamed. "You could hear me?"

"Well, sure!" Fred gushed. "With the acoustics in the lobby? That high ceiling just…ah…I mean…" she trailed off noting the look of sheer horror on Buffy's face.

"You sounded good," Angel murmured under his breath.

Buffy looked down at her feet and shuffled them in embarrassment.

"What did you sing?" Dawn asked quietly.

"Ah…just some old song mom used to sing us."

"What song?" Dawn wanted to know.

Buffy looked into her sister's blue eyes, saw the need to know, and softened considerably. "Something I remember her singing to you," she confided, moving to the mat and joining her sister, slinging an arm around her protectively. She kissed the top of Dawn's head and squeezed her shoulders. "It's an Elton John song, "Tiny Dancer."

"Oh…that one that Phoebe thinks was written for Tony Danza," Dawn grinned. "I know that one. It's in _Almost Famous. _I like that one." Then—"Mom used to sing that to me? Really?"

Buffy smiled. "She really did. That's how I know it so well. She used to walk up and down the halls of the house in LA and try to get you to sleep. You cried a lot. A _lot."_

"Shut up," Dawn grimaced, without feeling, and slapped her sister lightly on her knee.

Angel watched them, his heart lifting to see Buffy happy again, joking with her sister. He could feel their bond again, as sure as he could feel his own soul within, and the sensation almost brought tears to his eyes as he watched Buffy smooth Dawn's hair, while smiling down at his child nestled in the youngest Summers' arms.

"Angel, you know…I could probably set up some sort of booby trap on the doors, if you want," Fred offered.

"Booby trap?" 

"On the back door…maybe let us know when they get close or something."

He started to protest the need for such a device but saw the gleam in her eyes and gave in. "Sure, that would be great, Fred."

"And I'll watch Connor!" Dawn cried gleefully, bouncing the baby on her knee.

Fred bounded out of the room, gathering items for her booby trap and chattering happily to herself. After a moment of planning she returned and began hauling extra gym mats and equipment and placing them in front of the flimsy back door.

"You've got him?" Buffy asked her sister, nodding at the bundle in her arms.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Yeeees. Jeez. I can take care of a little baby, Buffy."

"Just checking," Buffy snipped back with a smile. She shifted herself off the gym mat and crossed the room, weaving her sword through the air, testing it. The contents of the training room, Buffy's exercise equipment and training devices, had been moved to one side of the room earlier in the week to allow Buffy some fight time with Puffy Xander, and now the Slayer took advantage of the space to practice her hand with the sword. A weapon such as this wasn't something she fought with often.

Angel watched her, she felt his eyes as she went through practiced motions, and while it threw her just a bit to be under such scrutiny, it also urged her on. After delivering a complicated movement to a defenseless punching bag, she turned to him and cocked an eyebrow, invitation evident.

He raised his own brow saucily, and swore his long-dead heart thumped at the prospect of a good spar. Pushing himself up off the mat, handling his own sword easily, he practically sauntered to the middle of the room.

"We'll keep Connor up," Buffy noted as he met her in the center of the room and the two began to circle each other, warrior sizing up warrior.

Angel shrugged as he lazily strolled around her, his eyes never moving from his opponent…or, from the way he was looking at her, his prey. She tried not to shiver as his eyes locked onto hers. "He's used to it. The hotel's loud. Always have unexpected company coming and going."

She nodded. "Good," she said simply and attacked with a joyous battle cry. They danced back and forth, parried one move after another, swung and ducked, jumped and whipped in the circle. 

Dawn watched from her spot across the room, fascinated. When Angel had been in town she'd still been "too young" to be involved in Slayer stuff, and she'd certainly never seen the two of them train together, though Buffy's diary had been full of delicious details of their nights at the mansion… It had seemed to Dawn that very little training had ever gotten done between the two of them, juicy as her sister's words had been.

Buffy's heart was racing, Angel could hear it pounding in his ears, and it _sang._ Her heart was free, finally free, and loving every moment of this impromptu battle. She was letting herself go while somehow managing to be perfectly in control. 

And she would be kicking his ass if he didn't stop making observations about her and start focusing on the fight.

He regained his concentration just in time to duck and avoid a mock beheading. Spinning, he whipped his arm up and stopped her sword from coming down, while kicking out with the opposite foot and sweeping her legs out from under her.

She landed on her back with a thud, but rolled quickly to avoid his advance and sprang to her feet, a gleam in her eye. She'd missed this. Lord, but how she'd missed this. Fighting an equal…fighting _Angel._ It had been too long. He'd always been her best sparring partner. They'd trained together, hunting, honing her skills and his, through cemeteries and the streets of Sunnydale, but it had been years since either of them had had the luxury of letting go with an opponent so closely matched to their own prowess. 

"That all you got?" he taunted her while deftly pushing her back to the brick walls of the room.

She grinned while bringing an her sword arm up to block. "Hardly. I just thought you might need me to let up on you, old man."

He snarled, a purely animal sound that juiced her blood. "Bring it on, little girl."

She did. Summoning strength from deep inside she drove him back, using the gym furniture neatly stacked against the walls to jump off of, attacking him with both the sword and her body. He defended himself well, gaining the upper-hand, then losing it again, until she spun in an elegant flying kick and he managed to grab her ankle in mid-air. Yanking up as she spun he propelled her body towards the ceiling. She put her arms out to stop her fall and landed hard on the mat, the breath practically knocked from her lungs. Despite all that she rolled, only to be stopped by a large black boot coming down on the mat next to her. On the other side, an identical boot appeared with an equally satisfied stomp. Rolling onto her back she looked up to find the outlined form of Angel, his features shadowed by one of the harsh lights hanging from the ceiling. When he leaned down to rest both hands on his knees, she saw the familiar smirk on his lips.

"Wow, Buff. What happened there?" he taunted.

She rolled her eyes and coughed. "You got lucky."

"Luck…hmm…no…I'm pretty sure that didn't have anything to do with it."

"You just wait…yours will come," she told him. "Now let me up."

He grinned at her annoyed tone and offered her a hand, stepping over her body to allow her room to move.

She took his hand, then smiled evilly to herself. Balancing on one knee she gripped his hand and tugged, sending his large, and unprepared body, to the floor. They traded places as Buffy's size sevens stepped on either side of his massive frame and her own smile became one of satisfaction. She whipped the stake out from her waistband and bent over him, bringing the point down to an uncomfortable closeness.

"Gotcha."

Their eyes locked.

Yup, right through the heart. 

Freezing for a moment, the memory washed over them both until Buffy remembered where she was and stepped back, her eyes looking anywhere but his.

"So…ah….thanks, for the workout. I haven't done that in a…well, not in quite a while."

He rose unsteadily to his feet, the bond between them flaring wide open, sizzling in the air. "Yeah…it was fun," he said lamely.

"Fun?!" Dawn cried, and they both jumped, forgetting she was in the room. "That was _awesome!_ I didn't know you guys could do that! Wow…Buffy…you were just great! And you too, Angel," she added, grinning wildly. "Who needs to watch _The Matrix_ when I've got you two?"

Fred grinned. "It's kyerumption," she agreed.

They smiled back at her infectious enthusiasm. "Thanks," Buffy said.

"Did you guys used to do this a lot? Train and stuff?"

Vampire and Slayer exchanged a glance. "Uh…yeah, sometimes," Buffy told her.

"Wow…'cause your diar….I never knew," Dawn amended quickly.

Buffy's eyes narrowed, but she let it go and sank to the floor across the room, stretching out. Angel joined her a moment later, sprawling next to her.

"Worn out?" she asked him lightly.

"A bit, yeah…I know I'm supposed to have this vampire stamina and everything but…"

"Not sleeping much in forty-eight hours is whipping your butt?"

He turned to look at her and a smile played on his lips. "Something like that."

"Hmm," she said, "So now you're going to make excuses for why I beat you."

His eyebrows flew upwards. "Beat me? I don't think so. You were down, Buffy. Any other vampire and you'd have been…" his voice trailed off as a thought exploded into his brain.

__

Any other vampire…Spike's been that close to her…Spike's touched her…and she's still alive.

"Don't say it," she requested softly, pain instantly returning to her eyes. 

He didn't. Instead he stared at her, letting her see the hurt in his eyes…and the fury.

"You never should have let him touch you," he told her softly, biting back the anger.

She still heard it. "Angel, don't," she warned, throwing a pleading glance at her sister.

Angel ignored her but kept his tone quiet. "Just tell me why, Buffy. Of all people…why Spike?"

Dawn was busy with Connor, oohing and aahing over the cheerful baby, and Buffy resigned herself to the line of questioning. "Why did you sleep with Darla?" she shot back.

He didn't seem surprised by her retort. "Because I was in a bad place, and I needed someone to lose myself in."

Her eyes met his and held. "Sounds familiar."

"I don't accept that."

Anger began to rise. "It's not for you to accept or not, Angel…it happened, it's over. You don't know what it was like for me. Yes, you died…but you went to Hell. Coming back here had to have been a welcome change. I thought I'd been in heaven. I thought it was over for me. And it wasn't. I was forced back here. And yeah…now that I know where I really was, I'm so grateful to my friends, I'll never be able to show them…but I can't take back what happened between me and Spike. I was lonely, and he was a distraction. And it's over."

He watched her, knowing what she said was true, understanding it completely. It had been the exact same way for him…and he'd gotten Connor out of it. Buffy's friends were likely to be less understanding, and rather than trying to be there for her, no matter how much he disliked it, he was chastising her.

"I'm sorry," he apologized a moment later. "I had no right. It's none of my business."

She stared at him then ran a hand through her messy hair. "No…it's okay. I didn't react much better when you told me about Connor…and Darla."

They shared a look of mutual understanding and apology, and sat back against the wall, feet straight out ahead of them, watching Dawn with the baby.

"So…how are you feeling?" she asked him finally.

He cleared his throat. "Ah…better…thanks. A little woozy still, I guess. But it could be from the fight. It's not as bad as…"

"Last time you got your soul back?" she asked, giving him a small smile.

He returned her rueful grin. "Yeah. At least this time I didn't hurt anyone."

__

You died…and you were rejected from even a moment's peace…used, just like you're always used, then thrown away again. You think that even if you find a way to get your soul back that you'll be whole again? You weren't whole to begin with.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly.

He caught her tone. "Physically, I meant…I'm sorry, Buffy…for anything I might have said to you…that wasn't me, but I know that doesn't really make things any easier."

She shrugged, but appreciated his apology. "I said some stuff to you, too," she admitted. "And some stuff was said for me."

__

Laugh it up, mate. You might have gotten there first…but I'm the one who gets to keep coming back.

Angel shook it off. "I just don't understand, Buffy…how you…and Spike…"

She shook her head. "Not now, Angel. I—we can't do this right here. It's too much, okay?"

Angel's eyes met hers, and she saw the pain in them, but he nodded. "Of course…you're right. But--"

"Later, I promise. There are some things I'd like to ask you about, too. Buffy with a soul might handle it better than the former version of me did."

He chuckled, despite his feelings. "It's going to be a long night, isn't it?"

She sighed. "Really depends on the battle, I guess."

"Not what I meant."

Her eyes fell to the ground. "Oh…oh…well, yeah…it might be."

They continued to sit in silence, both minds working, until Angel broke in. "Why didn't you come to me? At least call me, confide in me. Did you think I, of all people, wouldn't understand?"

Her fingers begin playing with the drawstring of her slim black pants. "I could say the same to you. It's complicated, Angel, like things always are. You're in LA…I'm here…we barely speak anymore…our lives don't include each other."

"Buffy…coming back from the dead is something you make time for."

He realized what he had just said and began to chuckle. A grin slowly spread across her face as well.

"Only a conversation with us could include that sentence."

"And sound completely normal," he agreed.

"Look…I don't know why I didn't come to you. I guess I felt like the two of us had…moved on from each other. Like you wanted for us."

"I never wanted for us to stop being friends, Buffy. We've been through some rough times, seen things most people can't even imagine. If we don't have people to talk to about that stuff…it builds up."

She through him a glance. "Where'd that come from, oh wise-one?"

He shrugged. "I had a rough year last year. Picked up on some Zen."

"I'll say. The past year was hard on me too…and I could have used a friend like you."

"When I found out you were back," Angel began, "the only thing on my mind was to get to you, to see you for myself."

"Your phone call was like a call from heaven," she admitted. "Exactly what I needed."

"You were different then, I knew…but we were both so wrapped up in our own stuff, I guess we chose to ignore it. I'm sorry. A friend wouldn't do that. I should have been there for you."

"You were!" she cried quietly, looking into his Hershey brown eyes. "You were there for me…you didn't make me answer questions, you didn't badger me, you just…you held me, Angel. You made me feel safe. That's the last time I really remember feeling that way…when I was in your arms, that night, months ago."

"Even…not even in his…?"

She shook her head. "Not even once. I hope you believe that." 

Her voice held such conviction, he could never have doubted her sincerity. He reached over and picked up her tiny hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I do."

She smiled at him and opened her mouth to speak when there was a crash from the front of the shop, followed by the shouts of several of their friends. Buffy and Angel jumped to their feet and rushed to the inner door, looking in to see their friends fending off several of the newly arrived Teplir. 

Throwing a glance at the back door, which would hold barring nuclear war, thanks to Fred, Buffy looked over at her sister and the little Texan. "Stay here!" Buffy she ordered, and the two girls nodded fearfully, bundling Connor more closely to them.

Together the vampire and the Slayer charged in to the Magic Box.


	22. At Long Last

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*

"The back room is safe," Buffy announced loudly as the front door crashed in and demons and vampires entered, one after the other in what seemed to be an endless stream. The Scoobies were ready for them, weapons held high, if not confidently, by all.

Gunn and Xander had taken point, chopping down as many demons as possible. The ones that got past them, mainly the less adept Teplir, were faced by Cordelia, who, Buffy noted, had greatly improved her skills with a sword, as well as Anya, Wesley and Giles. Willow and Tara hung in the back, chanting.

"No balls of sunshine," Buffy reminded them as she surveyed the scene, prepared to jump in with all she had.

Willow nodded, not breaking her concentration.

"Good call," Angel called to her as he tossed a Teplir over his head with ease. The tiny demons were no match for his size and skill.

She threw him a grin and went to take on a vampire that had managed to corner Anya against a bookcase. "Anya, down!" she cried and brought her sword up, beheading the demon as he leaned in menacingly to the ex-vengeance demon. Luckily, Anya lowered her head in time and avoided the swift-moving blade.

Buffy threw herself into the fight with gusto even as the demons and vampires continued to come. She seemed to be everywhere at once. Stopping for a moment to admire her, Xander couldn't help but think that the last time he'd seen her fight so well had been in the alley, right after she'd learned of Riley's unfaithfulness. Only this time her energy was fueled by life, by a zest for it, rather than anger, hate, and betrayal. 

"Stay in the back, guard Willow and Tara…nothing gets into the back room," she ordered to he and Gunn, and the two men nodded, quickly dispatching the Teplir they were currently involved with. They moved to the back, assisting Cordelia against a vampire then standing in front of the two Wiccans who had, in the meantime, continued to chant.

"They're fine," Willow assured the two men with a grin. "Protection spell on the training room. No one gets in or out until we break it."

"Excellent," Xander agreed, ruffling her hair good-naturedly.

"Buffy!" Giles cried suddenly, causing everyone to look up just in time to see that some of the Teplir had banded together and were trying to force over a bookcase, prepped to fall right where the little Slayer was currently fighting two vampires at once.

Angel's eyes whipped up but he was too far from her. The bookcase seemed to fall in slow motion when suddenly there was a blur of blonde and black, pushing the Slayer out of the way and taking the brunt of the heavy case as it landed, kicking up dust.

"Spike!" Dawn cried from the back room where she'd peeked out innocently to see what was going on. She moved to go to him, only to find herself blocked by the spell.

The case fell with a crash and the vampire grunted in pain. Buffy had gone stumbling to the floor and now lay, sprawled, the vampires looming above her. Suddenly she grinned, and from behind them, Wesley and Giles quickly dispatched them with two swift stabs of their stakes. Their dust exploded over her and she jumped to her feet.

"Thanks," she smiled at them, then turned to the fallen bookcase and bent to pick it up. Grunting, she managed to get it up far enough for Cordelia and Anya to pull the slightly dented vampire from underneath and the drag him to the back of the shop.

Angel snarled to himself at the site of his loathed GrandChilde flying in to protect the Slayer…but now was not the time for bitter grievances, no matter how justified. Turning back to the fight he and the rest of the Scoobies made quick work of the demons. As more seemed to come from the outside, the voices of Willow and Tara suddenly grew much louder; in fact seemed to be all around them.

"Until this mighty spell be broken

Until the words by us are spoken

No shall enter nor shall leave

Unto these walls we do decree."

A pulse of energy flew through the shop and the demons at the front door were suddenly frozen, trapped on the outside of the building…and not at all happy about it. Angel took a moment to realize what was happening before bursting into a full-on grin. "See how you like it!" he called out with merriment that Cordelia had to admit she hadn't seen in, well…maybe in _ever._

Buffy grinned at his enthusiasm and rejoined the fight, she and her friends making quick work of the remaining demons. When it was over the floor was littered with Teplir bodies and random Magic Box items that had become casualties…as well as a great amount of vampire dust. In the back of the room, held by a recovered and smirking Spike, cowered two of the Teplir virtually shaking in fear as their opponents surrounded them.

"You can thank me later," the peroxided vampire told the Slayer as she approached the tiny demons.

"I'm sure you'll have to remind me," she snarked back and faced the robed figures in front of her. "So. Let's get on with this, okay?" Buffy grabbed one by the thick rope around his waist and tugged, Spike mimicked with the other, and they headed to the back of the shop.

*~*~*

Willow and Tara released the spell that protected Dawn, Connor and Fred in the training room and they shoved the demons through the doorway. Saria seemed to perk up, only to realize that each and every one of her captors followed the demons.

Buffy turned to the three Teplir, now crowded together behind the Queen. "Open the portal. Go through it. Take her with you, and don't ever, ever come back here," she ordered, her eyes steely.

"You'll want to make sure you follow those instructions," Angel threatened.

"We…we can't!" one of them cried.

"And why not?" Cordelia asked, one hand on a perfectly sculpted hip. "You had no problem before. Come on! Abra-cadabra! Get on with it!"

"Be-because…she can not go with us. Even if we wanted her to," another one admitted.

Xander's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, even if you wanted her to? Why wouldn't you want her to?"

One of the demons actually snorted. "Her reign has come to an end."

"What?" Dawn asked, moving to her sister's side.

"She is no longer our queen, therefore is no longer our concern."

Willow's brow scrunched. "You're not…you're not here for her?"

"For them, of course!" the demon cried, waving an arm at Buffy and Angel. "You think we care so much for this…this human?" he asked, distaste evident in his tone. "We have been under her boot for far too long."

The group was quiet for a moment. Buffy rubbed at her eyes wearily. "Ok…it's late, and I'm tired. Maybe I'm not understanding you…so say that again, slowly."

The demon tapped his foot. "For hundreds of years our people have mindlessly followed the wishes of this…this mortal. Feeding her souls to keep her alive. But some of us are not so stupid. Some of us are not so quick to bow to her every command, to allow her tyranny to continue." He walked to where the Queen sat, tied to her chair, and stared at her. "For too long she has run our world based on the rules and whims of a human, when rightfully it should be a Teplir on the throne."

"On the throne," Xander snickered under his breath.

"Elvis died that way," Gunn joked back, 'causing Cordelia to smack them both across the back of their heads.

"He was the King, she's the Queen," the Sunnydale native quipped and they continued to giggle until the Slayer herself turned to glare at them impatiently.

Turning back to the demons she sighed. "What are you talking about? I thought you guys loved her. When we were on your plane she was all the rage. Aren't you the fickle bunch."

The demon in charge turned back to the Scoobies. "There is a growing faction that wishes to see her gone. You did us a favor when you took her with you." He turned back to the Queen and ripped the gag from her mouth. "Do you have anything to say about this…_highness?"_

Saria was wide-eyed at the insolence of her subject. "You will pay for this insubordination, Sulfeg. You will certainly pay. Jimnub! Ranidge! I place him in your custody."

The two demons behind her did nothing. The smile on the invisible demon's face could practically be seen. "The loathing of your rule runs deep, especially in your own court, your majesty," he snapped, sarcasm dripping. "You will not be taken back, you will not return to the Demna Plane. You will stay here, where you will die, and we will be free of you."

Saria's eyes flashed. "Fools! I created you! I built you up from a meek, insignificant people to what you are today!"

"Very impressive, I have to admit," Spike quipped from the back of the room.

"You need me, you need my leadership, you need…"

"We need nothing from you," Sulfeg hissed. "We came only for the Slayer and the Vampire. We would have settled for the Key and the Witch," he nodded, turning to Dawn then Willow, "and now because of you, we will have none. You have destroyed us, but more importantly, you have destroyed yourself."

"But…wait," Willow interrupted. "I thought she needed the souls to survive up there. So…why would you still be looking for Buffy and Angel if you don't need her any more?"

Sulfeg tapped a foot impatiently. "It is not just our queen who needs the essence of souls, despite what some of my colleagues may have led you to believe. You must forgive them. They have not been educated as I have," he told them, looking witheringly at Jimnub. "The _Teplir_ survive on the power of souls. They fuel us. We survived for hundreds and thousands of years before the Queen came along, just as we will survive without her. Unfortunately, only a select few of us choose to look at our past for the answer to our future."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"The Queen is a figure head. There is no need for her, we can rule ourselves as we did before she stumbled into our realm. You see, when she arrived on the Demna Plane, we had just undergone a period without a ruler. Our King, of a long-standing Teplir family, had passed on without an heir and different members of a Senate of sorts ruled us for several years. It didn't work well for us…jealousy and corruption took over, all but drained us of our light, our strength as a people. When Saria fell into our hands, so different, so…new…a group of dissatisfied Teplir took it upon themselves to declare her the Prodigal. A Messiah, to put it in your terms, when really she is just an ordinary human being."

He paused. "What they failed to realize is that she requires much more of the soul-strength than expected. Our people had a ruler, yes, but one who drained us of our source quite quickly. She too, realized the problem early on, and began forming organizations to hunt down souls for her. Shortly into this operation, she came across a mystical person, a sorcerer with a powerful soul, like yours," he said, nodding to Buffy and Angel. "His soul was stronger than anything she'd yet felt…and it left her bitter and craving for more. Soon, only the most mighty of souls would satisfy her. By then, she had us under her thumb. We would do anything for her…at least, some of us would. Over the years…her influence has waned."

He paused again and turned, pacing the room as everyone watched. "One soul can last us for years…if you are one of us. If you are human, you require more. One soul may only last a matter of weeks. By keeping her around, we waste power that could go for us, to give us strength, and we endanger ourselves by hunting down powerful souls throughout the universe. And now…my group, which has grown from the dozens of unsatisfied citizens to hundreds of thousands, we…_we_ will have our turn."

Saria stared at him, and then to her horror, she began to cry. "I don't understand…I did everything for you…" she sobbed.

"You will pay for this, Sulfeg," Jimnub growled. "You may be powerful here, but at home, you will answer for your crimes."

The demon sighed, untouched, and turned back to the Scoobies. "We will leave you now, and we will not return, do not fear. We respect your fighting abilities too much to think we may be able to overcome you. I must admit. We've never had this much trouble securing souls before."

He collected his friends and neared the group of Scoobies when Angel snarled.

"If you come back," Angel growled, advancing on the tiny demon who all but shrank as the vampire approached, "your people will know the wrath of mine. What happened here today was child's play, barely more than a routine exercise. Do not toy with the Slayer again. Do not come near her friends or her sister…and if you consider approaching me or mine…consider praying to whatever God your people worship."

The terrified demon trembled and practically sunk into the floor under the heavy, furious gaze of the vampire. He nodded repeatedly, quickly.

"Wait," Buffy called. "What are we going to do with her?"

Before anyone could answer there was a shriek from the front of the shop, muted, but definitely terrified. Exchanging concerned glances with Angel, Buffy pushed her way to through her friends and headed out into the main room of the shop. Her father was frantically trying to get into the shop, surrounded by several of the Teplir.

"Get off me! What's wrong with this door? Hello? Buffy? Dawn?" Hank cried, banging on the invisible barrier. He looked up to see his daughters enter from the training room and his eyes lit up. "Buffy! Dawn! Help me! There's something wrong…and there are…monsters…as stupid as that sounds."

"There are still vampires out there, Buffy," Dawn reminded her fearfully.

"They probably went looking for alternative entrances," Angel muttered, looking above even as the sounds of feet on the roof sounded.

"Will? Tara?" Buffy called only half-heartedly. 

The witches nodded and clasped hands, mumbling something under their breath. A moment later there was another pulse of energy and Hank Summers fell flat on his face in the entryway of the shop.

Dawn hesitated, unsure if she should go to him or stay away from the impending dangers that were making their way into the shop.

Sulfeg pushed his way around the Scoobies and held up a robed arm to the advancing Teplir. "Stop," he ordered. "Our business here is concluded. We have no quarrel with the Slayer or the vampire."

"Or their friends!" Cordelia added.

The Teplir stopped in their tracks, the few of them that remained. "What do you mean Sulfeg? Their souls?"

"Are not ours to have, sad as I am to admit that. They have bested us, twice now, and to pursue this will mean the loss of more of our brothers and sisters." He glanced around at the bodies of their fallen comrades. "I do not wish for any more of our people to die."

There were murmurs of agreement that were punctuated with the snarls of vampires from the outside, realizing the barrier had been broken.

"Stop!" Sulfeg cried, raising his hand to the vampires. "Our business with you is completed. Take leave."

The vampires, perhaps a dozen of them, hesitated before glancing at the humans in the back. "Uh…sure," the self-appointed spokesman sneered. "We'll just go on home now, like good dogs."

Sulfeg nodded with satisfaction and turned his back to them.

"Sarcasm, you idiot. Heard of it?" Cordelia hissed and shoved the demon behind her, ready to face the vampires.

Buffy grabbed her sword off the table and tossed Angel his. "Get my father out of here," she commanded to anyone listening. Giles and Xander bounded to the front and pulled Hank out of the way as half a dozen vampires made their way in the shop.

"Slayer," one of them hissed.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "How original. You know? I've got a name. Buffy. Bu-ffy," she annunciated slowly.

The vampire stared at her blankly and Spike smirked. "She's a bitch to battle with, verbally or otherwise, in't she?" he asked before tossing a stake end or end. It landed square in the vampire's chest. With a shriek and a whoosh what remained of the vamp floated in the air.

"Stop helping me!" Buffy ordered before heading into the fray with Angel, Gunn and Cordelia at her side.

Spike rolled his eyes and ignored her, beginning to pummel the first vamp he came across. Giles and the others remained in the back with Hank and Dawn, now seated at the table.

"Dad," Dawn said simply, as if speaking to a child. "Those are vampires."

"Vampires," Mr. Summers repeated blankly.

"Vampires," she confirmed. "And that," she pointed to Buffy, whirling with the speed and dexterity of her birthright, "is Buffy. The Vampire Slayer." With her words Buffy spun in mid-air and beheaded a vamp, moving through his dust to assist Gunn.

Hank stared at his daughter. "The Vampire Slayer."

"Uh-huh." Dawn grinned at Willow over her father's head and returned to watching her sister fight.

"How...? How can she?" Hank began, looking from Dawn to Giles to the others, then gave up. "I don't get it."

"We've got maps and graphs and many boring texts that can explain it all," Anya assured him with a stiff pat on the back.

Dawn smiled brightly and leaned down to her father, murmuring next to his year. "All that stuff you saw in LA? Nothing compared to what she pulled off today."

"No…it was…tricks of light…and…and…" Hank stammered.

"It was vampires, Dad," Dawn assured him with a pat to the shoulder. "And some demons, but don't worry. They're sorta on our side now, so that shouldn't be a problem."

Hank moved green eyes to stare into his youngest's blue ones. "You really believe all this. You…you all really believe it. These…fairy tales."

"Fairy tales," Anya scoffed. "Fairies are _horrible_ story-tellers, first of all…" she began.

"Mr. Summers…I assure you," Giles jumped in, "your daughter is telling you the truth. And if you can just give us a few moments to finish this," his hand waved to the battle at the front of the shop, "all will be explained."

Hank nodded uneasily and returned to watching his daughter and her friends. The slender brunette grabbed a piece of wood, a stick, and punched it in the chest of one of the attackers. A moment later, the man exploded into dust. Hank swallowed. The large, glowery man in the corner was holding off two at a time, punching one, then the other before grabbing one by the collar and head-butting him. The man stumbled back and landed on the other, knocking them both to the ground, one on top of the other. With a smirk the glowery man grabbed a broom stick from the corner, snapped in half across his knee, and stabbed it through the chest of both men. The same thing happened to them…a whirlwind of dust.

Hank rubbed at his eyes.

There was a blonde guy and a black man as well…they seemed to be trading off blows with a female and another male. The black man tossed the blonde a sword, then hit the floor on his knees as the blonde grinned, in a sick sort of way, really, before swooping around in a circle and beheading both attackers. Dust.

Hank squeezed at the bridge of his nose, warding off the headache he could feel coming on.

When he looked up again he saw his daughter. Buffy. Helpless, hapless Buffy…she was…well, she was…_fast_ was the only word that came to his mind at the moment. In a dizzying array of moves she was fighting two males at once, tossing back punches and kicking up in ways that made his own muscles ache. And she seemed to be enjoying it. A lot. Delivering some sort of kung-fu move she managed to pin one of the attackers arms behind his back and kicked at his knees, knocking him to the floor.

"Buffy!" Angel's voice rang from across the room where he and Gunn stood, appreciatively watching the Slayer. He gracefully tossed a stake end over end in her direction. Buffy looked up at the same time her hand shot out, anticipating his move, and plucked the stake from the air. In one fluid motion she brought her arm around and plunged the stake into the vampire's heart before spinning around and kicking out at the other, knocking him to the ground as well. In a moment, it was over.

"Well," Buffy said, dusting herself off. "Are we done now?"

"Looks like it," Angel acknowledged, glancing around the room.

She nodded and then ticked her head towards the Teplir, standing to one side. "Let's get these guys out of here, then."

"We—we can find our way out, I assure you," Sulfeg told her quickly. "We will take our leave now, thank you."

A manicured eyebrow shot up. "Remember what he said," she told Sulfeg, her eyes ticking to Angel, then back again. "If you come back? I won't hesitate to take you out."

"We desire no trouble from you, Slayer," Sulfeg announced with a sigh. "I swear it."

"Wait!" Cordelia cried. "What are we supposed to do with her royal pain in the assness back there?"

Sulfeg shrugged. "She is not our concern."

"She's not ours, either, buddy," Xander said menacingly. "But you break it, you buy it."

"She can not return with us," Sulfeg reminded him.

"And it's not like they can exactly set her up in a deluxe apartment in the sky," Gunn nodded gravely.

"Take her to a shelter, then," Buffy shrugged. 

"There are plenty of them in LA," Angel suggested. "I'm sure we can find a women's shelter there that will take her in for a nice hot meal…"

"…a nice psychiatric evaluation," Cordelia chimed in as the Queen began to scream from the back room.

"Somebody make her stop," Buffy pleaded wearily. "Someone who isn't Spike," she added when said vampire rose to his feet and headed to the back, wicked grin on his face.

He stopped short of the door and frowned. "Never let me have any fun."

"Dad?" Dawn asked softly, nudging him. "Are you okay?"

Hank blinked. "Uh…yeah, sweetheart. I'm just fine," he told her, patting her hand, still on his shoulder.

"'Cause you look a little…freaked."

He let out a short laugh. "Well…I suppose that's a good word for it. I mean…I'm standing here…surrounded by a…a vampire," he nodded at Angel. "And my daughter, who's a Slayer."

"Two vampires, actually…albeit, one of them neutered," Anya added cheerily. 

"Hey!"

She rolled her eyes at the protest that came from the back of the room, and pointed to herself. "Vengeance demons, too. Former."

"Seer," Cordelia announced, raising her hand with a wink.

"And Key!" Dawn giggled.

"Watchers," Xander pointed out, looking from Wesley to Giles.

"Witch," Tara and Willow chimed together, then smiled at each other happily.

"And then there's Connor," Fred rattled on, getting into the spirit of things. "I mean, the human son of two vampires is pretty special."

"W-witches," Hank stuttered. "And…seer? I don't even know—Key? Dawn, you're a…key? Are these code names or something?"

Everyone chuckled a bit and Gunn leaned down to look Mr. Summers in the eye. "I'm just a street thug, if that helps."

Hank blew out a shaky breath.

"Okay, guys…let's give my dad a break here," Buffy announced, coming to her father's rescue, despite enjoying watching him so flustered. The group reluctantly began to break up, Angel heading to the training room. Buffy followed him.

"So…" she began as they worked to untie the queen. "What are you going to do now?"

Angel sighed and shook his head. "I don't really know. I guess we'll pack up and head back to LA."

She nodded, her eyes solemn. "For tonight? You could use some rest…I know I can."

He chuckled wearily. "I won't argue with that."

Tugging at the ropes around Saria's hands, Buffy freed the Queen's hands, then added casually, "You can stay at the house, if you want."

He considered. "I might take you up on that…the mansion doesn't have any heat…not a problem for me so much, but Connor…"

"And Cordelia," she teased. "I'd hate to have to listen to her complain all night."

"Right," he smiled briefly, and helped the Queen stand.

Saria ripped off her gag. "They left me?" she hissed angrily.

Angel nodded.

"Wh—what am I to do?"

She looked very lost, and very young at that moment. Her eyes were huge, red with the silent tears she had been crying while the outer room had raged with battle. Buffy almost felt sorry for her. Almost. "You're going to LA with Angel tomorrow. He'll hook you up with a nice women's facility there. I'm sure you'll make friends real fast," she snarked.

Saria's eyes welled with tears. "And…for now?"

"I guess you're coming back to my house," Buffy sighed, resigned.


	23. And The Feeling Is Sooo Nice

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*~*

The group made their way back to Buffy's house, exhausted, and trudged wearily into the house. Fred and Cordelia claimed space in Dawn's room, Willow, Tara and Dawn would be bunking down in Willow's room. Xander and Anya made their way back to their own apartment with Gunn and Wesley, who would be staying overnight with them, Giles agreed to take the twin bed in the Summers basement, leaving the couch to Buffy. Hank would be sleeping alone in Buffy's room. Sharing a private smile with Dawn over their father's still-flustered expression, Buffy shut the door to her room and kissed her sister goodnight.

Spike had disappeared as they left the shop, though Buffy doubted that he was finished with her and fully expected him to come sniffing around tomorrow night. She would talk with Spike, calmly…and with a stake close by, just in case his temper got out of control.

After securing Saria on a cot in the basement, opposite of where Giles would be sleeping, Angel had assured Buffy that he and Connor would make due anywhere in the Summers house. She headed for the steps to make sure they were comfortable downstairs and to see if they needed any blankets. Taking the steps slowly she turned the corner of the entry hall and promptly stopped short. Cordelia, in little more than purple satin shorts and a matching tank top, had her arms around Angel in an embrace that was much more intimate than coworkers normally shared. A piece of Buffy's heart broke, one sliver at a time. She stared at them uncomfortably before clearing her throat, grabbing onto the railing for support as her knees had suddenly gone weak…right around the same time that rock had settled in her stomach.

Cordelia jumped a bit and pulled back from Angel, ending the hug. "Jeez, Buffy. Wear a bell," she muttered, and turned back to the vampire. "Get some sleep," she told him gently, and moved past the Slayer and up the stairs.

"I—I just came to see if you and Connor were okay," Buffy stammered, looking anywhere but in the eyes of the man in front of her.

"We're fine," he assured her.

Buffy stiffened. "So I see," she replied shortly.

Angel's gaze grew confused. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she sniffed. "I'll see about changing the sleeping arrangements."

"Why?" he asked, genuinely curious. "Someone unhappy?"

Her eyes were steely. "You should have just said something earlier."

His brow knotted with his confusion. "What?"

She waved her hand towards the dining room. "I didn't know…I'm sure something can be changed…Fred can squeeze in with Dawn."

He stared at her for a moment longer, wondering if the events of the past two days were finally taking their toll on the little Slayer when he realized what she meant. "You think I'm…that Cordelia and…oh God. No. Buffy…no. Not happening." If the look on her face hadn't promised him a swift death he would have laughed out loud at her train of thought.

"Looked like it to me." Buffy turned on her heel and walked into the kitchen, pushing open the door and letting it swing back, almost smacking Angel in the face as he followed.

"I'm sure…I know what you think you saw…but it wasn't anything, Buffy." He stopped short of the island as Buffy walked around it and immediately looked for something to put in her hands…something that couldn't be construed as a weapon. A checkered dishrag hanging over the divided kitchen sink served her purpose.

"Buffy," he tried again. "It wasn't anything, I swear. She was worried about me, came to make sure I was okay, that I wasn't having any after-effects of the spell…and mostly she wanted to make sure that Connor was alright. I promise. Hey…" he murmured, covering her hand in his and forcing her to stop the maniacal scrubbing she was giving the already clean counter top. "Cordelia and I are just friends. Very good friends," he allowed, "but just friends. Like you and Xander."

He raised his eyebrow, making sure his point got across and she closed her eyes, stupidity flooding through her. It shouldn't matter anymore…but it did. Everything Angel did would always matter to her.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her eyes on their entwined fingers. She squeezed his hand. "I just…I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he said easily and released her hand, the warmth of her skin lingering on his own cool touch for a moment.

As he moved away her fingers ached at the loss of contact but she pushed emotion aside, though it pained her to do so, so long now had she been without feeling of any kind. Changing the subject she inquired about his chosen location for sleep that night.

He ignored her question. "What about you?" he asked Buffy as she puttered around the kitchen, her body itching to move, to do anything but stand there under his careful gaze.

"Hmm?"

"Where are you going to sleep?" he asked softly, not wanting to disturb his sleeping child who was cuddled in his punkin seat on the kitchen table. The bright light of the overhead lamp had been turned off in favor of the yellow hue of the stove light and it cast a soft, moody glow over their faces.

She jerked a shoulder as she moved the damp rag over the counter. "Giles is taking the bed in the basement so I can have the couch in the living room. Where are you going?"

He mimicked her, shrugging. "Probably just on the floor."

"You've done it before," she remembered.

He did too. "I don't think your father would appreciate me sleeping next to him."

She hid a smile. "I can assure him you don't snore…much."

He grinned now, easily, leaning back against the kitchen counter. "Quite a day, hmm?" he asked casually.

"That it was."

"How are you going to handle your father?"

She rolled her eyes. "I really don't know. I guess…he can't deny what he saw here tonight…I mean, if he thinks about it…we saved him from those vampires outside the magic shop."

"True," he conceded.

"I guess I'll just try to reason with him…see how that goes. I don't expect much, but I have to try. I can't let him take Dawn."

Her words were adult, mature…but her tone was tired and very, very young to his ears. She looked like she might collapse at any moment, not surprising as she'd had little sleep in the last forty-eight hours. He said as much to her.

With a short laugh she tossed the rag into the sink. "I think I might…but then another part of me is so wired from everything that happened…"

"You haven't slept since you were in the hotel," he reminded her gently.

Green eyes met his. "Neither have you."

His fingers twitched and an urge began to pull at him. They'd…survived. They'd done it. She was back…fully restored and alive again…and he'd succumbed to the demon and made it through to the other side once more. They'd done it together.

Her eyes seemed to look into him, reading his thoughts, and she took a hesitant step towards him. He urged her on with movement of his own, hitching his body to angle himself facing her, shoulders moving forward to be closer to her…and she was in his arms as her own came up and wrapped around his broad chest and hot tears began to spill.

He held her as she sobbed, as she let out months of unhappiness and sorrow. Stroking her wavy tresses he closed his eyes and rested his chin atop her head, strong arms held her against his chest.

"Shhh…" he whispered, wiping at her tear-stained cheeks. "It's okay."

She sniffled loudly. "I—I didn't know that was in there," she admitted.

He smiled gently. "I figured it was, somewhere. You've been through a ton, and knowing you, you but on brave-face and pushed all this down inside you."

"Sounds like somebody else I know," she said pointedly, eliciting yet another grin from him.

"Hmm," he murmured. He himself was not the poster-child of feeling-sharing. Smoothing her hair he tucked a strand behind her ear and pulled her back from his chest to look into her eyes, studying her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, wiping one last escaping tear. "We should go to bed," she told him finally. "Separately, I mean."

He chuckled. "We should. I'm just going to give Connor a bottle."

She nodded again and moved to the tiny child. Her fingers stroked his wrinkled forehead and she wondered if he dreamed…and what someone so little would dream of. Kissing him gently she walked to the door and turned back to Angel before pushing through. "Good night, Angel."

He turned from the refrigerator. "Good night." Their eyes held for a moment before she opened the door and was gone.

Angel blew out an unnecessary breath and leaned against the fridge, chilled bottle in his hand. It never got easier, soul or no.

*~*~*

A half hour later, Connor tucked securely under his arm, Angel headed out into the living room prepared for sleep. Settling his child next to a deep-cushioned easy chair his hyper-sensitive ears perked up at the sound of movement on the front porch. Uneasy, he threw a glance at the sleeping Watcher on the couch and decided Connor would be safer here than heading out with his father to face whatever lay outside.

He moved swiftly, yet silently, to the front door and peered out through the sidelight. Sighing, he opened the door a moment later.

"I thought you went to bed," he admonished softly, coming to sit on the front steps.

Buffy jumped at the sound of the door opening. "You too," she told him evenly.

"I was, until I heard something out front, came to investigate." He looked up at the moon, bright overhead. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. Just got lots of thoughts up here," she said, tapping her head.

"I remember it was usually a pretty busy place," he said easily. "What's going on in there now?"

"This is going to be the talk you wanted to have, isn't it?" she asked mock-warily.

"Could be."

"Might as well get it over with," she said with a sigh, but without heat. 

"I promise," he chuckled, "It won't be that bad. Besides…I'm sure, judging by the little misunderstanding we had in there," he jerked a thumb at the house, "that you've got some stuff to ask me about, too."

"Could be," she repeated.

"I swear, Buffy, there's nothing going on between myself and Cordelia."

She looked over at him, familiar Angel in his dark clothes, his soap and aftershave scent unchanged after all these years. Creature of habit, indeed. She'd wager he still used the same brand of gel he had three years ago. She angled her head as her eyes swept over him. Salon Selectives, Soft Hold, Level B. Smiling to herself she looked back down at her hands. "Whether there is or there isn't, Angel…it's really none of my business," she conceded finally, the words feeling untrue even on her tongue.

He gave her a level look. "And somehow…the thought of you and Spike still got to me…so I guess the mature thing to do is to admit that it bothers us. Even if is shouldn't."

She squinted at him. "You always were the smart one."

"You need to give yourself more credit."

"I haven't been acting very smart lately," she admitted. "I mean, no one can say that my… involvement…with Spike was for the best."

He fought the snippy words that wanted to be said and tried for calm and reasonable instead. "No…I wouldn't say that. But I _would_ say that it's understandable. You were in a bad place, much like I was when Darla came along, and he was there. It's ugly to say it like that, but it's true. Sometimes you don't need love, you just need a warm body."

She grinned. "So we both chose walked into the arms of vampires."

He smiled back. "Well, the warm-body is just a figure of speech."

"You got Connor out of it," she said wistfully. "At least you can say that."

His eyes filled with love. "Yeah…it's incredible. But you got something too, you know."

Her brow furrowed. "Besides shame, humiliation and the desire to fling myself off a high-rise?"

"How about a renewed sense of self…some self-esteem…knowing who you are and what you're worth now," he corrected. "Coming out of this, you know you're better than that, that you deserve more than what he can give you. You deserve more than anyone can give you," he admitted.

Her heart fluttered at his kind words and her eyes softened. "So do you. I hope…I hope you can find that someday, Angel. You deserve it." Her words were honest. "Just not with Cordelia, okay?"

He laughed out loud now and she shushed him but couldn't contain her own giggles. "I don't think you have anything to worry about," he assured her, then let a gleam enter his eyes. "I couldn't afford her anyway."

"Very true."

They sat in companionable silence for a moment, watching some leaves scatter up the street and Buffy wrapped her arms around her at the momentary chill.

"Cold?" he asked and removed his duster, placing it over her arms, dwarfing her, before she could object.

"Thanks," she murmured, slightly uncomfortable as his scent filled her nostrils. For a moment she closed her eyes and could be right back there…in his arms, holding on for dear life to the single most important thing she had. 

When she opened them, he was watching her. "Why don't you start at the beginning…tell me everything that happened since the last night I was here."

"The night of my mother's funeral," she remembered. He nodded. And so she launched into the tale of Glory's uprising and Dawn's kidnapping…of her gift to the world, the gift of her, and how she'd been peaceful and happy until Willow had worked her dark magics with the help of Tara, Anya and Xander. She told him how hard it had been to be back, without her mother, with a teenage sister to care for, and bills coming in from everywhere…and with Giles leaving her alone.

"He swears it was for my own good," she told Angel, "but I miss him so much…and it doesn't feel like it's for my own good. It feels like I lost a friend. Like I was abandoned."

"I think that's natural," he told her, fighting the feelings of guilt that flooded his system. He'd left her too, after the biggest battle of her life, he'd left her to handle things on her own. And look where it had gotten them. He swallowed his thoughts and plunged ahead. "You know he's always there for you…he came back to help out now," he pointed out.

She nodded. "And I know he will…but I also know he's got a life in England…and I don't want to interrupt that."

He considered for a moment. "I'm sure though…if you were to ask…I bet he's missing you every bit as much as you're missing him. Maybe more. His life in England ended six years ago when he came here…it's hard to just go back and pick that up again."

Her story continued with Spike and their involvement, Willow's use of dark magic and Tara's departure, and of Xander and Anya's engagement. When she finished he told her about Darla's return and the plots of Wolfram and Hart to corrupt him, to make him lose his soul to her…and how it had almost worked. She laughed at the thought of Cordelia's face when Angel fired them, and grimaced when he told her of the clothing he bought to get back in her good graces again. ("I'd pay to see that dance, though," she'd teased.) She was equally pleased, though she kept it to herself, to learn that he'd kicked Darla to the curb after their night together. He told her of his vendetta against the lawyers and shocked her when he admitted, with shame, how he locked them in a wine cellar with Darla and Drusilla. 

He went on to tell her of their trip to Pylea and Cordelia's enslavement followed by her coronation and how in that world there had been two suns…two suns that did nothing to him but warm his cool skin. Her eyes widened when he told her of seeing his reflection, though he kept to himself that a year and a half earlier, on an unseasonably warm November day, he'd already been treated to the sight of his image in a mirror…and to the sound of his heart beat.

His story continued with the telling of Fred's rescue…and of Willow's visit to tell them the news of Buffy's death. His eyes went vacant as he regaled the tale of his summer away…a summer spent trying to escape, then trying to deal, with the death of the woman he loved.

And she noted that he didn't say, "the woman that he had loved." Pushing that thought away, though she couldn't stop the tingling in her belly, she listened.

Darla had reappeared, hugely pregnant, and, as it had turned out…with human feelings for the child. Buffy still couldn't believe that and indicated as much with a "Harrumph." 

"It's true… I know how it sounds…but she honestly cared for him, even if it was just side-effects of Connor's soul in her body."

"Okay," she sing-songed, still not believing it.

He took a breath and slowly reached for her hand, hesitantly entwining their fingers together. "And then…one night Fred and I were outside talking and Cordelia rushed to the door, shouting that you were alive." He stared at the ground, emotion filling his voice. "And I just…blanked. Nothing else was important anymore. I had to see you, I had to know it was you, with my own two eyes."

"So you called and we met," she murmured, her own eyes fascinated by the sight of their interlocked fingers.

"And you were…you…but not really. And I'm sorry, because I brushed past all that rather than forcing you to talk about it, rather than trying to get down to the problem, because I was…" He trailed off, the pain of it too much for him ton continue.

"You were…" she prompted, her voice barely a whisper.

His eyes reluctantly pulled from the ground and sought hers. When she dared to look up at him, he continued. "I was so happy that you were alive, Buffy. It's the closest I've come to a moment of happiness since that night."

Her heart plunged into her feet. "Oh…_oh_."

His voice broke as he spoke, emotion teeming. "My very first thought was just to get to you, to hold you, to feel you against me so I could know it was really you, and not some cruel joke or a dream…or something Wolfram and Hart cooked up for me since Darla didn't work." He let out a bitter laugh. "It's amazing, I'm actually surprised they haven't tried that."

"Tried what? Me?"

He nodded.

"Angel…" She didn't know what to say.

"It would work up to this day, Buffy."

"What…what are you saying?" she breathed, not daring to think it.

He still wouldn't look at her. "Even three years later."

Stunned, she reached up and turned his face to hers, her eyes searching, hoping to find in them what she was looking for. She did. In them she saw hope and despair of hoping, love, and fear of loving. She saw raw emotion.

Without thinking she untangled her fingers from his and brought her other hand up to his face, cradling his perfect features between them, pulling him towards her and planting her soft lips on his. An involuntary gasp escaped his throat and for a split second he didn't react until his mind began to work and he responded with fervor, falling into the embrace.

His own hands came up and tugged at her, pulling her close to him, wrapping around her tiny frame and all but plopping her down on his lap, stealing her warmth. As all their kisses did, this one built itself up until they were straining against each other, panting…and still wanting more. Now he did hitch her up so that she was half-sitting on his lap, leaving them eye to eye and she wrapped her arms around his neck, plunged them into his hair, massaging his scalp. An involuntary moan escaped and he dragged his lips down to her neck, laving kisses over her ear, her collar bone. His hands moved under his coat, under her shirt and stopped there, his fingers just teasing the skin on at her waistband.

"Angel," she gasped as his hands splayed her back. "Yeeesss…"

Her murmurs urged him on and he found her mouth once more, sealing his lips over hers, his tongue delving inside to taste her.

She groaned into his mouth. This, _this_ was exactly what she needed. What she'd always needed. What she always _would_ need. It was useless when they denied it…the night in the cemetery had proved that, hadn't it? Everything always led back to Angel…every road she went down. Even now…the only way the Teplir had been able to keep them in the dream state was to simulate perfect happiness, by going into their memories and plucking out the one thing guaranteed to keep them complacent. 

She shivered as she remembered the feeling of being with him in that dream-bubble…just the two of them, lost to the world, of feeling his hands on her, their limbs entwined, straining for more and never being satisfied. Her hands imitated his and found flesh beneath his shirt, tugging on it enough that the cool breeze of the night tickled his skin, which then blazed beneath her hot touch.

"God…you feel so…Buffy," he sighed, ripping his lips from hers and turning his ministrations back to her neck, to his mark.

She sighed and arched her neck back, trying to form a sentence when a high-pitched wail sounded from inside the house. Connor.

They froze, locked together, until Buffy brought her head down and their eyes met. Sheepishly she removed herself from his grasp and straightened her clothing, patted down her hair.

"I'll just…ah…" he looked from her to the front door as he scrambled to his feet. "I…just a sec, okay?" At her nod he rushed inside to tend to his wailing son.

Buffy sank onto the front steps. "Oh boy."


	24. Clearing The Air

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*~*

Angel hurried inside and over to his son who was wailing with gusto, his tiny pink fist clenched and waving at the air, trying to hit the invisible demon that had waked him. Angel leaned over and cooed, picking him up and bringing him to his chest, rocking his son gently.

Angel continued to jiggle Connor until the baby had calmed and was reduced to small bouts of gasping. In a moment he was sleeping again, his thumb finding its way into his mouth. Angel waited a few more minutes before daring to put Connor back into his bed, then covered him loosely and headed back to the front porch. When he opened the door he found Buffy pacing, her boots clomping softly on the wooden planks.

"He's asleep?" she asked as he gently shut the front door.

Angel nodded.

"Okay…then…I think we should go to bed, too, Angel," she told him, worrying her lip nervously. "To sleep, I mean."

"Uh—okay," he agreed, somewhat confused.

"It's—it's late," she began as she continued to pace, "and…we're tired and we're acting on things that are…"

She trailed off. He watched her, part relived at her maturity and part howling inside at the logic she presented. "Are…?"

"We're acting on things that have been over for a long time," she said finally, stopping to stand a few feet, safe feet, away from him. "We've been through a lot today, over the past few days, and we got out of hand with each other. It's…understandable. Extreme circumstances, blood pumping…"

"My blood doesn't pump," he reminded her, taking one step towards her.

She mimicked him, backing up. "You know what I mean."

"I didn't lie to you, Buffy," Angel said softly, though there was a hint of growl to his voice as he continued to move towards her. "I care for you. I always have, and that's not going to change. I didn't come out here tonight expecting that to happen, that's the last thing I was thinking of."

"Exactly!" she cried, throwing her hands up. "That's my point. We're…being impulsive. And in our worlds, that doesn't always work out for us. We don't know what we're doing, and I've done too much of that the last few months."

"But when you say it like that, that we're just acting on impulse, that we're reacting to being near each other, you make it sound like it means nothing, that we're using each other," he snapped.

Her eyes narrowed. "That's not what I meant, Angel. It's _because_ I don't want to do that…not with you…that I think we should just go to our separate corners for the night."

"I would never push you…Do you think I'm just using you? I'm not Spike," he reminded her, hurt in his eyes.

"And I'm not Darla," she said gently.

He recoiled at her words and she was instantly shamed. "No…wait, Angel…I'm saying this wrong…"

"You're having a hard time figuring out _what_ you mean, Buffy," he told her, turning away from her, trying to heal from the shock of her words.

She reached for him, laying a tiny hand on his shoulder, and he jumped at the touch, shrugging her off. "Angel, please…hear me out."

He didn't speak and she decided that was her cue to continue.

"I…I care for you, Angel. More than I should. I always have…more than I should. Even now. I don't want us to do something tonight that will make how I feel for you anything less than what it is. And I'm afraid that if we do this…we won't be able to stop. That…that _I_ won't be able to stop myself." She swallowed tears and reached out for him again. This time he allowed her touch.

"I couldn't live with myself if we hurt each other…and you'll be going back to LA tomorrow…we don't know when we'll see each other again, we don't know where this might lead, and I couldn't bear it to start up something with you again just to have it taken away from me. I've lost too many people. I can't do that with you again."

"So you'll go back to Spike," he snapped.

"Wh—what? No…I--" she stammered.

He cut her off viciously, whirling on her, enraged. "He's here, and he's convenient, and the minute I leave town, are you going to go back to his crypt, let him undress you, let him _violate_ you? Are you? Are you going to let him touch you, to know what it's like to have you under him, to be with you in a way that only a man who loves you should be? Does he make you forget what you and I shared? Does he make you forget about that farm-boy…or the one before him? The one who used you and let you go?"

"Now wait a--" she demanded angrily.

"No, you are going to _listen_ to me, Buffy," he seethed, and his calm, quiet anger scared her far more than had he been yelling. "I won't sit here and let you tell me that anything you and I share is less than perfect. I won't allow you to tarnish this, whatever this is between you and me, by making it sound like we're two horny teenagers that can't get a grip on our hormones. And I sure as hell won't be convenient for you, just because I care for you," he spat, advancing on her. He grabbed her shoulders and held them in his giant hands, gripping her tightly so that she was forced to look him in the eye. "I did what I did tonight because I wanted to. Because it's right. It's always been right. I've fooled myself for too long thinking I don't deserve you, that you needed more than I could give. And I gave us up for that…I let you go. And I was miserable. And while I was miserable, you moved on. Which was great," he let out an angry laugh, "it's exactly what I wanted for you."

"Angel, hold on--"

"I _said_ listen to me!" he growled. "I let you go, we tried to move on." He let go of her arms and whirled around again, ranting almost as much to himself as to her. "And then…you were there, in my office…and then I was breathing…and we were…but I let you go then, too, didn't I?!" he cried, turning on her.

She backed up, wildly confused. "What? Angel, what are you talk--"

He ignored her. "I let you go again, because I couldn't bear to see you die, but you died anyway…I wasn't there and I couldn't stop it, so I left…I spent the better part of three months trying to get over you when you died. Just to find out that of course it didn't work. How could it?"

"I know what you mean," she reminded him, deciding to just patiently wait until he was finished before ripping him a new one. "I ran away and it didn't help."

He barely heard her. "I left you, Buffy, to give you everything you deserve, all the things I can't give you…and what happens? You end up in the arms of the one thing in the world that can give you even less than me. At least I love you. At least I would put you above all else. You destroyed the memory of us…of what we'd been…when you turned to him."

He was panting when he finished, his eyes glazed over with fury and nonsense. She eyed him cryptically, having taken a seat on the wooden bench her mother had placed on the porch so many years earlier.

"Are you finished?" she asked him coolly.

He stared at her, then gave her a curt nod.

"Good," she told him between clenched teeth as she rose to her feet. "Because now I have something to say to you. I would love nothing more, Angel, than to lead you upstairs to my bed and make love to you until morning. I would love nothing more than to pretend that for one minute you and I are workable, that things can just slip back into that notch we carved out for ourselves so many years earlier. I never meant to make less of our relationship by being with Spike. But if you want to throw stones, Angel, be prepared to duck a few yourself, because if you'd like, I can get into the whole Darla-issue." She advanced on him now, her five-foot-three frame stalking his six-foot-two height, pushing him back with her tiny fists until he practically stumbled down the front three steps and out into the yard. "You want to talk to me about bad choices in life? Firing your entire staff? Abandoning your friends? Abandoning me? Trying to lose your soul because you were too weak to try and fight back? Not exactly up there on the 'Reasonable Adult Weekly' top-ten."

"We not talking--"

"I'm. Not. Finished," she bit out, poking a finger into his chest to punctuate each word. "You had your fun, now it's my turn. You wanted me to grow up Angel, and I have. I'm an adult now. I make my own choices, I have my own life to live. I didn't have a choice when you told me you were leaving. You just up and did it, without talking to me about it, without thinking that I could be an adult about things. I had to grow up faster than most people do, but you couldn't think of me like that…to you I was still just little helpless high-school Buffy. We'll I'm not now! I'm twenty-one years old. Nothing compared to your advanced age, but hey, not many people are."

He growled low and she fought a wicked grin.

"You don't scare me, so cut that out. Tonight, I made the choice to kiss you. I made the choice to let myself go in you, and God knows where that might have led if Connor hadn't started crying. So when you went inside, I thought about it. It might be worth the pain, Angel, to sit there and neck with you all night, it might just be worth it even knowing that you're going to leave me again tomorrow and there's not a thing I can do about it. But I'm not going to let you sit here and lecture me on my decision-making skills. I'm trying to be the adult here, I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart…because it seems that every time I do that, it gets broken. Just because my feelings for you haven't changed doesn't mean I'm an idiot."

"I never said--"

She cut him off with a wave of her hand. "You'll always have a part of me. Riley saw it…he saw it and he left because he couldn't compete. Wouldn't try. And Spike…maybe part of his appeal is that he's dark, and he's dangerous, like you…and if I can't have you, I'll substitute, no matter how poor a substitute he may be. You want to make noises over me being with Spike and how it's an insult to what you and I had…well how do you think I feel about you and Darla? Knowing that you turned to her…_to her_…for comfort. And together you created a child! The one thing in the world that I can't give you. That I'll never be able to give you. You want to talk about making our relationship less than it is? Try that, Angel."

Her breath was coming quickly now and she took a step back from him, snapping her mouth shut. He stared at her for a moment, thoughts flying through his head.

And then, in four long strides he crossed to her and pulled her into his arms, sealing his mouth firmly over hers.

She was unsurprised by his reaction. Her inner fire had been lit and then stoked from their earlier activities. Arguing only made things worse. Her arms wrapped themselves around his body, one leg snaked its way up and hooked itself around his until he placed one strong arm under her legs, and the other around her shoulders, and picked her up, cradling her against his chest, the thudding of her heart reverberating into his own. Their lips never lost contact with each other as he swiftly made his way over to the steps, climbed them, then eased himself onto the porch bench, all the while keeping up his rough ministrations to her eager lips.

Her fingers delved into his hair, running through it roughly, gripping the back of his head, urging him on. One hand found its way up and under his shirt, her nails scratched at his back roughly, eliciting a moan from deep in his throat as his lips tore from hers and found purchase on her neck. She arched and gave, he demanded and took.

"God…Buffy," he gasped.

"Mmm," she murmured, unable to speak.

He lavished attention on every part of her skin he could reach, holding her close to him for what seemed like hours until without a word he picked her up again. With great skill he carried her to the front door, opened it, and walked inside, cradling her like a child while planting kisses on her forehead as she tucked herself against his chest. He locked the door and turned off the lights in the foyer before heading to the living room and she smiled at his consideration. The moon was the only light to see by, though he didn't need even that much, and after casting an eye to his son, who he found sleeping, as expected, he gently eased his body onto the couch, tucking Buffy under his arm. Reaching down he wrapped them in one of the blankets she'd provided and she snuggled in more closely to his chest, ear pressed to it as if any moment she expected to hear his heart beat.

He knew that if it could have, his heart would be racing at having her so near him.

Kissing her forehead again he gazed down at her. "Get some sleep," he whispered. "We'll talk in the morning."

She wriggled, surprised. "I don't want sleep…or talk," she suggested headily, her eyes heavy as she trailed a finger up and down his chest, stopping to tease at his waistband.

He chuckled, his face breaking into a grin that caused her heart to skip. "I think it may be the wisest thing, sweetheart. It's difficult enough to lay here with you. If you're going to keep doing that…"

"Doing what?" she pouted.

Catching her chin with his index finger he urged her to look up. "You know."

She grinned wolfishly. "You're the one who grabbed me, you know. And now you just want to stop?"

He sighed. "The last thing I want to do is stop, Buffy…but that's what I'm afraid of…that we won't stop."

Green eyes searched coffee brown ones and after a moment she gave in, easing her body down onto his, her check resting on his broad shoulder. "Well…I still don't like it," she grumbled half-heartedly and closed her eyes. "I love you, Angel," she whispered after a long moment. "Still."

His body stiffened, then relaxed as his heart burst into song. "I love you, too, Buffy," he whispered back. "Still."

"Always," she sighed happily, even as sleep tugged at her.

He hugged her gently, his own eyes closing. 

Always.

*~*~*

The morning dawned bright and Buffy woke to the sound of Connor's rattle falling from his bed to the floor. She sat up, not an easy task as Angel had a possessive grip around her waist, and leaned over to check on the little bundle. He was still sound asleep she noted, satisfied. She turned to look out of the windows and reached up to tug the curtains closed so as not to flambé Angel with the sunlight. A smile came to her lips as she felt his arms encircle her waist again and pull her back down against him.

"Stay here," he ordered sleepily, though through the veil of sleep it came out more like, "Schtay're."

"I'm not going anywhere," she assured him with a whisper and pressed a kiss to his lips, snuggling back up against him.

"Mmm…" he moaned softly and his lips sought hers again. She giggled and obliged him once more, then lay back down and closed her eyes again. It was several hours later when she opened them again to the sound of her sister's insistent urgings.

"Buffy…Buffy!" Dawn cried softly, shaking her sister.

"It's not a good idea to wake up a sleeping vampire," Angel warned her without opening his eyes.

Buffy, too, resisted opening her eyes, but couldn't stop the smile from spreading its way across her face.

Dawn placed her hands on her hips. "I just thought you might want to know that Dad's in the shower…and if you don't want him to see you…like this…you might want to get up. But fine. If you're gonna be grouchy, see if I care." With that she sauntered off to the kitchen, secretly giddy at seeing her sister curled up with Angel again. She couldn't wait to tell Willow.

Angel recognized the sound of running water, realized that what Dawn had said was for their own benefit, and pried his eyes open.

"What time is it?" Buffy asked grumpily.

Angel looked around for a clock. "Almost noon," he noted, and looked down at Connor, who was gone.

"Connor?" he asked, wide-awake. "Where's Connor?"

Buffy slapped a hand over his chest and pushed him back onto the couch. "Cordelia has him. She came in earlier, gave us a nice look of surprise, followed by disdain, and picked up Connor cooing something to him about averting his eyes from a disgusting adult situation."

Calmed, Angel eased himself back down onto the cushions. "He's not here now," he whispered huskily into her ear, capturing the lobe between his teeth and nibbling just enough to send goose bumps down her arms, which was all of about three seconds. 

Buffy enjoyed his attention for a moment longer before wiggling out of his grasp and sitting up. "No…but a household full of other people are…including my father." She leaned over and gave him a smacking kiss on the lips, grinning devilishly, before climbing over his body, pulling the blanket along with her.

"It's cold!" Angel cried, grabbing at the flannel.

"You don't have body heat," she shot back, trotting towards the stairs.

"Doesn't mean I don't recognize a cool breeze," he groused and swung his long legs over the side of the couch, stretching. He watched Buffy take the stairs slowly. Her eyes met his for a brief second before she disappeared to the upstairs and his swore his heart fluttered that the smile had been for him. They had more to talk about…much more after the events of last night…but he had to admit that there was nothing more satisfying than waking up with her curled next to him, warming his body with her own. He glanced back at the curtains pulled tight and smiled to himself. She cared. And that was enough.

Running a hand through his hair he headed to the kitchen to find Cordelia, Dawn and Fred gabbing at the kitchen table, orange juice all around, and Connor nestled in Cordy's arms, eagerly nursing a bottle.

"G'morning," he greeted them and made his way to the fridge when he realized that he wasn't at home, and Buffy probably didn't normally keep blood in her pantry. 

"There's some in there," Dawn offered, her eyes wide over the glass of juice she was sipping. "She made sure…sometime yesterday I guess."

He met her eyes and nodded. "Thanks." Opening the fridge, sure enough, there were several bags hanging from the shelves.

"So," Cordy began, raising one perfectly manicured eyebrow. "I guess you had an interesting night."

"You could say that," he agreed amicably and leaned against the counter, bracing for her attack.

"I am. We heard you…or most of it, anyway. Next time you guys get in the ring, try not making it in the front yard at two am," she told him pointedly.

"I think it's all very romantic," Fred burst in and Dawn nodded with a mile-wide grin on her face. "Arguing over past-lovers…being jealous, then taking her in your arms and swooping her in for a kiss!" She all but danced in her chair.

Angel felt the blush crawl up his cheeks. "Sorry if we kept you up."

"So are you guys…you know," Dawn wiggled her eyebrows, "back together?"

He coughed then, unsure what to say, when Wesley and Gunn, followed by Xander and Anya, burst into the kitchen and chaos reigned. As he stood in his corner, surveying the disorder, he couldn't help but smile at his make-shift family.

*~*~*

Upstairs, Buffy walked into her room to collect some clothing for herself and then to hopefully sneak into the shower in her mother's room. Willow and Tara were up, she could hear the sound of a blow-dryer coming from down the hall, so it shouldn't be a problem to get in the bathroom. Grabbing a sweater and a clean pair of jeans from a drawer she snatched up her brush and attempted to tame the monstrosity on her head when her father pushed open the door.

"Good morning."

Buffy turned to him and set down the brush. "Ah…morning."

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, stuffing his dirty laundry into a suitcase.

"Fine…you?" she asked evenly, turning on the stool at her dressing table to face him.

Hank shrugged. "It was…an interesting night. I'm surprised I slept at all."

"You didn't have too many problems that night in LA after you first saw me fight."

"No…no I didn't," he acknowledged.

"Dad…" she began when her father held up a hand.

"Just…let me, okay?" She hesitated, then nodded and sat back, prepared for the worst. "Buffy…I don't understand what I've seen…I won't even pretend to. And I'm still not sure this is the best environment for your sister to live in. You have…a lifestyle here that most people would agree is unusual. Your friends think they're witches…you fight so-called demons…you keep odd hours, late hours, with people not much older than Dawn watching over her at night. You allow a…a…I can't believe I'm saying this…_vampire_ to baby-sit her. And you yourself are involved with one of these creatures. I have a hard time believing that your mother knew about this, much less approved of it. Your life is dangerous. And that means it's dangerous for Dawn. _But_--" he continued when she began to object, "I have seen that you care for her. And she adores you. And…you have a surrogate family here that doesn't begin to compete with what I could offer her in Los Angeles."

Father and daughter were silent for a moment, contemplating what Hank had just laid out. When he spoke again, Buffy heard the exhaustion in his voice and a pang of guilt sprang up.

"I haven't been here for you, and I certainly don't know either of my children any more. Mr. Giles and the others are your family...as much as it pains me to say that."

"Giles lives in England now, Dad," Buffy reminded him. "I still need a father."

"I don't think you've ever needed me, Buffy," he smiled ruefully. "Even in Los Angeles you were beyond my reach. So independent, so sure you knew what you were doing."

"I did," she told him, smiling gently.

"Sometimes," he conceded. "I—I'd like to stay here a few more days. See how things really run around here, normally. And then I'll make my decision concerning Dawn and where she should live. Though I doubt the choice will be difficult to make."

"You're going to take time off work?" Buffy asked, surprised.

Hank nodded. "I'll arrange it today. I need to do this, for you and for Dawn…and for me. I slept on and off last night because I kept going over what I'd seen. Dawn sneaking out in unacceptable, of course…"

"But if she hadn't…the spell wouldn't have worked and I'd still be…like I was," Buffy broke in.

"And for that reason I'm going to overlook it. I think a clean slate is in order. How about for the next few days we'll make me the casual observer…I'll see what I think about how this house runs and if Dawn's better off with you and your friends than with me in LA."

Buffy met his eyes, unwavering. "I really think she is, Dad. She feels safer with me than with anyone. And with her mystical background, I'm the best person in the world to protect her. You have to believe that."

"I'll talk to her separately, of course, see how she feels about this whole thing, where she'd like to be. I'm sure I know what she'll say, but it'll be good for us to have a heart-to-heart." Hank shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "Oh…and you can have your bedroom back. I'll take the couch."

She nodded gratefully. Her mind was racing, completely flustered by what her father was telling her. Treating her like an adult? Letting she and Dawn run their lives? Who was this man before her? "I don't know what to day, Dad," she said finally. "This isn't exactly how I expected things to go."

"For me either," he admitted with a grin. "Amazing what happens when I actually listen to my kids, isn't it?"

She smiled, unsure. "There's a lot more you don't know…things that might help explain some of the wacky behavior around here."

He patted the bed next to him. "I've got some time."

She hesitated only a moment before joining him on the bed and curling her legs up underneath her, settling in for a long, long story.

Outside the door, Angel smiled to himself and headed off to the shower.


	25. Fresh Start

Title: _And the Feeling Returns_

Author: Carrie aka Buffychick

Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."

Rating: PG-13 

Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.

Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.

Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

*~*~*~*~*

Bags were packed and set by the door before lunch that afternoon, just to keep things organized, though neither the Scoobies nor the LA gang seemed eager to say goodbyes. It was decided that a big celebratory meal was in order, and Dawn's grin at the sight of her family all together again, happy and laughing with each other, was infectious, Angel found. As he surveyed the scene, Giles and Wesley arguing over the best way to make a traditional English cobbler, Cordelia insisting that they head down to the basement and search out Joyce's "company plates," to which Anya heartily agreed. The two women clammered down the stairs together and Angel couldn't help but chuckle at the paled expression of Xander as he watched is fiancé and his former-girlfriend heading off together. Gunn and Fred had gone to the store that morning with Dawn and Hank, who was graciously paying for the feast, and the combined efforts of three junk-food junkies had been too much for Hank. The result of the shopping spree had been more groceries than Buffy had seen in her kitchen in a long time, and not a vegetable to be found.

Currently Gunn and Fred were at the counter setting up an assembly line for the lavish sandwiches they had planned, slicing thick pieces of ham and turkey, organizing cheese trays and condiments while Willow and Tara worked on the relish tray and the salad, their heads together as they laughed over something private. Dawn and Hank were chopping up fruit for a fruit salad, half of which seemed to make its way into Dawn's mouth, while Connor was tucked once again into his punkin seat, observing the scene with happy eyes as he chewed merrily on a pacifier.

"Quite a scene, isn't it?" Buffy murmured, startling him out of his reverie.

"It's interesting," he agreed with a smile.

"I thought while chaos ensued you and I could…?" she cocked her head towards the front of the house.

He cast an eye over the rambunctious crowd, realized they wouldn't even know he and Buffy were missing, and ducked out along with her. They headed to the living room where the sounds from the kitchen were muted if not dulled completely, and each took a seat on the couch, Buffy curling her legs up underneath her.

"What's up?" he asked her, settling back and angling his body slightly towards hers.

"I figured we should…you know…clear the air before you leave today," she began, suddenly nervous.

"We should," he agreed, watching with some amusement as she fiddled with her fingers.

Neither of them spoke, a minute passed, then another as they looked everywhere but at each other.

Eventually Buffy grinned and shook her head. "We're such a mess."

He couldn't hold back his own smile. "We really are. But it's a good mess, I think."

"For the most part." Taking a deep breath, she plunged ahead. "Okay…I just wanted you to know that last night…it meant a lot to me, Angel. I could have done without the screaming and yelling parts," she smiled wryly, "but I think we cleared some stuff up…stuff we've been holding on to for a really long time. And that's good. I don't want us to still have anger or…whatever…with each other."

"I don't either," he told her, sagely. "I guess I didn't realize I was still holding on to some of that…and I never dreamed you were either. I figured you didn't think anything about it anymore, actually."

Her eyes widened. "Are you kidding? Angel, it's not like you were just some random guy I hooked up with. You're…you. Angel. You were…_are_…a big part of my life. Even if you're in LA and we don't talk for months, you're still just as important to me as you ever were. Just in different ways now. I meant what I said last night…I care for you, Angel. I—I love you. I always will."

Now he _knew_ his heart fluttered and he could hear her blood pump just a little faster as she waited for his reaction. "Buffy," he murmured, ending her suspense, "Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. I love you, too. And _I_ always will. I would never lie about that, not to you, not to anyone."

"But…" she prompted.

"I've got but-face?" he asked, eliciting a grin from her.

She arched an eyebrow at him that rivaled the look Cordelia usually bestowed upon him. "In a big way."

He blew out a breath. "I'm sorry for how I treated you last night. For taking things out on you like that. It wasn't fair and you didn't deserve it."

She cocked her head to the side, watching him carefully. "But you were honest. The Spike thing bothers you…lot of that going around," she added dryly, "and you let me know how you feel about it. That's okay, Angel. I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to."

He shook his head. "No, Buffy…you live your own life now…and as much as I may hate, loathe and despise the decisions you make…okay, _one_ decision you made," he smiled gently, "it's your life. You don't come to Los Angeles and judge me…"

"But I did!" she cried, jumping to her feet and beginning to pace. "You told me about Darla, and I wigged. Almost got hit by a bus, as I recall. And totally ruined my hair in that rain." She smiled. "We can still hurt each other Angel, because we care about each other. That's not a bad thing."

He looked up at her, very serious. "It is when we use that stuff against each other."

She sat back down and they considered themselves for a moment. "Look at us, who are so wise."

"And it only took us three years of not being around each other," he drawled.

"So where does this leave us?" she asked suddenly.

His eyes shifted down to his own hands, which he realized with a jolt were nervously twiddling his fingers. He put a stop to that by sitting on them. "I really don't know, Buffy," he said finally. "I'm going back to LA."

She nodded. "I know…and I think that's a good thing. Sorta," she smiled with shrug. "But Angel…we admitted some stuff last night that I don't think we should ignore."

He took a deep, unnecessary breath. "I know. I don't think we should either." Dragging his eyes up he met hers one on one. "What do you want out of this, Buffy? We can't…date," he bit out the word with distaste.

She nodded slowly, considering. "No…I don't think that's the word for it, either. But…okay. Look. I'm just going to say all this because if I don't, I'll regret it, but if I do I'm going to have to sort of rush it, so just let me finish, okay?"

He nodded hesitantly and, satisfied, she continued. "Ok. I love you. And you said you love me. And that's something very powerful that doesn't come along too often, wouldn't you agree? Great," she rushed, not waiting for him to answer. "I think that it's stupid to ignore something like that, to almost pretend that it didn't happen or that just because we've got differences, no matter how great they might be, that it can't be _anything._ We had something very special once…and despite what we tell ourselves, or other people, the few times you and I are thrown together something seems to happen. My jealousy and freak-out with you and Faith…our fight at the police station, that moment in the dorm hallway…that night at the cemetery…and then last night. Even in LA, at your hotel, I felt something…just a spark, but hey, I wasn't exactly having my emotions registering on the meter at that point, so even a spark is significant, wouldn't you say?"

He knew she wouldn't wait for him to respond and instead just sat. He was right.

"And I think that if even after all these years the two of us can get so blind, stupid jealous over ex-girlfriends and grandsires and whatnot that that means something. There's obviously something still between us and personally, I don't want to ignore it this time. I've spent the better part of the last two and a half years settling for the things that people think are what I need, then moving on to the things that are the exact opposite of that, when as it turns out what I really _want_ is what I had at the beginning."

She paused, waiting for his reaction.

"That would be you," she whispered when he didn't say anything.

He chuckled. "I got that. And…I agree with you. I wouldn't trade what you and I had…and yes…every time we're together it's obvious there's still something between us. I think it's obvious, at least in me, even when you're not around."

A pang of guilt had pulled at him as she spoke of their last few meetings since he's moved to LA, knowing that she had no idea of the days they'd spent together, consumed of nothing but each other while he'd been human. He wasn't about to tell her of the Day…that was a much longer story, and a much more painful one…and it was a burden he'd taken upon himself, something he didn't wish for her to endure when it couldn't be duplicated. 

And then his thoughts turned to happier times, remembering how, with frequency, Cordelia would slap him upside the head when he'd space off, thinking of Buffy. It occurred less and less now…but only because he made sure to reserve Buffy-thoughts for more private times, in his own quarters. There were the instances, however, when he'd be out walking the streets and a memory would come barreling back at him, triggered by anything it seemed, of a time when they'd fought side by side, of a demon they'd killed, or a certain recollection of a conversation they'd had. Sometimes he'd head down to the street vendors and look over their wares (they were known to carry some quality underground weaponry) and he'd pass a booth of trinkets or bobbles and run a hand over something that he just knew Buffy would love. And after studying it, he'd put it back on the table and walk away.

And then there was shanshu…

She was still watching him expectantly, the furrow of her brow telling him that she was getting antsy, and he cleared his throat. "I'd like to see you," he said finally.

She was still watching him.

He was completely tongue-tied.

"You'd like to see me," she repeated dumbly.

He nodded, feeling much more the sixteen-year-old novice than an experienced vampire of two-hundred and forty-nine years. "Yes," he said, swallowing hard. Why was this so difficult?

"Okay…" She wasn't sure how to respond to this.

He wanted to slap himself upside the head now, wondered if perhaps he could call Cordelia in from the kitchen to give it that extra-special oomph. Taking another deep breath he turned his body to face her and covered her hands in his, waiting until her eyes moved up to meet his.

"I want to see you. Soon. I think that for now we need to continue as we are…you here, on the Hellmouth, and me in LA, and we'll talk…a lot," he conceded, "and we'll visit. And…we'll see how that goes. And then we'll take the next step when we're ready for that. Whatever that might be." He watched as the fear left her eyes and relief flooded them. "I love you, Buffy. And…we've made some pretty crappy decisions trying things on our own. Maybe…"

She gazed at him, bobbling her head just a bit. "Maybe? Angel, I'm tired of prying things out of you."

"Maybe it's time to just do what we want instead of what might be right. Doing what we do…we put ourselves in harms way every day. And our rewards are few and far between…and," he leaned in and cupped her beautiful face in his giant hands, "you are the only reward I could ask for. The only one I've ever wanted." He punctuated his words with soft kisses to her lips and the rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and just breathing in her scent.

Tears sprang to Buffy's eyes. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. I can't believe you're saying this."

"Why not?" he chuckled.

"I never thought you'd just give in and let us be…us. You always want to be so reasonable…and this just isn't."

"Nothing about you and I has ever made sense…and yet."

"And yet…" she agreed before leaning up and kissing him fully on the mouth. "There's one more thing I want you to know about, Angel…I don't care about the perfect happiness thing. We'll find a way around that. No, don't!" she stopped him before he could interrupt. "We'll find a way. A spell, a binding, maybe. Something. I mean…it's not sex that triggers it…judging from the Darla escapade. It's…"

"You," he finished.

"So we'll try? We'll try something before we just give up?"

"Can you do that?" he asked, not sure he wanted the answer. "That's a lot for you to give up."

She almost laughed. "It's worth it, Angel. Completely." Then…"I'm not going to want to let you go back to Los Angeles," she admitted.

He was so happy at the moment he was getting nervous that this alone might give his alter-ego a reason to escape. "I know. A large part of me doesn't want to go back."

"Which parts?" she breathed, light-headed from being so close to him.

He grinned devilishly. "This part," he told her, pressing his lips to hers. "And this part." His hands delved into her hair, massaged her scalp. "And this one…"

"Buffy! Angel! Lunch!" Dawn's voice boomed as her tennis-shoe clad feet stomped down the hall and skidded to a halt at the sight of them on the couch. "Oh…oh. Sorry. Jeez! Can't you two get a room?"

"Someday, maybe…" Buffy murmured under her breath and Angel laughed out loud, rising from the couch and pulling her along with him, one arm slung over her shoulders as they headed down the hall.

They entered the assault to their senses formerly known as the Summers kitchen to find a magnificent spread of food arranged, what Xander and Gunn weren't currently piling on their plates, anyway, and the smiling faces of their friends…and family, Buffy noted, catching her father's eye, greeting them. 

"Buffy…Dad says he sticking around a few days," Dawn said cheerfully. "He said you guys talked this morning and he wants to stay."

Her older sister nodded. "I know…I think it's a great idea. He can see what we're really like…when I don't have all you vagrants on my doorstep and things can get back to normal around here."

"So…patrol tonight then?" Xander asked, looking up from the Shaggy-sized sandwich he was creating.

Buffy considered. "Sure. I could go for some Chosen-One violence."

"Well, I may not be a chosen one, but this half-demon is looking forward to going back to LA," Cordelia piped up as she spooned jello-salad onto her plate.

"I guess it'll be up to the street-thug to drop off the three-hundred year-old queen to a local shelter," Gunn chimed in.

"And then the witches can work on cleaning up the ex-vengeance demon's shop," Anya added. "I'm sure there's a spell or something that can take care of that. Like that cute little mouse did in the cartoon."

Willow and Tara exchanged a glance over a bowl of fruit salad and subtly shook their heads at Buffy.

"Yes well…I assure you, the ex-Watcher in me would really like to get back to my books and look up more on this Teplir dimension," Wesley mused aloud. "The species itself is fascinating if you think about it. They thrive on souls…I wonder what they use to harness them. Perhaps it might be useful for you to know, Angel," he pointed out. "We should check around in LA…perhaps find that Simtoc demon we ran into a few weeks back…the one who dealt in other-worldy phenomenon."

"As long as the rouge-demon hunter in you isn't planning on making an appearance," Cordelia commented slyly, "but yeah…I guess I never considered that if the Teplir had a way to restore your soul…maybe there's a way to bind it or something. Lord knows we could all rest easier with that psycho on a tighter leash." She aimed her pointed comment in the direction of Buffy and Angel, who shrugged it away easily and headed for the buffet.

Giles chewed on the stem of his glasses thoughtfully. "I'll look into it with the Watcher's Council. Perhaps their libraries will have something on that dimension. They had the information I needed on the restoration."

"So if the witches aren't too busy cleaning up the demon's shop," Willow sniffed, "maybe we can help with the research. "You know, since it'll probably be a spell that could bind his soul."

"The Slayer says enough shop talk, more eating," Buffy broke in.

Angel nabbed her around the waist and planted a kiss on top of her head. "The vampire with a soul agrees," he murmured.

Hank tried to follow the conversation as best he could, throwing frequent glances of "huh?" at his daughters.

The Key sat back and just grinned.

**__**

FIN


End file.
